Domination

Let me start by saying to all my readers/friends out there who are into the lifestyle that I'm not criticizing you. I don't know enough about the actual lifestyle to criticize. I don't know enough about the lifestyle to call it anything other than "the lifestyle" (and dom/sub, which is probably incorrect). I'm really talking about my reactions to what little I know, and why I'm not into it. But hey, if we were all into the same thing... yeah yeah, shining happy different people blah blah you know.

I'd like to start with an analogy if I may (gonna drop some philosophy on your asses). I'm a woman. I enjoy being felt up, enjoy toys inside me, that kind of thing. I don't really enjoy gynaecologists. They're not doing exactly the same things, but while I can find the mechanics stimulating (perhaps a story for another time, not a sexy but an embarrassing story, so on second thought maybe not) I don't find it pleasant. Similarly, while I like being felt up, I don't want strangers to do it at random. And while I am sometimes attracted to the idea of watersports, I don't want to go to a bar and drink the bartender's piss.

I guess what I'm saying is that I enjoy sex, and things having to do with sex, but I don't necessarily enjoy them outside of the context of sex. And that's where the whole dom/sub thing is, for me. I sometimes enjoy a bit of domination in the bedroom, sure. Catch me in the right mood and I might enjoy a bit of submission from you as well. But once we've fucked, I don't want you telling me what to wear or where to go, nor do I want to have to tell you what to do.

As a purely sexual act, I can see the appeal (not hardcore, but a little light play, because I'm a wuss). But as a lifestyle, I can't, because it wouldn't be about sex any longer. Not everything in my life is about sex, despite what the blog might make you think. So if my entire life is going to be styled in a certain way, I'm going to need to be comfortable with it outside the bedroom, and I'm just not. I believe in equal rights and all that jazz; if you're dominating me, I might feel sexy for a while, but eventually, I'd want to do something without your permission.

Again, I know that I know almost nothing about it, and I'm in no way judging anyone. I'm just saying that I haven't been able to get into it because I'm too capricious and not interested in having my sex life invade the rest of my life. At least in that regard.

Because I probably seem pretty hypocritical right now. After all, I let other aspects of sex invade my regular life. But the full-on dom/sub lifestyle kind of rubs me wrong, and I do often have to restrain myself from telling people they shouldn't put up with that kind of shit. It's a bias I have, and I'm not proud of it, any more than I would be owning up to racism or homophobia.

Basically, what I'm saying here is that I'm trying, really trying, and I know that my own life has a lot of room for judgment so I'm trying not to say things like, "He won't let you do what? Honey, that's a deal-breaker." I love that show. So I hope all my dom/sub readers (and indeed any readers of any fetish or lifestyle that I am not into) will accept my apology for anything I might have said in the past which sounded judgmental. I'm not thinking of anything in particular, partially because I can't always see that I'm doing it when I do. But by exposing this particular bugbear, if you will, I hope to give not an excuse but an explanation of where my brain is sometimes (I'm easily confused and I ride the short bus on this subject).

Thanks for putting up with me. I don't really have a community of my own, and it's really unfair to you all that I seem to get lumped in with you (as an "alternative lifestyle" as though that were somehow a ghetto or something). You're better people than I am, and I hope you rub off on me rather than the other way around.

Just because I'm not into it doesn't mean it's wrong. And just because other people aren't into it doesn't mean it's wrong either. I hope that's the point which comes out of me when I'm a bit more philosophical (the point that comes out the rest of the time, of course, is "Lexi tells sexy stories that make everyone cum.")