Weird Stuff I've Used For Lube

 I was thinking the other day about lube and how I don't always have it even though I try to keep it everywhere. This put me in mind of a few lube-related stories.

The first time I got fucked in the ass without lube other than pussy juice and spit, I was ready for it to be difficult, but pussy juice actually makes a pretty decent lube. At least mine does. I should probably say, "the first time I got fucked in the ass on purpose without lube," because the first time I ever got fucked in the ass was with Mike and it was a total accident when it happened.

This was with an older guy, not old enough to be my father or anything but a few years older, and we were pretty hot and heavy the entire evening. He got his cock sucked to warm up, then he fucked me in my clothes in his parked car, then he still wasn't done and he asked me if I liked anal. Hell yeah I liked anal. But no lube.

Fucking in his car was kind of uncomfortable, plus it was nighttime now and we were parked on a deserted stretch of road, so we moved out of the car to the hood. He already had my panties off, but he got my skirt off too, then he lubed up his finger with spit and pressed that into my ass, then bent me even farther over and slid his entire length into my cunt. I came, hard. He felt that, and pulled out and pressed into my ass, which was nice and tight. I almost dropped out of the O, it was so intense.

The other thing I remember about that evening was that, as he was fucking my ass, pressing my face down on the hood of his car, another car drove by. The headlights illuminated us for a few seconds, but they didn't stop, so maybe they didn't see us. Or maybe they did and disapproved but not strongly enough to call the cops. I've always wondered what would have happened had they stopped and asked to join. I was wild back then and I probably would have left them, even if it was a busload of football players or something.

Had I been a bit older I probably would have had some lube in my purse. I usually do. But sometimes you get stuck someplace where your purse isn't. I was fucking a guy in the closet at one of my first jobs, and the room this closet was a part of got occupied, and we were stuck half naked in the closet until they left. He started feeling me up again, like the threat of discovery was turning him on.

Frankly it turned me on too. This was at an after-hours function. And when the activity outside the closet got sexy too, both he and I were raring to go. I came on his fingers twice before he even entered me, I was that wound up.

But this is a story about lube, or the lack thereof. In this case, I wasn't feeling confident in my ability to take him in the ass because he was really thick, but I really wanted him in the ass because, well, I'm a sucker for a challenge. The closet we were trapped in was more of a utility room, and yeah, there were some containers of various things, and one of them was hand soap for the bathrooms.

I do not recommend this course of action. Just take him the traditional vaginal way. But I'd already told him I wanted him in my ass bad, and he suggested the hand soap. Let's just say it worked but my ass didn't feel quite right for a day or so after. And cleanup was a pain. I didn't really bother, but he had to wash his cock off in the sink before he could put his pants back on.

I've used olive oil as an anal lube many times. You shouldn't use it with condoms, but if you're raw-dogging it like I do far too often, it's totally fine. As is baby oil, but olive oil lends a nice perfume to things.

Let me see... I used bacon grease (not hot) once because Mike wanted to see if it made me taste like bacon. It did. He tasted like bacon too. I used hands lotion a few times, but again, not a course of action I'd recommend.

Oil has a lot going for it though. It's not water based so you can use it underwater, or rather you can apply it and it won't wash away. I used to use baby oil before any beach escapades. I'd lube my pussy up nice and slick, slip on my bikini, and be ready to pull it to one side underwater and get fucked.

Have you ever used anything odd as lube? Let me know in the comments, or via email, or on Twitter, or whatever.

You Miss 100% of the Shots You Don't Take

Sorry I've been incommunicado for a month. I stupidly agreed to help out with a play, then my sickness got worse again, and so on and so forth. All boring stuff, which led to very little nookie and even less time to talk about it.

But this play I was helping with turned out to be a bit of a silver lining to giant storm clouds. I met, or rather had already met but had never spent time with really and so got to spend time with, this very attractive young woman, a few years younger than me but well within my age range. She's married, but the way she flaunts her body... Anyway. She needs a name, even if I only rarely use it. Cynthia. That works.

I was content to ogle occasionally. I'm always content to ogle occasionally. You'd be surprised what I can get away with. People don't think of women as ogling, which is silly but hey, I'll take it.

Then she broke the news that she and hubby were moving far away as soon as the show closed. Oh no, and we were getting along so well, etc. I figured, oh well, at least I'll have ogled her some.

Then during strike she was once again wearing something skin-tight and revealing. She's a dancer, and yeah, has the body for it too. Very tight, toned, delightful breasts, perky little nipples which could clearly be seen through her top, the whole deal. Gorgeous black hair. Soulful eyes. Kissable lips. Yummy.

And, well, the motto that I titled this post came to mind. So I decided to shoot my shot, as it were. So I said to her, "I know you're spoken for, but you are devastatingly attractive and if you were single I would love to invite you out for cocktails after." After all, what was the worst that was going to happen? She was moving away. She could say, "Flattered but spoken for," and we'd leave it at that.

Immediately after I said it, and as I looked at her face, I became convinced that she was frowning. Nope. I had thought with my stupid cunt and now she was going to laugh in my face, run and tell all her friends, the whole deal. Disaster. And all because Lexi got a little wet and popped questions she should have kept to herself.

I am not neurotypical. This should be clear to anyone who spends more than five minutes with me. Honestly, I have no idea what I was thinking. It would be one thing if I'd made it sexual, but no, I basically asked a married lady out on a date.

She didn't frown, despite my brain's fight-or-flight reflexes telling me otherwise. She considered it for a moment and said, "I'm not much of a drinker, but I'd be open to that."

Ok then. Maybe she and her husband are open. Or maybe she's just being friendly. The libido part of me was rushing on ahead while the rational part considered this development.

"I'm honestly not much of a drinker either." This is true. Used to be, but these days I might have a glass of wine every blue moon or so. "I only offered that so I wouldn't say something more embarrassing." Understand that we'd been talking for a while now, gotten to know each other a little. That's all I can say to justify my responses.

"Oh? Like what?" 

Fuck. Libido, you're in so much trouble. Nope, not listening to rational Lexi, charging on ahead. "I probably would have offered to give you a guided tour of the ceiling of my bedroom," I said, laughing to show that I was totally not serious. Not my best line. Not a good line at all. But she laughed. Very nice laugh, very dry and practical but still gracious.

"Well, as it happens, I'd happily take you up on that if I weren't spoken for already, as you said," she said.

Oh well. Things had gone well enough but obviously I was asking too much. No harm done, I guess.

But then she continued. "As I am spoken for, I was wondering if I could invite you back to my place? Because I'm not going to lie, you're pretty attractive yourself, and my husband and I have been looking for a third..."

Oh holy shit yes. I was nodding wildly. "I'm your gal," I said, or words to that effect. She looked relieved.

"Really? Because..." And then we were interrupted by someone asking where to put something. She said, "Ok, tonight?" 

"Hell yes."

"Hell yes. I'll let him know to expect us." And we left it at that.

We finished strike. I tried hard not to be super obvious that I was eyebanging her every chance I got. Like, seriously lady, you're wearing something that leaves very little to the imagination. I could see the globes of her ass every time she bent over, and she didn't seem to care about showing herself off at all.

Then everyone was saying their goodbyes. This company doesn't do cast parties after strike. So much the better. It was still plenty early, and I was dripping wet. She came up to me, gave me a hug, then whispered in my ear, "Vince is dying to meet you." Vince being her husband.

