Trying Something Really Weird

So this post is not about some new deviance. Sorry if that's what you were thinking it might be.

This post is about something I'm trying, have been for the past few days. I'm trying to... not have any sex.

Why? I don't know. It's sort of like a fast. I'm going without sex. No, I haven't converted to some crazy religion. Nor do I think it's a question of moral fiber. I'm just trying it out because occasionally I wonder about it. I wonder how people who aren't fucking all the time feel when they finally do. I wonder whether my obsession with sex might have crossed over into something which isn't healthy. I wonder whether I can have meaningful contact with people without it being sexual.

So yes, I'm going without sex. I'm going without masturbation. I'm trying hard not to think about it or even do anything related to it. Sheri thinks I'm weird. Mike says he's glad he's not there, because it would be impossible for me to keep to a pledge like that if he were. Mom and Dad say they think whatever I want is fine, although Mom is probably more enthusiastic about it than Dad.

In the two days and counting that I've been trying this, I've discovered that I'm incredibly horny, and that it's hard. Very hard. Maybe too hard. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up, frankly. Again, this is not moral, religious, or anything else. It's sort of like timing yourself while you hold your breath; I'm basically doing it to see how long I can go.

That's not to say that I haven't done anything remotely sexual. It's hard to avoid. I sometimes find myself idly stroking my pussy (even that word is driving me up the wall) without realizing it. But I haven't cum. Nor have I done anything with Dad. We've given each other kisses, but just normal kisses. And Sveta, now that James has gone to college (good riddance, for her sake) is sort of okay with just cuddling with me. We tried it yesterday, and while it was hard not to do something more than cuddle, after a few false starts, we settled into it. It was nice to hold someone, without any tension or expectations. It's something I don't do often enough. I think she liked it too.

I've found that I have a lot more free time. Really, I spent a lot of time with various sexual activities. Again, I'm not saying that it was wasted time, but it's giving me food for thought about maybe budgeting my time differently. Or maybe spending the same amount of time with sex, but appreciating it more.

Anyway, I'm not planning on becoming celibate forever. I'm just giving it a try. I haven't been without any form of sex since I was 6 or 7, seriously. I'm just doing it to see if I can.

Dad misses me, I can tell. He's supportive of some of my weirdness, but he still misses me. I've been trying to spend the same amount of time with him, just with other things. It's tough, since we're both naked and he's hard as a rock and my body just wants him. Mind over matter. I'll come out of this stronger.

I'm going to try to make it for a month and see, but that will probably be too long. Maybe I can make it a week. It's been a long time since I haven't cum at least once a day, so a week... hardcore.

Anyway, that's what I'm doing, and if I don't blog regularly, that's probably why. Or maybe because I'm getting busy again. I have some gigs, and maybe some more money coming in. If I can stand it, I'll try to keep blogging and telling stories, for the public's sake, but it might be too much. It's hard right now to keep from just squirming a little bit and giving myself some pleasure. But I'm trying.