TMI'm Not Really Here

France posted early, so I stole her questions and posted while I had a free moment. I'm not actually here. I'm mired deep in hell. Remember me fondly if you'd like.

1. If you were a car, which one would you be? What are some of your best features?

Right now, I'd like to be a car which ran on water. Maybe I might be slow, but I'd get people where they wanted to go comfortably and cheaply. I'm not sure what that says about me.

2. If I gave you an elephant where would you hide it?

In Africa. That's where they'd least suspect it.

3. Finish this sentence: Tomorrow I absolutely refuse to…

procrastin... I'll finish this answer Thursday.

4. What is the longest period of time that you’ve gone without a shower?

I was sick once, so sick that I didn't shower for a week because I didn't get up for a week except to stagger to the bathroom. I didn't even notice until I got well enough to shower, at which point I was disgusted and was tempted to burn my bed. Other than that, I skip a day every so often, but it's a rare thing if I skip two. I've got to be either super depressed or super sick. I like being clean.

5. What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone?

I think I told the story of the prank war I had with my sister once. One of those was probably the silliest prank I've ever pulled. I'm not great at pranks; I can think of them, but I never execute.

Bonus: What is the best piece of gossip that you heard recently?

Justin Bieber is really several ducks in a cunning disguise. Spread it around.