TMI Tuesday

When you have experienced sexual difficulty, how did you overcome it?

If we're talking sexual disfunction, I had to overcome it via surgery. Prior to that, I tried to overcome it by various means recommended to me by doctors who didn't believe I had a problem because women lie about severe and debilitating vaginal and uterine pain for kicks, apparently. It's wandering vagina. It makes bitches crazy. I wish I were joking about what doctors think.

I can't think of another context where sexual difficulty doesn't mean impotence or something, but supposing that this question just means, "You're not having the best time in the sack with this particular partner," I talk with them about it if it matters to me that we continue fucking. If it doesn't matter, I get rid of them. Hell, sometimes it does matter and I still wind up getting rid of them because they refuse to talk about it. But if, say, Sveta and I suddenly started not getting off when we fucked, that would be a conversation.

How do you like to reconnect with your significant other?

Touch. Nothing sexual. If we've been apart, we snuggle.

“It isn’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it.” How do you like to be done?

It varies. I go though my "like an animal" phases and my "sweetly" phases, and sometimes it varies by partner. Right now, I'm definitely in a hard and fast mood except with Sveta, with whom I want sweetness.

If you are married, were you ready for marriage?

Before we got married I would never in a million years have believed I would ever get married, but I was totally ready to do it when it happened. No cold feet, no refusing to commit. That all happened ages ago. I remember reading over some old blog posts and seeing how intent on denying that I love Sveta more deeply than I thought possible I was, and that's not a sign of our relationship being built on lies, it's a sign of me being fucked up and broken. I was totally ready for marriage, not because it fixed me, but because it made perfect sense to do it when we decided to do it. There was no second guessing of the decision.

Consider your current lover and your relationship as it stands. If this person were on a dating app would you swipe left or swipe right?

I... don't know which direction means, "I want to fuck your brains out." Whichever one that is. I mean, come on. I knew that much the first time I met her. I swiped, "fuckable in the extreme" before I even knew she would be open to that, let alone the rest of it.

Have you ever done speed dating? Did you like it? Did you get a real or full date out of it?

I haven't. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing I'd enjoy or get anything out of. Regular dating is hard enough and I hate deadlines.

If your date texts during a date, do you find it annoying? If yes, do you say something about it?

It annoys me because I'm old and set in my ways, but if there's a good reason for it I ignore that part of me. It's like running into someone at a restaurant while you're on a date. If you exchange pleasantries and then get back to the date, that's fine. If you invite them to sit at our table and you spend more time talking to them than you do to me, not so fine. I dislike conflict so I might not say anything about it, but it definitely is points deducted. Not that I keep a running tally of points. Dating isn't a video game.

How do you like to arrange dates–with an actual phone call or all via text messages?

I prefer text because I hate making phone calls.

For a first date, which do you prefer–drink date or dinner date?

I don't want a drink date because that puts certain pressures on me, but I don't know that a full dinner date is necessary either. Maybe like an ice cream date or something. Why am I telling you how to date me? I'm pretty much no longer looking to date anyone.

Did you leave your last love for some one else or no one else?

The last time I thought I was serious about it, I didn't leave, he left me. Had I left, it wouldn't have been for anyone in particular.

Do you enjoy being alone?

Sure. I do some of my best work alone.

Which of these reasons is most likely to spark your motivation for solitude:
a. It sparks my creativity
b. I enjoy the quiet
c. Being alone helps me get in touch with my spirituality
d. I value the privacy
e. I do not feel liked when I am around others
f. I cannot be my true self when I am around others

g. I'm in this picture and I don't like it. 

Only kidding. Mostly. I find being alone does spark my creativity, and I really dislike having people looking over my shoulder, but I don't know that that qualifies as solitude. I can "be alone" to that level when I'm in a different room. I would say that most of these are true for most people. Sometimes I just want a bit of time to myself. Doesn't have to mean cabin in the woods, just that I want to be able to write something, or look at porn and masturbate, or watch something only I want to see. Yes, I still get self-conscious about looking at porn around other people. I don't know.

Have you ever tried to win back an ex-significant other?

Yep. Didn't work.

Okay, in fairness, I've also spitefully "won back" people who thought they were my significant other. I was young and foolish. I didn't want him back, but I fucked him because I knew it would screw up his relationship with her, and all I can say is that she deserved it, I guess, maybe. High school is messed up.

Do you mind if your significant gives or receives harmless flirtation?

Hell no. Hot. Very hot. Even hotter if it's not harmless. Hotter still if she's into them. Red hot if it goes beyond flirtation. I'm not saying I'm looking to be cucked (I'm not even sure what to call a cucked lesbian) but I love when she gets hers.