Going From Bad To Worse

As thrilled as I am that we've got a semi-liberal in the White House again, I wonder just how liberal he really is, especially on social issues. So no, I'm not thinking that the Obama administration is going to make it a priority to address incest as an issue. I wish they'd do more about gay marriage though, because my sister and her lover have been together long enough now that they should get to marry, if they want. Fucking bigots. I'm sorry if you believe differently, but you're wrong, plain and simple. I don't think marriage is for everyone, but if you want to do it, you should be able to do it, no matter who you love.

Anyway, I'm not even looking for Obama to tackle social issues at all, because the economy and health care are way, way bigger issues for me right now. See, while I try my hardest to make contributions to the family income, I'm the low end of the totem pole in that regard. My dad shoulders most of the financial burden for the family. But now his business is going under, or if not under, it's going really badly, to the point that he's spending a lot of time home because he's got nowhere else to be. And we're having to cut back on all sorts of frills. And my earning potential is getting lower and lower, so that doesn't help either.

In one way, it's great for me, because Dad is home a lot, and so am I, and therefore we can use each other for stress relief. I've been keeping really bizarre hours lately, but even if I wasn't, I could still avail myself of some fatherly love almost every day. In fact, I just finished up a morning session in the shower with Dad, and cum is leaking into my panties as we speak. We've slept together a few nights too, wrapped in each other's arms, warm and naked and cuddling. Falling asleep in the afterglow is a great way to cure insomnia. Wearing yourself out being fucked by the man you love is good too. Well, not "the" man, but one of the men, certainly.

But in pretty much every other way, it sucks dirty goat balls. We're all worried about work and money and everything. Mom's going to have to get a job too, and I'm under pressure to keep working as well, no matter if I hate the job or not. And I've got an offer of housing from Sheri, who has jobs where she's living, and not having to worry about rent and apartment-hunting is very tempting. I don't know if I can do it; I hate moving. But I may have to.

On the plus side of the equation (well, the grand equation of my life, not specifically related to the current economic realities) are Sveta, with whom I think I may be in love, and Kate, whose house is like a vacation for me now. Sveta first: we make love fairly regularly, and she spends the night almost every weekend, but we spend a lot of time just cuddling and feeling safe with each other. The relationship has moved beyond sexual. I'm not ready for monogamy, and I've explained to her that I do have other partners, but they're all different than she is. I'm probably taking advantage of her a little, and I wish she could have another partner as well, so I wouldn't feel so guilty about it. But she's love-starved, and I love her and she loves me, and so the relationship works. She can come to me when she's feeling bad, and we cheer each other up. It's not that we're bored with the physical stuff, it's just that we're more than fuck-buddies at this point. Who knows what will happen.

As for Kate, I wanted to tell the long version, but I don't think I'll be able to, so instead I'll bring you up to speed. I was trying my orgasm-fast, as you'll recall, and then the stress got to me, and basically by the time that whole thing was done and I talked to Kate again, I was past being upset. It was either take them up on their offer or go out looking for someone else. I nearly called James to see when he would be in town, I was that stressed out. I'm more stressed now, but it's a long-haul-type stress, rather than a short spasm, so I handle it differently.

Anyway, they were glad to have me back, said they'd put the kids to bed and I could come over whenever I wanted. So I went over, and had some fun. Roger said he wanted to watch, I think perhaps because they expected me to be spooked by the whole thing and didn't want to crowd me. I would have been happier if he'd just joined in, but I let him have whatever it was he had. He sat in a chair in the bedroom, naked and stroking a cock which was larger than I expected, given Kate's shallow cunt. She and I undressed each other, and both got into the show aspect of things, and then before we even got down to anything stronger than kissing, Roger started making noise and came all over the floor. He told us to keep going, that he was sorry to interrupt. Kate told me later on that he usually was fairly quick, although if he got stoned sufficiently he could last longer.

