Zoe Remains Complicated

 So Zoe came over this weekend and dropped the bombshell that it turns out that her girlfriend didn't know that Zoe was continuing to fuck me and Sveta and found out because Zoe told her when she was breaking up with her because Zoe is still convinced that she's in love with me. See. Complicated.

When Zoe started dating this other girl, we did meet her, but apparently Zoe did not, as she had claimed, tell her about us. She told us that girlfriend was okay if Zoe went out and got some from others, and maybe that's true, but Zoe never told girlfriend that those others were exclusively me (and Sveta) and that Zoe was basically seeing girlfriend in a vain attempt to stop being in love with me.

It should be noted that I knew that Zoe had some feelings for me, but we'd discussed it and I made it clear that while I love her, I am not in love with her. I have never really tried polyamory as such. Most of my relationships have been multiple partners but each with their own degree of love/affection, and only one was the main partner. Or there has been no main partner and it's been fuck-buddies all around. I don't think you need to put labels on love, and I do think you can love multiple people at the same time, but I've never tried living with more than one of them, particularly when I was married to one (well, obviously, since Sveta's my first and hopefully only foray down the aisle).

It should also be noted that Zoe is younger than Sveta, who is already too young for me. I am not complaining about attracting nubile young things to my sphere of fuck-fluence. I really am not. But she's young and it makes me feel guilty, particularly that she's tying herself to me, an old biddy, when she should be spending her youth going out and getting new experiences.

It should also, also be noted that she has no idea about my family, and I'll be honest, I'm not sure how she'd react. She knows I fuck around. She knows that Sveta and I aren't exclusive, obviously. But she's never even really met my parents. She met them at the wedding, and that's it I think. She's never read this blog (and never will unless things change drastically) And obviously I couldn't keep a secret that big if she were to become someone I really love and care about. I couldn't.

I don't know how I managed it with Sveta. She's one of a very few people I've ever told about my family life (present company excluded, of course) and she was not only okay with it, she wanted to join in. Further sign from the universe that she's perfect for me. I don't get that from Zoe. Maybe I'm just looking for excuses.

So, needless to say, she was prepared for me to be pissed off about this. Not that she loves me (we've talked about it, as I said) but that she was lying. And I told her straight out that I wasn't happy about that, but that I couldn't make her decisions for her, and that I just wished she'd been honest with everyone so no one would get hurt.

And then she said that being honest would have meant she got hurt, which I'm not totally sure I buy, but I accept as something she believes. I don't want Zoe to get hurt either. She doesn't want Sveta to get hurt, but Sveta was just like, "Whatever, not my circus, not my monkeys." So that went better than I expected. I talked to Sveta later to make sure she didn't have a problem with it and she said that she really didn't, but if Zoe thinks Sveta's going to let her muscle in on her territory, think again. It was incredibly hot that she got possessive like that. Not going to lie.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

So we talked some more and I tried again to make it clear that I didn't think that Zoe and I could have a relationship like that. That she should find some nice person, girl or guy, to be with who will accept that Zoe likes to sleep around a little, maybe join in. Sveta and I would happily do some foursome swapping with Zoe's significant other. And Zoe agreed and said all the right things and pretty soon was making out with me because I'm not good under pressure and she is hot.

She whispered in my ear that she wanted to eat Sveta out while I fucked her from behind, and I told her to say it louder because Sveta needed to hear, so Zoe got all red in the face and stammered, "I, um, wanna lick you while Lexi fucks me." Sveta giggled and pulled off her bottoms and spread her legs, and I had to leave that vision of loveliness to hunt down a strapon, but you can bet I was motivated to get into it as quickly as possible.

Sveta was already well on her way by the time I got back and pulled down Zoe's panties. Her cunt was dripping, didn't even need lube on the dil, and pressed into her slowly but firmly until I was all the way in, then eased back out, all the way, teasing her a little, until she was moaning into Sveta's cumming pussy, begging me to fuck her hard. So I fucked her hard from behind. Sveta got finished and went to clean up a little, and I felt like kissing, so I rolled Zoe over and mounted her missionary, something I don't do as often as you'd like, given my predilections for that position. We were making out hard, hands on flanks, on asses, on tits, while I slowly and firmly fucked her with my strapon, feeling the base rub against my clit, getting me closer and closer

Zoe didn't announce her orgasm because we were just too into each other, but I know she came at least once before I pulled the strapon off and started tribbing, our wet pussies rubbing together. Zoe likes penetration like I do, so this isn't something we do, normally, but over the course of the Quarantimes with Sveta I've perfected my technique and I really enjoy the feeling of closeness you can get.

