TMI Tuesday - Macaroons

This is a change of pace from the TMI Tuesday Blog:

1. Have you eaten a macaroon? Did you like it?

Does Manischewitz make wine? Yes. The answer is yes, I've eaten many a macaroon, including some which were made by Manischewitz. I'm not Jewish but I play one on TV. And yes, I enjoyed it and expect to continue to enjoy macaroons. Honestly, the last macaroon I had was from a Chinese buffet, so I get around.

2. Do you prefer a coconut macaroon or the original almond paste version?

I've never had a plain almond macaroon. I've had almond macaroons, but they included coconut. I would probably enjoy a plain almond one.

3. Have you made macaroons? Share your recipe if you’d like.

I don't bake. Plus, if I baked macaroons I'd probably eat them all.

4. To jazz up a basic macaroon–egg whites, sugar, and coconut–which of the following will you add?
a. chocolate
b. fresh fruit or fruit preserved
c. candy
d. cinnamon

Chocolate. Always chocolate. Though almond is a nice accompaniment. I'd try one with fruit in it, I think, I've just never run into one. Depends on what candy we're talking about. And cinnamon? I guess I'd have to try it. But chocolate.

5. Would you rather eat a macaroon or macaron?

Macarons are delicious, but give me a macaroon any day. I think I gave away my feelings on the subject in my answers to the other questions.

There you go. Macaroons! We now return you to your regularly-scheduled smut, I guess.

Flash Fiction Friday Cross-Post

Let's just assume that you've already seen the FFF posted over on the sister-blog. Let's further assume that you have gone to Max's blog to read the other players' takes on the subject. But suppose, dear reader, that you threw your own hat into the ring. Suppose it was the greatest flash fiction a Friday had ever seen. Suppose it blew all other flash fictions, on any day of the week, out of the water with its sheer brilliance. We'd have to stop doing Flash Fiction Friday, of course. And that would be a tragedy for all concerned. So suppose you throw your hat into the ring but maybe handicap yourself a little. Write left-handed with your eyes closed or something. I don't know what would be an impediment to your writing process, but suppose you try that, just to give us mere mortals a chance to compete.

I'm supposing all of this, by the way, knowing that you'll probably just lurk again, which is okay, but why deny your obvious talent to the world? Why not join in? Why not take the plunge? Why not?

Or, if you're not going to do that, at least go to Max's blog and thank him for his weekly efforts, because without him this wouldn't happen, and you wouldn't want that, now would you?

TMI Tuesday - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As always, from the TMI Tuesday Blog. This week's is a good one. I bet the other people who answered have some interesting stories to tell, so you should head over there soonest and read them all.

1. What made the best sex partner you’ve ever had so good?

I'm not sure who the best partner I've ever had is. I mean, the easy answer is Sveta, but she's good in certain ways, whereas Dad or Mike or Sheri or Mari are good in other ways. And I've had them enough times that there have been good times and not so good times, so it'd be an average experience rather than one spectacular time. And then there are the spectacular times I've had, but they were possibly missing elements that make my regulars so much fun.

Let me just lay out a few things which make for a good partner and leave it at that.

Attentiveness: I don't mean that it's got to be all about me (though mama likes when it is, not gonna lie). I mean that they're paying attention to what you're doing. It's easy to get lost in the moment and your own pleasure, but a good partner never lets that get carried away. It really works best when both partners are paying attention, obviously. That way everyone gets maximum pleasure.

In people who have one, knowing how to use a cock: it really isn't about size, so much as it's about technique. Yes, sometimes size matters there, and great technique isn't going to make a tiny cock seem huge, but "big cock" isn't on the list of things which make for a good lover for a reason.

Giving good head: receiving head well is also nice, but being able to give oral well makes for a good time, in my book.

Not having the attributes I'll lay out in the next question: so I don't have to repeat myself.

