Status Update

I haven't much felt like writing recently because there hasn't been much to write about. COVID is still making it impossible for me to seek out strange and new experiences to tell you all about, and many of the not-so-strange and not-so-new experiences have been curtailed as well. I wasn't planning on this when I restarted blogging, let me tell you.

Sveta and I are fine. My parents and siblings are fine. But I'm at a bit of a loss, blog-wise.

If you've got questions, now's the time. If you don't, I don't blame you, because it feels like I've answered all the questions I could possibly come up with. I might keep doing TMI Tuesday even though I'm out of the backlog I had, so now I can't be choosy and only answer sexy questions. I'm not sure anyone really wants to know what my thoughts on sock colors are, or whatever other inane questions are likely to be included in the weekly TMI, but if you don't want to hear about that, I don't know what to suggest instead.

You can send me links to porn and I'll review them? Do you want to hear more day-to-day mundane stuff? I don't know. I really was hoping to have better things to write about by now. My vagina is going a bit stir-crazy.

TMI Tuesday

When would you seek help from a sex therapist?

I thought about it when I was having my lady-parts problems because I had basically been gaslit by the medical profession into thinking it was something wrong with my mind rather than wrong with my body. Then I thought about it after I had my surgery because I was still kind of in a weird headspace about sex. The main reason I didn't, either of those times, was because I had no idea where to go to seek out a professional sex therapist. They're thin on the ground in my area. There's also the matter of money, not having.

Tell us about your sluttiest act ever.

I'm sure many people can answer this question because they've done one slutty thing in their vanilla lives and it stands out like a sore thumb. And to them, I say, "Bravo! If you're happy with how your life is, sexually, I am not going to judge the fact that you've only ever really done one thing which you regard as slutty. In fact, I mostly hope that you don't regret doing it, because the appellation 'slutty' often has negative connotations. I hope you enjoyed it, whatever it was." Seriously.

However, for me, that was a Tuesday.

I think the sluttiest thing, with regard to how it was viewed at the time, that I can think of that I've done was probably having a threesome in the boys' locker room with two guys while their girlfriends and assorted hangers-on watched, in order to basically win a bet. I felt pretty slutty at the time, and I know the audience thought I was a whore for doing it. That I stole one of the two guys from his girlfriend afterward, just because I could, not because I actually wanted him, adds somewhat to the level of slut.

But I mean, I had a 10 guy gangbang one time. Which my sisters organized. That's pretty slutty too. That's probably beyond slutty.

Have you ever played air-guitar naked?

I used to play air guitar in the privacy of my room, and I was often naked, so yeah, I've done this.

To what song do you most like to play air-guitar either clothed or naked?

I don't play air guitar anymore. I think actually knowing the rudiments of how to play guitar has ruined it for me; that and being self-conscious about it looking silly. I usually play air drums. But if I had to pick a song Bulls On Parade by Rage Against the Machine is a bitchin' air guitar song. You can use the air pedals, you can headbang, it's great.

Are you good in bed? Why?

I like to think so. Certainly I've had few complaints. Why I am is perhaps a matter of opinion and you should probably ask my partners why they enjoy me, but I think it boils down to a few things: lack of inhibitions, communication, and practice. 

It's not that I have no inhibitions at all, but I have far fewer than the average bear, so I'm willing to take a flier on something that might not work, and being able to experiment leads to finding things that do work. I should also mention that I have had the privilege of being in safe situations where experimentation was rewarded, which helps too, but it boils down to a willingness to experiment.

Communication is key to being good in bed, and while I'm not the best at it overall, I'm not scared of it in the bedroom. Seriously, even without the other aspects of me which make me good in bed, communication would go a long way. If you can both communicate what makes you feel good and find out from others what makes them feel good, you can be good in bed too. And there's nothing selfish about being able to communicate your own needs. It's profoundly unsexy to be doing things to another person, hoping they'll work, and get no feedback except them not working.

Lastly, practice may not make perfect. In fact, it probably doesn't unless informed by outside factors. If you have never been taught to do something, practicing it will only make you get better at being bad at it, if that makes sense. So practice, in and of itself, is not the solution. With sex, practice with only one partner, even with the best communication, makes you really good at making that person feel good, so you'd probably be good in bed with them, but not necessarily in general. So the fact that I've had plenty of practice with varied partners means I have a wider set of experiences to draw on.

