TMI Tuesday

Another from the archives.

1. Do you obsess over having an orgasm during partner sex? Are you disappointed if you do not orgasm?

Right now, not at all, for reasons already discussed in the past.  In the past, a little.  I like to get mine.  I won't lie.  It's a bit selfish but I like to cum, what can I say?   I like sex though, and if my partner cums I can enjoy that, so I guess it's really about being with an unselfish lover.  If my partner is just in it for the orgasm, I'm disappointed, sometimes even if I get mine while he or she is getting his or hers.  On the other hand, being in a gangbang situation for example, I don't have to cum (although I probably would).  The experience is what I'm after.  Being creampied can be "getting mine."

2. Why are you into gay porn?

Gay here I'm assuming means man on man.  Why they don't call lesbian porn "gay porn" is beyond me, but there you are.

I like gay porn at times because it can be two hot guys and two dicks and anal and that's all fun.  I prefer to see it live, as it were, and I enjoy looking at girls more than guys (sorry guys, I love you to death in person but remotely the gals just have a better aesthetic), but watching a cute guy feed his dick into another cute guy's asshole is definitely a turn-on.

3. Why aren’t you into gay porn?

Because a lot of guys in gay porn aren't my type.  In "straight" porn, the guy is sort of an afterthought: we're here to see his dick and the girl, usually.  So the fact that I'm not super-attracted to a lot of straight porn stars doesn't bother me.  But gay porn features a lot of men who, while they might be attractive to some, are not really my cup of tea.  Also, and this is something I don't understand about guys and lesbian porn, if they are cute it makes me sad that they're unavailable.  I like my porn to have that fantasy of availability, which is why some professional porn doesn't really do it for me either.

4. Do you use drugs to have or enhance sex? (Yes, alcohol is a drug).

These days, I smoke pot to cum.  It helps.  But I've never found altered-state fucking to be as interesting.  Not that I haven't done it or will never do it again.  It's different.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  I don't seek it out; when it happens, it happens.

5. Do you believe that you are much more sexually open-minded/risky/kinky than most of your previous partners and friends?

Probably, even taking into account my history.  Sheri beats me in all counts, but most of my other previous partners haven't been quite up to my level of kink.  That said, "kink" isn't a single scale, and I've been decidedly less kinky than some partners in the past about certain things.  But holistically, I guess probably.  It's not a badge of honor or anything.

Bonus: Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy, even if it isn’t right for you? Why or Why not?

Of course.  I live it.

Longer answer: yes, and I'll tell you why.  Because sex doesn't have to be exclusive.  It doesn't have to be foundational.  I wish people could get over the hangups and realize that sex is something fun to do and it doesn't have to mean anything other than a good time.  Right now, in our current state of baggage, it's tough, even for people who make it work, because we still have this thing about sex.  But if you take away everything else, it's like any other activity.  I can watch a movie with friends and that doesn't mean I'm "unfaithful" to Sveta, even though she and I love to watch things together.  I know, it seems like that's a totally different thing, but imagine if I started sneaking out of the house to go over to another person's place to watch movies that I promised to see with Sveta first.  That wouldn't be nice to her.  It would be grounds for her to call me "unfaithful."

If you've got a code, live by the code.  But realize that not everyone's rules are yours.  All that matters in a relationship is that you and your partner agree on the rules and then follow them.  If those rules are monogamy, more power to you, and you shouldn't cheat any more than if your rules are that you can fuck anyone you want but you have to take pictures and show them to your partner.  That sounds weird, but that's just another permutation of the rules of the game of life.