TMI Tuesday - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As always, from the TMI Tuesday Blog. This week's is a good one. I bet the other people who answered have some interesting stories to tell, so you should head over there soonest and read them all.

1. What made the best sex partner you’ve ever had so good?

I'm not sure who the best partner I've ever had is. I mean, the easy answer is Sveta, but she's good in certain ways, whereas Dad or Mike or Sheri or Mari are good in other ways. And I've had them enough times that there have been good times and not so good times, so it'd be an average experience rather than one spectacular time. And then there are the spectacular times I've had, but they were possibly missing elements that make my regulars so much fun.

Let me just lay out a few things which make for a good partner and leave it at that.

Attentiveness: I don't mean that it's got to be all about me (though mama likes when it is, not gonna lie). I mean that they're paying attention to what you're doing. It's easy to get lost in the moment and your own pleasure, but a good partner never lets that get carried away. It really works best when both partners are paying attention, obviously. That way everyone gets maximum pleasure.

In people who have one, knowing how to use a cock: it really isn't about size, so much as it's about technique. Yes, sometimes size matters there, and great technique isn't going to make a tiny cock seem huge, but "big cock" isn't on the list of things which make for a good lover for a reason.

Giving good head: receiving head well is also nice, but being able to give oral well makes for a good time, in my book.

Not having the attributes I'll lay out in the next question: so I don't have to repeat myself.

And then there are just intangibles. Love makes for good sex, but it doesn't guarantee it. Novelty, for me, is a big turn-on, and I will excuse some flaws in exchange for novelty. Meeting one of my kinks of the day sometimes makes for gangbusters sex, but it's no guarantee either.

2. What made the worst sex partner you’ve ever had so bad?

Again, I'd be hard-pressed to pick a "worst" just because superlatives with subjective metrics are difficult. I'll just list some things which make for a bad time.

Selfishness: we've all been guilty of this at one time or another, but if it's a pattern, that partner is going to be lousy. This is sort of the opposite of attentiveness, and I know I said I wasn't going to repeat myself, but this one is a big one.

Lying there like a dead fish: I don't require much participation, but I like to feel like you're present in the room with me.

An overinflated sense of their own skill: this is largely guys, I'm afraid, and it's largely having watched a lot of porn and maybe having partners who either liked things I don't or who were too submissive to tell the guy he was doing it all wrong. Don't get me wrong; I can get into plenty of things if I'm expecting them, or if there's communication, but bragging before sex and then being mediocre makes the mediocrity worse.

Smell: This is a big one, and it's not that I want you to be freshly bathed. I have been put off by the scent of arousal from some people, I'm afraid. Too much fragrance of whatever sort can put me off too. I like clean, but there can be some musk. It really is something that sometimes the person can't help and it's just body chemistry. I don't know. I'm sensitive to smells.

Honestly, Kate's ex Roger dinged a lot of warning bells for me, and I should have never gotten into bed with him, but I wanted to be with her. He's probably the worst fuck I've had that I still remember well enough to mention here.

3. Who was the most physically attractive person you ever had sex with?

Sveta. No contest. She's a hotty. I'm not just saying that because she reads this blog. She'll deny this. She's a stone-cold fox and she thinks she's a 7 at best. But then she claims I'm stunning and I think I'm maybe a 3 most days. Self-image is fun, ain't it?  Anyway, while I have fucked some beautiful people, and I think my father and siblings are perfectly attractive, I have no idea how I lucked into Sveta because she's so far out of my league it's not even funny.

4. How was it?

Better every time. Okay, that's a lie. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's incredible, sometimes it's just good, and occasionally we've had times which didn't work for whatever reason, though that's very rare. When it doesn't work it's usually either that one or the other of us is too tired or that we're trying something and it doesn't work. The former is easily fixed by snuggling and falling asleep, and the latter by stopping whatever weird thing we thought was a good idea and just sticking to the tried and true methods.