Anyway, he managed to get it back up at some point before I gave his wife a shuddering orgasm, because he was stroking again when she laid me back on the bed and began her ministrations. She's much rougher than Sveta, and it's not love that's between us, but it's still enjoyable. Roger asked if he could come over and look closer, and when he came, I told him he could cum on me if he wanted. I was trying to give him a hint, but there was no cock, quick or otherwise, for Lexi that evening. After Kate finished me off she licked up her husband's cum from my stomach and then kissed me and asked if I wanted to spend the night. I was tired and still stressed, but I wanted to get home on the off-hand chance that Dad might be available, because I wanted a good fuck. Sadly, he wasn't, so I got nadda.

But the next time I came over, I practically told Roger he should join in, and I spent the night afterward. That first time, he only fucked his wife while I licked her cunt and his cock, but he pulled out and gave me a mouthful of cum. I tried to get him to fuck me too, but he said he wasn't up for it. So I let Kate finish me again. But I did spend the night, because Dad was away and I wanted to sleep in their bed with them. We snuggled together and it was pleasant, especially when they both were kissing and playing with me. I almost convinced Roger to fuck me, but we were all sleepy.

In the morning, we were awakened by Kevin, their younger son. I was too groggy to realize the implications, because he didn't seem to mind that there were three of us, naked and holding each other, in the bed. Kate got up to see to him, and I snuggled back against Roger and went back to sleep for a little while. Later on, after I had gotten up and eaten breakfast, it hit me that neither of the kids wondered at me being there, or eating breakfast with them, or anything. Liam stared at me, but it wasn't a shocked stare. If I'm the first woman they've had over like this, and I believe them that I am, I wonder what's up with the kids? I mean, in my family, things would be different, but I don't know what's going on in this family.

Anyway, since that night, I've been over twice more, and Roger has fucked me on both those occasions. He likes to pull out and cum on me, so he can watch Kate lick it up. In fact, he does the same thing with Kate, and I am perfectly happy to clean up too. It's pedestrian, really; we seem to always do the same sorts of things. But we have watched my videos, and they're hard for me to watch, for some reason. Not because they remind me of betrayal, I just don't seem that attractive in them. I don't know, self-esteem problems maybe.

And it's also true that Roger handles better when he's good and stoned; he and Kate smoked up the last night I was there. But the bad part is that Roger can go for longer, but after he does, he's done for the evening. He's not the ideal lover; I can see why she'd want someone else. I mean, he's an okay guy, probably a good father, but he's hardly Adonis in the sack.

Anyway, that about covers that hanging topic. Eventually, I'm sure I can talk them into something more exotic, maybe get Roger to fuck my ass, since I'm jonesing for a cock up there. But now I really have to go, so thanks to everyone who's sent well-wishes, and I'm trying to return to a semi-normal schedule, even with no computer of my own. But I make no promises.

Blowing Off Steam

I'm in hell right now. Bad enough that I don't have a computer to speak of, but I'm doing three different things at once, none of which are exactly low-stress. So I've been hitting my Dad up as often as I can, and calling Sveta over for booty calls even though she's trying hard to do well in school so she can get into a good college, and I've been over to Kate's place once or twice too. I'm stressed, and when I get stressed, I need something to take my mind off it, so I get horny too. I know, many people get stressed and then can't perform, but for me, it's like watching a TV show to unwind.

Dad isn't complaining, lord no, but he's only available at certain times, and a lot of times, I'm not available then. We try to fit in once a day, if we can. I wish my brother were here. But with the world crumbling, he's got lots of interesting things to do with stocks and economies and businesses, not to mention college. I hope he gets rich, rather than the other way around. I can't deal with the economy, which would simply add another layer of worry to me, so I'm trying hard not to think about it.

I really wish I had someone to fuck my ass. It's been months, or at least it feels like it's been months. Probably not. Possibly month, singular. But Dad's not interested, and Sveta doesn't have the requisite equipment, and other outlets aren't open for that. I think the last time I had a good cock in my ass was when my brother stopped by on the way back to college. He'll be graduating soon enough; maybe I'll move in with him. We could pretend.

