TMI Tuesday

From the vault:

1. Where you live what is the current season?

Autumn.  Or fall.  Whatever you call it.  It's mostly still summer here.

2. Do you measure/report the weather temperature in Celsius or Fahrenheit?

So are we trying to narrow down my location based on these clues?  I live in the US.  We don't cotton to metric.  However, I can share with you the Great White North official guide to metric conversions: double it and add 30.  So if it's 20 degrees Celsius, then it's roughly 60 Fahrenheit.  Seriously, fuck Fahrenheit.  It's a bullshit measuring stick which starts at 32 and is spelled in a way I have to look up.  But it's what I grew up with, so I'm stuck with it because no matter how I try, I can't determine what the temperature outside means in Celsius unless I do a conversion.  Also, if the speed limit is 100 kph, it is not 230 mph.  But I have no idea what it actually is without looking it up.  Pity us poor Americans and our backwards ways.

3. Describe your ideal day of weather?

Most of the time, clear with enough clouds that the sun isn't oppressive, 65-70 F (or whatever that is in Celsius because who am I kidding, it's too late to be doing that kind of reverse conversion), and preferably in a shady area with a nice cool drink and a cute girl.  That last isn't weather, but it's important anyway.  Sometimes though, I like snow if I don't have to shovel it, and sometimes I like rain if I don't have to be out in it.  And a lot of the time I don't care because I don't want to go outside anyway.

4. When it is cold outside I want to:
a. Run outside naked because it is exhilarating.
b. Bundle up in warm clothes and take a winter walk.
c. Turn the heat up, stay indoors, hibernate until warm weather returns.
d. I do not pay attention to the weather.

I don't turn the heat up.  I like it a bit colder.  But running naked in the cold is a young girl's sport.  I'm too old for that shit.  And I don't really like taking walks in any weather.  But I do pay attention to the weather.  Maybe just stay indoors whether it's cold or warm, but enjoying the cold a bit because it means I don't have to put on the AC.

5. Do you go “commando” in cold weather or in winter?

 Depends.  I tend not to go commando in pants much; the fabric of most of my pants is a bit rough.  And I wear fewer skirts and dresses in the winter.  But really, what's the weather got to do with going commando?  If you think my panties are keeping me warm, you're wrong.  If I'm going to go out in something which will let cold winds blow against my crotch, a thin scrap of fabric isn't going to help matters, so I do what I'm going to do with little to no regard for temperature.

Understand that I'm a lady who wears sandals outside unless there's a foot of snow on the ground, so my mileage may vary.

6. For 10,000 USD Would you rather ride a bike for one mile (1.6 km) in 7 degrees F/ 14 degrees C weather or jump naked into a freezing cold Alaskan lake in winter?

7 F isn't 14 C as we've established.  14 C is, according to my estimation method, more like 58 F.  So on the one hand, we've got below freezing; on the other, sweater weather.  I'm not scared of 58 F.  I might not even put on a coat if it were a short trip or I was doing something strenuous.

But let's go with 7 degrees Imperial, which means below freezing.  Still not terrible.  Also, it doesn't say how much clothing I'd be wearing, but let's assume worst-case scenario and they meant to imply that I would be naked while riding.  No mention of wind, so let's assume no wind, no precipitation, no snow on the ground.  Maybe just me, naked, in an industrial freezer, riding a mile on a stationary bike.  So as to keep this all scientific.  Also, since they were so far from the mark in their temperature conversions I don't trust their distance conversion, I'll be riding a mile because I have no idea how far a kilometer is.

I'm not a great fan of exercise for no purpose, and if this were running a mile naked in those temperatures I would definitely bow out of competition because I hate running.  I hate running in any weather.  I love the feeling of being running for about ten seconds, then I have to breathe and my lungs decide they've had enough after one breath.  I hated running in gym class in school.  Don't see the point, don't see the enjoyment.  No judgments on those who enjoy it, but I'd rather do pretty much any other exercise than run or jog.

But this is about bike riding.  And I like riding bikes, particularly if I don't have to work hard at it, which nothing about this experiment says I must.

I've also dived into water which was cold.  Not freezing, but cold enough that if I had stayed in for too long I would have suffered hypothermia.  And diving into even that temperature is dangerous and unpleasant.  Your brain shuts down and you sink, and it takes all your strength of will to force yourself to do much of anything besides drown.

Riding a bike, I'd be cold, but I wouldn't be wet and I wouldn't die and I'd likely actually get warm through the exertion and thus wouldn't feel the cold much.  And if I could immediately decamp the cold after completing the mile and be warmer after, I doubt it would cause any lasting damage.

So, after exhaustive reasoning which probably isn't terribly interesting and definitely isn't sexy, I'd choose the naked bike ride.  You may feel free to imagine me riding a bike naked and shivering if that turns your crank.  No polar bear swim for me, thank you.

7. What is your favorite piece of winter clothing?

I actually like coats.  If I lived somewhere where I could wear them year-round I'd probably own more of them as fashion accessories.  As it is, I have a military greatcoat which I got for a song from a surplus store that I absolutely love.  It doesn't really make me look sexy or anything, but it buttons up and I can wear it with nothing underneath if I want, although I never have.  Feel free to picture that too if you like.

And before you ask, I don't go naked under my greatcoat because it's wool and it itches.  Wonderful coat but my skin is delicate porcelain.

8. Have you ever worn Long Johns aka long underwear or thermal underwear?

I have.  I've rarely been in a situation where I needed them, but I was once in a cabin which was so shockingly cold that I slept in my clothes huddled up for warmth, and I wore thermal underwear that night because there was no heat at all and I was afraid I might freeze to death.  I don't think I would have, but it was fucking cold.

Other than that, I've worn thermal bottoms and nothing else, but that was for sexy times, not for warmth.  I'm really not cold a lot of the time, and if I am I just put on layers because then I get too hot and have to take the top layer off.  Having to take off my underwear to fix that problem is just impractical.  I layer from outside in.

Bonus: Do you have more or less sex in the winter months vs. other times of year?

I don't think it makes much difference, really.  I don't keep track, but I think I have about as much in all seasons.  Definitely less outdoor sex in winter, but it just moves indoors until spring, and anyway I have a lot less outdoor sex now than I used to.