"What's your address?" 

She made sure no one was paying attention, then gave it to me. Close by. Good.

Hugging her, smelling the scent of her, was enough to get me tingling. She broke away and I enjoyed the few seconds of her walking away before I was accosted by another well-wisher. All I wanted to do was run to my car, but instead I was thanked for helping out for the umpteenth time, gathered my tools and so forth, and finally made it outside as everyone else was already leaving.

The blast of icy air on my privates woke me up a little. I considered. Texted Sveta to tell her I would be home late if at all. Gave her a quick, "Momma gets to have a threesome with a married couple!" explanation. Then hopped in my car, told Satan to go fuck himself, and drove to Cynthia's place. Two cars in the driveway. Lights on on the porch. Thank God for GPS. In the bad old days I would have had to get directions, gotten lost, and given up, or shown up at the wrong house.

She answered the door wearing something less revealing than she'd been wearing. "Oh thank God," she said. "I thought maybe I came on too strong, scared you off."

"Funny, I thought the same thing," I said.

"Honey, Lexi's here," she called into the house. "Come in, come in, you must be freezing."

Vince, whom I'd never met, was not a Vince. I'm not saying that's his name, but his name didn't suit him. Smaller, nerdy, not bad looking but not Vince. But I guess names don't always suit people. Sandy blonde hair, average build, wearing slacks and a polo. They offered me beverages and I just had water, plenty of water because I was feeling a little dehydrated after all my exertions during strike.

We sat on the couch and made awkward chitchat. I began to get the feeling that maybe Vince wasn't in on the whole matter. I was just about to suggest a topic of conversation which might lead its way around to sexy times when Vince said, "So Lexi, your wife is okay with this?"

"Oh heck yes, she doesn't mind at all." Which was mostly true. Sveta has been missing me at home, but she wasn't jealous of any sexy times I might be getting up to.

"We've never... I mean, we've both wanted to, but finding a woman who's up for it is so hard," he said.

"Finding couples who are up for it isn't easy either," I said with a laugh. "I think most people are afraid to admit it."

"So you've done this before?" Cynthia asked.

Oh boy. "Yeah, a few times," I lied through my teeth. No reason to be honest. Sorry.

"Should we go to the bedroom and see what happens?" Vince asked Cynthia. 

"Are you ready?" she asked me.

"Babe, I've been ready since before I asked you out at strike," I said honestly. She laughed. Vince looked enthusiastic.

"We've both had affairs, and told each other about them, but we've never had a girl together," he said.

"I was always curious," Cynthia added. "He's been wanting to watch me with another girl for a long time."

"So I'm not your first?" 

"No. Does that upset you?" 

"Of course not. Just means you know what you're doing." I paused. No sense not asking. "So are you looking to just watch the two of us? Or...?" 

"Oh hell no," said Vince, looking even more enthusiastic. "I wasn't sure what you were up for. We want to share you completely."

"Is that okay?" she asked, looking a little worried.

"If that means we all get to fuck, I'm so okay with that," I said truthfully.

"Why are we only now meeting you," laughed Vince. Well, he laughed a little and then...

It's my philosophy in threesomes to get the awkwardness out of the way early.  So I went over to him and kissed him. He was a cold fish for about two seconds, then the shock wore off and he pulled me down to him with eagerness. "Oh wow," Cynthia said.

Then she didn't say much of anything because I gently moved away from him and kissed her. She didn't hesitate an instant. Her tongue with in my mouth and her hand was on my ass and yeah, I'm thinking Cynthia has maybe had women a time or two. I enjoyed making out with her, enjoyed the awed noises her husband was making, enjoyed him reaching over and putting his hand on my ass too. 

Then she broke away. "I don't want this to be tawdry and rushed," she said to him. "Let's go to the bedroom so she can be comfortable."

I have to say, fucking a couple often leads to them talking about me like I'm not there, or like I'm some sex toy. I don't mind, really, as long as they're being polite about it.

"Lexi, do you want to freshen up? We can wait. After all, you just..."

"If you'll have me like this, I'm happy to go wherever you want," I said. "Although I must confess that if I'd known tonight was going to be like this, I'd have brought something more exciting than my work clothes."

"Honestly, I think it's hot," said Vince. "You've got this whole working vibe going on."

"Then let's go to the bedroom and you can take them off me," I said with a smile.

Their bedroom was much nicer than ours, but the bed was just as big, so that was good. We didn't do a lot of talking after that. I do remember telling her to get his cock out. Both girls were still fully clothed but I had established that she was wearing no bra under her blouse and he had rubbed the seam in the crotch of my jeans hard enough that I almost came.

His pants came down and she showed off his cock. Decent length, nothing too massive but nice and hard. He enjoyed us playing with it, enjoyed it even more when we both kissed and sucked it, then each other. Her blouse came off and I was delighted to see that her tan nipples were just as perky as they'd appeared through her tight top earlier. I suckled them while she sucked him.

"Oh god baby, I'm gonna blow," he said. He looked a little sheepish.

"Let me eat your cum off your wife's gorgeous tits," I purred. I was feeling great.

"Oh god yeah," he grunted, and pulled back and shot ropes of cream onto her chest.

She was urging him on, "Go on baby, give me all of it!" She stopped being quite so coherent when I started eating the cum off her very nice breasts, and she stopped altogether when I kissed her and fed her some cream off my tongue.

"That is so goddamn hot," said her husband. Yes, yes it was. "I'll be ready again in a minute, you gals just play with each other." Don't have to tell me twice.

I pulled her up onto the bed and kissed and licked my way down her body, over her tits, the flat belly with a cute outie belly button, the hip bones, soft but still present. She was wearing jogging pants which slipped down to reveal sensible gray panties, lace but much less revealing than I expected. She shuddered as I pulled those down too, revealing her pubis, glistening with excitement. Her pussy lips were pink rather than tan like her nipples, which one doesn't see that often. She smelled fresh, like she'd showered before I got there, which I assume she had.

When I spread her legs and dove in, she twined her fingers through my hair and held on for dear life. Her legs wrapped around my head and held me there too, and I lapped away for all I was worth. Her clit was anyway peeking and she didn't mind when I suckled it a little. She didn't mind fingers either, when I brought two of them to bear to her upper wall.

"Holy shit, I'm cumming!" she gasped and then tensed up and arched her back so hard I was a little worried she'd hurt herself. She moaned five or six times, then relaxed and let my head free from her legs and hands, and I took that as my cue to let up on the pressure. "Fuck," she sighed. "I haven't cum like that with a woman in a long time."

"Better than Jasmine?" her husband asked from behind me.

"Different, that's all." I didn't pry. Maybe Jasmine is her  regular thing.

"Ok Lexi, now it's your turn," Vince said magnanimously. I appreciate his generosity, honestly I do. I've been in situations like this where I didn't get any attention after all.

She pulled me up to kiss me and in the same motion worked my t-shirt up over my head. Vince behind me was pulling down my pants and panties in one fell swoop, leaving me in nothing but my bra. Cynthia was kissing me again and I felt Vince spread my cheeks and plant his face between them, his lips on my mons, and his tongue wasn't bad at all. I forgot to be self-conscious about how I look. I forgot to do much of anything but raise my ass a little and then, with glee, finally have the orgasm I'd been building up to all evening.

