TMI Tuesday

From the archives:

1. For you, what is sexy time?

It's either totally spontaneous and whatever or, if I'm planning it, it's a nice, unhurried time of comfort, joy, and possibly a little exploration.  I like my sexy time to be able to breathe.  I don't want to be thinking about stuff I have to do later or deadlines.  I don't often get that, so most of my sex isn't really sexy time per se, I suppose.

2. If your best friend asked, “Do you think I’m sexy?” What would you say?

"Absolutely."  I don't think I've ever had a best friend with whom I couldn't be that honest.  I'm not saying I've never had a best friend with whom I've had sex, but if they asked, I would be honest with them.  Some have.  Frankly, most of the time that question doesn't mean, "Do you want to fuck right now?"  It's seeking reassurance that they're sexy, and I'm happy to give that reassurance.

3. If your Mom or Dad asked, “How’s your love life?” Would you answer? What would you tell them?

This question's easy too.  I'd answer and tell them as much or as little as I felt like telling them.  I'm not always completely open-book about my sex life with my parents, but if they ask how sex is going for me, I will at least give them a general idea.  These days, I don't hold back, since often enough they're asking because they want to know how my medical difficulties are going.  But I won't necessarily tell them every detail of every sexual encounter I've had since the last time we talked or anything.  I know what information they're looking for.

When I was younger, my father used to ask me because it was his opening move: "Hey Lexi, how's your sex life?"  And I would answer, "Not so good that I couldn't do with a bit more."  And then we'd fuck.  As I've gotten older, it's more of a joke with us: I'll ask him and he'll say the same thing.  But it wasn't like it was a constant question, nor is that the only way we initiate.

4. A young 8-year-old neighbor asks you, “What is the birds and the bees?” How do you reply?

You wouldn't expect this, but I'll probably say, "That's something you should ask your parents about."  Because I wouldn't want my neighbor giving my child sex ed, even in the most chaste way possible.  Of course, if I know their parents (I don't, and I don't have any 8 year old neighbor kids asking me this, but hypothetically) I might know a more specific way to respond.  But I'm not in the business of teaching sex to kids whose parents will get pissed if I do.  I'd love to because people should know about sex, and I'm not at all saying that I would teach these kids anything more than perfectly appropriate stuff, but I'd rather not poke the bear, honestly.  That makes me a little sad, but I just don't have the energy to fight it.

5. What would you do if your lover’s turn on is your turn off?

Well, we'd definitely have to talk about it.  I've done some things for lovers in the past which weren't my thing because they were their thing, but if I was with this person steadily and the only thing they wanted to do was something I hated doing, that would be a problem and we'd probably go our separate ways.  That has yet to happen in any relationship I've been in.

Bonus: What does it mean to be a man?

Whatever you want it to mean.  I mean, it would be nice if it didn't mean toxic masculinity, but other than that, I'm not going to police gender.  If your conception of being a man works for you and isn't hurting anyone, I don't care what it is.  That's not much of an answer, but really, whose business is it what being a man means to anyone as long as it works and doesn't hurt anyone?