TMI Tuesday

From the archives, from which I'm rapidly forgetting whether I've already done a particular post or not.  My fault for not simply starting at the beginning and going forward rather than jumping around as the mood hits me.

1. Would you take a course in advanced sex positions? Why?

I mean, if it were a hands-on course, that sounds like fun.  But even if it weren't, I'd try it if it were free.  It never hurts to learn more sex moves.  Can't rest on your laurels.

I do find most of the Kama Sutra to be impractical.  And entirely too hetero-focused.  But what works for me isn't what works for others, and what works with one partner might not be what works with another, so it's useful to keep brushing up, even if it's just to come up with a goof.

2. “Did you orgasm?”
Men: Do you ask your sex partners this? Women: Have you been asked this?

I have.  Usually not in those words: "Did you cum?" is far more common.

Men, why do you ask this question? Women, do you mind being asked this question?

It entirely depends on why he or she is asking.  Actually, let's face it, it's usually he.  Women, for whatever reason, are less likely to ask me if I came.

I frequently announce my own orgasms in some way, not necessarily screaming, "I'm cumming!" but just as encouragement.  "Oh god, yes, you're making me cum!" is a good way to ensure that whatever it is they're doing, they'll keep doing it.  I'm not proud of it, but when I fake it I always announce.

So if I said, "God, yes, I'm cumming so hard," then asking me after if I came is probably not wise.  But that's only happened once or twice.

If my partner is asking because I was being unusually unresponsive, then I don't mind in principle.  If Sveta asks me, it's usually to make sure I did and just didn't tell her because she was trying hard to get me there.  Of late, it gets asked sometimes because I've said that I have difficulty and yet it seemed like I might have cum, and my partner is more making sure I'm okay than anything else.  Being asked, "Did you cum?" because I winced a lot is different.

From women, it's always inexperience.  I've never had a woman ask me whether I came because she was being anything other than worried I hadn't enjoyed myself because she didn't know what she was doing.  And that's fine.

From men, it's often insecurity or inexperience too, and again, I don't really mind that.  But if a guy thinks he's God's gift to vaginas and is merely reinforcing that opinion by asking, I mind.  Particularly if I didn't.  If a guy hops on, rides me like I'm not even there, and then rolls over and looks at me like he's King Shit and asks me, "Did you cum?" I might be tempted to tell him, "No, how could I?"  I once had a guy who didn't even ask: "You came, right?"  And I told him where to get off.

But on the whole, asking me whether I had an orgasm is generally just an attempt to communicate a desire to please me, and I support that. I don't really want it to happen every damn time we fuck, but if the first time you ask me because you want to make sure you did okay, I'm probably okay with that.  I might even reward it with, "Yes, but I'd like to again please." 

3. “Was it good for you?”
Have you ever asked this question after having sex? Were you ever told “No, it was not good.” If yes, what did you do?

What a movie cliche.  I don't think I've ever asked that in those words.  I've asked, "Was I okay?" a number of times.  Not in quite a while, but it used to be that I was still somewhat unsure of myself and wanted to make sure my partner was happy with me.  It's a selfish thing to ask, in a way, but again, I think it can show a concern that one wants to please one's partner.

I think I may have asked my father that my first time.  I definitely asked a few boys that when I was just starting to venture out from the nest.  I've asked a few times with people on our first time because it seemed like they might not have enjoyed themselves.

However, I don't think I've ever had anyone admit that it wasn't good, if I asked them that question.  I'm sure it hasn't been, and I knew it before I asked, and I didn't believe them because they were evasive, but I can't recall ever having anyone be blunt.  It might be my selection of partners, or it might be that women have an easier time of it than men in this department, or it might be that I'm a fucking sex goddess (that's totally not the reason but it sure is fun to say).

I have been told that the sex wasn't good, just not after I asked whether it was.  It's hard to take sometimes.  If you have no connection with the person, say it's a one-time thing or strangers or whatever, it's rough because it's basically a rejection, and there's likely nothing you can do about it.  I've had several guys tell me that the sex wasn't that good because I wasn't into something in particular, which is frustrating when they didn't tell me up front that that's what they wanted, but hey, I'm a mind-reader, right?  But when someone with whom you've got some kind of relationship in the longer term tells you that, it's like criticism, and it does sting.