If I ever swing it, and my computer problems are resolved, I'll get my Dad to write something for you all. That would be fun. He's not computer-illiterate, but he's not a child of the WWW, certainly. He doesn't use the Internet for anything but business, which consists mostly of emails and the occasional looking up of some spec. So he doesn't blog, and I'm not sure he understands why someone would waste her time doing it. But he might write something. I don't know how dirty it would be. It might be a love letter to me. Who knows?

But I have gotten him okay with fucking me while I have something in my ass. It's not like he wouldn't do it before, but he was never into it. Now, he'll do it every day if I want, which I usually do. I haven't convinced him that it's even more fun if he uses the toy to fuck my ass, not just to take up space. I'm not sure how far I can press it. The issue, I mean, not the toy. So I've used some vibes, but they're not as good in the ass as I'd like. I need bigger ones, I guess. His pounding tends to distract me from any small sensations elsewhere.

Sveta and I have upgraded to various toys, and she's trying to work up the nerve to move into boys again as well. I told her it didn't have to be "as well," and that if she wanted to graduate from the school of Lexi maxima cum laude (puns intended) and move back into strictly hetero pursuits, I would give her a send-off with flying colors, and by happy for her. But she's interested in continuing our current arrangement, as well as adding a male presence to her life, and possibly her cunt or ass or both. We've even pillow-talked about sharing a man again. But she's still very hurt and shy and all that jazz, so it may be a while. She'll probably go off to college and forget all about me.

But for now, she's been sleeping over more than she should. She's still not totally aware of my life, but she seems to sense that my parents aren't hard-asses about who shares my bed. She really is desperate for affection and love, as well as sex, so it feels good to curl up in bed with her, for both of us. And there are signs of certain suspicions she might have, but I can't go into them right now because I'm running out of time as it is. My father certainly doesn't object to the presence of a cute young thing in his house besides me (and Mom, love ya Mom). He loves to get me to talk about her while he's fucking me. He'd do her in a heartbeat, I think.

And Kate... well, that's a longer story. Suffice to say that I've been over there, and I don't want to spoil the story by telling it quickly, but on the other hand, I don't want to leave it hanging. It's not a regular thing, but she and I and Roger are... getting acquainted. So there's promise for things.

And I'm still getting into pretty dark territory, fantasy-wise. For instance, I looked at some scat porn, and while I still don't find shit appealing, watching those women take a shit was... arousing, surprisingly so. I didn't find the shit arousing, it was their asses while they were shitting. Eating it or smearing in on themselves: disgusting. But just like watching someone pee, it has a fascination. I don't want anyone to shit on me, or to shit on anyone, but I would let someone watch me take a shit, if they wanted to. I never thought I would feel this way about it.

And there's other things, and memories I have and wishes I have, and it's all kind of muddled up. Not having to do with incest, but other things. I don't know what to say. I'm getting interested in lost innocence, for one thing. But I don't think it's because of some deep psychological scarring due to my upbringing; it's just kink that I'd never really explored. I don't know how comfortable I am with it; some of it is things that are certainly illegal, if not immoral. But it's fantasy. I don't want to do any of it in real life. I don't think.

Anyway, thanks for all the kind thoughts people have sent, and rest assured, the moment my situation changes, I'll let everyone know.

Ah, the Economy

Still doing this not-my-computer thing. I have access, but I can't spend all sorts of time posting, because my access isn't my computer. Woo-hoo.

Due to the current economic climate, my money isn't being spent on a new computer yet. When it does, you'll be the first to know. I lost some stuff during the crash, too, so there'll need to be some rescanning of pictures, etc.

But not having to be on a public computer any more means I can tell you all that my fast ended rather quickly. I went for maybe 6 days without so much as an orgasm, and by the end of it, I was jonesing hardcore. The night my computer broke, I was so stressed out that I pulled out a home video and made myself cum, because I just couldn't take the pressure.

