Video Surveillance

I've mentioned previously that I don't shit where I eat if I can at all avoid it. Don't dip my pen in company ink. And then I've told stories which totally give the lie to this statement, but they were extenuating circumstances like we weren't both actively employed by the same agency, or I was really horny and tired. Do as I say, not as I do, kids.

One of my latest gigs is building some set things for a theater in the area, and while they have a shop area and some tools, it's just a sector of floor in a warehouse. The rest of the floor is taken up with pallets of things and storage for things, most of which don't belong to the theater in question. But hey, it's indoors. I've had to work outside before, and that shit is no fun at all. And the pay is decent. And it's nothing I haven't done before, plus it gets me out of the house and moving around.

Anyway, before I give too much identifying information away, suffice it to say that sometimes I'm in this warehouse with strangers working on other things. Most of them, amusingly enough, are little old ladies. Most of the time I'm alone because I'm working late. But the other day I was working at a normal enough hour, late enough that the little old ladies had gone home but not so late that no one was in the building.

When I work, I get... I know girls aren't supposed to admit this, but I get hot and sweaty. If I'm doing manual labor, it can be freezing outside and I'll be in a short sleeve shirt. And it was unseasonably warm, so I was wearing a tank top. Not super flattering, I didn't think, but it exposes a fair amount of skin. Since I wasn't really expecting anyone to be there but me, I didn't really think about it.

Instead of the little old ladies, there was an older guy there, not old enough to be my father but certainly older than me. He was puttering around doing whatever it is you do with pallets in this particular warehouse, and I didn't pay him any mind, just waved hello when I came in and saw him and started to work. I must stress again that I was not wearing fuck-me clothing in any way, but I was showing off some skin because it gets hot.

I caught him taking a peek. I had bent over for some reason and he was scoping out my ass. Dirty old man. No biggie. I let him look. I didn't do anything provocative, but hell, I ogle, why shouldn't he be allowed to? It's not like he could ogle the little old ladies. I don't know, maybe he does, whatever, none of my business. I put him in the back of my mind and kept working because frankly I've got deadlines to meet and if I were going to personally accost every man who'd ever eye-banged me a little, I'd have no time for anything else. I'm not saying this because I'm so amazing to look at. I'm saying this because I'm a femme-presenting person.

So yeah, let it slide, kept working, but every so often I'd catch him looking out of my peripheral vision. He wasn't getting much of his work done. Getting less and less easy to pretend he wasn't doing it.

Finally, I caught his eye and smiled, not come-hither, just, "Hi, I won't bite." He looked away hurriedly, but he looked back after a second and I was still standing there and didn't look like I was going to kill him, I guess, so he plucked up his courage and came over.

There was incredibly awkward small talk about nothing. I don't need to repeat it. Finally, because it seemed like he was coming on to me a little, I said, "Like what you see?" See, I'm a giver, and he wasn't bad to look at, and tired and horny don't judge me I like older men just fine.

His face got a little red and he started to apologize, and I just said, "It's no problem, really. I don't mind. If you wanted to see more, I'd oblige."

He looked guilty. "Miss, I'm married. I shouldn't be talking like this."

"I'm married too. Nothing says you can't like what you see." See, I'm not a good person sometimes. Because I'm pretty sure that for a lot of people, eye-banging a stranger is just as much cheating on your wife as fucking a stranger. But I'm not the morality police, and I wasn't being tempting, just stating the facts of the matter.

"Well in that case..." he got a little flustered. "I do like what I see."

"And you'd like to see more?"

"I... I would."

It should be interjected at this point what the title of the post should have given away, which is that there are cameras protecting this warehouse. I was warned about them when I started working there. I was also, clandestinely, told where I could go to avoid them. Probably not in the standard on-boarding briefing, but I know people. I make it my business to know all the secluded corners in places. Not just for this sort of thing, but it comes in handy.

But I wasn't about to lead him to a secluded corner, not yet at any rate. I had a nibble but I hadn't really set the hook (I have occasionally been fishing so I know the metaphors even if I am terrible at the actual activity).  "Well, there are cameras around, you know. Can't be too obvious."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." I shushed him.

"What do you want to see?"

"Um... your caboose is... that is, I'd like to see more of your... butt."

I can't say I was surprised. He'd been ogling the ass the hardest. Some days I feel like my ass is lacking, but the adoration he was giving it was a real confidence booster. Calling it a caboose though? Yeah, I thought it was kind of cute, in a weird way. Definitely father-figure language, and you know me and father figures. "I can arrange that. Why don't you go back to work and keep an eye on me."