And then there are just intangibles. Love makes for good sex, but it doesn't guarantee it. Novelty, for me, is a big turn-on, and I will excuse some flaws in exchange for novelty. Meeting one of my kinks of the day sometimes makes for gangbusters sex, but it's no guarantee either.

2. What made the worst sex partner you’ve ever had so bad?

Again, I'd be hard-pressed to pick a "worst" just because superlatives with subjective metrics are difficult. I'll just list some things which make for a bad time.

Selfishness: we've all been guilty of this at one time or another, but if it's a pattern, that partner is going to be lousy. This is sort of the opposite of attentiveness, and I know I said I wasn't going to repeat myself, but this one is a big one.

Lying there like a dead fish: I don't require much participation, but I like to feel like you're present in the room with me.

An overinflated sense of their own skill: this is largely guys, I'm afraid, and it's largely having watched a lot of porn and maybe having partners who either liked things I don't or who were too submissive to tell the guy he was doing it all wrong. Don't get me wrong; I can get into plenty of things if I'm expecting them, or if there's communication, but bragging before sex and then being mediocre makes the mediocrity worse.

Smell: This is a big one, and it's not that I want you to be freshly bathed. I have been put off by the scent of arousal from some people, I'm afraid. Too much fragrance of whatever sort can put me off too. I like clean, but there can be some musk. It really is something that sometimes the person can't help and it's just body chemistry. I don't know. I'm sensitive to smells.

Honestly, Kate's ex Roger dinged a lot of warning bells for me, and I should have never gotten into bed with him, but I wanted to be with her. He's probably the worst fuck I've had that I still remember well enough to mention here.

3. Who was the most physically attractive person you ever had sex with?

Sveta. No contest. She's a hotty. I'm not just saying that because she reads this blog. She'll deny this. She's a stone-cold fox and she thinks she's a 7 at best. But then she claims I'm stunning and I think I'm maybe a 3 most days. Self-image is fun, ain't it?  Anyway, while I have fucked some beautiful people, and I think my father and siblings are perfectly attractive, I have no idea how I lucked into Sveta because she's so far out of my league it's not even funny.

4. How was it?

Better every time. Okay, that's a lie. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's incredible, sometimes it's just good, and occasionally we've had times which didn't work for whatever reason, though that's very rare. When it doesn't work it's usually either that one or the other of us is too tired or that we're trying something and it doesn't work. The former is easily fixed by snuggling and falling asleep, and the latter by stopping whatever weird thing we thought was a good idea and just sticking to the tried and true methods.

But no, it's not amazing every time. It can't be. Sometimes we just basically want to snuggle with sex. Sometimes one or the other of us is in need and the partner fulfills that need without really getting much themselves. Sveta claims she owes me about a million orgasms from the times when I wasn't really able to do anything more than pleasure her, but I'm not counting. That's just what you do when you love someone.

5. Who was the least physically attractive person you ever had sex with?

Probably the guy I fucked for money. I told that story somewhere back in the archives, but short version is that I am not cut out to be a prostitute, I didn't enjoy myself, and he was not attractive at all. He didn't smell too bad, if I recall correctly, or it might have been a deal breaker. Not that I was really in any position to break the deal. This is why sex work is work and workers need unions.

6. Why did you do it?

Because I thought it was a good idea at the time. That's the reason why I do a lot of stupid things.

7. How was it?

As I said, lousy.

I've had sex with men who weren't attractive at all, but I'm less picky about guys. Physical looks in men (or male-presenting people, I should say, I guess) might turn me away at the very beginning, but won't ruin my evening if we get over the initial hurdle and clothes are coming off.

I mention all this because it wasn't the fault of the guy in question that I had a bad time. It was that I'm not cut out to be a prostitute. He was, in hindsight, a perfect gentleman. Had there been no money changing hands, we might have gotten along just fine. My memory of his looks may even be unfairly tainted by the unpleasantness of the situation.

And I want to say that it wasn't because I think prostitution is dirty or wrong. I think sex workers are some of the finest people out there. I just can't do what I love for money. It ruins it for me somehow. Also, I was young and foolish. Maybe if I tried it now I'd feel better about it. But it was a me thing, not a sex-work thing.