I was all set to cum when Zoe moaned, "Oh fuck, I love you so much! I love you I love you Lexi fuck I love you." Or words to that effect. I almost stopped dead. She's totally not over me. But I was so close and I was so hot for it that I just let it slide, muttered, "Shut up and cum baby," and planted my lips on hers to keep her from embarrassing herself further. Well, not embarrassing. I don't know. Incriminating? Whatever.

I didn't cum as hard as I thought, probably got taken out of the moment, but I came and she came and we came and I tried to just ignore what had happened. We enjoyed the afterglow wrapped up in each other. I think she enjoyed it more than I did. I don't think Sveta heard her.

And the thing is, I realized that I'd never done that with Zoe. It had basically just been Sveta for the longest time. And I felt really guilty, which was part of the reason why Sveta and I talked after Zoe went home. And we wound up fucking, because as I said it was super sexy to see Sveta get possessive, since she's usually not at all possessive. We were pressed against each other, body to body, wrapped up in each other, sort of rubbing pussies across the tops of each other's thighs, and then when she got close I moved myself so her lips were touching mine and felt the warm rush as she came, which made me cum, and it was totally different and I don't know how to tell Zoe that.

I love Zoe like a sister, which is saying something, like a kid sister who I don't want to lose. But I don't love her like Sveta. I love Sveta in a way which I didn't think I was capable of for so long. She fixed that part of me. Zoe is a great lay, and she's a nice girl, and I just love her like that. But she obviously loves me in a different way, and someone's going to get hurt because of that.

Anyway, that's the latest in news about Zoe. You may hear more from her because she's one of the few people we currently trust enough to associate with in a highly physical way. But maybe not, because it might get boring to hear the same stuff over and over again. Feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think.

TMI Sexy Again

I mean, it's not really TMI because I have very few limits on sharing my sex life, as you all know. But I figure you didn't come here to read about my deep inner life, you came here for the sex, so I'm going to try to keep these TMI posts to a more sexy nature at least until I get requests or questions from someone other than a blog from 3 years ago.

Which animal listed below represents your true sexual self?
a. Chipmunk – cute and cuddly
b. Monkey – all about being mischievousness
c. Tiger – I’ve earned my stripes

I mean, I can be all of those things if you ask me nicely, but unless I'm feeling very subby that day, you're getting the tiger. I know what I'm about.

Your partner is in the mood for sexy fun and you are tired – what do you do?

Fortunately this doesn't happen very often because Sveta and I know each other's schedules and tend to respect sleep time. And, honestly, it's much more often me who wants to get frisky but Sveta is tired. I don't mean that in any way other than that, for her to catch me when I'm tired, she'd have to try to wake me up in the morning or something, and that's not happening, we both know that. I stay up later so if I'm in the mood in the evening, I'm more likely to run into her sleep time than the other way around. But I can honestly say that, when it happens, it's easy enough for either of us to take a rain check. No sense in wasting sexy time on someone who doesn't want it, even if they're willing to take one for the team. 

In previous relationships, particularly with guys, I would most likely take one for the team. Not that I didn't consent, just, "Ok honey, just don't expect me to be too into it tonight, huh?" I don't mind being a hole to fill, and I'm pretty easy to get off so it doesn't usually require much from me for both of us to get ours in any case.

Which of these sexual descriptive labels closely matches you?
a. Dominant
b. Submissive
c. Top
d. Bottom
e. Switch
f. Kinkster

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what some of the finer distinctions here are. It's not my lifestyle so I'm not up on particulars. I'd say I tend toward submissive with guys, but that's often because that's what they like. I'm definitely a bit dominant with Sveta, but that's what we like, and it's not written in stone; if she's feeling like being the big dog, I'm proud of her and will let her fuck me any way she likes.

How do you and your loved one connect?