All told though, I'm maybe not the best in bed ever. I'm not as reactive as some people like, and I do have some inhibitions, despite having fewer of them. I think Sheri is better in bed than I am, simply because she'll do almost anything with anyone, but then if you're looking for someone virginal and innocent she wouldn't float your boat at all. Sveta and I are great together but if you're a guy looking for a certain type of threesome we might be too into each other. It's all relative. I think I'm decent in bed, and I think I can please the lion's share of people in bed, even if I'm not their platonic ideal.

What tactile sensation FEELS Sexy to you?

Flesh. Warm flesh with a little give to it. The feel of someone on my tongue. Flesh with goosebumps can be particularly sexy if I've caused the goosebumps. Cotton-covered flesh of a certain variety. Lace-covered flesh too. Warmth, sometimes moistness (I know some people hate that word but I like it), yielding, cotton, lace.

What are three words you don’t want to hear during sex?

"The condom broke." Not because I'm worried about pregnancy; I'm certainly not now, and I've never been particularly. I don't like condoms much and if I'm in a situation where my partner is wearing one, it's because I don't want to catch anything. Sex where the condom is there to break is a rare enough occurrence for me. I should be more careful, but I'm not, and when I'm careful it's usually for a good reason, so I don't want to be exposed to risk I wasn't willing to take.

Beyond that, "I hate this," probably doesn't bode well for sex,  but I don't think I've ever heard it; not that I'm tooting my own horn, just that it hasn't come up even when my partner clearly wasn't having a good time. "Can we stop?" is something I hear with enough frequency that I know that it's not a good thing to hear, but it's not necessarily a bad thing, and one should always be able to say it. Consent can be withdrawn mid-act, kids. But a lot of times people don't feel comfortable saying it, so if they do, it can mean that they're comfortable enough that it's not the end of the world, even if it is the end of sex for the time being. Sometimes it leads to better sex in the future, sometimes even in the very near future if the thing being stopped is simply an act that isn't working and they want to try a different position or something.

There are things which can't be expressed in three words that I don't want to hear during sex, but those two are the ones that I can think of that are three-word sentences. If, instead, the question is about three single words, any of which I don't want to hear during sex, I would say that "scat" or some variation thereof is probably one of mine, but beyond that, I don't have a pat answer.

TMI Tuesday

What are your thoughts on public nudity or skimpy clothing?

I wish I felt better about doing it myself. Right now I'm having some body image issues which prevent me from thinking that I look good. Not fishing for compliments; it's just a mental health thing

In principle, I think public nudity is A-OK. That's not because I want to see more people naked either. I think a world in which we were less inhibited would be wonderful. It doesn't even have to be sexy. It could just be comfortable.

That said, in the current world, I tend to dress more conservatively than I could get away with, both because of body issues as mentioned above and because my work environment doesn't play nicely with skimpy clothing. If I'm dressing up, I might dress a little slutty, but mostly I just dress up normally. If you met me in real life you'd probably have no idea how big of a sex-fiend I am.

Which of the following best describes you:
a. Exhibitionist
b. Voyeur
c. Keep nudity and things sexual behind closed doors

I think I'm more voyeur than exhibitionist, even at the best of times. It has less to do with my hangups and more to do with the fact that I ogle. I'm certainly not a prude. I have had my exhibitionist phases, including when I had sex on stage (which I definitely talked about previous on here but am too lazy to track down), but even then, I think I liked watching more than being watched.

What is the most revealing outfit that you have ever worn in public?

I've worn some pretty skimpy swimsuits in my time. I also used to dress more provocatively because I could get away with it and it led to propositions that I enjoyed, even if I didn't act of them (and despite what you might think, I don't always accept propositions). I used to own a skin-tight dress which was not made for someone built as tall as I am, which barely covered my ass and made it impossible to wear anything but a thong under it without advertising to the universe what underwear I was wearing. I bought it thinking it would be less revealing, but then a certain someone convinced me to buy it anyway after I tried it on, because, "You never wear anything adventurous anymore." That someone was Sheri. She's a bad influence.

I wore this dress precisely once, to a party, and had multiple hands put on my ass, decided that I didn't really like being groped by random strangers as much as I thought I might, then wound up in a stranger's bedroom being fucked up against the wall with the dress pushed up to my collar bone. The man I was fucking was not the owner of the bedroom. Simpler times. Anyway, I think I gave it away (the dress, not my virtue) after that because I just didn't feel like I could pull it off (wearing the dress, not the dress itself, which lent itself quite nicely to being pulled off).

