The garage was like a radiator without coolant: dry as bone and hot enough to fry an egg. From the tinny speakers of the old beat-up radio came the crackling sound of a lonesome cowboy, or at least singing like one. Earl didn't know or care. It was too hot to think.
The dusty winds blew the shining red mirage into view, and he gaped as he saw the impeccable finish, chrome like a mirror, and ruby-studded hubcaps. "Howdy," she said, slipping a toned leg over the door and sliding out without bothering to open it. "Been tickin' somethin' awful; I wonder if you'd give her a good tune-up 'fore I'm Mexico-bound. Could be worth your while." She smiled, all shining teeth.
Earl made no move to rise as the sultry figure popped the hood and bent over, pointing at something he couldn't see. Her twang went on about the engine while Earl stayed put in his folding chair, gazing at the shapely flesh before him.
Finally, he could take no more. "Lady, I got to tell you something," he said, and she turned to him with a look in her eye that said she wanted to hear it, was dying to hear it. "I ain't the mechanic."
Cars don't inspire me. I wouldn't know the make of this particular car if it ran me over. And that ass is extremely distracting. So only one this week. And I've also got very little in the way of post-game wrap-up either. Except to say that, no offense to PB, but the phrases are sometimes hard to work in without being extremely corny or extremely inventive, and this week I was neither.
As promised, no list this week because you can see it over at PB's place, since thank goodness he's back and I'm no longer obligated in any way to be anything more than a mooch. You can be a mooch just like me. Flash Fiction Friday has all the advantages of taking advantage, while being able to convince yourself that you're doing something for the children. No, wait, that's not true at all. You're not doing it for the children. Get those children out of here. I'm trying to work.
13 comments:
OMG that was AWESOME! Best FFF ever, Lexi! Totally cracked me up.
- Papa Bear
@Papa Bear: Really? Okay, I'll take it, I guess :) Felt like I phoned it in a bit myself.
The phrases are meant to be fun, but if they annoy you you are certainly free to ignore them. (God knows I'd relish the chance to give you a spanking. That ass is to die for).
And I don't want to hear that crap about you not being extremely inventive. Pretty much everything I see here fits into that category. :)
I loved this one. You even threw in a downhome name, "Earl". I can hear his long slow drawl right now. "I ain't the mechanic." That is just AWESOME.
Thanks for playing along this week! Nice to have you.
-- PB
No no, it was really good. The setup was rich with regional dialogue, making it sound like a story someone would tell you at a bar; making the punchline funnier because it had a ring of reality to it, rather than just a joke.
Seriously!
- Papa Bear
Hilarious...FFF with a punchline. Probably the best day Earl's had in quite some time.
"I ain't the mechanic."
(chuckles)That was a good one and you do "twang" wonderfully!
Hot, hot hot. for a sexy little girl, you do a pretty damned good dirty old man. One and done huh?
@sephi: I just don't get cars. To me, it's a way to get from point A to point B. Or a mobile fuck-palace. Either way, what goes on under the hood is the province of my mechanic. I'll take other hoods any day ;)
@PB: I said no offense intended and meant it on the phrases. Sometimes I can't work them in, but if I just ignore them from the outset, I wouldn't feel like I was living up the the competition. Sometime you should have a completely off-the-wall phrase to really tax our imaginations.
As to Earl, the name seemed right. As to the drawl, I do a pretty mean one myself when I'm in the mood ;)
@Papa Bear: I believe you, I believe you :)
@Oversexed Librarian: I could almost picture his eyes bugging out in my mind, which is probably what made the story work for me.
@Drenchxoxo: There's a fine line between slow twang and drawl, but in this case I think drawl would imply deeper south, whereas twangs can be quite slow and sedate but still not have the elongated vowels of a full-on deep-South drawl. That's what I was going for, anyway.
@David: Sometimes I just have to cum, eat the cookie, and go to bed (with apologies to Dennis Leary). And let's just say that I have a certain amount of experience with dirty old men ;)
I'm getting older and dirtier by the minute.
I liked the ending as did the others, and the image of that hot and dry auto shop, use more for hosting card games than tools, is a good one. And I can just see Earl retelling his story over a cold brew served in a bar as dusty as the garage. "And there she was, just all bent over like, and then I said....
So, even if you "phoned it in" your setting and imagery was spot on.
@Advizor: It's funny that everyone is seeing Earl as the kind of person who's enjoying this. I sort of saw him as the kind of guy who would have told her straight up, but maybe he was a bit taken aback by her, and then she started talking and he was just too slow to get a word in edgewise. Not stupid, just ponderous, maybe. Still, I could see it as a story told later over beers. I've met a few of both types in my day.
Very good setup, and a totally different take. I enjoyed this in spite of your disdain of cars.
Oh, stop selling yourself short!! You always manage to find something good under the hood to tell us. :)
@France: Okay, okay, fine, you got me, I'm the greatest ever! ;)
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