"Don't stop," I begged as the first rush left me. "God, yes, lick my clit hard!" And I came again almost immediately, my lips locked to hers while he did as he was told. 

After that, I was ready to do whatever they wanted, pulled my bra off and tumbled back into bed with both of them. Naked, we kissed and explored, their hands on every part of me. They kissed and I slipped down lower and took his hardness into my mouth while I fingered her wet snatch. He started thrusting into my mouth so I adjusted and slipped him into her. Then she rolled us all over into she was riding him and I could suck his balls while she did so. I'm not usually one for ball sucking but it gave me a great position to watch as his hard cock thrust up into her.

Then we were moving again, and she was pulling me up to her embrace, and he was sliding behind me and then pressing his hard cock into my pussy. Good God, that felt amazing. She and I made out for a while as he gently fucked me, then he pulled out and fucked her while I rubbed her clit. At some point he pulled out and came between our bodies, and she came on my fingers, moaning my name into my mouth. 

Then we cuddled and talked for a while. I heard a few fun stories about both of their affairs. I told a few stories of my own which wouldn't get me into any trouble. Nothing worth repeating.

They asked me if I minded not using condoms, and I told them I was totally okay with it. Don't do as I do, kids. Practice safe sex. You never know where that cock has been.

Then came the story of Vince fucking a girl in the ass, which apparently Cynthia thought was incredibly hot to hear about. I asked her if she wanted to watch him fuck me in the ass, and I swear her pupils dilated as she heard me say it. He was obviously thrilled by the idea.

They didn't have any lube, silly amateurs, and the only lube I had was in my car and I didn't want to get dressed to get it. Cynthia offered olive oil, which was fine with me. The girls both had fun lubing up his cock, then he and she took turns lubing up my ass. She was fascinated by it. I asked, "Why have you two never done this?"

"I'm scared," she admitted.

"I don't want to hurt her," he said.

I left it at that. I think they should try it, given how turned on they both were about it, but I'm not forcing the issue.

"I'm used to anal," I said, "So you can go a little harder than you should with a newbie."

"Ok, here goes," he said. He was behind me, doggy style, with her hand guiding his cock and her other hand on my ass. He pressed forward and into my sphincter.

"Oh yeah," I sighed. "Cynthia, be a dear and rub my clit while your husband fucks me."

She did better than that. She got down there and started eating me out with abandon, and if Vince was good at it, Cynthia was great. Obvious experience. I came, just a little O to warm things up, while he pressed deeper and then pulled back and pressed in again.

Eventually she was licking my joy buzzer with abandon while he fucked my ass nicely, a little more gently than he needed to, but nicely nonetheless. I could feel delightful pressure on the wall between my pussy and my ass, and I came again, harder this time. In the middle he grunted, "Oh damn, I'm gonna..."

"Don't stop, please don't stop!" I begged.

He listened, thank goodness, and I felt him thrust again, then the tension of him cumming into my ass, then the softened cock slipping out of me. Cynthia didn't stop either, until I had to stop and rolled off her face.

After that they wanted me to spend the night, but I said with honesty that Sveta was anxiously waiting my return. It wasn't even that late at that point. Goodbye kisses turned to making out with Cynthia again, and Sveta, anxious or not, was forgotten in the heat of the moment. Vince was, I'm afraid, pretty much forgotten too. He'd given his all.

We were too different in height to try 69ing, so she sat on my face and played with my pussy with her fingers. I came, she didn't, but she assured me that it wasn't for lack of trying and that she'd enjoyed herself.

I left them both naked and spent on their bed, pulled on my clothes, and got home early enough that Sveta and Zoe both were surprised.

And chances are good I'll never see Cynthia or Vince ever again. They're moving this week. We didn't exchange info or anything. I didn't even think of it at the time. Maybe it's for the best.

Anyway, let this be a lesson: sometimes you just have to go for it, and maybe it'll work out.

At Last

Ok, I'm sorry, this is the long-awaited (by me) story of my actor prospect. I'm sorry, things were still kind of busy when I finally had a story to tell, and then I got sick. Don't get sick, kids. It's annoying. No, I didn't have COVID either. I got the fun traditional kind of sick.

But before that, the show finished up and we had a cast party. My actor friend needs a name. How about Darren? Darren was true to his word, didn't say anything to me about hooking up during the whole show process, didn't get impatient, was a total gentleman. Still young enough to be my son, but when has that ever stopped me before.

But at the cast party, he sidled up to me and said, "Is it cool to ask you out again now?"

To which I giggled and acted very much not my age. I swear, sometimes I'm like a schoolgirl. What can I say? His attentions were very flattering.

He'd met Sveta when she came to see the play, and I thought maybe that would dissuade him a little, but no, when I giggled he grinned and then put his hand on my waist like he wasn't several inches shorter than me. "Now I know you know some quiet places around here for us to get better acquainted," he said. Cocky. No, that's not fair. Confident. And I like a little confidence in a guy. I swear, he wasn't pushy or sleazy, just confident.

"I'm not sure I want to get to know you like that," I said. He looked slightly deflated, so I hurriedly clarified, "I mean, I'd like to get to know you in a more comfortable way. Not having to worry about someone walking in. That kind of thing."

"Oh, so it's like that now, is it?" The grin was back.

"I'd invite you home, but Sveta's there and I don't want to share you," I said. I didn't mention that Zoe was also there. No reason to make things complicated.

"No, no, tonight's all about you." And he glanced around to see if anyone was watching and then pulled me gently to him and kissed me, his hand on the upper curve of my ass, his tongue in my mouth, not forceful, just comfortable. So yeah, we made out for a while. I'm pretty sure some other people saw, and I'm not crazy about that because I don't want them to think that this was something that had been going on previously. But we're all adults, and if it makes me seem a little slutty, well, I'm a little slutty.

Finally we broke away and adjusted ourselves back to somewhat normal. He said, "I got an apartment but it's a bit of a drive." Which was okay because my house was a bit of a drive too. And neither of us could afford a motel or anything like that.

So I told him I'd see him there. He gave me the address and then said he was going to take off, "to get things ready for you."

I told him, "I don't need rose petals and candle light." He laughed at that.

I had to stay around and say goodbye to people and it took me longer than I wanted to to get out of there. My panties were drenched already, but I managed not to leave wet patches on any seats. Okay, there wasn't much danger of that, but I really wanted to get some.

I drove to Darren's apartment thinking what an idiot I was being, but at the same time really wanted to rip my clothes off in his doorway and just take him up against a wall. I'm not sure if you've ever had that feeling, but it's frustrating: the feeling that you need sex really badly but the way you're going about it is a bad idea. I don't know why I felt that way, really.

Darren invited me in. "No rose petals, but I did get a bottle of wine," he said.

"Let's worry about refreshments later," I said, and surprised him a little by kind of throwing myself at him. But he adapted quickly and pretty soon his hands were all over my ass while his kisses moved lower and lower on my collar bone.

I hadn't worn anything special as far as clothes, but underthings, well, I anticipated that it might happen so I dressed up a little. When he got to my red lace bra he enjoyed looking at it for a few moments, then cupping my breasts, which I instantly felt shy about because they're not very big and I was sure he wanted them to be bigger. I didn't say that, of course, but it pulled my arousal back a little, I confess.