It is alarmingly easy to let your pants ride down a little when you bend over. Mine rode lower and lower, like I wasn't thinking about it. I was being provocative now, pointing my ass in his direction every time I had to bend over. Knowing that I was driving him a little crazy made me a little crazy. I caught his eye again. This time, he looked right back, and I gave him a smile which was definitely farther down the spectrum toward come-hither.

He sauntered over with a big grin on his face. "You're sure you like what you see?" I teased him, glancing down until he noticed that he was sporting a bit of a protrusion in his pants.

"Oh hell, I'm sorry, it's just..."

"I like it," I cut him off. "But it must be hard to work around."

"If I was ten years younger..."

"What would you do that you can't do right now?"

That stopped him for a moment, I think. He was probably wondering whether he'd died and gone to heaven. Again, I'm not saying this to puff myself up, but come on, he had to have been wondering what the game was, at the very least.

"I would... well, I'd like to kiss those pretty cheeks of yours," he stammered.

"That's all?"

"And... I'd probably..." He trailed off.

"Come on, spit it out, you've got me wondering. Would you, I don't know, whip out that big hard cock and fuck me with it?"

He reddened again, but finally he said, "Yes ma'am, I believe I'd do that."

Now the hook. "I know a place where there are no cameras..." I said suggestively.

He shook himself. "My wife would kill me if she knew I was talking to you like this."

"I'm not going to tell her. I guess you won't either."

"I've never... I mean..."

I relaxed the pressure a little. "Honey, look, it's fine. Like I said, no harm in looking or enjoying it. But if you're not comfortable..."

He was putty. "Hell no, I can't just look. Not with this stiffy. Where's that place with no cameras? You're sure they can't see?"

I figured the best place was actually the unisex bathroom. We met there, after suitable skulduggery. He was nervous but he got over it once he got to pull my pants totally down, then my panties (sensible ones but still sexy), and then he was worshiping my ass. I haven't gotten that level of attention from a man in a while. It felt nice.

"Something tells me you're an ass man," I giggled.

"For yours, yes I am."

"Well, I know what would be a real treat for you then."

"What's that?"

"Anal." He stopped dead.

"You're joking? I've never... I mean, I've seen pornos, but the wife isn't the adventurous type. You really want me to do your butt like that?"

"Honey, I love it. And you deserve a nice time." And I want you to think of me every time you see your wife and wish I were her. I am a bad person, but yeah, there was a little of that.

"What do I do? I mean... I've never..."

"Let me lube you up a little." I was carrying my lube for just such an eventuality, so why not take advantage.

I was kind of glad I suggested lube because he was packing a nice cock. Full, thick, circumcised with a large head. And with anal on the table neither of us needed any further foreplay than a nice lube massage, slicking him up. Then I bent over the sink, gave him a few pointers, and he pressed into my ass quite nicely thank you.

With some encouragement, he started fucking me hard. Like, teeth-rattling, bone-shaking hard. I'm glad we didn't break the sink. I'm also glad no one else was around because I was unable to keep quiet. I was wailing.

It's not that I haven't had it up the ass at all recently, but it's been sparse, and this guy was enjoying the hell out of it in a way which made me enjoy it even more. Feeling the constant thumping pressure on my colon, the slippery in and out, just turned my crank deliciously. I can't cum from just anal, not without some manual help, but the way he was fucking me, I came damn close. I couldn't get my hand between my legs without it getting crushed between my pelvis and the sink, and he was gripping my ass with both hands, so I just got to experience this exquisite tension, begging to be released. I haven't had it like that in forever, honestly. Usually hard and fast in the bathroom means quick orgasms, and my partner was clearly in it for the long haul, so I just moaned a bunch of nonsense and rode the wave as it built and built.

Finally he pulled back and I felt desperately empty. I don't always feel that way, but boy howdy, I wanted him back inside me. "I'm gonna go off," he said.

"Inside me, please!" I begged.

And then, rookie mistake, he misunderstood and jammed his cock into my pussy, and holy shit did I cum. I came so hard that I didn't even know he was cumming.Gorgeous, wave after wave of spasms. I won't say I almost blacked out, but I almost fell on the floor. I haven't cum like that in a while. It was enervating. I didn't have anything left.