Sexually but also through humor. And we like to sing together sometimes. And we finish each others... sandwiches! And we do weird shit together. Not weird sexual shit, just random weird shit. We have fun.

Who in your life do you wish you’d met sooner?

I'd say Sveta but I'm already in trouble with ages and if I met her when she was any younger I'm not sure she would have been ready to meet me anyway. So that's out... Except in my fantasies. She knows all about those. That's why she has those panties.

How about the queer part of me. I wish I'd understood sooner that being queer was more than just liking guys and licking girls. I think I missed out on a lot of relationship stuff with other women because I always put them in the "friends with benefits" camp and not the "legitimate romantic partner" category. Hell, I almost missed out on Sveta. I could have kept pining for the unattainable guy and not met my soulmate. So I wish I'd met some of the people who've helped me be more "out" about it sooner, I guess. I don't know.

Have you ever won a medal for a sports activity? What sexual activity are you sure to win the gold?

I think I got a participation trophy the year I played soccer in grade school, something like that. I'm not good at sports. I don't hate them, but I'm not good at them.

If I were going to the Sexual Olympics though, I'd compete in either taking anal or giving head: mixed doubles. I may not be the greatest blowjob or the greatest pussy eater, but I think I'd do quite well if I had to be the best all-around athlete in oral. And I take anal really well, but I bet Sheri would beat me. Girl's got an ass that knows no limits. Maybe I'll stick to oral. I fuck well, and if there were some kind of decathlon for fucking, sucking, foreplay... I can't think of ten separate events, but if there were a decathlon to determine best all-around sexual athlete, I might hold my own there.

What is the most annoying thing to you during foreplay or sex?

During sex, phony noises. I know sometimes I've been faked, and I didn't know, and thus those noises weren't phony, but if you're faking it and I can tell, it just takes me out of it. Dirty talk if you're no good at it does the same thing. If you sound like porn, it'll probably bug me a little. It's okay; I know there's a lot of pressure to perform and maybe it worked with your last partner. I don't usually hold it against my partner, but I might giggle.

During foreplay with guys, and I count blowjobs as foreplay, grabbing my head and forcing things. If I beg you to fuck my slutty mouth, that's one thing, but if you don't trust that I know what I'm doing, I'm going to back the fuck up and politely tell you to mind your business while I mind mine.

During foreplay with gals, probably the grabbing thing too, although I have less of a problem with it if it's in the throes of passion. If I'm making you cum and you can't stop and don't want me to stop and you happen to grab my head to make sure I don't go anywhere, that's hot. But if we're just starting out and you get handsy, I'd prefer if you just tell me rather than pushing.

Basically, fake noises and grabbing when it's not necessary are the big nopes for me. They won't end the encounter but they'll make me come up for air. Anything worse is rape-level, and anything less is minor shit that I can deal with.

Tell us something you really wanted to do but let someone talk you out of when deep down you wanted to do it?

I've talked myself out of getting my ass fisted a couple of times. It's for good reason, but there's a part of me which really wants to try it. I might, one day. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. It's a big hurdle.

As for other people talking me out of things, I don't tend to be the one being talked out of things, oddly. I talk myself out of most stupid stuff, and the rest I do whether someone else thinks I should or not.

During sex are you more orgasm-centered or going for an all out enjoyable experience with connection?

It really depends on the partner. If I'm in it for myself, I'm all about the O, but if I want the connection I'm all about that. Sex is, mostly, better with the connection, even if it's connection with a one-night stand, but I'm not proud and I have had sex solely for one or both of us to cum. Sometimes it changes in mid-stream; I can be having a fine time, connection going well, and then something happens and I just want it over and done with. Or, conversely, I can be in it to win it, and then hey, my partner is nice and we're suddenly having a much better time than a random hookup in a closet.

When was the last time you sought to introduce new activities in the bedroom? What did you want to introduce? Did you and your lover do the new sexual activity?

Not new, but we've been doing a lot more ass play recently. We started because neither of us had had a cock up our butts in far too long, and then we were just enjoying it and hoping for anal, and then the world decided that, just kidding, maybe we should all go back to being careful, but we're still doing it. We like double dilling between our asses ass-to-ass with fingers. We've tried to get our anuses to touch but our butts just don't work like that, but we do enjoy the feeling of our cheeks rubbing and bumping. 