There are only two types of beaches left in the world–clothing optional and must be clothes-free. Which beach will you visit?

This is a tougher one than you might think because I enjoy ogling girls in bikinis more than I enjoy ogling most people stark naked. I think, all other things being equal, clothing optional is probably the way I'd go because I could be as naked as I liked and see people in all sorts of different states of undress, which I'd also like.

You have just gotten out of the shower to find that your towel is hanging outside on the clothesline. Your house is full of guests. Do you:
a. Call out for someone to bring your towel.
b. Use something else to dry yourself.
c. Retrieve your towel as inconspicuously as possible wrapping it around you at the earliest chance.
d. Take advantage of the sunshine and dry yourself au naturale in your backyard.

It depends on who my guests are. Most people I'd have as guests, I'd just go find a towel somewhere because chances are good they'd be naked too. Or I might ask them to find me one so I didn't drip all over the house. I don't think I'd sun myself naked in the backyard simply because my backyard is tiny and I don't have a privacy fence and my neighbors wouldn't care for me doing that, even if they secretly enjoyed it.

Have you ever skinny dipped or visited a nude beach?

All the time. Honestly, nude beaches are harder to find around here, but I've been to beaches which were unsupervised in the clothing department, or secluded enough that it didn't matter. I've also been in various states of undress on beaches which weren't supposed to allow that kind of thing. And I've skinny dipped so many times I've lost track. I've told stories about some of this stuff on here, and as for any that I haven't, ask me a probing question and I might answer it.

What is the first thing your significant other notices about someone attractive walking down the street?

I had to ask her, but she said she notices people's hips/asses first. I replied that I found that unlikely, since she's never revealed herself to be an ass man, and she said it was because she didn't look at people's torsos while walking down the street because she doesn't want to meet their eyes. I think that's adorably shy, but then I realized that I sort of do the same thing. But then I enjoy hips and asses. Sveta has not laid claim to liking any particular portion of the anatomy more than others, at least not recently enough that I can recall it. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong if I asked her this previously and have simply forgotten.

In what way is creativity just like sex?

Both of them can get you laid? Sometimes it's better to do either of them solo? Creativity produces some great sex, and I think sex can inspire creativity as well, not just creative sex. But honestly, I'm thinking of the Rusted Root song Food and Creative Love. All I want is food and creative love, really.

TMI Tuesday

You have started your own sex themed business. What is the name of your business? What is your specialty service or product? BONUS: In one or two sentences, what is your business’s slogan or motto?

I think I could sell sex toys and solutions, maybe with some advice thrown in. I've tried the various sex-work options and I don't think they're for me, but I could sell people toys and lube and so forth. I don't think I'd be much good at running the business but I might be good at working the counter. I don't get embarrassed talking about sex stuff.

I could also be a sex therapist, I think. Can I combine the two businesses? I'll call it Tea&A&Sympathy and I'll sell bespoke sex toys supplied by ethical producers, porn produced by same, maybe tea in keeping with the name, and I'll offer counseling.

Our motto will be "We're not satisfied until you're satisfied." I feel like I need to be more covert in my naming of the business. I don't know. There's a reason I'm not an entrepreneuse. Yes, that's a word. Shut up spellchecker.

What is eroticism for you?

Eroticism is sensual, not just sexual. It needs to appeal to the senses as well as a libido. Immediate penetration is sexual; an extended make-out with clothes being slowly removed, maybe with underwear staying on, is erotic. A naked woman is attractive, to me, but a woman wearing lingerie which shows her off is erotic. I don't write erotica, I write smut. Well, most of the time. Occasionally I stray into erotica.

You are invited to a kink party, will you go?

Depends on the kink. There are some I'd probably go even if I wasn't that into it, some I'd be all too willing to go, and a few where I'd have too many reservations to enjoy myself so I wouldn't go.

Your lover has tied your naked body down. What do you want to happen next?
a. You get tickled mercilessly
b. You are covered in whip cream and people lick the cream entirely from your naked body
c. Bind, blind, and tease your erogenous zones with an ice cube, feather, candle wax, tongue, etc.
d. A sex toy is used to penetrate you to orgasm

B, followed by D. I don't find tickling to be particularly arousing (it can be erotic) and while being blindfolded can be a real wake-up call to the other senses, I'm not really into pain either. Maybe I'll make my own option and go with the whipped cream while blindfolded, then having my erogenous zones teased but not tickled, followed by release after I can't take any more. This is giving me ideas.

