TMI Tuesday

This will be published on Halloween and I'm writing it super in advance (which is what I do, inside baseball/backstage documentary) so it's not Halloween-related and who knows, maybe something will have happened on Halloween worth talking about.  It's also not a terribly good one.  But whatever, it's Tuesday so you know what that means.

From the archives:

1. Is a weird “sex face/orgasm face” a total deal-breaker?

Not a deal-breaker, but it might take me out of the moment.  I might laugh.  I won't lie, I've giggled at O-faces before and had to cover.  I don't have any particularly good stories about it.  Honestly, sex face sometimes looks silly.  O-face sometimes looks really silly.  If I don't think my partner is doing it intentionally, it's not their fault and I'll deal.

I have had one or two guys who put on these sex faces which just looked stupid, and I could tell they were doing it to look more macho or porn-worthy or whatever, and that told me something about them.  In one case, it was because the guy was a virgin but didn't admit it until after, and I told him he didn't need to lie and I didn't care and he did great (had he not been a virgin I wouldn't have rated him highly, but he did better than many virgins do, and after his admission we had a much more pleasant evening).  The others, well, I wasn't going to stop them because I still wanted to get fucked, but I didn't request a follow-up visit. Guys, don't be a bro.  If you want to be macho in bed and really impress a gal with your sexual prowess, she's not interested in you putting on a funny face and acting like you're lifting.  Eat her out well and she won't care what your face looks like because she won't be able to see straight.  PSA over.

2. Do you enjoy having your balls played with (or playing with balls)?

I don't really.  I mean, I'll suck or fondle balls if that's what gets you off, but I'm not attracted to them.  They're not involved in sex except as an accessory for me.  I don't require my dildos to have balls.  And guys, please bathe, because sweaty balls are not pleasant flopping around in my face.

3. Have you ever hooked-up with somebody based on their proximity to your smartphone location (Tinder, GRINDR, etc)?

Nope.  Nothing really to say here.  I'm not on any of those platforms and I doubt I ever will be.  Nothing against people who are, but it's not really my thing.

4. You have some free-time in the workday–blow job or intercourse? (BJ can be giving or receiving).

Entirely dependent on where I'm working, how much time I have, and who will be my partner.  And let's not assume that work nookie must always be MF.  I get much more lesbian work nookie anyway.  But if I've got time, I want to fuck, assuming I'd want to fuck this person.  These days, if I don't really want to fuck this person, I'm not likely to offer a consolation prize, but there was a time when I might.  But time is definitely a factor, and I'm much less likely to go for a very rushed job with no time to clean up unless I really want sex bad and I really want this person bad.  I'm getting lazy in my old age. I like to have a few minutes to straighten up and put my panties back on.

5. How long after having sex with a new partner do you have to wait before falling asleep?

I almost never fall asleep after sex.  If I'm exhausted, it would depend on the partner, I guess, but I'm still not likely to immediately roll over and pass out.  I don't hold it against people who do fall asleep after sex as long as they don't immediately roll off me and start snoring.  A gal likes a little pillow talk, even if it's a few appreciative phrases and then sleepy cuddles.

Bonus: What’s the dirtiest or sexiest text message you’ve ever received?

I don't think I've ever received a sext.  Not really into sexting.  Probably something innocuous.  Nothing to report.