TMI Filler (Again)

For the love of Mike (that phrase takes on a whole new meaning to me now) someone ask some questions or something. These TMI questions seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Not that I don't love TMI, but I feel like I'm giving a job interview.

1. Which is more important of the two in "chemisty [sic]," physical attractiveness or emotional attractiveness?

Chemisty? Sorry, I had to say it. Don't people know that there's a spellchecker right there above the post editor? Or you can use one of the many toolbars that offer that service. It takes but a moment, and then you won't have people like me making fun of your spelling. I can't spell. But I can click a button.

Okay, that's past. Chemistry is pretty much all about the inner self. Lust is about the outer self. Now, it helps to get to the point where you can see the inner self if the outer self ain't bad, but I can't stay with someone who's just a pretty face. Not in a relationship, anyway. I might have sex with them, lots, because hey, that's what pretty, stupid people are for: sex toys. Okay, that's a bit harsh. But the point is that while I am honest enough to admit a degree of shallowness in my lust gland, I don't stick around after the floor show to shake hands with the strippers. I go home to the people I love, and I'd love them even if they turned into frogs. It helps that the people I love are attractive, but it's not necessary.

2. On a scale from 1-10, how kinky are you?

I don't know, maybe 5 unassisted. In the company of certain bad influences, I rise higher, but I'm not particularly kinky. But then, one woman's kink is another woman's vanilla. It's all subjective. I don't go in for much kink, but my fantasies and thoughts tend to be kinkier than I have the balls to be. And I have no balls, so that's that there.

3. Sitting on Santa's lap... fun or creepy?

When I was a kid, I wasn't bothered by Santa until I saw A Christmas Story. Now I love that movie, but it made me a little sad that the department store Santa in that movie is such a jerk. But when I got older, I realized that he's really not a jerk, he's just perhaps not the greatest Santa ever.

Now, it depends on who's playing Santa. I could have some fun sitting on certain Santa's laps. I am getting coal in my stocking this year, aren't I?

4. Have you ever fallen asleep or passed out during sex?

I've fallen asleep while doing sex-type things, but not when sex was planned, just when cuddling and so forth turn into sexy things. I like to be lulled off to sleep by soft sex. But it's got to be a mutual thing.

I have also passed out during sex, the preliminaries of sex, and even woken up from being passed out to discover I was having sex. None of these things make me proud.

And I did, once or twice, fall asleep during sex because the guy was just ass-poor at it and I was tired. Really tired. Normally, even with poor sex, I can stay awake, but I was exhausted.

5. Do you wear socks to bed? Is that okay or totally unsexy?

I don't. I wear nothing to bed. But I don't have a problem with it. Feet get cold, socks keep them warm, whatever. I'm not into feet, so I don't give a shit what people wear on them.

Bonus: What is your greatest strength? Weakness?

Sometimes, I neglect my personal life to add value to companies for which I work. Like I'll be on my lunch break, and I won't be able to stop curing cancer, or I'll be at home trying to sleep, and my hands will mysteriously keep typing engineering specs for rocket cars. I try to control it at work, obviously. There, I'm all business.

Kidding. I don't want to answer this question because it's a stupid fucking job interview question. And it requires a tremendous amount of navel-gazing, which I don't need right now. If I wanted to work for this company, I would have just given the CEO a blowjob. Oh, and I won't need to take the mandatory company training in sexual harassment or business ethics.

I swear, if I don't get some real questions soon, I'm going to start doing more song parodies.