I've been trying to work a little DP into Sveta's regimen. She's not a DP virgin but she's a novice, mostly because she wants two guys and that's harder to find. But I have fucked her silly with a strapon while she's got a fairly sizeable dil in her ass. She says she's not ready for me to fuck her ass with a dil in her pussy, not without more practice. Again, we were working on it because she was totally out of practice and it seemed like maybe, just maybe, we'd be able to capitalize on our efforts, but now... it's still fun to practice.

If you could choose your partner again, would you choose the same person?

Hell yes, and not just because she'll read this.  Sveta is great for me. I hope I'm as good for her.

When it comes to discussing your sex life, who do you confide in more than anyone else?

I mean, Sveta and I discuss sex a lot, but if I'm talking about my total sex life, Mom and Dad hear a certain amount of it. Family, I guess, would be the simple way to answer. I talk about sex with Sheri plenty too, when I talk with her, but it's usually more on her side since she still manages to outdo everyone else I know.

TMI Sexy As Usual

What is sexy time to you?

Time that involves arousal. Not necessarily sex. I'm okay with being teased if I'm somewhere where I can't act on my desire.

Who’s sexier–women or men?

Women by a country mile. Sorry guys, you're just not as fun to look at. I love you, but I will ogle girls until the day I die, probably from ogling girls.

How did you learn to masturbate, and how old were you when you first succeeded?

I think my parents taught us the rudiments of masturbation when they taught us everything else about sex, but I never really tried it until I watched my sisters do it and got some pointers from them. I don't recall anymore whether I "succeeded" the first time. Although what is success in masturbation? I didn't turn myself off.

Do you like taking naked photos of yourself?

I don't but I have. I'm just not a picture person.

What is your biggest sexual fear?

Farting during anal.

No, only kidding, that's a minor inconvenience. My biggest fear is probably that I'll be thinking I'm doing great, that my partner or partners are having a fantastic time, and they'll be judging me and judging me harshly. And then, after it's all over, they'll give me cruel critiques. It's maybe not a terribly realistic fear, but it's a big one.

To you, what does the ideal penis look like?

Inside me? Foreshortened? I'm not sure there is an "ideal" penis. I guess with a nice head, no preference about circumcision, a thick shaft, long enough but I'm not as picky about length as I am about girth. Curving slightly up. Left or right is no biggie, but I guess I'd prefer neither, just a gentle upward curve.

What type of clothes make you feel sexy?
a. a specially selected casual outfit
b. lingerie or silky pajamas
c. elegant, dressy evening clothes
d. anything that leaves me almost naked

Lingerie. Or just underwear. I feel sexiest when I'm covered but teasing.

Which do you prefer?
a. pillow talk
b. sexy texting
c. love notes

Pillow talk. You'd like I'd like textual stuff, but being able to pillow talk is best.

Which do you do best?
a. pillow talk
b. sexting
c. writing love notes

Sadly, I probably am best at sexting, something I don't really do much.

You been granted just ONE of the following in your favorite city/place in the world. Which would you choose and why?
a. 24 hours of romance
b. 24 hours of lust (intense, overwhelming sexual desire but not acted upon mixed with enthusiasm for life)
c. 24 hours of sex

Give me the sex. Sorry, boring answer, but no matter where I am, I'll take the sex.

How do you tap into your sexiness?

Clitorally. Really, I tap into my sexiness by dressing for the part I want, sometimes. If I wear cute underwear, even if atop it I'm wearing a business suit, I feel sexier just knowing what's underneath. Other than that, I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I probably do other things too.

Which is better–your digital sex life or your in-the-flesh sex life?

I love you all but my in-the-flesh sex life is always better because my digital sex life is mostly just a recapitulation of my in-the-flesh sex life, minus stuff I've already talked about a thousand times. Like, Sveta and I fuck all the goddamn time, like lesbian rabbits on shoreleave, but I don't put it in the blog every time it happens or I'd have no time to actually do it.

TMI Relationships and Self

Is falling in love effortless?

I don't think so. You have to figure out whether it's happened, for one. But that might just be me. I've never felt like it was "falling" in love as much as it was "blossoming" in love. You have to nurture the blossom. That's precious, but it's the best analogy I can think of.

Is your significant other most like your mom or your dad?