But then he was licking and sucking my nipples very nicely, and all the doubts and fears and negative stuff went away and I let him take charge because it seemed like he wanted to. I was in just my panties pretty quickly after that, and he was loving my ass in those red lacy panties, let me tell you. It made me blush how much he was all about my ass.

Before he could get my panties off though, I had my hands in his pants and let's just say that his confidence wasn't supported by any physical abnormality in the size department. He was fine. Thicker than long, but just fine. I got his cock out and started sucking it and he was more than fine. Grower rather than a shower, I guess. Not anything I'd put in my top ten, but he was courteous about getting head and he didn't try to shove it down my throat even after I get it down my throat a few times.

"God, looking down at you doing that... damn girl," he said, which I enjoyed as a very nice compliment.

"Do you want me to get you off first, or...?"

"Oh no baby, I want to get you off first," he said. Okay then, mama like.

We had made it to his bedroom by this point, somehow, and he gently guided me to my back on his bed, then slipped off my panties and started going crazy between my legs. The confidence was definitely well-founded as far as his cunnilingus skills are concerned. I'm easy to get off, which he enjoyed, but it was good head. Once I was tingling and flushed and breathing heavily from the orgasm, he pulled his clothes off and joined me in the bed. I felt him press the head of his cock into my pussy, thought for a moment about condoms, dismissed the idea, and enjoyed his kisses as we slowly, firmly made love face to face.

"I love doing it like this," he confessed. "A lot of girls like it from behind or on top..."

"I love it too," I said, kissing him. "It's so intimate." Then I laughed. "A lot of girls?"

"Oh, sorry, don't want you to think I'm some kind of man-slut," he laughed. Then he thrust and drove all thoughts out of my head for a few minutes.

Once I came back to myself and he was still fucking away, I said, "So, not a man-slut, but you've got experience."

"A bit," he said, confidently. "I lost my virginity to my older sister's best friend when I was... well, young. And I've always enjoyed it, you know."

"Oh, me too. Enjoyed it, I mean."

"Speaking of enjoying it, where would you like it?"

"Inside me please."

"Really? Damn girl."

"You can't knock me up and I love the feeling."

"Well all right then." And he started thrusting faster and then grunted and came in me. Well, grunted is a polite way of saying it. His O face was kind of silly. I don't hold it against him, but he sounded like porn and he looked like he was getting kicked in the nuts. But it felt good all the same.

He got up and got us two glasses of wine. "So, you like it inside?" he said.

"Always have."

And then we swapped stories for a few minutes. He does have some experience, I'll give him that. I made up a polite lie about my first time, just that it was an older man, that kind of thing.

The wine gave me a bit of a buzz, not in a bad way, and I started jokingly stroking his cock, which he didn't mind at all, and then we were making out again and he was inside me again and we just thrust against each other for a while before he said, "You need a bit harder?"

"Yes please."

"You want to ride me?"

"I will if you want."

"Naw baby, let me do the work." And he guided me onto my hands and knees and then got behind me and grabbed my ass and started pumping. A nice hard fuck after the somewhat gentler one earlier was just want I wanted, particularly when I was a bit buzzed, and he lasted longer this time, long enough to give me two Os, then unloaded inside me without asking which was fine.

"I can't let you drive home," he said after giving me more wine.

So I called Sveta and let her know that I was okay, just spending the night with Darren. She laughed and told me to enjoy myself. I love my wife.

We talked some more, then he fell asleep and I snuggled him for a bit before falling asleep too.

When we woke up in the morning, or rather he woke me up gently stroking my pussy, we fucked again, though it was kind of sleepy and didn't really go anywhere. Then we took showers, separately because he didn't have much of a bathroom. Then as I was getting ready to leave, he kissed me and passions ignited and we found ourselves fucking again on his couch, me sitting in his lap, him concentrating his attention on my tits, which they enjoyed. He came inside me again, and then we straightened ourselves up and I finally had to say goodbye.

He has my number and we've talked, but we haven't been able to figure out a time to get together again because of work and sickness. I don't know if he'll be a regular thing, but I'm going to ride the train until they kick me off it.

TMI Tuesday

From the vaults:

What do you wear to sleep in?

Usually nothing. Sometimes underwear. I wish I could say there was a method to my madness about this, but it doesn't even seem to be based on the temperature of the room. I've worn nothing to bed for a long time now, so that's just force of habit, but I don't know why I sometimes decide to wear my underwear. And sometimes it's just panties. I don't know. I'm a cypher wrapped in an enigma wearing cute undergarments sometimes.

Do you ever walk around your own place naked?

All the fucking time. I have to get out of the habit of doing that when I know we're going to have company. I've been sent diving for cover by knocks at the door.

Have you or would you ever answer the door naked?

I'm pretty sure I once told the story of how my sister and I answered the door to the pizza guy totally naked when I was much younger and more willing to do stupid things. I wouldn't do it now, even if the visitor was scheduled to see me naked shortly after entering the house. I'm just too self-conscious about it now.

What part of your body do you like to be on show? Why?

I think I've got a decent ass and legs. I am self-conscious about my tits because they're quite small for my frame, and my belly is where I gain weight. I'll sometimes show the butt off a little.

When sunbathing how much do you bare?

I don't sunbathe because I don't tan, I cancer. There was a time when I believed this wasn't true, and I've sunbathed in the nude. I don't really get tan lines but it ensures that every part of my body gets equally burnt.

Have you or would you bare all on a naturist (nude) beach?

I've told stories about beaches. I've bared all (borne all?) on beaches that weren't technically nude beaches. These days I have no idea where the nearest nude beach is, but I'd probably strip down to my birthday suit if the situation called for it.

Have you ever flashed your bits in public? If not would you if it turned your partner on?

I've done this plenty, albeit usually when there was no one else watching.

Have you ever given a striptease or has anyone given you one? Did you enjoy it?

I don't love stripping for a partner because I get self-conscious doing it. But I will, if it turns them on or something like that. I've been stripped for loads of times, and while it's not going to top my list of foreplay options, I enjoy it just fine. Usually with gals. Guys, sorry, I'm just not as visually stimulated by you.

Ever gone skinny dipping? Alone or with others?

I've told skinny-dipping stories on here too. Is it really skinny-dipping if you do it alone? Yeah, probably. I've been nude at the beach in the water. I've skinny-dipped in lakes. I've skinny-dipped at private pools. Basically, yes, I've done this.

Do you like to look at naked people or do you want show off your nakedness?

I prefer to look than show off these days. Actually, that's probably always been true. I'm more of a voyeur than an exhibitionist.

Sexually speaking, what’s the furthest you would go with a partner in public? Have you had sex in public?

I've fucked in public. I've probably told those stories too. I think the most public sex I've ever had was on a crowded, dark dance floor. That's hard to pull off, no pun intended. But I've fucked in public. I'd probably do it again. It's a real thrill.

TMI Tuesday

From the vaults:

Which do you enjoy more in bed, pain or pleasure?

I'm a pleasure gal, I'm afraid. I have to really be in a very specific headspace to enjoy even a little pain, and that's generally only with subby Lexi, who only comes out to play with guys, usually. It's a shame that I don't enjoy pain more because the idea doesn't turn me off, but actually experiencing it usually throws a bucket of cold water on my libido.