In your sex life, do you go along with whatever your partner wants and needs or when necessary do you handle things to make sure you have thrilling sex?

I tend to be in the driver's seat with Sveta because she's much more sub than I am with women and she has less experience so she enjoys whatever I bring to the table. That said, if she wants something, she gets it. I'm not saying I spoil her, but she doesn't express her desires that often (which she insists is not because she doesn't have them but because I meet them without having to be asked) so if she does, she gets what she wants.

As an aside, I hope this question isn't asking whether I would put my own needs first in order to have thrilling sex, because unless you've got a kink, selfish sex will never be as thrilling as sex which meets both (or all) partners' needs. I'm a broken record about this, I know, but it shouldn't be a "my needs versus their needs" situation. Sex is a partnership.

That said, I have put my own needs first on plenty of occasions. I'm not perfect. I don't do that with people I love, but with others I can be as selfish as the best of them. It's just never going to be as thrilling.

When is the last time you purchased a sex toy? What did you buy? Was it purchased online or at a store?

Sveta and I, as I mentioned in the post about what we did over the Quarantimes (which aren't really over but you know what I mean) purchased a double dil online because our old one has seen a lot of use and was beginning to get floppy.

Back in the day, when I had a fairly popular and well-visited blog, I did get a couple of offers from companies asking for reviews of sex toys, and there was a part of me which was always a little sad that I had to turn them down because I can't give out my address. While we were locked down completely, I could totally have turned this blog into a sex toy review site. But it's not back in the day and I still can't give out my address. 

I feel guilty that we didn't use brick and mortar to get our new double-headed friend. But brick and mortar wasn't an option at that point. Hopefully the sex toy gods will forgive me.

Ready For Fun

My hand slides down over my breast, stopping idly to tease the nipple, though that never works as well when I'm doing it to myself as when someone else is doing it for me. Still, there's something to be said for a nice hard nipple. I lick my finger and return it, leaving a rapidly-chilling trail around the peak. Then, for kicks, I pinch. I'm not usually into pain, but just a little, centered on certain erogenous zones, is sometimes a delightful burst of pleasure.

But I'm overthinking it. Down goes the hand, over the bottom slope of my breast, over my rib cage, down past the belly button, and then resting on my pubic bone, feeling it through the fabric of my panties. Those have to go. If someone were watching, I'd take my time, but as it is, they get shucked with a shimmy of my butt and a slip and slide down my thighs, past the knees, to the floor.

I'm ready for fun.

I can feel the moisture on my labia as my finger flicks the clitoral hood, once, twice, shivers running up from my pelvis to my brain. Flick. Oh yeah. Flick. Oh fuck yeah. Flick. Stop teasing yourself, girly. I can almost hear my dad's voice saying that. He's never been much for teasing and it's rubbed off on my sexuality too.

Now I've got my clit between two fingers, gently squeezing, the shivers coming stronger now, every time I tighten my grip a little. Time to get my other hand involved. Down I go, not slowly this time, until I can feel the warmth of my cunt surrounding first my middle finger, then my index finger as well. Ordinarily I might use a toy for this, but tonight I want the pure tactile sensation.

Squeeze. Dip. Squeeze. Dip. Deeper and deeper, harder and harder. Then curling up to press fingers to fingers through the barrier of my flesh. My clit is out now, playful, not wanting too much attention yet, but enjoying the anticipation.

When my fingers slip together, clamping the clit between them, I almost lose it. Not that I'm ready for that, but accidents will happen. My clit can take a bit more, so I rub downward in circles while my fingers inside me rub upward in short thrusts. There's a rhythm I like that I can usually master, but tonight it's eluding me, that or I needed a toy after all.

Rub. Thrust. Rub. Thrust. I spread my fingers inside me a little, feeling a bit empty still. The ring finger wants to be warm too. It gets its wish. Now I'm rubbing up and down, slowly at first, then faster, as my thrusts from inside get more and more targeted.

When it comes, it's a little strained, like I wanted it too much, wasn't able to wait for it naturally. But I'm in a hurry. And anyway, it's not like I can't ask Sveta to help me out a bit later when she gets home.

TMI Tuesday

What is wrong with dating?

What's right with it? Dating sucks and I think we should just do it like animals in the streets and then if you liked it, you can go to dinner together.