But no, it's not amazing every time. It can't be. Sometimes we just basically want to snuggle with sex. Sometimes one or the other of us is in need and the partner fulfills that need without really getting much themselves. Sveta claims she owes me about a million orgasms from the times when I wasn't really able to do anything more than pleasure her, but I'm not counting. That's just what you do when you love someone.

5. Who was the least physically attractive person you ever had sex with?

Probably the guy I fucked for money. I told that story somewhere back in the archives, but short version is that I am not cut out to be a prostitute, I didn't enjoy myself, and he was not attractive at all. He didn't smell too bad, if I recall correctly, or it might have been a deal breaker. Not that I was really in any position to break the deal. This is why sex work is work and workers need unions.

6. Why did you do it?

Because I thought it was a good idea at the time. That's the reason why I do a lot of stupid things.

7. How was it?

As I said, lousy.

I've had sex with men who weren't attractive at all, but I'm less picky about guys. Physical looks in men (or male-presenting people, I should say, I guess) might turn me away at the very beginning, but won't ruin my evening if we get over the initial hurdle and clothes are coming off.

I mention all this because it wasn't the fault of the guy in question that I had a bad time. It was that I'm not cut out to be a prostitute. He was, in hindsight, a perfect gentleman. Had there been no money changing hands, we might have gotten along just fine. My memory of his looks may even be unfairly tainted by the unpleasantness of the situation.

And I want to say that it wasn't because I think prostitution is dirty or wrong. I think sex workers are some of the finest people out there. I just can't do what I love for money. It ruins it for me somehow. Also, I was young and foolish. Maybe if I tried it now I'd feel better about it. But it was a me thing, not a sex-work thing.

Bonus: Describe a bad sexual experience you admit was your fault.

Oh, there have been more than a few. It's usually my fault for being selfish, which means that there are probably times when it was terrible for them but they didn't say anything and so I don't know. I've had enough experience that I can usually tell when someone's not having a good time, but if I don't care about them enough to listen... You get the picture.

That's not a funny story. The funny stories are better. I broke a guy's mother's favorite vase one time, being clumsy up against a wall. It was all on me too. Anyway, it kind of ruined the moment because she was dead and it reminded him of her, and even though we did eventually get back into it, I don't think his heart was in it. I came, and he dribbled cum into my mouth after a prolonged period of struggling to stay hard enough to cum. I guess it wasn't funny then, but remembering it makes me laugh inappropriately. I'm lucky it wasn't an urn. Can you imagine being covered by my lover's dead mother's ashes? I mean, that would have definitely ruined the mood for me.

I've farted/queefed at inappropriate moments and then laughed, which has put off some partners. Sex, for me, isn't a big thing, so I do laugh during sex, but for some people it's a much bigger deal and the fart/queef is bad enough, but the laughter is where they draw the line. I mean, it's only natural for farts/queefs to happen, guys. I've farted on guys' cocks before and it hasn't fazed them at all. But being unable to stop from laughing at it is something I've mostly grown out of, which is good because it makes some people upset, apparently. I do remember one guy who laughed right along with me. He was a keeper. I have no idea what ever happened to him, but I hope he found someone nice, because at the time I wasn't interested in anything remotely resembling a relationship with anyone. We had fun and then we parted ways, and I think he would have been happy to see me again, so I hope he found someone better than me and that he and his partner laugh at their bodily noises together in the bedroom.

Last story: I was getting hot and heavy with this girl in college and we adjourned to my room for some alone time, and I was halfway up her snatch when my roomie Gwen came in without knocking, and I said, "Hey Gwen," like it was nothing, and the girl slapped me and left in a huff. I know it was my fault, but I've never been entirely sure what it was that did it. Was it that I left off pleasuring her to greet my roomie, or that my roomie came in without knocking, or that I didn't immediately spring to this girl's aid in hiding from said roomie? Or something else? I'll never know. I used to think about it a lot, and then I forgot all about it, but thinking about times when it was my fault dredged up the memory, so now you have to share it.