Sveta's more like Dad. They're both smart but less annoying about it. Mom and I... well, see next answer.

Which parent do you identify with most?

My mom, oddly enough I guess, since she's decidedly not like my in many ways.

What one thing are you lacking that you believe will make your life run smoother?

Holy shit money money money. I'm sorry, I'm really not dropping hints about my plans to join OnlyFans or something (I promise, I will never charge money for this blog even if it seemed like it might actually be worth money to someone), but anyone who can't honestly say that money would make their lives run more smoothly is either lying to you or needs to be taxed heavily. I'm not talking about millions of dollars, I'm just saying that if I have a steady income which would keep me and Sveta and those we love from suffering from lack of money, that would make a lot of things run more smoothly.

Which is sexier: constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

I'm not sure either are sexy. There's a difference between being adventurous and pushing boundaries. Boundaries should be respected, sexually. But by the same token, playing by the rules isn't particularly sexy either. I'm probably more attracted to safer people at this point in my life, but that doesn't mean I find safe sexy, it just means I prefer it to the alternative.

Do you think confessions make a relationship stronger?

I think good relationships don't involve things which, when confessed, would hurt the relationship. Obviously that's an ideal. I don't think confessing something which will hurt your partner or damage the relationship is necessarily going to make that relationship stronger, which seems almost tautological when I type it out like that, huh? If you're confessing things which you'd never told anyone else, but which aren't things that will hurt the relationship, it can make things stronger, but by the same token it can start to feel like you're holding each other's secrets hostage for the relationship. I don't know. I know I've made some relationships stronger by revealing aspects of myself, but I'm not sure that's "confession."

If you could change one law of your country, what would it be?

Incest legalized. No, probably not actually. I'd probably do the right thing and give us socialized medicine. But legal incest would be tempting.

Are you a starter or a finisher?

Starter. I mean, assuming we don't mean in bed. I feel like I've answered this one before.

How do Mondays feel for you? What about Tuesdays?

My life doesn't tend to care overly about what day of the week it is, so Mondays often feel like just another day to me.

What scares you about your future?

The level of uncertainty. Anyone who says anything else is selling something.

What do you wish you cared less about?

Appearances. I wish I were less shallow and influenced by mass media. This isn't a selfless wish either; I wish I could be attracted to more people more easily because I want to have as large a pool of potential partners as possible thank you kindly.

Random New Position

This is totally random, but I just saw a drawing of a MMF threesome where the two men were basically ass to ass, lying on their backs, and the girl was side-saddling both of them at the same time, and it's a style of DP I've never seen before, and have definitely not seen in real life. It seems like it would be awkward, but it's a position I haven't tried and you know how I am about trying new positions unless they just plain don't work.

I like side-saddle, even though it's hard to make work sometimes. And I could see having side-saddle both ways would be a lot of fun. Has anyone ever seen this in the wild, or done it themselves?

For that matter, are there any positions I've never talked about that you think I should be aware of? I may be aware of them, but maybe it'll jog a memory or something. Comment, or email at lexinaughtygirly [AT] gmail.com.

Update: apparently this position is called the King of Clubs DP, at least according to this fascinating guide to DP positions I found. Boy, there are more than I thought, and some of them seem achievable by people who aren't yoga masters or gymnasts. I'll have to keep them in mind.

TMI Assorted Nonsense

Picture the child you once were, what did that child do very well?

My imagination was pretty good as a child. Also I was pretty good at learning things. I don't think the latter has decreased much, but the former... well, a child's imagination is a wonderful thing but I'm not sure it's possible to have a childlike imagination without being a child.

What are you really good at now?

Sex. I mean, I'm not going to brag, but I'm decent. Beyond that, I'm still pretty good at self-education. I grok computer programming pretty well too, even stuff I've never seen before. I wish I felt this way about myself outside of my rational mind.

Did you ever expect love in return and not get it?

Yes. I've fallen in love with a few people and it wasn't reciprocated. That's not so bad as falling head-over-heels in love and the reciprocation comes with all kinds of conditions and problems and it's just on the whole a terrible idea and yet I still loved him madly.

Who do you need to get in touch with because it has been so long?

Too many people. My species of brain illness leaves me extremely open to having this happen.

