Not According To Plan

So I was planning on having a quiet weekend, free from distractions, to get some shit sorted out and to prepare for the upcoming hectic schedule of pimping myself out to prospective employers, among other things. An introspecticus, if you will.

Yeah, I weakened a little yesterday in the face of profound loneliness, but when I got back and posted to the blog, I figured, "Hey, that's out of the way, now on with the serious hat."

About half an hour after I finished posting, I got a call from some people I know from work telling me that I absolutely had to meet them at this bar in town. Cue dramatic music. I didn't really want to go out, but I'd had a drink (well, I'd started a drink which was sitting at my elbow as I talked to them on the phone) and I decided that I'd go out, just for a little while, catch up, maybe have one drink at the bar (not because I was afraid of drunken debauch, but because I can't afford more than one) and hang.

It was a small group, two guys I know from various theatre jobs we've pulled together, Rick and Janos (who has an ethnic name but is about as non-ethnic as you're likely to come across). What they didn't tell me was that it was karaoke, which... I can't stand. Sorry, I am not a karaoke gal. Open mic night, if I get enough liquor in me, I've been known to play/sing music, but karaoke doesn't work for me.

I should have turned around and left, begged off somehow, but I'm not good at that. I get myself into situations where I can't get out of them (not bad, but situations where I don't really want to be, scenes I'm not into, that kind of thing). So I sat there, and since they were buying, had a bit more to drink than I intended, which, combined with the previously-rushed drink, produced a mellow only broken by the fact that it was too loud. I was on the cusp of singing karaoke, just because I was bored by the whole thing.

But eventually they had worked out whatever karaoke itch they had, and we'd finished our drinks, and they wanted to continue partying somewhere less loud with more comfort. Rick's house was in town, so we tramped over there. It wasn't that late for them, but I was feeling very tired at that point, just because recently I've been getting up early and not sleeping well. Whatever.

Rick had booze, and we kept drinking, and eventually talk turned to poker and the strip varieties thereof. I've worked with these guys, they really weren't just looking to get me naked. Plus I'm pretty sure I was the one who introduced the strip aspect to the conversation. It was past tired into crazy for Lexi at that point. I wasn't passing-out drunk, just stupid drunk and past the point of sleepy to the point of zombie. Not a good combination.

I am not a good poker player stone cold sober, and I didn't acquit myself well. Janos might have been a good poker player sober, but he was rambunctious drunk, so he and I wound up mostly naked while Rick was still wearing pants. I threw in the towel before I had to part with my underwear, not out of modesty but because I got bored with losing, and then we tried to find something interesting on TV.

I know Rick better than I know Janos, and there's really no attraction there. Janos, on the other hand, I'd worked with once before, so I didn't really know him. Rick excused himself to go to the bathroom, and Janos and I were there alone, and we were both stupid drunk, and he wasn't bad looking in his BVDs. He did make the first move; I wasn't looking to hook up with him. He's kind of arrogant when he's drunk, his confidence level is way up, and he just told me he knew I wanted to suck his cock.

Rick came back and found us making out on the couch, and just left the room. I guess he went to bed, because that was the last I saw of him. Maybe he knows Janos better than I do, maybe it's not the first time, I don't know. Or maybe, as I fear, I've destroyed my reputation in his eyes and he just couldn't stand to be in the same room as me. Yes, I have self-esteem issues, thanks for asking. I wasn't paying attention at that point though, so maybe he watched from the doorway. I just know he was gone when we were done.

Janos' cock, when I got to it, was worth being confident about. He had quite a monster in his pants, maybe as big as Dad's, and I enjoyed going down on it immensely. If I'm going to fuck drunk, I want a bigger cock, just because I want more stimulation to break through the haze. I didn't trust my gag reflex, so I didn't let him do anything fancy, but I sucked him off until he told me to stop.

He was very commanding, and sober I would have been annoyed (well, sober I probably wouldn't have had anything to do with him), and in fact I am a bit annoyed looking back, but I guess at the time I was feeling submissive, because I let him take control completely. The first time he bent me over the arm of the couch and just pulled my panties to one side and pressed in, hard and fast. I came, just a little tiny O, although maybe it was just that I was too drunk to feel it fully. He had staying power, lasted so long I came again before he grabbed my hips roughly and pumped what felt like a gallon of spunk into me. No, I was not protected. Yes, I am aware of how stupid that is. No, I should probably not be allowed out of the house without a chaperon.

Then he flipped me over and played with the cum seeping from my pussy, fingering it out of me and offering it to me to lick off his fingers. My bra came off at some point there, and when he got the easiest cum out of me, he pulled off my panties too and made me strain to get out as much as possible. There are probably some stains on Rick's couch now. God, I don't know what I'm going to do when I wind up working with him again.

Janos fetched another drink, basically poured some of it down my throat, then tossed off the rest himself. My head was spinning. I am not excusing my lack of decorum; I was into it just as much as he was. But I was also very drunk. Poor choices, children.

He ordered me to suck his cock again, which was already half-hard, and I did until he was ready again, then he took me the same way a second time. After a few minutes, I guess he got bored or tired, so he told me to ride him, which I did. God, that was hard; I was getting serious vertigo bouncing on him. I didn't cum at all that time, and eventually I wound up lying on his chest and just rocking my pelvis on him until he said he couldn't cum like that, then we rolled off the couch and wound up with him on top of me thrusting his cock into me like mad until he finally grunted and came inside me again.

I just lay there while he messed around with my pussy. I was spent. Too little sleep, too much booze, I didn't even care when he dangled his cock on my face for me to suck. I doubt I did very well, but I guess it got him hard, because before I knew it, I was on my face, spread-eagled, with him pulling my hips into the air so he could fuck me. I was almost passed out at that point, didn't feel much of anything.

The sky was light when I woke up, still on the floor naked. Janos was nowhere to be seen, neither was Rick. I was still drunk, not as drunk, but too drunk to think straight. So I pulled on whatever clothes I wound up pulling on and walked home slowly. Nobody stopped me, nobody arrested me, nobody even looked twice at me (not that there were that many people out) so I must have been at least semi-decent. And I wound up with all my clothes and belongings at home (I checked once I sobered up).

From the feel of my pussy, I might have been fucked while I was passed out. I do not want to see Janos again, ever. I was not raped, by any stretch, but I don't think I care for him, plus I can see it being awkward. Fortunately, he's less likely to crop up. But I made a fool of myself in front of Rick, looked like a total slut, and chances are good I'll wind up working with him, or even with him as my boss, again.

Poor choices. Am I being self-destructive? I don't know. I don't think this has anything to do with Sveta. I think it has to do with my current life-situation. I mean, if I were with Sveta right now, I wouldn't have done that (I certainly don't think so, anyway). If I were working, or if I felt like I had some plan for the future... yeah.

So the weekend's been going well. Staying up that late made me sleep in, which fucked my sleep schedule all to Hell, not what I needed. I'm just going to have to avoid temptation for the foreseeable future. I honestly don't know why I agreed to go to a bar with them in the first place. Damn it. I'm a little pissed off at myself at the moment.