TMI Tuesday

From the vaults, as usual.

1. Tell us something you have dreamed of doing for a long time, and why have you not done it?

Going to Egypt.  Because I'm poor, and the Middle East is not a good travel destination.  The same things can be said for a lot of places I'd love to visit, either more of the poor or more of the unsafe.  Yes, I know, I'm tarring a region with a brush without knowing etc. but it really doesn't seem like a good time to go to Cairo.  This isn't Muslim-bashing in any way.  I'm not scared of "teh terror!!!1!"  I'm just not sure I want to go to a place currently in a state of unrest.

2. Would you take advice from a porn star? If yes, what type of advice would you like to hear.

I would, although as we all know porn isn't real (it really isn't, kids).  But I'd like advice on sex from a porn star nonetheless.  I'm always eager to learn.  Maybe how to deal with more acrobatic positions, or some tips on taking large objects in orifices.  Or just anything they wanted to talk about.  I'm interested.

3. What is the sexiest thing about your boss?

Depends on which boss.  I have several.  One I love but is decidedly not sexy, also gay.  But he's a queen bitch at times, which I enjoy a lot, as long as it's not directed at me.  I'm just not into bears.  I mean, if he suddenly became straight and interested in me... no, let's face it, I probably wouldn't because it's not a good idea to shit where you eat.  But if I had to, I'm given to understand that he's quite well-endowed, and I would be down with that.  Plus even if he suddenly became interested in girls, he's got to like ass play and I would also enjoy that.

Other bosses... let's see... Well, one of them has a very sexy wife whom I would do in a heartbeat, shitting where I eat or not.  He's not terribly sexy, but I would join in with them if it meant I got to taste every inch of his wife's extremely hot body.  I don't often go for older women (because I'm a pervert, we know this) and she's not my usual type, but oh my god I would do her until she was begging for me to stop and then do her some more until she was begging me not to stop.  Large tits.  I could suckle on them for days.  And that's saying nothing of her hips and ass and pussy which I've never seen but which I certainly believe to be tasty as pie.  My god, her thighs too.  I would eat her alive.

But that's not really answering the question.  Most of the people I've worked for haven't been terribly sexy, nothing which stands out anyway.  Maybe I just don't look at them that way because of the whole shitting where you eat thing.

That's not to say I've never fucked a boss.  In my younger, stupider (yes, definitely, don't do this kids) days I worked for a guy who was considerably too old for polite society to allow for a coupling with me (okay, he wasn't old but I was young) and while I wouldn't say he was a smouldering man-mound of sex appeal, he wasn't hard on the eye.  It was a summer job, meant very little, and toward the end of it he brought some beer to work and after the day was done and the job was finished, he offered me one.  We talked and I sipped my beer and he started flirting with me, nothing extreme, just a little playful, "Oh, if I were younger," type stuff.

So I said to him, "Who says you have to be younger?"

"Well, don't you think..."

"Nope."  And I took a sip of my beer.  "I mean, I think lots of things, but none of them are proper."

"You do, huh?  Like what?"

"Like I would happily let you take me to a dark corner and have your way with me." I grinned.  Sipped.  He looked a little startled, but then he grinned and drank the rest of his beer in one gulp.

"I know a dark corner," he said, just idly.

"You're sure you're not too old for that sort of thing?"

"Well, at my age I usually take a lady someplace nicer than a dark corner."

"That's fine too."

"Dark corner first?"  I grinned and put down my beer.  And we found a place, not really a corner or particularly dark, but at the time it was the end of a run of long days and everyone was celebrating, so we had the place to ourselves.  He was timid at first, but once I had his pants off and was sucking him he got over it.  We fucked for a while, he came in my mouth, then he offered to take me someplace nicer.  I knew he was married.  Didn't care.  We wound up at a hotel.  The desk clerk knew exactly what was going on, but I guess I looked old enough to know better and not like a prostitute.  I don't know; it was near the theater and I imagine all sorts of shenanigans went on there.

I used to love hotel sex.  I still do, but get less of it.  There was a time when it seemed like I was fetching up at hotels all the time though, and since I never paid for it I enjoyed myself.  It wasn't a great hotel, but the bed was clean and that was all that mattered.  He didn't want to cum inside me at first but I wore him down with oral and pleading until he roughly pinned me to the bed and fucked me from behind for what felt like an eternity (not in a bad way) and then spent himself in my cunt.  He wanted to get something to drink, to make a night of it, but I knew that wasn't a great idea, so after a bit of tempting he settled for round three, slow and sensual, and then drove me back to work so I could go back home.

And then we had to work together for another two weeks before the contract was up.  It was a little awkward.  I think he felt guilty.  I certainly didn't.  It seemed like he wanted to ask me for another roll in the hay but was too chicken.  I let him stew for a day or two, because frankly if a guy isn't willing to put in the effort to ask for a second date, why should I go easy on him?  I'm not always easy.  But eventually I said to him, "Look, if it's awkward for you, that's fine, but if you wanted to fuck me again you just needed to say something.  I could use a good fuck."  We didn't go back to that hotel; our remaining trysts were all in various out-of-the-way places around.  He wasn't a particularly attentive lover, didn't go down on me at all although I did get some fingers.  But his cock worked and he used it reasonably well, and I was getting orgasms so I didn't really complain.  And then we said goodbye and I never saw him again.  Which is probably the best way to handle these sorts of things.

4. Name something you need for a foursome (and I’m not talking about golf).

Three other willing people?  No, only kidding.  A large enough space to play in.  I'm not saying I'd turn down a foursome if there weren't a big play area, but it makes it so much better.  I think a foursome can be accommodated by a king-sized bed, queen in a pinch, but any smaller than that and people start falling off.  Other than that, depending on the gender makeup, toys are helpful, as is lube and the usual supplies for sex in general.  Someplace that has indoor plumbing please.  The best foursomes, however, are someplace which has a lot of cushioning on the floor and a large area.  I do prefer bed sex to floor sex, but if it's properly prepared, a rumpus room is a great place to have a group.

If we're talking partner-swapping rather than a free-for-all, two beds are also okay.  Hotels are ideal for this purpose, particularly if someone else is paying for them.  I don't mind hopping up and running to the other bed.  But it is better when both couples are on the same bed, close together, so that people can play with each other even if there's not a free-for-all.

5. What is the brand of condoms currently in your possession (in your home or on your person)?

Durex.  I pretty much always have Durex around.  I know some people don't like them, so I've had Trojans too, but Durex is reliable and works for me.  I don't go in for flavors or fancy frills.  I don't think I have any unlubricated condoms, which I should probably get. I mean, I suppose I should get nothing but unlubed ones because you can always add lube, but having a lubed condom on hand means prep time is greatly reduced, and it's easier to store them for travel.  Hasty sex in awkward places is not a good time to pull out a bottle of lube and try to get things slippery.  That said, there's no such thing as too much lube, kids, so even if you've got lubricated condoms, have lube too.

Bonus: Tell us a sex act/behavior that you simply will not do. Why?

Anything with vomit or shit-eating.  I don't really even want to be present for vomit.  Scat... if I'm in a particular mood I might consider some light scat, but I'm never going to be ready to eat shit.  I've never been there when someone else was, and I don't know if I could stand it either.  But I'd watch or let someone watch me shitting.  I'm just not terribly into shit.