There was a bit more awkwardness as we cleaned up, at least as much as I cared to. My asshole drooled cum into my panties for an hour afterward. He seemed like he was suffering from fucker's remorse, probably thinking about his wife, but he didn't think about her enough to avoid asking if I wanted another. And you'll be shocked to hear this, but I didn't think I could take it. I think he was relieved, honestly. Maybe he could have gotten it up again, but his cock didn't look like it was in any kind of shape to do anything about it if I had said yes.

After that, I was walking bowlegged and I decided discretion was the better part of valor and it was quitting time for me, regardless of how much work I still had to do. So I went home and told Sveta all about it. She was jealous, of me not him. Said he sounded like a worthwhile lay, and I think that about sums it up. My wife is the best.

TMI Tuesday

When you have experienced sexual difficulty, how did you overcome it?

If we're talking sexual disfunction, I had to overcome it via surgery. Prior to that, I tried to overcome it by various means recommended to me by doctors who didn't believe I had a problem because women lie about severe and debilitating vaginal and uterine pain for kicks, apparently. It's wandering vagina. It makes bitches crazy. I wish I were joking about what doctors think.

I can't think of another context where sexual difficulty doesn't mean impotence or something, but supposing that this question just means, "You're not having the best time in the sack with this particular partner," I talk with them about it if it matters to me that we continue fucking. If it doesn't matter, I get rid of them. Hell, sometimes it does matter and I still wind up getting rid of them because they refuse to talk about it. But if, say, Sveta and I suddenly started not getting off when we fucked, that would be a conversation.

How do you like to reconnect with your significant other?

Touch. Nothing sexual. If we've been apart, we snuggle.

“It isn’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it.” How do you like to be done?

It varies. I go though my "like an animal" phases and my "sweetly" phases, and sometimes it varies by partner. Right now, I'm definitely in a hard and fast mood except with Sveta, with whom I want sweetness.

If you are married, were you ready for marriage?

Before we got married I would never in a million years have believed I would ever get married, but I was totally ready to do it when it happened. No cold feet, no refusing to commit. That all happened ages ago. I remember reading over some old blog posts and seeing how intent on denying that I love Sveta more deeply than I thought possible I was, and that's not a sign of our relationship being built on lies, it's a sign of me being fucked up and broken. I was totally ready for marriage, not because it fixed me, but because it made perfect sense to do it when we decided to do it. There was no second guessing of the decision.

Consider your current lover and your relationship as it stands. If this person were on a dating app would you swipe left or swipe right?

I... don't know which direction means, "I want to fuck your brains out." Whichever one that is. I mean, come on. I knew that much the first time I met her. I swiped, "fuckable in the extreme" before I even knew she would be open to that, let alone the rest of it.

Have you ever done speed dating? Did you like it? Did you get a real or full date out of it?

I haven't. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing I'd enjoy or get anything out of. Regular dating is hard enough and I hate deadlines.

If your date texts during a date, do you find it annoying? If yes, do you say something about it?

It annoys me because I'm old and set in my ways, but if there's a good reason for it I ignore that part of me. It's like running into someone at a restaurant while you're on a date. If you exchange pleasantries and then get back to the date, that's fine. If you invite them to sit at our table and you spend more time talking to them than you do to me, not so fine. I dislike conflict so I might not say anything about it, but it definitely is points deducted. Not that I keep a running tally of points. Dating isn't a video game.

How do you like to arrange dates–with an actual phone call or all via text messages?

I prefer text because I hate making phone calls.

For a first date, which do you prefer–drink date or dinner date?

I don't want a drink date because that puts certain pressures on me, but I don't know that a full dinner date is necessary either. Maybe like an ice cream date or something. Why am I telling you how to date me? I'm pretty much no longer looking to date anyone.

Did you leave your last love for some one else or no one else?

The last time I thought I was serious about it, I didn't leave, he left me. Had I left, it wouldn't have been for anyone in particular.

Do you enjoy being alone?

Sure. I do some of my best work alone.

Which of these reasons is most likely to spark your motivation for solitude:
a. It sparks my creativity
b. I enjoy the quiet
c. Being alone helps me get in touch with my spirituality
d. I value the privacy
e. I do not feel liked when I am around others
f. I cannot be my true self when I am around others

g. I'm in this picture and I don't like it. 

Only kidding. Mostly. I find being alone does spark my creativity, and I really dislike having people looking over my shoulder, but I don't know that that qualifies as solitude. I can "be alone" to that level when I'm in a different room. I would say that most of these are true for most people. Sometimes I just want a bit of time to myself. Doesn't have to mean cabin in the woods, just that I want to be able to write something, or look at porn and masturbate, or watch something only I want to see. Yes, I still get self-conscious about looking at porn around other people. I don't know.

