Questions Aplenty

Though it's rather a cheap trick, I've culled questions from two different sources today, because what the hell, I might as well. That is, until some questions from readers come along. Kara and Jess provided some, Lola provided others, and they both got them from other sources. But because it's fun, once again I'll be pretending that celebrities and notables have asked me questions. There are quite a few this time.

Whitey Ford asked, "What age to you think is a good age for someone to lose their virginity?"

When they're ready. Number of years alive is a pretty poor benchmark for readiness; there are a lot of people who are probably never actually ready to have sex.

Hester Prynne asked, "Do you have any problems asking your partner for what you want in bed?"

Nope. Well, mostly nope. Sometimes. Not a lot.

Gregory Peck asked, "At what number of sexual partners does one become a slut?"

Well Greg, first let me say how much I admire your work. As far as slut goes, I'm not sure it's a number. I think you can be with thousands (yeah, no hyperbole there at all) of partners without being a slut. It's probably hard to do, but you could. I think saying that a large number of sexual partners leads you to be a slut is post hoc ergo propter hoc; the two may be related, but one doesn't follow from the other. If anything, being a slut might lead one to have more sexual partners, rather than the number making one a slut. I'm not sure. I don't particularly like the term slut anyway.

Uta Hagen asked, "On a scale from 1-10, how kinky are you?"

It depends on what you mean by "kinky." If incest isn't kinky (and I don't know that it is) I'm not all that kinky, most of the time. My level of kink goes up around certain people, but I say, baseline, maybe 4. I don't know.

Cesar Chavez asked, "Do you like to french kiss? How much tongue is too much tongue? Can you get past the "bad kissing thing" or is that a deal breaker?"

I do like to french kiss, although it's certainly not the only way to have fun. The amount of tongue is less important than the skill with which it's used. And the level of lousy kissing I'm willing to put up with has a lot to do with how far I think things will go and how desperate I am to get there. I'm not a fan of bad kisses, but I can perhaps put up with more than some.

Queen Elizabeth II asked, "A name you think is just freaking sexy!"

Bess, that's not a question. But because I like you, I'll let it slide. I think a lot of Russian names are sexy as hell, although there are some stinkers, just as with every nationality. Since you didn't ask what name I think is sexiest, I can throw a name out without worrying about ranking. I'll say Sveta. No reason for that.

Archduke Franz Ferdinand and Gavrilo Princips both asked (what are the odds of that?), "What is your lucky number?"

I don't know that I have one. Maybe e. Look it up; I'm not typing it out.

Calamity Jane asked, "Do you have a name for your partner's sexual part?"

This presupposes that I have only one partner and that he or she only has one sexual part. What, it was so hard to say, "Do you have a name for a partner's genitalia?" The answer is no; I don't give pet names to my own organs, let alone other people's. I might jokingly refer to things, but it's not an established name.

Tux the Penguin asked, "Will you deny your partner sex if you are mad at them?"

I don't simmer sexually. So either I'm mad enough that they know not to ask, or I'm not, in which case probably not. It hasn't really come up. Sure, I might deny someone sex because I'm mad at them, but that's along with all the other things I do because I'm mad at them.

Superman asked, "How many naked pictures are on your phone?"

I decoupaged hundreds of tiny pictures of my ass all over our rotary phone... oh, wait, you mean cell phone with camera. Silly. I don't have one of those.

Wonder Woman asked, "If you could change one thing about your body what would it be?"

Just one? I'd probably work on my abs some; I have a slight belly I'd like to eliminate. That's the reasonable part of me talking; the ego is screaming that she'd like bigger boobs and better skin and just everything changed so I look more like a movie star, totally unrealistic and made mostly out of airbrushing and plastic. We don't pay attention to her.

Lady Godiva asked, "What are your bed sheets like?"

Flannel. Basic. Not terribly interesting.

David Hasselhoff asked, "Would you like to have sex on the beach or have you already?"

Not recently, but I have in the past. I've even talked about it It's less fun that it would seem, but more fun than it would seem too. Sand gets into things, but it's still a lot of fun. basically, if you're already on the beach, you're going to suffer the ill effects, so you might as well have sex on the beach.

