TMI Christmas Eve

From the vaults, specially pulled out for this festive occasion.  I'm scheduling this in advance, so who knows, it might be a Christmas bonus.

1. Which religion or faith do you belong to, if any?

I'm a bit Christian, I guess.  My family is a mish-mosh of various Christian stuff, from my dad being pretty traditionally Christian in upbringing to my mom's upbringing being almost Fundie (but they were terrible people, so I hesitate to tar Christianity with their membership).  We went to church a few times.  I went to Catholic school even though we weren't Catholic (it was the best school in the area I could go to, since the public schools were pretty much universally awful).

I guess I'm sort of a Christian who doesn't believe in the Resurrection.  I think Jesus said some terrific things about love and faith which no one really listened to, and then he died.  Pretty sad.  I don't think he was God.  I'm not sure if there is a God.

That said, I'm also a Discordian because Thud has entirely too many legionaries already.  Hail Eris, who is totally fine with Christmas as long as I don't eat any hotdog buns.

2. What is your opinion of Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays?

I like holidays.  I'm happy to be wished anything, from the generic to the specific, including holidays for religions I don't practice.  If you want to wish me a joyous Eid, happy Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Holi, or any other holiday (I can't think of the others, but that's no slight to them) , I will take that and be glad you thought I was worthy of being wished joy.  I love Christmas, but Christmas isn't the only holiday.  So I guess I think Happy Holidays is the best way to go if you don't know what holidays people celebrate.  Getting butthurt about other people's holidays is ridiculous, and I think if you want to keep the Christ in Christmas you should remember that he was Jewish and had plenty to say on the subject of loving your neighbor as yourself.

3. How do you feel about holiday music on the radio?

I like Christmas music.  Some of it.  A lot of it is crappy, but I even like some of that.  But I think it should wait for Advent, because starting to celebrate Christmas in August is a bit much.  Give December to Christmas.  Let Halloween and Thanksgiving breath a little.

4. When do you start decorating? Do you?

If I had my way, decorations would go up in December and then the Christmas tree goes up the night before Christmas and stays up until Valentines Day at the least.  The latter is because I'm lazy.  But when I was a kid, we always did the Christmas tree the night before, and the kids weren't allowed to see it until Christmas morning.  I like that.  It's festive.  That said, if you are like Sveta and believe that Christmas decorations need to come down on Epiphany, then in order to get the maximum joy out of Christmas the decorations need to go up earlier, so I'm okay with that.

5. White lights or multi-colored?

White lights, in some circumstances, can be beautiful, but I definitely prefer multi-colored.  And none of this "mostly blue" bullshit either.  They should be warm and inviting.  Lots of reds and yellows and oranges.  Purples and greens and blues too, but not overpoweringly so.  Which is why we still use standard lights even though I love LEDs for everything else.  The LEDs are still all too blue in Christmas lights, although that's changing.

6. Gift cards, cash, or actually shopped for presents?

If the gift is something which I don't expect to receive, then I love gifts; if someone hands some extravagant gift I'd never in a million years think I deserved, that's awesome.  If I'm just making a shopping list and getting what's on the list, then that's fine, but the joy really isn't there.  Gift cards are basically dumb, but they do ensure that the money isn't spent on practical stuff.  That said, I need money more than I need much of anything else, so cash is king.

I'm a big believer in little things as gifts complimenting cash though.  Edibles (not that kind, although if someone wants to give me those I'll take them), little what-the-fuck gifts, that sort of thing.  I just hate basically demanding gifts.  If I make a list, then there's no surprises.

I also like everything I get to be wrapped in giant boxes, preferably with smaller wrapped boxes inside them, like a Russian nesting doll of joy.  I've tried to get my parents to get on board with this, with varying degrees of success.  I can't get them to put bricks in my packages to fool me into thinking they're heavier than they actually are though.  Me, I want cheap stuff in fancy wrappings.  You can put a $5 bill in a giant box and I'll happily open it.

The thought really does count.  If it's something I didn't ask for (and I ask for so little these days) but it's something fun, I'll take it even if it was lying by the side of the road before you wrapped it up.  It doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant.  It can just be a little, "saw this and thought of you" gift.  But I wish some of my relatives who shall remain nameless would stop buying me things I don't want or need.  It's one thing to give me something I don't want or need which is cheap, but expensive things which I don't want or need are wasteful.  I appreciate the thought, but I wish they'd think it more frugally and give the rest of the money to charity, even.

I will totally take gifts in my name to charities.  I'm not saying this to you, my readers, but if you were wondering, that's what you should do.  I'm not a cam-whore and I don't want you to get me things off an Amazon wishlist so I'll keep writing.  Do your own thing.  Make someone happy.

7. Christmas cards and/or family update letters?

No.  I'm too lazy for Christmas cards, and family update letters are the Devil.  "Look at our perfect family.  This is Facebook in letter form.  Aren't you jealous of us?"  Stupid.  It's the reason I hate Facebook too.  At least with cards you sent it to me, and if you say anything in the card it's to me, not a general broadcast of how wonderful your life is.  I like communication, not broadcasts.

That said, I will accept Christmas cards and enjoy them.  Just don't expect to get one back.  I'm terrible, but I've come to terms with this and moved on.

8. Fill in the blank: Snow is ______ .

Beautiful and lovely as long as I don't have to drive through it or shovel it.  Given that I usually have to do both, I love snow but wish it would fall, look pretty, and then immediately melt away before I have to handle it.

9. Have you been a good little boy or girl this year?

Meh.  I haven't been horrible.  I could have been worse.