The thing is, if you hear that, the way to react is not defensively or to shut the conversation down.  If you have the opportunity, you should figure out why it didn't work.  If you were trying something new, then hey, that new thing won't make the rotation.  If you just weren't on the same wavelength, now's the chance to rectify that.  If your partner is looking for something and not getting it, it's not fair of them to tell you that without telling you what that thing is.  So it's a two-way street, just like all criticism.  "Was it good for you?" is a terrible question to ask anyway.  "Good" doesn't tell you anything.

In fact, even if it was good for you, if you want to keep fucking, take the time to talk about it.  What was good?  What else would be good?

And sometimes, you're going to figure out that it's never going to be good.  He wants giant boobs and you've got an A cup.  He wants you to suck his cock after it's been in your ass and you draw the line there.  She wants to be smacked around while you fuck her and you don't feel comfortable with that.  And in the end, maybe you should learn that before you both get too far into the hole of, "Well, we're okay, I guess, and so we should keep having mediocre sex."  Maybe you break up.  Communication isn't always pretty.  But you'll be happier, as will they, if you can honestly say, "I don't think we're working.  Maybe we should just be friends."  I have done this.  It's easier for me, sure, but I still think it should be done.  No use polluting a perfectly good relationship with meaningless, terrible sex.

4. When was the last time you had a simple, sexy “make out” session? Do you wish you had more purely “make out” sessions?

It's been too long.  Sveta and I used to make out more.  I know she misses it.  It's my fault, and I'm attempting to rectify it, but right now it seems like if we've got time and energy we shouldn't waste that on making out.  So not recently, and yes/no; yes because it would make Sveta happy and no because I've never been one to make out when I could fuck.  That's not admirable, it's just the way I am.  And it's not about me getting my rocks off (so to speak).  I'll happily make Sveta cum repeatedly with no action on my end.  But it's probably a product of my overly-sexualized youth that I'm perfectly happy to fuck.  That's not to say that there's no foreplay, not at all, and making out certainly happens, just usually not as the end of the activity.

5. When is that last time you had a “quickie”– sex lasting 5 minutes or less? How often do you engage in “quickies”?

Sex for 5 minutes with another lady is usually not interesting to me.  If I have quickies using that definition, it's going to be with a guy.  I can't recall the last one I had which would really qualify as a quickie, since I think any time a sex act has lasted 5 minutes it's usually just been a prelude to something more intense.

I used to have quickies fairly regularly.  Mike would surprise me all the time right before doing things.  And I had plenty of quickies with boys in school, because that was the way you had to do it if you were behind a building or in a parked car.  I'm not sure I'd give them all the 5 minute deadline; a quickie for me is anything rushed and probably with clothing not removed, done fast because someone might catch you or because you've got to leave the house in a few minutes.

I don't know that I care for them, in the main.  A random quickie with a stranger can be thrill, I guess, but these days 5 minutes isn't enough to get the motor running.  There's an illicit thrill to sex in cars or behind buildings or trees with the fear of discovery, but the quickness of it has less to do with it than the illicit nature.  I'd happily fuck in a parked car for longer than 5 minutes.  I don't know.  Basically, when Mike would surprise me, that was fun, but all the others, I could probably have done with longer if possible (and sometimes got it).  A quickie for the sake of quickness appeals to me less now than it used to.

Bonus: Think about the person that is/was your favorite sex partner? Why were they your favorite?

I'm going to say that Sveta is my favorite girl partner, and Mike is probably my favorite guy.  Sveta is really great in bed, and she's wonderfully fun to play with, plus she's sexy as hell and I could masturbate to just watching her naked.  Mike, I've just done so many fun things with.  He's terrific in the sack and we've always been very compatible from the very first time, but since we both basically grew up fucking, it's hard not to pick him as my favorite.  I mean, I love Dad, and I've loved many other partners I've fucked, but Mike and I have just had the most fun, I think.