Bonus: Describe a bad sexual experience you admit was your fault.

Oh, there have been more than a few. It's usually my fault for being selfish, which means that there are probably times when it was terrible for them but they didn't say anything and so I don't know. I've had enough experience that I can usually tell when someone's not having a good time, but if I don't care about them enough to listen... You get the picture.

That's not a funny story. The funny stories are better. I broke a guy's mother's favorite vase one time, being clumsy up against a wall. It was all on me too. Anyway, it kind of ruined the moment because she was dead and it reminded him of her, and even though we did eventually get back into it, I don't think his heart was in it. I came, and he dribbled cum into my mouth after a prolonged period of struggling to stay hard enough to cum. I guess it wasn't funny then, but remembering it makes me laugh inappropriately. I'm lucky it wasn't an urn. Can you imagine being covered by my lover's dead mother's ashes? I mean, that would have definitely ruined the mood for me.

I've farted/queefed at inappropriate moments and then laughed, which has put off some partners. Sex, for me, isn't a big thing, so I do laugh during sex, but for some people it's a much bigger deal and the fart/queef is bad enough, but the laughter is where they draw the line. I mean, it's only natural for farts/queefs to happen, guys. I've farted on guys' cocks before and it hasn't fazed them at all. But being unable to stop from laughing at it is something I've mostly grown out of, which is good because it makes some people upset, apparently. I do remember one guy who laughed right along with me. He was a keeper. I have no idea what ever happened to him, but I hope he found someone nice, because at the time I wasn't interested in anything remotely resembling a relationship with anyone. We had fun and then we parted ways, and I think he would have been happy to see me again, so I hope he found someone better than me and that he and his partner laugh at their bodily noises together in the bedroom.

Last story: I was getting hot and heavy with this girl in college and we adjourned to my room for some alone time, and I was halfway up her snatch when my roomie Gwen came in without knocking, and I said, "Hey Gwen," like it was nothing, and the girl slapped me and left in a huff. I know it was my fault, but I've never been entirely sure what it was that did it. Was it that I left off pleasuring her to greet my roomie, or that my roomie came in without knocking, or that I didn't immediately spring to this girl's aid in hiding from said roomie? Or something else? I'll never know. I used to think about it a lot, and then I forgot all about it, but thinking about times when it was my fault dredged up the memory, so now you have to share it.

Flash Fiction Friday Cross-Post

Here it is! Here it is! It's here! Here!

Go to Max's and see the others, and please play along with us because fresh blood is fun. It's not difficult. Just do a little word doodle. You'll be glad you did.

Sveta Scores

So Sveta brought home a guy tonight. This has, of course, pissed off Zoe, who refuses to admit that she's pissed off but who doesn't want to have anything to do with guys right now. She's more pissed off that I didn't just let Sveta and her friend have the bed and join Zoe on the couch. Ah well. She's down there asleep, they're in bed snuggled up and asleep, and I'm an insomniac so I'm writing this.

Lest you think that Sveta is trolling seedy bars for booty, this is a guy she knew in college. The craziest part is that they didn't fuck in college. But he was going to be in the area and asked if he could visit, and she was all about that. I think poor Sveta needs some loving from a good hard cock more frequently than she gets it, unfortunately, what with COVID and all.

Anyway, the two of them went out for dinner to catch up, whatever, and I didn't think anything was going to come of it until she texted me at work and said that basically he'd always had a thing for her but hadn't acted on it, and when he confessed that to her she was like, "Oh, Lexi doesn't mind, in fact she'd probably like to share you," which is not something guys dislike to hear, in my experience, so they were going to come home and fuck some and if I wanted to share I should come home too.

Work being what it was, I didn't get home until after they'd already had one horizontal mambo, and he was still building up his stamina for round two, but he was totally down with watching the two of us go at it, which we did quite nicely thank you, to the point where he basically knocked on my butt and asked politely if he could be let in. I deferred to Sveta, who needed cock more than I did, but she said he was welcome to start with me and finish with her. A lady likes to be asked.