Seriously though, I think the worst part about dating is communication. It takes a while to build up a level of trust and safety where you can safely express the needs that most people have with regard to dating. Like, it's really hard to say, "Hey, I don't really want to date, per se, I just want to fuck." That's just off the top of my head though; there are plenty of variations which are equally difficult to deal with.

It also wouldn't be a bad thing if you found out if you were sexually compatible before you invested a whole lot of time in a relationship. Not that sex is the only thing there is, but for a lot of people, they wind up not being pleased with that aspect of the relationship but maybe liking the person otherwise. Wouldn't it be awesome if you could find that out and then decide, okay, we're just going to be friends?

Yes, most of my dating complaints are sexually-oriented, but not all of them. It's also just really hard to meet people these days. I know, dating apps exist, but... okay, there's this short film that MST3K riffed called What To Do On a Date which is from the 50s and it's all about figuring out places you can go and things you can do for low-stakes dating. We don't really have that anymore, or at least we don't make it plain to kids. Like, the film, from the 50s mind, encourages teenagers to go on dates with multiple different people, shop around a little. These days, shopping has become very hard, and there's a lot of pressure.

I don't know. I don't really date anymore, but when I was sort of doing that, it was tough and I hated it, and I put out like a sailor after a three year hitch.

Is it unreasonable to hope for mind-blowing sex when you have been together for several years?

Absolutely not. Sex should get better as the relationship ages, honestly. Maybe it's not new and exciting anymore, but that should mean that you've learned how to do it better than the early fumbles and attempts. You should learn your partner's body, their likes and dislikes, what turns them on, etc. If "mind-blowing" equates to "new and exciting" only, then you really need to examine your relationship with sex.

That said, sometimes novelty is the spice of life, and there are people who don't enjoy the same routine, even if expertly performed. I'm cosmopolitan: I like the old familiar, not just for comfort but because it's just what I want; and I also like new and exciting. Sveta seems to gravitate to old familiar. Funnily enough, our tastes in food mirror our preferences in the bedroom in that regard. I wonder if it's linked or just coincidence. I'm not all about novelty in everything, and Sveta is hardly a stick in the mud.

A local sex educator is holding orgasm classes–as in how to give an orgasm. Would you sign up to be a student or be the demonstration model?

I mean, there's always more to learn. I cum easily so I'm not sure I'd be a good model, or maybe I'd be a great model, but I still want to learn more about how to give orgasms. Receiving them is relatively easy. Giving them? I would hope that an orgasm class would involve pairing up and getting as much hands-on experience as possible with different partners, not just because it would be hot but because different strokes for different folks.

What’s the word or string of words your partner can say to you that sends you over the edge the quickest?

"Take me now, right here!" There's something incredibly arousing about enthusiasm.

What is the nickname of your partner’s pussy or dick? Did you name it or was it already called that?

I honestly don't have a nickname for Sveta's pussy. It's just Sveta's pussy. Sometimes we joke about tits being called "the girls" or something like that but I appreciate good innuendo enough that a single nickname for any part of the body being used sexually is too limiting.

Is rebound sex empowering or does it leave you feeling lonelier?

I'm not sure it's either, for me. Rebound sex is just a fact of life; I'm not going to go without just because I broke up with someone. That said, it's been a while since I had what could truly be called rebound sex. When I broke up with the significant partner of my younger years, I had some angry fucks with people I probably wouldn't otherwise, and that's not really healthy and it certainly didn't leave me feeling empowered or over him.

Would you rather watch porn every night forever or never watch porn again?

Every night. It wouldn't be much of a stretch.

Do you have a history of promiscuous sexual behavior or wish you had?

I mean, yes. I have been promiscuous even by my standards at times. These days, I'm just promiscuous by most people's standards.

Are you happy with the number of people you have slept with?

Sure. I've been very lucky, and while I could always use more, I'm not sad to have had the number of partners I have. I'm certainly not ashamed of it, even in company where most of my sexual escapades are not common knowledge. When I was in high school the other girls tried to slut-shame me, but it didn't work because I didn't care whether everyone thought I was a slut. They gave up and seethed jealously.

How do you cope with a sex drought?

I masturbate with the best of them. It depends on how long the drought has been going, but it can be anything from desultory rubbing to full-blown date night with myself. This is assuming a sex drought which cuts me off from my usual supply somehow.

When I was having my lady parts issues, I had an orgasm drought but I was still having sex, just not really enjoying it very much. Other than that, I haven't suffered too many droughts which most people would qualify. I've been lucky, as I said.