Have you ever tried to win back an ex-significant other?

Yep. Didn't work.

Okay, in fairness, I've also spitefully "won back" people who thought they were my significant other. I was young and foolish. I didn't want him back, but I fucked him because I knew it would screw up his relationship with her, and all I can say is that she deserved it, I guess, maybe. High school is messed up.

Do you mind if your significant gives or receives harmless flirtation?

Hell no. Hot. Very hot. Even hotter if it's not harmless. Hotter still if she's into them. Red hot if it goes beyond flirtation. I'm not saying I'm looking to be cucked (I'm not even sure what to call a cucked lesbian) but I love when she gets hers.

TMI Tuesday

A dear friend is stuck in an unhappy relationship. What advice would you give to the friend to cope–how can they make lemonade out of lemons?

Holy shit get out of it. Seriously, life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy relationship and try to make do. I don't believe you should have to cope with that. I know, there are kids, shared property, etc. etc. but still. Do you think your kids can't tell that their parents are unhappy?

Do you agree that marriage was a pragmatic institution and in today’s society traditional marriage is not a need but merely a want?

I think marriage is to a certain extent still a pragmatic institution. If you're not married to someone there are a whole realm of things you legally cannot do with/for them. Obviously I'm excluding some other legal relationship you might have. But seriously, when I joke that Sveta and I got married for tax purposes, that's not totally a joke. We might get divorced for money reasons at some point if this country doesn't get its shit together about health insurance.

So I'm pro-marriage for people who want it, but I don't think people who want it are being frivolous. Gay people getting married is important, both to them and their acceptance as well as for legal reasons. Marriage, as far as the law is concerned, is mostly secular and legal. I don't know how one would do away with that aspect of marriage, but if someone figured it out and they did, I guess I'd change my opinion on the necessity of marriage in modern society.

How do you encourage creativity in the bedroom?

We check things out. We read, watch videos, look at ads for toys, that kind of thing. We also talk to other people (and often enough share techniques with those people in more than an academic sense) and use that to enrich our own lovemaking. But there's always more to learn. Seriously, I'm hardly a naif when it comes to fucking, but even I am continually amazed with the variety out there. That's why I think it's vital to fuck around. And I mean both to experiment and to fuck as many other people as possible.

Sexually, who has influenced you the most?

Honestly, I think Sheri might take the cake on this one. She's the one who's most pushed my boundaries. I would say that with guys, I refer back to my dad (sorry Mike, even with you) as a benchmark, but he hasn't taught me as many fun things as Sheri has. It's a narrow race though; I've learned plenty from my family, even Mom.

During sex are you focused on positions or the quality and connection with your lover?

I'm rarely focused on positions, per se. Sometimes I'm not looking for deep love and sometimes I might want to tick something off the ol' bucket list, but usually I'm more interested in quality than position, though I do have positions that, all other things being equal, I prefer. But if sex is just an hour of missionary and it works, that's fine by me. Ok, so an hour is a bit long for one position, but by that I mean that if all I get is one position but the sex is good, I don't care. I might suggest changing positions if things get boring or if something isn't working, but I don't usually mind.

Have you ever dated or slept with a neighbor? How did things turn out?

When I was a kid I fooled around with our neighbor until my parents said in no uncertain terms that I was not to deflower the neighbor boy or his parents would find out and it would get everyone into trouble. Joke's on them though because Sheri had already had his cherry, got bored with him, and passed him on to me. But other than fooling around, some light petting and fingering, and seeing my pussy while he jerked off, I didn't go any farther because I didn't know at that point that Sheri had already had him. When I found out years later I was pissed.

Other than that, unless living in the same dorm counts as neighbors, I can't think of a time when I have fucked a neighbor, let alone dated one.

Have you ever broken up with a significant other then “cheated” with that same person while they were in a relationship with someone else?

In fairness to me, the breakup was totally amicable and wasn't really more than, "I guess we should probably see other people?" "Yep, works for me. Let's just be friends." I can't even remember whether he initiated the "break" or I did. This was at a certain point in my life when I was dating people one at a time, even if I was fucking other people simultaneously. Everyone was informed. I wasn't cheating, mostly.

