If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, what would you want to know?
What the Powerball numbers will be next week. But assuming that that sort of thing is off the table (it's not greed; money would radically improve my life as well as others' in a way which knowing other things would not), I'm not sure I'd want to know anything about my future. I don't like not knowing but I think I'd like knowing less, if that makes sense.
What do you value most in your sex life?
Orgasms. Losing something means you appreciate it more, they say, and losing orgasms made me appreciate just how much I love them. That sounds horrible selfish, and there are things I value extremely highly in my sex life which aren't selfish, but being able to cum, that's the top of the list.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Bit of a change in questions, don't you think? I don't think there are any things too serious to joke about, but by the same token, the joke has to be a good one. If you set out to violate boundaries with your comedy and you do it really poorly, that's on you. Obviously that's going to vary from person to person too; my "funny enough" won't be yours. But it's still on the comic to make the joke funny, and if they don't succeed, that isn't because the thing was too serious to joke about, it was because the comic wasn't up to the task.
Are you too nice?
I think I can be, to some people. I've been a bit of the doormat in the past. But that's more about disliking confrontation than about being nice to people. I don't know. I'm certainly not nice enough in plenty of ways.
Would you rather be the smartest or hottest man/woman in the room?
Smartest. Hotness is subjective. Obviously it depends on the room too; I don't care about being the smartest woman at the orgy, for instance. But really, neither of them matters all that much. Smartest person in a room is basically useless most times, and it's really only important if you have an unhealthy obsession with your own mental prowess.
Do you get aroused by hearing the sexual moans and noises of others having sex, e.g., neighbors, people next door in hotel room?
Holy shit yes. Although they've got to be good noises. I remember once I was in a hotel room and the people next door, I don't know who, were having loud and boring sex. And if it involved a woman, she wasn't making any noise at all. It was just, "THUMP GROAN THUMP GROAN" in a lower register. It was all one person doing the groaning too, so sure, it could have been two guys, or a woman pegging a guy, or any number of other permutations, but it was the identical groan every time until the last, climactic groan, which was the same but sustained for three times as long. Tedious fucking. No fun to listen to.
Lest it be though that I'm picking on the lower-registered, I also can't say that I care overly for high-pitched whining while fucking. The Japanese seem to be really into it, but I prefer more varied noises. Still, knowing that it's happening is a turn-on, even if it's tedious.
What are some small things that make your day better?
Chocolate, a snuggle from my wife (saying "my wife" still makes me shake my head in wonder, even after this long), medication... the list goes on and on.
What does your ideal Saturday morning look like?
Sleep. That's my ideal morning, period.
What does your ideal Saturday night look like?
These days, some nice food and an enthusiastic partner or two. That's kind of boring, for me, but I'm too old to be a party animal anymore.
What is the craziest, most outrageous thing you want to achieve?
I'd love to direct Waiting For Godot. I don't know if that's all that crazy, but if you knew the theater around where I live, you'd probably say it was a bit outrageous.
So you entered a cunnilingus contest. What would be your special skill?
Massaging the wall between the cunt and asshole. I have surprised more than a few girls with how much they enjoy the sensation, even if they were initially skeptical. My tongue is best used on clits, but if I can bring some fingers to bear on the problem, I have a whole range of exciting skills. I'm pretty good at balancing various forms of stimulation too, so it doesn't become too intense in any one area.
Would you say that any acts of bdsm are cathartic for you? If yes, which ones? Do you find you need those acts because you know they are cathartic?
This is a fascinating question, though I'm not sure I have a correspondingly fascinating answer. I'm not deeply into BDSM, being only slightly into bondage and submission and only very occasionally into masochism. There is something freeing about being constrained in certain ways, which is an old cliché but still true. Bondage that involves being blindfolded definitely concentrates the mind in other senses, which can be very pleasurable, but cathartic? I'm not sure I experience catharsis in the classical sense of the term ever, let alone in a BDSM situation.
Fantasy can help me work through things, and some of my fantasies tend toward areas of BDSM which I don't travel in real life. I'm not sure. I don't find myself needing the acts because of any catharsis. Honestly, I find loving connection in the context of sex, particularly orgasm, to be far more helpful to my psyche than any particular sex act itself.
6 comments:
I didn'think you could get hotter for me, but wanting to direct "Godot" might just do it. Tell me more. What's your fantasy cast (living or dead)? Is there a concept involved? And how do I audition for Lucky?
My fantasy cast? Hmm... Honestly, I think an aged Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton might do a fantastic job, but keeping things in the realm of the possible, Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan as Didi and Gogo, with Brian Cox as Pozzo and Iggy Pop as Lucky. That's just off the top of my head. I used to have a fantasy cast of actors I actually could have cast, but sadly both my Didi and my Gogo are dead now. It'll never happen; no one around here wants to put on Godot, and if they did they wouldn't let me direct it.
Hold on, just a sec. You picked the two most famous "physical" comedians of all time to take on decidedly verbal roles. (I know they also were in talkies, but those are not the films we like.) I support the Iggy Pop choice whole-heartedly. A "rock-and-roll Godot" could be a wonderful thing, esp. if Mick and Keith are in the lead roles. (I figure their friendship dynamic is basically pret a porter.) But who's Pozzo in this case?
Both Keaton and Chaplin were veterans of vaudeville, and it's a mistake to believe that Beckett is purely verbal. He's drawing on a long tradition of British music hall comedy, plus definitely the slapstick of the silent movies. Why do you think all his clowns wear bowlers? I think one of the major reasons why people find Beckett deathly dull these days is that they've only seen productions of Godot which are all talk. If you read the stage directions, there's plenty of slapstick. It's a funny play. It's the humor of the absurd, nihilist humor maybe, but I think I could direct a version which would have you rolling in the aisles with Chaplin and Keaton, and Beckett would entirely approve.
That said, if we're casting all rock stars, obviously Bowie could be Pozzo but sadly he's no longer with us. Ooh, Lemmy would make a great Pozzo, I think, but again, that ship has sailed. How about Paul McCartney as Pozzo? I don't think Keith, Mick, and Paul would do a very good job, honestly; they're none of them good actors. That's why I didn't go all stunt-cast. I think I might have to stick with fantasy and go with Bowie.
Ooh, now that I think about it, Brian Cox is a fine choice, but what about Idris Elba as Pozzo? He could do a whole "ringmaster of a diseased circus of one freak" thing easily. Plus, Idris Elba.
Damn it, I really want to direct Waiting For Godot and I never will. Bah.
Sorry if was too dismissive in those first choices. My point wasn't that Beckett isn't physical too -- (see stage directions for "Krapp's Last Tape") -- just just that Chaplin/Keaton are not at ALL verbal. I fully agree that Beckett's comedy is misunderstood (and underrated).
I'm sorry I missed John Goodman as Pozzo. For those who saw him, nothing else in the play mattered. (I'm not a fan of Bill Irwin's interpretation, though I like him in other things.) Yes to Idris Elba. Very much so.
And never say never. You just need to know the right clowns. I know some. :)
Not at ALL? I don't know about that, though I confess that my appreciation of the early films of the last century is somewhat limited. They both did talkies. And just because you can't hear them doesn't mean there's no words words words in silent film. I think you'd be pleasantly surprised if we dug up ol' Charlie and Buster and forced them via the necromantic arts to dance to my tune in the key of Godot ;) There's a case to be made that the words Didi and Gogo use aren't as important as their actions anyway. But tell you what: watch Chaplin in The Great Dictator and Keaton in Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and imagine those two characters waiting for someone. I think it could sell.
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