TMI Tuesday

From the archives:

1. If you are on facebook, when was the last time you had to “unfriend” someone and why?

I am, personally.  Don't go looking for me.  And I practically never use Facebook.  I check it every so often, but it's mostly for either work (I have work people who will only communicate via Messenger, annoyingly) or the occasional birthday well-wish.  I'm not sure I've ever unfriended anyone on Facebook.  Maybe the ex of someone I'm friends with.  But it's not something I do not because I care about pissing people off but because I just don't keep track or really give a shit.  Facebook is stupid, kids.

2. What are you addicted to?

Orgasms.  I think I've answered that one before.  Definitely orgasms.  Probably food.  I have a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food.  But I try to keep it in check.  I'm not addicted to much of anything else, and the things I've been addicted to in the past, substance-wise, haven't been much to write home about.  I've quit most things I've ever quit cold turkey.  I'm not saying that because I think it makes me a better person.  Substances don't affect me in the normal way, most of the time.  When I smoked, I was never addicted to nicotine, I was just psychologically addicted to the action of smoking, I guess.  Caffeine, ditto.  I've never met a drug which affected me in a way which was normal, including some significantly-habit-forming and scheduled prescription drugs.

3. What are the first 3 things you do every morning?

Moan, swear, and attain verticality.  I don't have a morning routine, and anyway it's usually not morning because of my horrible sleep patterns and accompanying work schedule.  I hate waking up.

4. How lucky are you and why?

On the one hand, I'm very lucky.  On the other, I have terrible luck.  I don't really believe in luck though, and I think most people think they're less "lucky" than they actually are.  I have many good things in my life which I'm happy to have, and I also have many problems.  As for why, because the entropy of the universe causes things to happen?  If you were hoping for a story where I killed an old Gypsy with a broken mirror under a ladder or something, yeah, I don't have an explanation.

When I say, "I don't believe in luck," that sounds incredibly cocky, like I'm about to "make my own luck" or something.  I don't mean it like that.  I've never believed that there was some score I had in the divine balance sheet which dictated what terrible things happened to me, or what good things.  Most of it is out of my control, but that's not luck, that's random chance.  It's not "lucky" to be born rich, or with good genes, or of the correct skin tone for your particular situation.  It's just chance, and chance doesn't give a shit about you.

That's all very fatalistic.  In the grand scheme of things, were I to believe that I had a "luck" score, I'd say that most days I feel like my luck is pretty terrible, but that's selfish and stupid and I know this.  I'm very lucky in many ways.  The ways I'm not make it hard to appreciate, but it could be much worse.

5. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?

Depends on to whom I'm admitting it.  I wouldn't want to admit many things I have tried to many people.  And things I'd like to try, I'm not embarrassed to admit them if it's to the right person.  I don't know.  It's not that I'm not hung up about things, but most things I'm hung up about, I don't want to try.  I don't know that I have that many things I want to try that I wouldn't admit, albeit perhaps not to the Pope, for instance.

Bonus: Are you proud of what you are doing?

Proud, no.  Ashamed, also no.  I like my job, but I'm not really proud of it.  It's a job, it's a decent job, and if it paid a bit better I'd be happier, but that doesn't make me ashamed to admit what I'm doing for a living.  I guess if I were curing cancer or something I'd be proud of my work, but as it is, it's work that I don't hate doing, which is nice but not something I take pride in beyond doing a good job.

As for the rest of what I'm doing, I'm not proud of that because I'm mostly just coasting.  A bit shameful.  I wish I were more driven or successful or fulfilled or whatever people look for.  I guess I'm ashamed of my life in general, just a bit.  But then I don't do all that much, so it's hard to be proud of doing quite little.

These were boring and unsexy questions.  You should ask some that aren't.