What are your thoughts on this: “Every woman deserves her special day. I get that. But does it really have to cost so much fucking money? I mean, c’mon. If you’re serious about building a future with a guy, why bankrupt him?”

Okay, so first of all, why "him?" And if we're going to embrace the patriarchy, the man doesn't pay for the special day, the bride's parents do. I don't know what this is a quote from so without context that's my visceral reaction.

Beyond the viscera, I sort of agree. Weddings cost way too much money. We had a very nice, very cheap party of sorts and it was some of the most fun I've ever had at a wedding, and I think those who attended agree. Blowing your future on one day, particularly when there's a decent chance you'll get divorced and the whole thing will be kind of wasted, seems extremely prodigal to me. But then I've never been your typical girl.

For the record, Sveta's dad ponied up some dough, as did my parents, so the brides' families did pay for our wedding, I guess. Hooray for the patriarchy.

Are you a starter or a finisher?

Starter. Except in bed. In bed I'm a major-league closer with a 0.0 ERA. When they call me up from the bullpen, they play Taps. I finish like tung oil.

When did your heart last ‘skip a beat’? Why?

I can't recall exactly when, but I described Sveta as "my wife" to someone and it still sends me a-twitter a little.

What does your perfect day look like?

Well, the sun would remain down until I was ready to get up and not before. I would awake to a bevy of attractive people of all genders offering me breakfast, sex, and large-denomination greenbacks. Sveta would get to enjoy all this too. Then we'd go to a used book-and-DVD store where I could select anything I wanted, then a leisurely few hours in a pool or a private beach which magically had been made so that the sun couldn't burn me. Then dinner at an all-you-can-eat buffet of exciting foods I'd never tried before, followed by returning to my mansion for a night of debauchery with my harem.

And while I'm dreaming, I'd like the US Mint to issue me a free pass to collect as much filthy lucre as I desired for the rest of my life. I don't need phenomenal cosmic power. I just need a little moolah.

What would you call your autobiography?

I mean, I'm writing it right now and it's called Lex-Ploits, which seems fine, although I've never admitted that that's my real name. I suppose if I got famous enough to warrant an autobiography I could also assume a nom de guerre. Not that I need one. Maybe. You'll never know.

How does it feel to be photographed?

I have to say, I don't love it. I never like the way I look and while I don't believe it's stealing my soul, I do think that people put too much stock in image over substance. I prefer bas relief anyway. Get carving, slaves!

If each of your index fingers could spew a liquid for the rest of your life, what liquid(s) would it be.

This is a fun one. So no, I wouldn't have my fingers spew lube for the rest of my life or something in-character like that. Frankly, lube is cheap. I think I might go for chocolate milk on one hand. In this scenario I can make this chocolate milk completely calorie-free without sacrificing any taste. And then the other, the perfect magical hot sauce which wouldn't make my stomach acidic. Magic. You can't stop me. But spewing... I think I'd like a slower flow than "spew," but on the other hand it's a hell of a party trick, plus I could fend off attackers by spewing hot sauce into their eyes.

If you could talk to everyone in the world for 5 minutes, all at once, what would you say?

"I am the Lord your God! I have made Lexi my representative on Earth. Whatever she says goes." After that, I'd probably make some new commandments.

What? I would make an excellent god. And being able to talk for 5 minutes to everyone in the world is godlike power, so why not play the hand you're dealt? What else am I going to say? I know, not everyone would buy it, but enough people would that I'd at least be in charge of a fairly devoted group of worshipers.

I guess phenomenal cosmic power is tempting after all.

What is the best perk of your job? What is the best perk you have ever had at any job?

My current job: access to random areas of the building in which to make hanky with the panky. Of any job? Access to the costume shop for costumes in which to make hanky with the panky. I really haven't had jobs with great perks. I suppose I could say, "Health insurance," but that wasn't really a perk. God our healthcare system sucks. 

Just how naughty are you?

Fair to middling. I'm no naughtier than the next gal, assuming the next gal is my sister Sheri. I don't know. You tell me: how naughty am I?

Eggs

I remembered something worth sharing about the Quarantimes (Phase 1? I'm not sure we ever really finished the first iteration of it, we just... whatever).

