TMI Belated Christmas

I am writing this prior to Christmas, but it will be published post-Christmas. If this blows your mind, you should wear a hard hat next time. As always, generic filler courtesy of TMI, who are fine people even if they often come up with silly questions.

1. Have you ever mooned/flashed anyone? How long ago?

Good lord, when I was younger, I had very little shame around certain people. In college, I would flash people all the time, but usually while wearing a bra. Since then, I've definitely reigned myself in. I still threaten to do it sometimes to make people jump.

2. Pick an animal that best displays your personality.

We've done this one already. I think I'm going to answer echidna this time for the hell of it.

3. Do you mail out holiday cards, and if so, how do you pick the list?

I am awful. I should, but I don't. I am bad at keeping up with the Joneses.

4. How often do you wear something sexy to get attention (lingerie, low cut dress, silk boxers, etc...)?

Oh, I'll wear slightly sluttier clothes on occasion if I'm trying for someone, but that hasn't happened in a while. I'll also wear sluttier clothes if I'm feeling naughty. But I always want attention, regardless of my clothes. I'm such a whore.

5. Have you ever tasted breast milk SINCE you were an adult?

Nope.

Bonus: Do you like "talking" when you have sex?

I hold conversations while fucking, but I don't think that's what this means. Dirty talk is okay, but I'm not very good at it, and I suspect most people aren't. I know you think you are, and maybe you're the exception, but chances are good that they've just been humoring you. It always seems a little goofy to me. Now I can deal with goofy, and I enjoy over-the-top sex talk sometimes, but a lot of times, I can take it or leave it.

Double Bonus: If Santa is a guy, how is it that he never seems to get lost?

He has to visit every house. He just marks the ones he's already visited with a piece of chalk, process of elimination, no getting lost. If you're sneaky, you can sneak up to your chimney and erase the chalk mark and get double presents. Don't tell him I told you.