Then I was pretty good for a week or so, only masturbating once a day, trying to get it done quickly, like I needed a fix. Which, I suppose, is more worrisome than not being able to go without at all. But I was trying.

Then I decided that cumming wasn't as enjoyable if I tried to do it quickly to get it over with. Which is pretty much obvious. But I did come to the conclusion that my leisure activities have to be more regimented, so if I have an hour to kill, I need to kill it either by watching something or cumming, but not to view sex and leisure as two separate draws on my time. I need to watch less television, or rather DVDs, so it seemed like a good plan.

Then I just lost it. I am under a certain amount of stress right now, which I won't waste time going into. But I just needed the stress relief. Some people eat. I fuck. When I get the chance, I'll tell you exactly what I mean, but suffice to say that I'm now probably having sex more often than I was, with more people. Dad was my first after I fell off the wagon, and he and I have been fucking like rabbits.

I've also found myself being drawn to stranger and stranger things. Things which I never found arousing before, now I find arousing. Some things which worry me a little. I'm trying to be legal and moral, but there's a dark side of my brain, which somehow is being let out more and more frequently.

I've seen my brother, and I hope to see Mari soon. And of course, there's Sveta. And Kate. And I'm just busting to tell all these stories, but I can't, because I have to go now.

Keep the faith. I shall return. Or maybe I should say, "I shall cum again." Have, actually. Many times. I'm weak.

If you've sent emails or comments or questions, I will try to get to them as soon as I can. I haven't forgotten you. I've just been waylaid.

I'm Still Alive

Still alive, pretty busy, without a computer to speak of. I hope that within a month I'll be able to change that situation, but for right now, I'm still out of contact. Just letting everyone know.

Not Going Well At All

Sorry guys, it's been a tough bunch of time.

My computer is dead, which means I'm typing this on a public computer, which means I can't talk about much of anything. Let's just say that my little experiment lasted longer than I expected, but I broke down when my computer broke because I was stressed out. First with myself, and then that sort of opened the floodgates. But I am more conscious of the time I spend, which means that I now no longer take as much time in the day doing things I'd really like to spend my life doing. Not a bad thing. I don't speed it up, I just realize that it's a leisure activity, and if I do that, I can't also waste time doing something else. It's helped me prioritize.

I don't know how my updating will fare while I try to get my computer situation sorted out. Probably not terribly well. Thanks to everyone who has written giving encouragement, and know that I will probably try some mini-fasts in the future. Maybe a couple of days here and there, or maybe cutting back a lot and seeing if I can completely wean myself rather than going cold turkey all at once.

No, I'm not giving it up. I'm just trying to control it rather than it controlling me.

I have to go, public computers suck. But don't worry, even if I have a hiatus here, I'll be back as soon as I can.

Trying Something Really Weird

So this post is not about some new deviance. Sorry if that's what you were thinking it might be.

This post is about something I'm trying, have been for the past few days. I'm trying to... not have any sex.

Why? I don't know. It's sort of like a fast. I'm going without sex. No, I haven't converted to some crazy religion. Nor do I think it's a question of moral fiber. I'm just trying it out because occasionally I wonder about it. I wonder how people who aren't fucking all the time feel when they finally do. I wonder whether my obsession with sex might have crossed over into something which isn't healthy. I wonder whether I can have meaningful contact with people without it being sexual.

So yes, I'm going without sex. I'm going without masturbation. I'm trying hard not to think about it or even do anything related to it. Sheri thinks I'm weird. Mike says he's glad he's not there, because it would be impossible for me to keep to a pledge like that if he were. Mom and Dad say they think whatever I want is fine, although Mom is probably more enthusiastic about it than Dad.

In the two days and counting that I've been trying this, I've discovered that I'm incredibly horny, and that it's hard. Very hard. Maybe too hard. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up, frankly. Again, this is not moral, religious, or anything else. It's sort of like timing yourself while you hold your breath; I'm basically doing it to see how long I can go.