And then we kept fucking occasionally, because that's a thing I do. No one should be surprised that I have fucked someone with whom I was friends. We remained friends, and we were both occasionally horny, and he'd been fine with me fucking around while dating him, so it was no big thing, until I learned that he had become seriously involved with another girl, who I didn't like, and yeah, I guess I turned a blind eye to that fact and kept fucking him when he felt like it. I'm not proud, but I'm not particularly ashamed either. It was his cheating, and as far as he knew I didn't know, and he never told me. They didn't last, and both he and I drifted apart eventually, like you do. I never told anyone except Gwen, and she was in my camp so that doesn't really count.

Have you ever been in a secret relationship? Why was it secret?

A number of them, secret from various people. Usually because those people either wouldn't approve or I'd get in trouble with them. I try not to do that anymore.

Liam's Birthday Present

Liam had two birthdays back when no one was allowed to visit, and while Sveta and I gave him a bit of a go-around when we were finally able to, he deserved a bigger gift than just the same old same old. And the thing is... let me back up a little.

I've talked with the kid, right? I mean, sure, the constant monkey sex might seem like it would get in the way of that, but I've talked with him. I talked with him via telecommunicated means when we couldn't see each other in person, and while yes, I admit that I spoiled him a little and let him watch Sveta and I go at it a few times, we also talked. About normal teenager stuff, but also about the rather unique circumstances that he and I find ourselves in, having fucked a family member or two.

He never seemed to feel too awkward talking about it with me. I guess the awkwardness wears off at a certain point after you've been balls-deep in a gal. But I noticed that, when I would talk about my mom and Mike, he asked about her a lot but it was awkward. I figured he was still feeling a bit... I don't know, like he fucks his mom daily and that's not normal? I get that. Sometimes even I get a little twitterpated about it. It isn't normal, but then what is.

But it turned out that part of the reason he has been somewhat reluctant to spread his wings and find his own poontang with ladies of his general age range is that the boy has a thing for older women. I mean, who can blame him, right? Don't all answer at once. But also, who can blame him? He's never had a girl his own age, he's pretty hung up on his mom, and while Sveta isn't aged and decrepit she's still old enough to matter.

And the upshot of all this is that, one day, we were talking and he blurted out, "Since you get to do it with my mom, I thought maybe I could with your mom?" Bless his heart.

My mom, as I believe I've said in the past, is a dynamite lady, well worth the effort, and though she hasn't expanded her stable of lovers the way my father has, it's mostly because she isn't feeling as sexual as once she did. Not non-sexual at all, but perfectly satisfied with what she's got. Plus, she confided in me one time that she just feels too old to go looking for a bit of tail, as she put it.

Well, I let his comment mostly slide, laughed it off like a joke, but the wheels started turning. We talked some more about older women, how he likes that they know what they want (not always true, but it is an advantage) and they make him feel like a big man (definitely not always true, but his mom certainly fits the bill here). And as I said, I let it slide from there into something less awkward. And then after I got off the call with him, I called my mom. At that point there was nothing which could be done about it, but I believe her exact words were, "A teen boy wants to fuck me? Why are you even asking my permission? Dad will love it too. He's worried I don't get enough at home."

So things had to wait there, mostly. I say mostly because my mother surprised me by being a horrible lech and sending me some erotic photos. I didn't know the old gal had it in her. I passed those on after testing the waters a little with Liam, and he wanted to call my mom up and thank her by jerking off while looking at them. I told him that maybe he should just write her a nice thank you note.

Fast forward to vaccinations, and we were safe to move ahead with this little plan, except I'd never cleared it with his mom. Stupid oversight. And then things kept getting in the way. But finally, finally the day arrived and all the pieces lined up on the chessboard or whatever that mixed metaphor actually means.

We decided it would be best to do it at my house. Honestly I think Liam was a little intimidated by the idea of my dad, and Kate... I think she was intimidated by the idea of my mom. Didn't want her baby to fuck this other mother in her bed or something. I get it, I guess. Kate's never been intimidated by me or Sveta but that's different I suppose.

Sveta was out, I was really only there to make sure the door got unlocked and then I was going to stay well clear of the bedroom. Not my shindig. I can respect boundaries. Kate dropped Liam off, looking slightly reluctant, like it was his first day of school. I'd talked with her about it, how she was going to have to let him leave the nest a little eventually or he'd wind up being unable to experience the full range of life's experience, that kind of thing. She accepted it, but maybe wasn't totally happy with it.

My mom showed up a few minutes late, because of course she did. I had been on the verge of asking Liam if he wanted me to blow him or something to take the edge off. I don't know, I'm hospitable like that. Plus he has a very nice young cock. Mostly the unselfish motive.