Do you like being tickled during sex? Where?

I don't particularly like being tickled during sex unless that's part of the play. If I'm fooling around with someone or someones and we're playing and tickling and sex is also involved in that play, I can dig it. Mike used to tickle me sometimes, and Sheri knows every ticklish spot on my body. I do find that I've gotten less ticklish as I get older. I don't know if that's a usual thing or not.

Have you ever used feathers during sex?

Yes. Once fucked wearing a feather boa as part of a costume, and he used it to great effect on my pussy. It wasn't tickling, it was teasing. I don't really know how to describe the difference but there was one.

Do you like to be blindfolded during sex? Why?

I don't like or dislike it. Sometimes it's great, if my partner or partners know what they're doing. Simply slapping on a blindfold isn't what makes it sexy though. I remember one guy I was with who really wanted to blindfold me and tie me up, and while neither of those things are instant panty-wetters for me, he was super into the idea, so I let him talk me into it. And then all he did was standard, garden-variety stuff he could have done with my eyes open and my hands and feet free. I'm not saying it didn't work for him: it absolutely did work for him, and I'm okay with doing things for my partner rather than myself. But it wasn't that interesting for me.

What makes it interesting, blindfold-wise, is teasing and touching. Or bringing in another person as a surprise. Really, anything which allows me to concentrate my other senses on what's going on works too. And a blindfold does work to heighten the other senses. But if you don't do anything with it, it's just slightly heightened senses while fucking, which can be nice, but isn't immediately attractive to me.

Have you ever used cold or heat as part of your sex play? What provided the cold or heat?

We use warmth often enough. There's nothing like soaking the appropriate toy in hot water to add a bit of pleasure to using it. Extreme heat like flames, not so much, usually because of the pain angle.

Cold is a fun change of pace. The last time I remember doing anything with cold, I sucked on ice cubes before going down on Sveta and Zoe, just to get them used to it, then I used ice strategically. You can't just slap a cube on a girl's clit and make her go off. Or the nipples. Anything sensitive, you've got to tease around. Sveta was more into it than Zoe was, although Zoe got into being the user of the ice on me.

I remember one time, don't recall much about it but this, that ice was used on me and I was in the middle of an orgasm and my partner managed to drop me out of it by judicious application of ice, which sounds bad until you do it multiple times and it just builds the anticipation and then finally your partner puts their warm mouth on your lady parts and gives you an absolutely massive, toe-cramping, eyeball-rolling orgasm which lasts for what feels like hours. I'm not sure I'd do it again, not without that partner who knew what they were doing, but now I can't remember which partner it was, so I guess either I'll figure it out one day or I'll just never have that level of edging applied to me again.

Do you enjoy being spanked, giving spankings, or both?

So my parents never spanked us when we were kids. You shouldn't. It's really bad for children's development to hurt them. It sounds almost crazy when I say it like that.

Anyway, I don't have a spanking fetish because of preexisting trauma or because I want to fuck my parents. That said, occasionally when subby Lexi is out and in control (so to speak) I am totally fine with the idea of being spanked. And here I'm not referring to getting slapped on the ass while being fucked. That, I can sometimes get into, but I'm a wimp. No, I'm talking about taking me over your knee and slapping my ass repeatedly in a way which gets both of us excited.

As far as giving spankings, I'll do it if asked. It helps if there's roleplay going on or something like that, but if that floats someone's boat, I'm okay with it. I like to give spankings to girls more than to guys because girl butts are just better, sorry guys.

Do you have a safeword? Have you ever used it?

I've never done more than joke about a safeword. That's a bit too hardcore for me. If I were going to indulge in a couple of fantasies where the usual "stop it" wouldn't work, I'd come up with one, but as of yet I've never been in a situation where I felt the need of one and was given the opportunity to have one. Don't make my bad choices. Only indulge in safe play.

Zoe's Secret Fetish

It's not that uncommon for people in this house to be watching porn. This might not come as much of a surprise. We try to keep it to times when it won't be a bother, so for instance we don't watch porn on the TV in the living room very often, and we don't watch porn when there are outsiders present. But despite the fact that it might seem like there would be no reason for any of us to need to tickle the tender tamale, what with willing partners around, all three of us sometimes just want to get off in as expedient a manner as possible.

I mention all this as prelude because walking in on someone watching porn is usually a non-issue. Occasionally someone will walk in on someone else slickly spelunking and offer to join in, but honestly usually it's just a matter of saying hey, I'll leave you to it. Masturbation, despite my enjoying numerous funny ways of referring to it, is no big deal. It's just something you do.

So when I came into the room and Zoe immediately hid her phone from me, even though it was clear that she'd been making solo clam chowder, I wondered what was up. I asked her what was up. She said, "Oh, nothing much." But she's not practiced in the art of being nonchalant about playing with her joy buzzer in my company, so it was clear something had been up. If she'd been a guy, she would have been hard as a rock.

As it was, I mostly chalked it up to Zoe's inexperience. Sometimes Sveta even gets a little shy about dancing the two-finger tango. Me, I'm over shyness about fingering myself, but I was just raised that way. Old habits die hard.

Anyway, I let it go, left the room, let her get back to it, figured that was that. But it kept happening. I don't mean it happened every time I came into the room or anything, but I "caught" Zoe giving herself panty CPR more than once over the course of the following few days, and she was always extremely coy about it.

So I figured, hey, gal's got a secret fetish she's not letting on about. That's cool. Communication is key, but it takes time. I even harbored a small hope that maybe Zoe was turned on by incest and that would make everything so much easier, but I also know that liking incest porn and being okay with the real thing are two very different things, so it was a very small hope.

Then one day I was watching porn myself on my computer and had managed to stray pretty far afield from my typical fare. I had found this fetish model who was super into piss, and while I hadn't been looking for it, it tickled a certain fancy, so I was watching this model piss in the woods or something like that and didn't even notice that Zoe had come in until she said, "Oh my god, you like it too?!"

Understand that I haven't told Zoe everything. I haven't told Zoe a lot of things. Zoe is blissfully unaware of this blog, for example. She also has no idea how well-traveled I am, sexually. I haven't hidden it from her, but I haven't held story time or anything. She knows what she's asked about and if I haven't volunteered additional information, that's on me I guess.

So poor Zoe had no idea that she wasn't just some sick freak who enjoyed watersports. I guess it's partially on her for not being honest about it, but come on, she's young, relatively inexperienced, and Sveta and I have never brought it up.

Thus I got to have a delightful conversation about piss play with Zoe, piss play novice. She was extremely eager though, once she got over the initial shock. And she's definitely subbe in this regard. Has no interest in peeing on anyone, really, but is definitely down for being used to pee on, in, or around.

Sveta and I have tried a little watersports stuff, but she's not that into it, and I am largely dominant with other women when it comes to lesbian piss play. But hey, Zoe wanted it, wanted it bad, so who was I to say no to being given the gift of a gal who wants a little domination?

It didn't take much to get me to adjourn to the bathroom, though I did tell Zoe that it would be even better if we had a better tub. She was practically begging to eat me out while I pissed on her though. We stripped down and I let the girl get to work revving up my engine, which didn't take much, then I stopped her and said, "I think maybe your first time, you should take it slow, okay?"