He pressed into me with enthusiasm and I went back to eating Sveta out, then after a suitable length of time he pulled out and we shuffled places until he could get into my wife (I love saying that) and I could get some of her tongue. I came on her, not him, but he wasn't bad, just a little one-note. He came in her (for a second time) after a perfectly respectable length of time, and then I licked cum out of her until she finally came.

That got him ready to go again (I admire a man who can handle multiple times) and it seemed like I was going to be a bit of the third wheel in this situation, so I retreated to console Zoe, who as I said is pissed but won't admit it. Sveta was making all kinds of noise upstairs and we tried hard to ignore it and watched TV. Then they quieted down and I went back upstairs and Sveta practically begged me to eat the cum out of her again, which I was happy to do. He was spent for the evening, but three times and for as long as they went is perfectly serviceable, and anyway she was pretty spent too. They were making out and cuddling next to me when we turned the lights out, and I don't know, maybe there were some signs of life on his part and he got it into her again, but I'm pretty sure sleep overtook any attempt.

So that's what's going on tonight Chez Lexi. I might go down in a bit and try to cheer Zoe up sexually. She'd appreciate that. She really isn't being bitchy about it, but it's pretty clear this isn't making her happy.

Return of the Porn

No TMI Tuesday this week because I honestly couldn't think of anything interesting to say in response to the questions. Instead I'm going to share a porn movie that I enjoyed in the hopes that maybe you will too.

https://www.fpo.xxx/videos/403675/teen-free-porn-2021-12-16-leana-lovings-tiny-hipster-nerd-xxx-videos2/

Now I'm not a giant fan of hipster girl porn or anything, but this actress is cute, she's wearing what amounts to a Catholic schoolgirl uniform, and she looks good in glasses. What more can you ask for?

Flash Fiction Friday Cross-Post

It's up. Do what you must. Go to Max's for others or to throw your who am I kidding you're not even reading this.

Okay, fine, now you can go to the sister-site and it'll be true. Then head to Max's for the others or, and this isn't a big ask, to write one of your own because I showed you my tits on spec.

You're not reading this either, are you? You're still looking at my fucking tits. My eyes are up here you know. I knew this was a mistake.

Bonus points if you visited the sister-blog before I posted this and you get the joke. The tits are definitely for you if so.

TMI Tuesday - Imagination

From the TMI Tuesday Blog:

1. Write a 100 word story using the phrase “Kinky love triangle.”

You should never get involved in a kinky love triangle because you're probably fulfilling at least one of the three people's fantasies by doing so. They'll just keep stringing the whole thing along while you get hornier and hornier, and in the end you'll have made them cum over and over again while you get the shaft, metaphorically speaking. That said, when I showed up at my crush's apartment to find her in bed with another man, it stung, at least until she pointed out that two is better than one, and the triangle squared the circle nicely thank you.

2. When was the last time you snapped a nude pic of yourself? Where was the pic taken (e.g. bedroom, bathroom, etc.)?

Honestly, I don't take selfies very often, nude or otherwise. I can't think of the last time I took a nude selfie. I can't really think of the last time I took a clothed, to be frank. I usually get someone else to take pictures of me if I have to have pictures of me. If you'd like to enjoy a nude not-selfie of me, you can do so here.

3. Finish this sentence: I felt overwhelmed with the urge _____ .

I felt overwhelmed with the urge to cum, so I reached into my pants and abused myself until I did, nicely thank you. And that, children, is why I'm not allowed within five hundred feet of that Wal-Mart.

4. Finish this sentence: Using sex as a road map _____ .

Using sex as a road map is a good way to take a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

5. Do you tend to follow your desires and take risks?

When it comes to sex, I'm riskier than I should be. Don't do as I do, kids. When it comes to other desires, I'm practically paralyzed by my inability to take risks. Don't do as I do, kids.