They both looked like they didn't quite know what to do, but I wasn't going to intervene, and finally, bravo for Liam, he made the first move and asked, somewhat shyly, if Mom wanted to go upstairs or start right there. I could see the tent in his pants. Give the kid credit, most teenagers would have been flaccid and trembling right about then.

I suggested upstairs because they could have privacy, and Mom shook herself out of her awkwardness finally and said, "Yes, I think Liam and I would like some alone time," and up the stairs they went.

My house is not big. The amount of privacy you can get in my bedroom is not much. I am a horrible person who was eavesdropping, but only so I could accurately report it later to you, gentle reader. I didn't really eavesdrop much. Didn't catch conversation. They were chatting or pursuing mild foreplay for a while, then the bed started to creak a little, and I confess I did sneak upstairs so I could hear better, for you, not for me. I was certainly not rubbing myself and picturing the two of them.

"Is it okay?" Liam asked. The bed was creaking rhythmically.

"Oh honey, it's wonderful," Mom replied.

"Am I allowed to kiss you?"

"Allowed? Of course you can kiss me." There was quiet creaking for a while, probably because they were kissing.

"Does your mom like it like this?" my mom asked. I came. Not gonna lie. That's a sexy question to hear your mother ask a teen boy in your bed.

"Yeah, she likes it when I go from behind too."

"You want me from behind?"

"Yes ma'am."

"No funny business about my ass though, okay honey. I know my daughter loves it up there but some women don't."

"It's okay. Your pussy feels amazing. I can't believe you..."

"What?"

"I can't believe you had four babies. I thought after that..."

Mom laughed. "If you like older women, you're going to find that we have plenty of life left in us." There was movement, probably my mom assuming the position. "Go on, fuck me like you like. I won't break."

More vigorous creaking and wet slapping noises ensued.

"I'm gonna..."

"Go on honey, you can't get me pregnant."

Liam doesn't make a tremendous amount of noise when he cums, but there were the general cum noises. "I'll be ready again in a minute."

"Oh you young men." Positions shifting. "So you really liked the pictures?"

"Yes ma'am. I... um... can't believe you look like that still."

"I'm flattered but maybe don't try that line with anyone else," Mom laughed.

"Did I do okay?"

"Better than okay. Most boys your age wouldn't last two pumps."

"But you didn't... cum."

"I will if we go again. I was a little nervous, can you believe it?"

"Why?"

"It's been a long time since I've been with anyone new," Mom admitted.

"Did you like it?"

"I'm asking you to go again aren't I?"

There was some more general chat, then Liam asked if he could suck my mom's tits, like she was going to refuse. That led to more rhythmic creaking, and moans, and Mom came, or she said she did. I know Mom's not as orgasmic as I am, but while she might have been playing it up a little for his confidence, I've been fucked by him and I can testify that she probably came.

He lasted longer this time, until she asked him if he needed a break and wanted a ride, and hell yes he wanted my mom to ride him because he's a polite boy and knows when to take a hint. I am afraid that all the women in his life are spoiling him a little, that he'll wind up with a gal who needs different things and he won't know how to react to someone who has a hard time cumming. But that's a worry for later. More creaking, louder moans, and then he fired another load up into the pussy that gave birth to me, which is just about the hottest thing.

Mom needed a break after that, and I think Liam did too, even though he was trying to be tough and act like he didn't. I made myself scarce and they came down naked and glistening. "How was it?" I asked.

"Excellent," Mom said.

Liam looked like he was ready to prove his manhood right there. "Your mom's the best," he said. "I loved it."

"All done?" I asked, mostly to see what reaction I'd get.

"I can go again," Liam practically shouted.

"I need a minute or three," sighed my mom.

"I can keep him warm for you," I offered slyly. That I was wearing nothing but a very wet set of panties to cover my pubis had nothing to do with it.

"Actually," Liam said, looking both shy and eager, "you know what would make my birthday really special?"

Which is how Mom and I wound up lying side by side, holding hands, on the bed as Liam gleefully and fairly expertly ate us both out in turns, then proceeded to fuck each of us, looking down. My mom was okay with that much, and it gave the kid a huge thrill, to the point that he came on Mom's belly and was almost immediately hard again for a fourth time, into me and out again, into Mom and out, swapping us back and forth until I begged him to stick with me long enough to get me off, which he did, then switched back to Mom and finished inside her.