"Okay Lexi," she said, looking up at me with these liquid eyes that just made me want to throw caution to the winds and fill her stomach with gold. I resisted. Time enough for that later.

I really should have drunk more water and waited, so it wouldn't be quite as strong a taste, but she didn't want to wait and honestly neither did I. "Open your mouth," I said, gently but firmly. She obeyed. "Now, stick your tongue out and just taste it first." And I relaxed a little and let the piss trickle onto her tongue.

And she loved it.

Caution was thrown decidedly to the winds shortly thereafter because Zoe was doing the throwing. I pulled her head to my cunt, let her lips wrap around my pubis, and then let flow, and God damn if she didn't start drinking it like she was made for it. It's not like in porn where they let it spill out so you can see it. She wanted all of it, and she got it.

I came up empty before either of us were really ready to stop, but then I pulled her up to kiss her, tasting my pussy and my piss on her lips. Then we fucked, hard, in the shower, with a strapon, me behind her pulling her back onto me. I didn't cum until I forcefully pulled her face down to my pussy and ordered her to lick me clean.

Then after that, I felt really guilty for being so forceful, so I helped her to bed and spent a long time tenderly licking her vulva until she begged me to stop because she couldn't stand to cum anymore.

It was, in a word, hot. Hot as hell, in fact. We discussed it and she was totally game, wanted more. Plus she's interested in peeing her panties, or doing it outside. It's getting too cold to do that these days, but who knows?

Anyway, Zoe's a little piss freak. Who would have guessed?

I'm Still Here

I haven't died or gone away for good. I've just been very busy with this play I'm directing and work and so forth. I promise, smut is coming.

Prospects

So I'm directing a play at the moment, and one of the actors in it is this very nice, very attractive young man who has made no secret of his interest in little old me. I don't get it myself; surely he has other options. But he's insisting on barking up my tree.

First I told him he was young enough to be my son. "That makes it even hotter," he said. "Also, I don't believe you." He's cocky. I can appreciate that.

Then I told him I had a wife. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean..." and he got all awkward until I told him that I was bi and that she didn't mind, but he should know that. "Wow, that just makes you about the hottest girl on the planet." Yeah, I'm susceptible to flattery just like the next woman, what can I say?

Finally, I told him it wouldn't be appropriate, to which he said, "I get that. But as soon as the show is over, better believe I'm asking you out again." And I got a little awkward and blushed and said that if he put it that way...

So we've firmly agreed that nothing is going to happen as long as I'm his director. But at the cast party, who knows? I might very well reward persistence.

Mike Came Over at Just the Right Time

So Zoe was out of town with some friends, Sveta was out of the house with some friends, and I had the house all to myself, so Mike came over. I make it sound like he lives just down the street, which isn't the case at all (how I wish) but it was as spontaneous as it gets with us these days.

He was barely through the door before I was pulling down his pants. "Less talk, more hard," may have been something that I said. What can I say? I miss my brother.

He managed to get the rest of his clothes off while I was sucking him, then we retired to the couch, or rather the floor in front of the couch, where he pulled off my panties and fucked me nice and hard. Feeling him slide into me just completes me in a wonderful way. It's not that I don't love my girls, but a gal needs a cock every now and then, and Mike's cock fills my needs in a way few others do.

I came satisfactorily, which is to say that it was an O and it happened, but Mike had previously promised eye-crossing orgasms, perhaps foolishly, and I reminded him of this. I'll say this for Mike; he is not afraid to get his nose all up in my butthole. Never has been. I'll be honest: it's not my favorite way to eat out a girl, but I will take it like a little bitch if it's being offered.

Pretty soon he had three fingers in me, spreading my cunt nice and wide, making me wetter than the Hoover Dam, and just as I was about to cum he backed off and started fingering my ass. This was frustrating, to say the least, because while I can cum from being anally pleased, it takes more than that most days. And damn was I ready to cum.

"Beg me for it," he said with what I could tell, even without seeing it, was a shit-eating grin.

"Please Mikey, please make me cum so hard. I need it bad."

"Bad enough to wait for it?"

"No, please don't tease me," I said, slightly less begging and more serious this time. "I really do need it."

"I think you need to wait for it a little so you'll appreciate it." Okay, so Dom Mike was coming out to play, and subby Lexi likes Dom Mike even though she hates him too. "Get over here and suck me off. I want to see you swallow this big load I've built up for you."

There was some grumbling, particularly when he stood up and moved away to make me crawl toward him. "Beg me for me cum," he said.

"Please Mikey, please let me swallow all that cream."

"Do you want it bad?"

"So bad."

"Bad enough to let me fuck your face?"

"Fuck my face Mikey, please!"

Mike is one of the few guys I will let get away with this shit. It's just a game with us. And we both know our limits. Like he knows not to push it about rimming him, for instance. Not that I wouldn't, but even subby Lexi has reservations about it.

And because he's one of the few guys I let get away with this, he's also one of the few guys I let hold my hair while he fucks my face. For some reason it turns me off with a lot of guys. It's like they don't trust me to hold still or something. But if Mike wants to fuck my throat, he's getting the hair treatment too.

So he grabbed handfuls of my hair, I opened my mouth, and he fucked my throat. I hadn't really planned on him doing that at the outset, but I was totally into it now. I gagged on it a little because he was going so hard, but nothing dangerous. And then he pulled back, held my face in place with one hand in my hair, and shot rope after rope of tasty jizz into my mouth. I swallowed, cleaned him up, and then said, "Okay, that was fun. But now it's Momma's turn."

"Huh?"

"Oh, you think you're going to get away with being all masterful? Think again, wise guy. Now get your face between these thighs this instant or I will be forced to discipline you!"

To Mike's credit, he gets as well as he gives, and he got a multiple out of me before he leaned back and said, "Hi sis."

"Hi bro."

"Wasn't it better after waiting a little?"

"You little shit. Yes, it was."

"I'm hard again. Lady's choice of position."

So we fucked tenderly and slowly missionary for a while, then he rolled me over on top of him and we fucked like that until he spent inside me but stayed pretty hard, so we just stayed like that and made out for a while, then talked about this and that.

"I've got one more in me before I leave," he said finally. "Can I fuck your ass?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

He got me on my hands and knees again and pressed his sloppy cock into my colon in one thrust, then slowly but firmly moved in and out, his fingers on my joy buzzer until I came and collapsed to my face without being able to help myself. He gripped my hips and started working harder, straight down into the flesh between pussy and ass, stimulating me though I wasn't sure I'd be able to cum again after how hard I'd come before.

I didn't make it before he grunted and thrust home, but that just meant I could feel each tension in his cock as he fired his seed into my asshole, then pulled out and wiped his cock on my ass cheek. "See you sis," he said, then got himself together and left with me still lying on the floor in bliss.

Swimwear Makes Me Horny

I'm back. I told you I would be.

The title of this post is the God's honest truth: I love a gal in a bikini, including myself. Wearing a swimsuit, of any sort, seems to press my buttons a little. I don't know if it's the exposed nature of it or what.