10. Favorite: old/traditional holiday movie? Contemporary (after 1975) holiday movie?

I can't categorize holiday movies that way.  I love A Christmas Story and I don't care what you think about that.  I love Christmas Vacation.  My family watches Stalag 17 at the holidays.  If you don't know what that is, look it up; it's totally a Christmas movie, right?  How about Die Hard?  That's another good Christmas movie.  Other than that, I'll watch what's on.  I don't love or hate most Christmas movies (although if I never see Miracle on 34th Street or any version of A Christmas Carol again, I could live with that quite easily)...

Except It's a Wonderful Life.  Which is not a Christmas movie.  And is terrible.  The only reason you have fond memories of it is because someone let the copyright lapse and so TV stations could show it for free.  It's a crap movie.  I don't care that it's Capra, I don't care about Jimmy Stewart; it's a terrible movie with a terrible moral and it's not about Christmas, it's about New Years.  Fuck It's a Wonderful Life.  Fuck it and its "take up the white man's burden, George Bailey" bullshit.

If you hate me for this opinion, I'm not sorry.

Bonuses – Christmas sex:

Here we go, the fun part.

What have you done under the mistletoe?

I owned a pair of panties when I was younger which had mistletoe on them.  It wasn't real, but it wasn't just a picture; it was a sprig of fake mistletoe.  And I wore them to a Christmas party once and had a dozen people eat me out.  Mostly guys, but several girls.  Most of them just kissed my pussy and laughed, but one gal pulled aside the panties and went to town while several onlookers cheered her on.  And a guy kissed and I thought he was going to be finished, but he came up and said, "Wouldn't you rather do something other than kissing under the mistletoe?" and I nodded, so we went and found a quiet spot and he fucked me, came, then ate me out until he was ready to go again and fucked me a second time.  I must have cum ten times that night.  It was amazing.

Other than that, I've kissed under the mistletoe (the kind hanging above heads, not on panties) which has lead to all kinds of fun things.  I've laughed at a guy who was holding mistletoe over his crotch and then said, "Okay, fine, I guess tradition must be served," and sucked his cock.  That was a much smaller gathering though.

Have you caught mommy/daddy kissing Santa Claus? What happened next?

I've seen Mom fucking Dad while he wore a Santa hat on so many occasions I can't even remember them all.  Ditto Sheri.  Ditto me.  Dad likes to fuck on Christmas wearing a Santa hat.  What can I say?

Have you had sex in Santa suit?

I've never worn one.  I was a slutty elf for a Christmas party once, but I borrowed that costume, and actually wound up not getting lucky at all while wearing it.

Have you had sex with Santa?

Not counting Dad, no.

Just how merry have you made Santa’s helpers?

I was backstage for a Christmas concert and wound up having sex with both elves, though not during the performance (I previously said something here which read like I was saying I didn't have them both at the same time, which isn't true, obviously, if you read on; I meant that I didn't have sex with them at the same time as the show.  But then I also put in an "afterward" which made that plain, so I'm not sure what I was thinking.  I have corrected my poor writing).  I got to know one of them, Dale; he and I flirted before the show but not seriously.  But he came offstage and whispered to me, "I've got a candy cane if you'd like to suck it," which I think was more flirting than anything else.

I said, "I'll do more than suck it," and grabbed his crotch.  He looked at me for a moment, saw I was serious, and said, "Actually, Manny and I were going to go for drinks afterward, if you'd like to join us..."  Manny was the other elf.  Neither of them were little people, by the way, if that's your fetish.  I didn't say anything like, "Actually, I'm not legally able to drink," because hey, why dampen the mood?  Manny wasn't bad to look at, and neither was Dale, and I figured we'd go for drinks and then Dale and I would peel off or something.

But we wound up going back to Dale's place, when I said, "Sure, we can have drinks at your place because that will be easier."  And then Dale asked, "So how are you with sharing guys?"

Oh boy!  Christmas presents!  They took turns with me, while plying me with more alcohol than I was ready for, and it became a drunken fuckfest.  I honestly don't remember a lot of the evening.  I called home, drunk, and told my mom I was spending the night with friends.  She totally didn't buy it, but Mom is easier with that sort of thing than my dad, who would have been worried.  She just said, "Have a good time," and that was that.

No DP, although there was a little anal toward the end of the evening.  I spent a lot of time sitting in a lap with a cock down my throat.  Dale actually wore out more quickly, but Manny was in it for the long haul, and long it was.  I remember condoms at the beginning of the evening, but once Dale excused himself and went to bed, Manny and I were so drunk that condoms stopped being a thing we were thinking about, and that's when the anal started happening, and if he didn't cum at least three times that evening I'd be very surprised.  Dale managed two, and he didn't last as long as Manny, who could fuck for what seemed like hours, slow and steady.  I got Dale on my tongue and on my tits, and Manny on my tongue once and then inside me in both ass and pussy at least once.

I woke up naked on the couch next to Manny, who was out cold, and was gathering myself together and wondering how I was going to get home since I hadn't taken my car.  Dale came out and invited me into the bedroom, if I wanted to sleep a little more, but he didn't want to sleep, and we slowly fucked spooning until he pulled out and came down my back, then he left me mostly asleep.  I woke up again later, Manny was gone, and Dale drove me back to get my car, gave me a kiss, and asked for my number.  I gave it to him, but really I wished I could have had more of Manny, because he was dynamite.  And then we never spoke again.  I saw Dale once or twice, but it was just in passing, and he never called.  Maybe he found out how old I was.