He confessed to me later that he wished I had been his mom, that he could have swapped between his mom and mine. I'm not sure how Kate would feel about that, not right now.

We cleaned up, got dressed, and had takeout Chinese when Sveta came home. I think Liam was almost ready to try for five, but Mom announced that she really had to get going, and so we called Kate to pick Liam up. He's old enough to drive but doesn't have his license yet. Go fig.

So that was an eventful day, and damn if Sveta didn't want to hear all the details and we wound up fucking. And for some reason I was exhausted after that and fell right asleep. I've been keeping odd hours lately. What's new, right?

TMI Tuesday

Lingerie–do you like to give it as a gift or receive it?

I don't give my guy partners lingerie. Sorry guys, I want you naked, hard, and silent. Only kidding, but I don't get the thrill of male undergarments.

Gals, if you're close enough to me that you could expect to receive lingerie, expect to receive lingerie. Even if it's just panties. I like to shop for underwear and lingerie, and if I have the disposable income to do so, I will totally give people undies even if I'm not fucking them.

I love to receive lingerie because I like lingerie.

What’s a good date night movie?

Honestly, for me and Sveta, a mindless comedy. We don't really do rom-coms, we don't really care about romance for the most part, and we're neither of us in a mindset right now which rewards anything deep.

When your partner asks you “what’s wrong?” do you most often say “nothing” when something clearly is wrong? Why?

I try not to do this, particularly if the thing wrong is something that a partner can address, whether it's a problem with them or a problem they can help me deal with. But sometimes I just don't want to burden people, so I say, "Nothing," because there's no point in bringing it up.

The last time you had sex, was it meaningful (making love) or trivial (getting a much needed fuck)?

Sveta and I had drowsy sex last night before she fell asleep. I don't know if it was either of the options; it was meaningful in the way all sex with my wife is meaningful, but we weren't doing it for much of a reason other than that we both wanted some, but we didn't need it badly or anything. It was a garden-variety fuck.

Do you have sex with your eyes open or closed?

Depends. I like to look at some people when I'm having sex with them, but sometimes it's nice to close out the visual and concentrate on the other senses. If you're one of those people who fucks eyes-open, give a blindfold a try. It's not bondage, it's pretty tame, and I guarantee you'll have a different perspective on the sensations.

Is sex with your best friend a dream come true or the worst nightmare?

Dream come true, but that's mostly because you can't be my best friend without sex. Maybe that's not true, but it certainly has been true. I guess you could be my best non-sexual friend, but I think you'd be missing out on part of the relationship.

What do you like the least about sex?

Honestly, sometimes the effort. Sometimes I wish there was a way to just link minds and have brain orgasms like in Demolition Man. Sex can be effort, particularly if you're with someone who takes a bit of effort to get off. Sometimes the journey is the fun, but sometimes you just want to cum, roll over, and get back to your life. In the same vein but more frequently, the cleanup. Sometimes I wish I could just snap my fingers and have all the sweat and scents and cum and so forth just vanish and leave everything the way it was before the act. Since I feel this way about most cleaning, this shouldn't really surprise anyone.

And, lastly, sometimes, rarely but sometimes, the worst part of sex is the emotional connection. That's an odd thing to say, but sometimes I just wish there were no baggage to sex, that I could just go up to an attractive person on the street, we'd both drop trou, fuck right there, get off, then go our separate ways. Animals do it, why can't we?

Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?

I am not the noisiest fuck in the world, but it varies based on my partner and honestly how turned on I am. I moan plenty, sigh even more, but I usually don't shake down the walls with the screams of ecstasy or anything.

How comfortable are you with sex in bright light or daylight?

Well, I'm okay with it, except that I usually feel terrible about how I look. If it's with a new partner, I might even get a little shy. See next question.

Have you ever done a striptease for a lover (impromptu or planned)? Did you enjoy it?

I have. I enjoy it to the extent that they seem to enjoy it, and I've had several lovers whose reactions were underwhelming which, even though I knew they didn't mean it, made me extremely self-conscious. Most of my stipteases have been impromptu, although if I've been given lingerie I might feel the need to model it immediately after receiving it. So I guess if you want me to strip for you, buy a girl some cute panties or something.

Is this statement True or False for you? Explain. "I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged or ridiculed."

False, because I'm not really much for dirty talk most of the time but if we're feeling it, we both do without judgment. Honestly, dirty talk, unless it's really good (and if you have to ask, yours probably isn't) isn't as hot to me as moans.