Anyway, Sveta, Zoe, and I went to the local pool the other day and met with some friends. You probably don't remember Jax and Poppy because the last time I talked about them was so long ago I was still working retail, but we've stayed in touch, though we didn't really see each other that often. They came to the wedding though and were part of the terrific after-after-party. Anyway, they invited us to the pool, and said quietly to me that they wanted to meet more of Miss Zoe (they'd met her previously, but they wanted some alone time with her), so we accepted.

I wasn't feeling awesome about my body that day. That's a regular feature of me recently, I'm afraid. I'm not fishing for compliments, but getting older and weighing a few more pounds puts me into a mild dysphoria or something like that. Anyway, I had to be practically shoved into my bathing suit by Sveta. It didn't help that she looked so amazing in hers that I just wanted to take it off her again. And then Zoe looked great in hers too, and I felt like the Ugly Duckling with all this nubile young flesh about. But once in my suit, it worked its magic and I didn't want to bother going to to the pool, I just wanted to invited Jax and Poppy back to our house and skip the great outdoors altogether.

But we had fun. Poppy was wearing a fairly conservative one-piece but it still managed to flatter her curves, and Jax was wearing these frilly things that looked like they were about ready to fall off of her and just made me wish it was a private pool. We did the usual silly things, splashed each other, acted not at all our age, generally just made people wish they were us, I guess.

I started fooling with Jax almost immediately. She kept swatting me away until I started whispering sweet nothings in her ear and she finally let me slip my hand into her bottoms. I didn't do much; pool water is a lousy lube and it's not like there weren't fifty other people there, but I tickled her a little.

Poppy seemed similarly taken with Zoe, and they were almost snuggled up by the time Sveta, being the brains of the outfit, said in no uncertain terms that she was getting out and leaving if we didn't behave a bit better.

"Well, why don't we all get out and misbehave somewhere more comfortable," I said, because if I didn't have a pussy on my face in the next few minutes I was going to start screaming. So we all agreed to go back to their place because, like I said, they've got a nicer place, plus our place is... in process, shall we say. Busy times have not been kind to our state of preparedness for company.

We all piled into their car because the three locals had walked, and I confess that during the drive some hanky was pankied, but nothing much to write home about, just some brief flashes of nipples and gropes. We made it through their door without removing any clothing, and then it was like an explosion of lesbians everywhere. Poppy snagged Zoe and made off with her to the couch, while I dove into Jax's snatch and she had her face juiced by Sveta. Rough and tumble was the order of the day. Jax is extremely ready for rough, and I was practically fisting her by the time she came.

The trio separated after a while to watch as Poppy took Zoe to school. I mean, I think Zoe might have someone else to love now, because Poppy had her cumming like it was on sale. It was slightly humbling, honestly. But I didn't get much of a chance to feel too humble because Jax started giggling with Sveta and they both pulled on strapons and DPed me. It's not quite as good as two cocks, sorry ladies but rubber is never going to feel a nice as a warm cock inside me. But it was very nice, particularly because Jax was in my ass with a studded dildo that made me beg for mercy.

I came hard and then it was Sveta's turn for the wringer. I told Jax to swap out for something a little more reasonable if she was going to fuck my wife's ass, which made her laugh and made Sveta, bless her heart, blush a little. Then we reoriented, and Sveta sank down on Jax's dil until she was lying back against her, Jax's arms around her and stroking her beautiful breasts. I guided my dil in gently because Sveta hasn't got the DP experience I do, and we slowly fucked like that until Sveta was whimpering nonsense and grasping feebly at my hips to pull me in. She must have cum somewhere in the mix, but she was blissed out so hard she didn't say anything, just kept moaning softly.

I looked over and Zoe looked pretty spent, though I'm sorry I missed so much of what spent her. Jax called Poppy over and we let Sveta down slowly and then replaced her with Poppy, who was making out with Jax while I fucked her ass hard with the studded dildo. Zoe must have regained her strength at a certain point because she showed up between them, or rather her pelvis did. Poppy and Jax are not shy about tossing salads, so Zoe got licked from both ends, and from what I heard from her later she is going to expect that level of treatment from her two regular partners more often. It's okay. I'm not a giant ass-eater but I'll do it.

Everyone was cumming, everyone was sweating, and a good old-fashioned fun time was had by all. After that, we lay back on various items of furniture, totally naked and steaming, and had drinks and discussed things. Zoe, bless her heart, was pondering getting a little DP action but decided against it, so she and Jax snuggled and then scissored and made out for a while. Sveta made her way around Poppy's body with her tongue, while I let Poppy show me a thing or two about head. Orgasms were had again, here and there, though there wasn't the fierce urgency at this point.

Then Poppy drove us home because Jax was curled up asleep on the couch. We invited her in, strictly for reciprocity's sake, but she didn't accept and no one was insulted.

And I managed to get a sunburn, even though I had all kinds of sunscreen on. Fortunately the endorphins and adrenaline of the orgy were enough to keep my from hurting then, but the next few days were less pleasant.

We might get to see them again before the summer is out. Anyway, I hope this was worth the wait. The internet has been restored and hopefully will remain so, and while I don't guarantee anything, I should hopefully be able to report on any fun that happens.

The Internet Around Here Sucks

I'm not dead, in prison, or bailing on the blog again. I've just been without internet for days now. I was hoping to resume with as little interruption as possible, but it seems like it'll be days more before the situation changes. If you need to reach me, you know what to do, probably.

Father's Day

For Father's Day this year Zoe went to celebrate with her dad and though Sveta really would have preferred to celebrate with my family, she went to her dad because family obligations are annoying but sometimes necessary. Which meant I was all alone in the house.

Only kidding. It meant I got to see my parents in a context where we didn't have to pretend for Zoe's sake. Plus, and this is a big plus, Mike came to visit too, similarly unencumbered by plus-ones who might not have known what was up. I haven't seen Mike in that context in forever. Probably not since the wedding, and that didn't really count either.

Of course Mom got first crack at Mike, but that was okay because Dad wanted first crack at me. It had been way, way too long for both of us. He was hard as a rock the second I walked through the door, said, "Your mother and Mike are upstairs, what say we stay down here for a bit?"

"Okay Daddy." And I slipped effortlessly back into little girl mode even though I'm hardly a little girl anymore. It's okay. I'm Daddy's little girl and that's all that matters.

We wanted to be face to face at first because there was a lot of kissing that needed to be done. In fact, he didn't immediately penetrate me, just held me in his arms and kissed me, his cock jutting between my legs. Back in the day when I was younger, I would have given him a Father's Day blowjob to really work him up, but we were both too frantic for that, and anyway he was as worked up as he was going to get and I had drenched my panties on the ride over, so we were plenty ready. Plus there's nothing that says that a Father's Day blowjob can't be administered as a change of pace during sex as opposed to before. Plus his cock tastes good with my pussy juice on it.

He hitched my hips up a little and slid into me, and I came. God I was ready for it. He thrust slowly in and out while I spasmed, his hand on the small of my back, guiding me onto him. It feels like comfort food but sex, if that makes any sense. While I'm with Dad, I feel safe from all the bullshit.

I came down after a moment and we talked a little while he gently but firmly kept guiding my hips around his, his shaft stroking every inch of my insides. I don't really remember what we talked about, but it wasn't that I was blissed out, just that it wasn't anything important.

"Can you ride me a little, girly? I'm not as young as I used to be."