Easter has never been a huge deal in my household, as I think I may have mentioned in the past. We used to go up to Aunt Jenny's for Easter but with her gone, it's usually very low-key. I've told some stories in the past about various fun activities we've tried, but mostly it's just an excuse to eat some chocolate and maybe fuck, in that order.

Sveta's family has always been more into Easter, and so for a few of the years we've been together, she's gone home, even though it involved going home. I obviously wasn't invited to some of them, and then after we got married, well, her step mom is a bitch and I can't stand being around her, so...

Anyway, all of that is to say that she was feeling somewhat disconsolate during the first Easter where we couldn't do anything but sit around the house, and then when another Easter rolled around and we still couldn't do much of anything, I knew I had to find something to entertain her. We had ham and traditional crap, some Easter candy, and then I unveiled my surprise; a stone egg pelvic floor exercise ball.

I've never been one for balls like that, but it was too perfect for Easter, machine-washable, pussy-safe, all that jazz. I couldn't find a squishy one I liked for cheap enough; that's what I really wanted to get, because it feels amazing when you squeeze one inside you. But the stone (I think it's either granite or quartz, not that I'm a believer in putting crystals up your vajay) one was pretty, cheap for some reason, and I enjoy the idea that we can put it out innocuously and people will probably handle it without knowing, because I'm a sick monkey.  Also some people will handle it knowingly.

I also, God help me, bought a pair of extremely cheap buttplugs with bunny rabbit tails on them.

Sveta was sufficiently amused by the ridiculousness of it all that she forgot about feeling bummed out that we were trapped indoors for a second consecutive Easter. She wanted me to try out the egg first, but I told her it was her present and she was the one who liked Easter so much so she got to be the first Easter Bunny.

Suffice it to say that she had a bit of a time handling both a bunny tail buttplug and a fairly heavy stone egg in her cooch, so there wasn't much hopping around at first. Hell, I couldn't really hop unless I held my hand over my nethers to do so. Not a practical exercise egg for most, I wouldn't say. But we had fun dropping it dripping out of us and then sticking it back up and giggling and dropping it again because we couldn't help it.

We gave up on the egg pretty quick but we did enjoy keeping the plugs in for a while, until I said something about fucking like rabbits and so I got to be the big buck bunny, pulled on a strapon and fucked my doe hard until she was begging for mercy. Then I was gentle tongue and fiddly fingers until she came, which popped the buttplug out. They're really much smaller than we're used to, but I figured it would be hard enough to work with the egg so I underestimated a little.

And then she ate whipped cream off my pussy while I came and came. That's as close as I can get to squirting, really. We don't usually stick the nozzle in, she just licks it off my lips and clit and that's more than enough.

If we're forced to spend another Easter alone, I'm thinking of investing in a wireless vibe egg. I don't really have the money, but hey, life is short.

Also, I'm sorely tempted, no matter how stupid the idea is, to shove hard boiled eggs up my cunt. Someone talk me out of it please.

Updates

Well, if you were hoping for sexy work stories, I'm afraid I'm probably going to have to postpone those for a bit, because while I am back on limited hours, my place of work is enforcing masking for anyone in the building including vaccinated people. As I now know far too many people who have managed to come down with Delta despite being vaccinated, I support this, but it does put a damper on my romantic agenda, not to mention the fact that the limited hours means very little time to even ponder sexy shenanigans let alone act on them.

I'm also having to be more and more careful with stranger fucking, so I wouldn't expect a whole lot of that in the pages of this blog for the foreseeable future. I started up again thinking that I would be able to get back in the saddle, so to speak, and that was definitely the plan, but it was wishful thinking in most respects. Believe me, there hasn't been anything happening which I haven't told you about that involves strange men. Or even familiar but less-so men.

On the plus side, I owe a  certain teenaged boy a birthday present and we've discussed it all around and I think I know the perfect thing, so hopefully that will take place soon. And there are some other things I just need to figure out logistics for. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe you'll just get a bunch of trivia posts until the lights actually come on again all over the world. Who knows when that will be, so please, ask questions yourself if you've got them. My email is lexinaughtygirly[AT]gmail.com and I can't guarantee instant or even any response, but if you ask a good one I'll probably answer it on the blog.

Other than that, everything is fine. Trivia posts are in the pipeline, but that doesn't mean I'm missing again.