How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?

I feel great about it, and have given anal to numerous partners. I think I'm a conscientious anal teacher and lover, and unless anal just isn't their thing, I usually get requests for a repeat if that's in the cards.  Obviously I don't have a penis, but I will finger ass, dildo ass, and even these days I dabble in eating ass. I don't know. Apparently the kids have decided you can't be cool if you don't eat ass. Where was I when this was decided?

TMI Tuesday

When was your last bad sexual encounter? Why was it so awful?

I don't have bad sexual encounters much anymore, so rather than try to think back into the distant past, I'm just going to say that sexual encounters where one or both (or more) of the parties involved aren't feeling it are common enough, and that's usually why sex isn't as good as it could be for me these days.

Would you travel for sex? Have you traveled more than 50 miles just to have sex?

Just for sex? Not so much anymore. Time was that I might, although it wouldn't be random sex. I might travel to see someone like Sheri where I knew the sex would be amazing, but that wouldn't be the only reason I'd travel. But yes, I have traveled significantly more than 50 miles just to have sex. I was young and foolish and I really, really wanted to fuck him, and then my car broke down and I wound up not fucking him after all because I had to deal with that in the middle of nowhere. God he was cute though. And I'm pretty sure I could have closed the deal. And then by the time I saw him again he was dating this other girl who was much more his style, and I kept trying to steal him, and what can I say, I'm not proud.

What sexual act or sex position do you struggle with doing?

I still struggle with rimming, even though I do it plenty. Sveta loves the feeling, and I love her, so I've tried to get over my hangups about it.

What social stigma does society need to get over?

Sex being a big fucking deal. I'm not saying it should never be a big fucking deal, but I think we'd all be much happier if we treated sex like an enjoyable activity which means different things in context.

Would you rather:
a. Be topless all the time
or
b. Pantless all the time

This is actually a tough call because I like to cover my ass, no pun intended, when I'm doing things, even if it's just a pair of PJ bottoms. I own a lot of those. I go topless plenty at home. But then I think about having to be out and about with no bra and the sagging and the male gaze, not that I wouldn't get that if I were pantsless but I could wear a long shirt. I don't know. They'd both be rough, and this is coming from me, who is virtually a nudist. I guess I'd go topless just because I like to sit down without making a mess sometimes.

If married, had you slept with any of your wedding guests not including the person you married? How many of the guests had you slept with?

At the wedding, and a decent number. There were a few people there with whom I'd fucked but who weren't invited to the afterparties because they are happily married themselves these days, or because they don't know about all the permutations of my sexual history. I'd say a sizeable minority of my wedding guests have seen me naked, and a majority of that minority got to fuck me that evening.

Weddings again–Ever gone to a wedding and hooked up with another guests?

Not counting my own, yes. I've told stories on the blog about this, in fact, but I can't be assed to look them up. I mean, who hasn't hooked up with a fellow guest at some third party's wedding? Okay, maybe that's not fair. I've also hooked up with both the bride and groom at their wedding. Once (if I recall correctly) both, more than once separately or individually. Yes, there were a few times when that was not nice of me. It is decidedly not my job to enforce strict monogamy on people who are bound and determined to cheat. I should feel more guilty about it than I do, I think.

Do you get along with your partner’s family? Why or why not?

Her father is fine. Her stepmom is not. I don't get along with her stepmom because she's a royal bitch who made Sveta's life hellish and still tries on occasion so to do.

Who in your romantic relationship is usually the first to apologize after a fight?

Sveta. I'm hard-headed. I feel bad about this and I'm working on it.

Why do people say “heads up” when you should duck?

This was a bonus question and I know it has nothing to do with sex, but I thought I knew the answer and then thinking about it I have no idea. I thought the idea was to say, "Look up from what you're doing, pay attention," which has gradually morphed into, "This is a situation of imminent danger, cover your heads and go to ground." Because you can give someone a heads up about something which doesn't require immediate panic, but if someone yells, "Heads up!" you'd best believe my first reaction is to duck and cover.

Seriously though, if you're in a situation where someone might conceivably yell, "Heads up!" and mean, "Something is falling to earth," you should not just duck but also cover. Your hands and arms are good at deflecting falling objects which otherwise would cause head trauma, and broken arms and lacerations heal much faster than brain damage.

Okay, looking it up, the consensus seems to be that "Heads up" originally meant, "Pay attention." So I was kind of right. But now I'm wondering why we look things up rather than looking them down.