TMI Tuesday

From ye olde vaultes:

1. Close your eyes and think about having sex with your lover. Now, what was the first image that came to your mind? Was it foreplay? What kind of sex? What position? Where?

I'm going for Sveta because if I have to do this exercise for all my lovers we'll be here forever and it'll get boring because for a lot of them I'm thinking of cocks.  Nothing but cocks.

I think my first thought when thinking about sex with Sveta is making her cum.  It really is an experience I love repeating, over and over, as often as I can.  She makes cute noises and faces, although I don't see her face as often when she cums because I'm between her legs.  But the gushing.  Oh the gushing.  She doesn't squirt like you see in porn.  She wells up with juices.  Sometimes it squirts, sure, but it's really a process, not a momentary explosion.  She just gets wetter and wetter until it gushes out of her pussy.  I never get tired of it.

That's not to say that that's the only thing I think about, just the first thing.  She's cute and sexy as hell and I would just watch her naked if that was all I got to do.  Her body makes my knees weak and she knows it.  Little minx.

2. What is that most memorable thing that you or your partner said immediately after sex?

Maybe, "I love you, Daddy," after my first time?  Or are we still talking about Sveta?  Because if so, we don't usually talk all that much immediately after sex.  Just bask in the afterglow.

3. Whether reward or punishment, a part of your body must be shown on a huge billboard in the heart of your city/town. Which body part will you select to be 14 feet tall by 48 feet wide (4.27 meters x 14.63 meters)?

The specifics of size here are interesting.  As if I'd answer differently if the billboard were only 13 feet by 47 feet or something.

Am I being identified?  Or is it just going to be a random shot of my left foot or something?  And why?  I'm confused.  If it's going to be identified as me, I can't think of too many ways it would be a reward, so I'd probably pick some innocuous part of my body and make people wonder why my elbow is writ large across the sky of my town, or something like that.  I don't know.

If I'm not going to be identified, it might be a reward to put a giant picture of my cunt up across from a Southern Baptist church or something, but other than that I can't see the point either.  If you want to punish me, take a picture of some flabby part of me and put it up in lights, I guess.

I'm picking left foot.  My feet aren't unattractive, but they're not identifiable either, and I honestly don't care if people see them.  I guess as a piece of absurdist art I'd be down with it.  Hell, as a piece of absurdist art I'd be down with any part of my body, particularly if it weren't identified as my body.  I'm shy, sure, but hey, the giant cunt billboard might be a tourist draw, and my town could use it.  As long as no one shows up at my house asking for a closer look.  I'm not that easy.

4. You are about to lose your power of speech, what’s the one thing you would want to tell someone before that happens?

I would probably waste it telling Sveta or my parents or my siblings that I love them one last time.  And then I'd realize I'd wasted it because I can still write and type and they already know I love them.  But it would probably be worth saying anyway because I do.  Love isn't a waste, even if you tell someone you love them every day, every minute.

But again, I can still write and type in this scenario, so I'm not sure it's that big a deal.  I'm being flip about it, but hypothetically I don't see how it would affect me that much.  I'd just learn sign language or something and go about my day.  I'm not saying it wouldn't be a pain in the ass not to be able to speak, but what good is one last thing going to do?

Unless it's the disarm codes for the missiles, in which case I'd probably tell someone those.

5. You are stricken with a disorder that causes you to blurt out a single phrase every time you orgasm? What is that phrase?

Oh, this is a fun one.  "I'm cumming!"  Yeah, I've never met anyone with that disorder.  No matter how old it eventually gets to say it every time in exactly the same way.  People, be original in your orgasmic announcements, please.

Okay, I need to torture myself and pick something horrible.  "Seacrest out!"  Yeah, that's a timely reference.  How about, "My nipples explode with delight!"  Or, to go further down that rabbit hole, "My hovercraft is full of eels!"

Bonus: If you had to make out with a friend (same sex or opposite sex) to save the world from mass destruction, whom would you pick?

This artificial division between "friends" and "those with whom one is romantic" is ridiculous.  I'm not saying you have to fuck all your friends, or that you have to make friends with all your lovers, but if you have a lover who's more than a fling, you should probably be friends with them.  That's the problem with "the friend zone."  It's not a thing.  What she means, guys, when she puts you in "the friend zone," is that she doesn't want to have sex with you.  It's not because you're friends.  It's because she doesn't want to have sex with you.  Sure, because of our social baggage about it, part of the reason she doesn't want to have sex with you may be because she doesn't want to ruin the friendship, but it's just as likely that she doesn't see you that way.  Or maybe you never made it clear that you were looking for something more than Platonic friendship.

When we believe that we can't be friends with people we fuck, we devalue both friendship and fucking.  Friendship becomes a thing you can't mix with romance, and thus you only fuck people you aren't going to be friends with later.  Let's just guess how well that usually turns out.  If you're looking for a long-term romantic partner, you should also be looking for a friend.  The two categories don't have to overlap, but they're also not mutually exclusive.

But I guess we're asking about my friends who aren't lovers.  I do have plenty of them.  I know it doesn't seem like it, but this blog isn't about my friends, it's mostly about my love life.  So of my platonic friends, with whom would I make out to save the world?  Whoever happened to be closest at the time.  Come on, we're talking fate-of-the-world stuff.  I'd make out with a complete stranger to save the world.  I'd make out with my worst enemy to save the world.  Knowing my friends, many of them would do the same.  So if the aliens come and demand that I make out with one of my friends or they'll blow up Earth, I'm going to be making out with anyone within kissing distance.

This is making out, people.  If it's fate-of-the-world time, it doesn't mean anything to make out with anyone.  Why do we get so bent out of shape about this?  I would make out with a random stranger who smelled bad to save one child's life, let alone the whole planet.  I would let them take pictures and post them all over the Internet.  I'm not proud.  This is like making the classic Trolley Problem, "You're on a trolley with every human being on the planet and you're about to go over a cliff, but you can pick your nose to save everyone."  Come on.  It's not rocket science.