That's not to say that I haven't done anything remotely sexual. It's hard to avoid. I sometimes find myself idly stroking my pussy (even that word is driving me up the wall) without realizing it. But I haven't cum. Nor have I done anything with Dad. We've given each other kisses, but just normal kisses. And Sveta, now that James has gone to college (good riddance, for her sake) is sort of okay with just cuddling with me. We tried it yesterday, and while it was hard not to do something more than cuddle, after a few false starts, we settled into it. It was nice to hold someone, without any tension or expectations. It's something I don't do often enough. I think she liked it too.

I've found that I have a lot more free time. Really, I spent a lot of time with various sexual activities. Again, I'm not saying that it was wasted time, but it's giving me food for thought about maybe budgeting my time differently. Or maybe spending the same amount of time with sex, but appreciating it more.

Anyway, I'm not planning on becoming celibate forever. I'm just giving it a try. I haven't been without any form of sex since I was 6 or 7, seriously. I'm just doing it to see if I can.

Dad misses me, I can tell. He's supportive of some of my weirdness, but he still misses me. I've been trying to spend the same amount of time with him, just with other things. It's tough, since we're both naked and he's hard as a rock and my body just wants him. Mind over matter. I'll come out of this stronger.

I'm going to try to make it for a month and see, but that will probably be too long. Maybe I can make it a week. It's been a long time since I haven't cum at least once a day, so a week... hardcore.

Anyway, that's what I'm doing, and if I don't blog regularly, that's probably why. Or maybe because I'm getting busy again. I have some gigs, and maybe some more money coming in. If I can stand it, I'll try to keep blogging and telling stories, for the public's sake, but it might be too much. It's hard right now to keep from just squirming a little bit and giving myself some pleasure. But I'm trying.

Sheri Got Inked

Sheri got a new tattoo. She knows people who will do them in trade, and she's willing to trade sexual favors for minor surgery. She keeps wanting me to do it too, to come visit and get one done. I told her that she may trust people who are willing to give out free tattoos for sex, but I'm less trusting. Also, I'm not sure I want a tattoo.

She called and told me about it. Apparently, this guy likes anal, and he said that if she'd let him fuck her ass, he'd give her a freebie. I'm pretty sure Sheri would have let this guy take a shit on her face if he'd give her a freebie, so anal was nothing. She likes getting things free. It's not that she couldn't have paid for it; oh no, she has more than enough money, but she's willing to be a whore. I'm being unfair to Sheri; she's not really a whore, she just likes sex and is willing to do it in exchange for favors. I guess that makes her a whore, technically, but it's not like she's doing it for a living. Hell, we've all done things for favors, haven't we? Just because my sister views sex as a normal activity, like offering to pick up someone's dry-cleaning for them, she's branded a whore. By me. Whore. Just kidding, sis.

Anyway, she wanted to get a tat just above her pussy, if she was going to get it like this. So I guess it made sense, because he would have already seen everything, so why not let him ink her there? She told me she had toyed with the idea of getting a little sign that said, "Deposit Sample Here," with an arrow pointing down at her cunt, but finally decided against it. I told her she was an idiot for even thinking that. What the hell could you possibly be thinking to think that's a good idea? But then most tattoos are bad ideas. I met a guy once who had "Choke me while I stroke it" tattooed on his neck. That must have gone over well at job interviews.

Anyway, she decided to get a Chinese character, which she claims means "love" but which probably means "cement" or something equally nonsensical. But since it's tattooed over her pussy, it's just stupid no matter what it means. I asked her what she was thinking, and she said she just liked the look of it. I figure it was either some bullshit like that (not that I think Chinese is bullshit, but tattoos like that are) or permanently tattooing pubic hair, or, "I Heart Wanda." Only kidding about Wanda. I did ask why she didn't get Dad's name put there, as a reminder, and she said she hadn't even thought of it, but maybe she'd get it tattooed on the small of her back with an arrow pointing down to give him a hint. We both laughed at that. Bad taste, but still, we're both on the same wavelength in wishing that Dad wasn't such a prude (that's a funny thing to call him, isn't it) about anal.