Henry Ford asked, "Do you drive an automatic or a manual?"

I learned to drive stick, but I've never owned one and I've forgotten most of what I used to know. I'm perfectly happy with an automatic.

Will Farrell asked, "What is love?"

Lady don't hurt me.

I absolutely couldn't resist.

Penn and Teller asked, "If you won a trip to Disneyland/world, whom would you take with you?"

If I only have to pick one person, I'd go with Mike because he's the most fun to have at theme parks. Sveta would be a close second, but I've never been with her to a park. Maybe I should pick her, since I've never done that with her. I don't know. But one of the two.

The Recording Industry of America asked, "When was the last time you listened to a CD?"

Getting desperate, guys? Sunday. I was in the car. I don't listen to CDs as much as I used to. That's partially because I don't have a CD player in my room any more.

Julia Child asked, "What spice/seasoning is your favorite?"

Don't make me choose, Julia. I use cumin a lot because I like it so much, but I love ginger too, and garlic, and chili pepper, and... so on and so on and so on. I have a well-stocked spice cabinet; it won't fit on a rack.

St. Dominic asked, "What is the weirdest position you have ever been in that you were sure would not work but did??"

It's funny, up until the first time I had sex standing up face to face, I was sure it wouldn't work. I figured he'd drop me and snap something. But it worked out just fine, although I have to say that I was smaller then than I am now, and some guys would have a hard time holding me up.

Sancho Panza asked, "Worst Date ever?"

That's a tough one, not because I've been on so many bad dates, but because I've been on so few. I mean, dating in general, not just bad ones. I'm not a huge dater. I've had meetings with people, and I've gone out with people, but bad dates... I just don't know. Nothing springs to mind.

Simon Bolivar asked, "If you were in a band, what kind of music would you play?"

Zydeco/klesmer fusion.

Emperor Darius II asked, "If you could have personally witnessed one historical event, which one would it be?"

It's really a choice between witnessing an event because you think being there would be cool and witnessing an event in order to be able to solve a mystery. And "historical" implies that it has to be an event from after the invention of writing, so I can't say "The Big Bang." And "witnessed" implies passive observer, rather than the ability to change history. I think I'd actually like to witness some ancient Greek drama, back when it was still half religious festival, the mystery plays. Because it'd be cool and informative. I can think of other options, but that's off-the-cuff.

David Letterman asked, "Have you ever broken anything doing the nasty?"

Dear god no. That would be horrible.

Rasputin asked, "If you could go back to school, what would you study?"

What wouldn't I study? It's less not wanting to learn things and more not wanting to be in school that keeps me from being in school. I think I might try to go full-out computer major if I went back, because it would make me more employable. But I'd love to do more music, or history, or foreign languages, or sculpture, or... so on and so on. Really, it's that I don't like school, not that I don't like learning.

Imelda Marcos asked, "If you could go to one sporting event, all expenses paid, which one would you see?"

All expenses? The Olympics, because it's the longest sporting event I can think of and I could run up one hell of a tab while it was going on. Okay, so I'm gaming the system. I might actually enjoy going to the World Cup championship game because it's likely to be in another country and I'd enjoy myself. Not that I wouldn't go to some other sporting event, but I don't care that much.

Hatshepsut asked, "Are you comfortable speaking in front of people?"

Not really. I can do all kinds of things as an actor, but public speaking freaks me out a bit.

Queen Liliuokalani asked, "Have you ever experienced an earthquake?"

I did once. It was barely a tremor, but around here, it was much talked about. I don't really remember when it was, but I remember feeling like a big truck had just driven by, and then seeing on the news that there had been a tremor. Just proof that they can happen anywhere. I was lucky I wasn't doing something sexual at the time, or I never would have noticed.

Jane Eyre asked, "What is the one sexual experience, that you haven't tried before, that you would like to experience this year?"

Well, I had "preggo sex" on my list until recently, although in fairness I actually did that first last year. Now, I guess I'm still hoping to try upside down DP. As a goal, it's fine. I'm not actively working toward it or anything though.