Amen to That

I don't often repost articles, but this one caught my eye.

The Secret to a Good Date: Have Sex First

Read it.  It's worth reading.

Now, in fairness to the article, her point is that, if the date is going to lead to sex, you should have the sex then go on the date.  Which is totally true.  Who wants to fuck after a meal and dancing, or whatever you do on a date?  I mean, I'm fine with after, but the sex will be better if you eat after.  And then hey, have sex again after.

But she is mostly talking about going on a date with someone with whom you've already had sex, or at least it's not the first date.  And I'm behind her 100%.

But why stop there?  I think the ideal first date is sex.  What better way to figure out if there's anything worth pursuing?  Sure, you want to have the date part too, but why beat around the bush (pun unintended but welcomed)?

I fully support a Utopia where people meet up to have sex, then decide if they want to bother going on a date.  Plenty of my long-term romantic partners have started that way for me.  I wasn't necessarily planning it that way, but I've fucked first and asked questions later on numerous occasions.

And sometimes it doesn't work out.  Sometimes the sex is terrible.  Also, sometimes they don't want to start with sex, and that still tells me something about them.  I'm not saying that there's no place for "traditional" dating at all, just that maybe there ought to be a place for sex as a date.  Nor am I saying that I reject people who don't fuck immediately out of the gate, or that I won't give a second chance to someone who is bad at first-thing sex.  There are nerves.  It's like an audition.  The first time you have sex with someone really shouldn't be the best time, if you're planning on making a longer-term thing of it.

I do find that it cuts through a lot of the pretense and crap and gets right to the heart of the matter.  Are they patient?  Are they generous?  If they suck, is it because they're terrible, or because they're nervous because they really do want to be good for you?  Lots of things.  If polite small talk is our gold standard for finding out about someone, we need a new gold standard.  You can't really fake sex in the same way.

That said, there are plenty of other things in a relationship besides sex.  And despite what you might think, I don't put sex on a pedestal at all.  I think sex is just another fun part of human interaction, which is why I don't attach much significance to it.  Some of my best friends aren't very sexual, or aren't great lovers, or aren't quick into the sack.  But the people I get along with best are at least open about sex, even if it's being open about their lack of interest in it.  I don't really play video games or sports.  I don't knock those who do.  So if sex isn't your thing, we can still be friends, no biggie.

Plus, skipping first date bullshit and going right to the sex has the added advantage of skipping first date bullshit.  Plus, sex!  No more worrying through the entire date if you're going to get some.  You already did.

Anyway, I think the article is a fun read, if perhaps not a terribly deep read.  It's not philosophy or politics.  It's just sex.  Go get some.