Bonus: If you dig a deep hole through the center of the Earth starting from New Zealand, in what country will you emerge?

Aha! You never specified that the hole be a straight line! Therefore, anything I say will be correct, including telling you that you'll end up two feet to the left of where you started. As long as the hole goes through the center of the Earth, I can't be wrong! So I'll say you'll emerge thinking you should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

Flash Fiction Friday Cross-Post

Does anyone even read these things? My latest is up on the sister-blog, and if you claim I never write poetry anymore, you're in for a horrible surprise. Head to Max's blog to see the others or to write your own, which you really should do because it's more fun with more people, like the sailor said to the virgin.

TMI Tuesday - Change

From the TMI Tuesday Blog:

If you could see two things change about your significant other what would they be?

She reads this blog so I can't be too honest, now can I? Okay, while I love her exactly as she is, I would love to be able to press a button and make her taller for a while, both because it would make certain sexual positions easier and because it would get her to understand the plight of a tall woman. But I wouldn't want it to be permanent because I'm a pervert and I like shorter girls.

Other than that, aside from a few things which aren't going to make it onto the blog, I wish her family were better. I mean, she's got my family now, but I wish hers were less dysfunctional. And that would probably only be solved by certain members of said family disappearing, so it's unlikely to happen.

What are two things you forgot to celebrate last year?

We didn't forget, but we had to keep both our birthdays fairly low-key because of COVID. Other than that, I always forget to celebrate St. David's Day every year, but where am I going to get a leek at short notice to pin to my lapel anyway.

Are you and your significant other both good at apologizing?

I don't know. She's better at it than I am, I think. It's something I struggle with.

What would you not admit on a first date?

Incest. I mean, I wouldn't admit that on a second date either.

I'd probably keep my medical history out of conversation as well, but I tend to over-share sometimes, so who knows? I probably wouldn't admit how promiscuous I am, but on the other hand I have sometimes and it's gone fine, so that's a maybe too. It depends on the date. Fortunately, I don't date anymore, really, so I don't have to worry about making polite small talk when all we both really want to do is get down to business. Just me? Okay, maybe other people are looking for human connections or whatever.

Kidding. I don't date because I'm bad at it. I've always been bad at it. I've been on innumerable dates and I've always been bad at them. Sometimes my partner was equally bad, and sometimes that meant that our badnesses canceled each other out and we had a splendid time. Sometimes not. Sometimes my partner has been charitable. Sometimes not. Dating sucks. We should give it up and just start fucking like animals in city parks for our amusement. Imagine if the first thing you did with someone was fuck them, hard, fast, anonymous, and then once that was over and the pressure was off you got to know them in the afterglow. Just me? Okay, maybe other people are looking for human connections or whatever.

Is rebound sex empowering?

Depends. If you're looking to be empowered by it I think it can be, particularly if your partner in said rebound activities is supportive. But if you're looking for love in all the wrong places, you're probably not going to find yourself empowered by desperation. I think the empowerment part is more about the support than the sex, so there's no requirement for sex if you've got a good friend with whom you can feel supported in a non-sexual way. As I like to have friendships with benefits, and as I have family with benefits as well, I have been comforted sexually on a number of occasions, but I think the sex was just an enjoyable way to be comforted, not a requirement.

Bonus: How do you mend a broken heart?

I don't know. That's a bit much to ask on a TMI quiz, I'd say. Maybe you can't. Maybe all you can do is get past the broken part and go on with your life with a part of your heart that will always be broken. They say that about grief: you never stop grieving, you just learn to deal with it. I have no reason to believe that broken hearts are any different from any other kind of grief, so maybe you don't heal. Maybe the scar is always there.

Either that or you clone yourself, kill your clone, steal its unbroken heart, and replace yours with it. Make sure you kill your clone in such a way that the internal organs are still usable.

Oh no. Maybe I was the clone all along! Oh no! Shoot the other Lexi! The other Lexi!