I don't know why she didn't get Mike's name tattooed there, to commemorate their almost-baby. I didn't bring it up, though, because I don't want to rub salt in old wounds. She doesn't talk about it much, and I think she's more sad about it than she lets on. She really wanted a baby. Chances are good she'll never have one of her own. Which is fortunate, sort of, because with her lack of impulse control and history of making stupid decisions, she'd probably get her baby tattooed with "Sex Toy" or something equally insane. Not that I'm against her enjoying sex with any children she might have, but she'd be dumb about it and get caught, and then I'd never see her again. Of course, she can fall in the dark and find coal, so maybe she'd get away with it. Part of me is jealous that she always does.

Anyway, she said obviously she wanted to fuck first, because with a new tattoo on a sensitive area fucking second sounded painful. The guy's not an old fat biker or anything; he's young and attractive enough. She said he closed up the shop for lunch and they went into the back room. Gave him one of her stellar blowjobs to warm him up, then he bent her over the chair, pulled up her skirt (she wasn't wearing any panties to make things easier and also to minimize the contact with painful skin) and fingered her ass for five minutes, then started licking her. She said she was enjoying it, but he said he wished she'd been a little dirtier. Sounds a bit freaky to me, but then I'm not into scat, as I mention regularly.

She didn't care, of course, and when he stuck his cock in her cunt, she said all the preparation and the feeling of dirtiness (me, I would have run screaming from a tattoo parlor run by someone who was into being dirty) made her cum quite quickly after he started fucking her cunt and fingering her asshole. Once he felt she was loose enough, he hiked her skirt up a bit more and then pressed into her anus, hard. She wasn't quite expecting it so rough, she said, but she's a trooper and she can take it a lot rougher than most women I know. She likes it rough. So although she had to stifle a cry, after a few hard thrusts she was digging it completely.

They fucked for a shorter time than she would have liked, then he grunted that he wanted to cum in her ass, and she let him, of course. She said he came a lot, like he hadn't had any for weeks. It leaked out of her throughout getting tattooed. Now that sounds sexy, for some reason.

Anyway, once she cleaned him up, he got her ready, took her skirt off completely, and began tattooing her. She said she was still tingling from his cock in her ass, and although it was painful, it was actually arousing. She had to stop him at a certain point because she was afraid that if she came, she'd spoil the tattoo. He was okay with getting her to cum again, so he pinched her clit roughly until she went over the edge, and then they could get back to work. By the time he was finished, she was totally naked and instead of feeling like she wanted to never touch her cunt again (which is how I would expect to feel) she wanted more. The guy was happy to oblige.

First he used the vibration of one of the pens (or whatever they're called) to drive her over the edge again, and while she was still cumming, he pulled her butt off the chair and jammed his cock into her ass again. It was understandably hard after all this. He lasted longer, and he was a little more gentle, I guess because he knew she had to be in some pain. But although I don't enjoy missionary anal as much, she said that with the vibrations on her clit, the dull pain of the tattoo, and his cock in her ass going in and out, she came for five minutes straight. Then he came in her ass again, pulled out, and got them both a beer.

Again, my sister is being a dumbass. But the story sounds sexy. She said she's thinking of getting another one done, less explicit, and she wants suggestions. Of course, she won't be paying for it; if anything, she should get some credit for having let him fuck her ass twice in a row, once after she'd been tattooed in such an awkward area. I'm still waiting on photos, by the way.

I guess it's good that she got her rocks off then, because afterward it really started to hurt, and for the past day or so she's been in some pain. It's not infected, she assures me, but it makes cumming difficult, which must be hard for her. Another reason why I wouldn't get one there.