I didn't say anything but that made me a little sad, because it's true. He's not. But I'm going to enjoy every minute of him I get. We adjusted until I was sitting in his lap, my legs between his, letting my ass press back against him with some rocking and some rotation. His hands were on my tits and my belly, holding me close, and we kept talking about random stuff until he got a little too enthusiastic and shifted his grip to my hips again, pulling me down and pressing up, not fast but hard, going as deep inside me as he can, until I came again, longer this time, my fingers on my clit.

At some point after that Mike and Mom came down and I hopped off Dad to go give my brother a big wet kiss. He returned it and we laughed. "Don't let me stop you from giving Dad his present," Mike said, giving me a playful slap on the behind.

"Actually, I got Dad something that isn't as boring as fucking his daughter yet again," I said, because I did. Just a little something. Mom went out to the kitchen to get dinner ready, and I said, "Of course, Daddy gets whatever he wants today."

"Well I'd like a little head to warm me up," he said. "Mike, why don't you get behind your sister and do whatever you're gonna do in her ass so I don't have to deal with sloppy seconds in that tight little pussy."

No sooner said than done. I had Dad's monster cock down my throat while Mike, after a moment of fucking my pussy to get some juice going, pressed into my asshole. Dad doesn't mind when I'm throating him and someone's fucking me from behind; he says it does fun things to my throat.

Eventually though, Mike pulled out, slapped my butt a little harder than necessary, and said, "Go on, let the old man finish in you. If he remembers how." I have no idea why Mike was giving my father a hard time about his age. I guess they were just playing. Normally that kind of joke is reserved for birthdays.

I flipped around, still on my hands and knees, and Dad slipped easily into my wet cunt, his hands gripping my ass cheeks, spreading me a little. He started fucking me hard. I know it's tough for him to finish these days, so I don't mind a little extra force if it gets him where he needs to be. Mike went to clean his cock off, I guess. I knew he'd be back.

I'm pretty sure I came somewhere in there, but I was enjoying the sensations enough that it barely mattered if I did. Dad finally pressed as deep as he could into me and I felt his orgasm fill me. That's one thing about Dad; he may only have one cum in him but it's always a nice big one. I had cream dripping out of me by the time he pulled out and let me clean him off.

"Happy Father's Day," I said, grinning.

"God I missed that," he said, sighing contentedly.

We ate dinner, then Mike and I went down to the basement to fuck properly, since we hadn't gotten a chance in forever. He enjoyed my throat as much as his father, then he got behind me again. I confess that I wish we'd been able to do it missionary first, but I knew he wanted anal and I wanted that too. He was wet with saliva, my ass is open for business when I get aroused, so he had no trouble getting back between my cheeks and going so deep his balls slapped my labia. I diddled myself as he fucked my ass hard, because we were racing to see whether he'd finish before I could get off. Why not? Sometimes it's fun to be kids again.

I won handily. I think he might have let me beat him, because he enjoyed feeling my orgasm on his cock. Then he fucked away for another minute or so and then grunted, "Oh fuck sis, I'm going to cum so hard!"

"Don't talk about it, just do it," I giggled.

He pressed home and fired his proton torpedo into my thermal exhaust port, and we collapsed, sweaty and satisfied.

We went back upstairs, chatted with the folks for a while, then both of us had to leave soon but we both wanted another go. So we kept chatting while I duplicated the position I'd been in with Dad, only with Mike's lap my target. He's not as big as Dad. Sorry Mike, you're just not. But he's plenty big enough. And he's my brother and I love him. We were fucking like that when Mari called to wish Dad happy Father's Day, so we all got to talk to her, though we didn't let on what we were doing.

Finally Mike said, "I'm close but I've got to go harder to finish, okay?" So we adjusted our positions until he was behind me, spooning me, and he thrust hard and fast into me, his hand and mine on my clit, until I came, which just about drove him over the edge. Then I put my clothes back on without really cleaning up and drove home and was sad because who knows when I'll get to see Mike again, or Dad really?

Sveta was out late but Zoe was home when I came home, and she said, "Damn, all I could think about all afternoon with my folks was you."

And me with my pussy creamy. Yeah, that wouldn't do at all. "I'm all sweaty," I said. "My parents keep the temperature too high. Let me take a quick shower and..."

"I'll join you!"

Fuck. "Okay." Because obviously I hadn't just been fucked to within an inch of my life and was totally ready for some hot girl on girl action.

I managed not to drip cum or reveal the state of my panties. We rinsed each other down, me concentrating on my pussy a bit more than was probably necessary, and then Zoe got on her knees and was eating me out. I had to explain that there was nothing wrong with her technique, I was just a little tired, and yes, I was enjoying myself, and yes, I was going to cum. She's so used to me being on a hair trigger.

We finally got out of the shower, managed to dry off a little, then adjourned to the bedroom where I could distract her with my own ministrations. She came like a freight train, which put thoughts of my orgasm out of the picture for a bit. Then she went back to my pussy, which had recovered sufficiently by then that I was able to reward her efforts with a small but presentable O shortly thereafter.

It never rains but it pours. It's okay. I was a bit worn out the next day, but I had no trouble walking or anything like that.

Anyway, a belated Father's Day gift from me to you.

Mental Health Update

I've debated posting this, but... I've not been super open on here about my struggles with mental health because this is a smut blog not an inspirational story of how Lexi managed to triumph over disease. But I have mentioned it in passing a few times, and I know some of my readers know some things as well.

Anyway, the past week or so I have really been struggling. Not in a "I'm going to kill myself" kind of way, just in a "I have been having trouble getting it together to do anything other than what absolutely has to be done" kind of way. This is due to some me issues and some medication issues and also because the world is a bit of a garbage fire.

So I haven't had anything interesting to say, which means nothing gets blogged. And I'm sorry about that, but you don't want to read a bunch of posts which are two sentences long about how I didn't feel up to writing anything that day. "Woke up. Masturbated desultorily. Cooked dinner. Went back to bed." That's not smut, that's just boring.

I'm trying to figure out some fixes for the various issues, but I just wanted to put it out there that this was why I was somewhat silent, so as not to worry anyone. I'm okay. I just have very little creative drive at the moment. Also my sex drive has been low too.

Now I'm going to go try to write a Flash Fiction Friday. Sorry there was no TMI Tuesday this week. I would have made up for it by posting some porn, but really, who cares what porn I'm watching.

How to Handle Liam and Zoe

Liam unexpectedly showed up at the house several days ago when Zoe was around. Fortunately his mom didn't show up too because that would have made things even more interesting, but things were interesting enough. Kate and Kevin are out of town visiting colleges. They grow up so fast, but Kevin seems to be hitting the college search stage early. I'm not sure if that's just the new normal or what. Anyway.

So Liam thought he'd surprise us. And showed up. And then had to endure an hour of awkward small talk where Sveta and I danced around the fact that he'd shown up for a booty call and is decidedly younger than it seems like would be booty call material for us.

He almost left without getting any, which would have suited no one, and we all almost let cats out of bags during the awkward conversation. Finally, Sveta took charge, thank goodness, because I was starting to wonder if it wouldn't just be easier to kill myself.

"Um, Zoe, I know this is awkward, but we know his mom, and... well, she wanted his first time to be in a safe and nurturing environment, so we volunteered," said Sveta, or words to that effect. Honestly, I was so proud of her for being able to say anything coherent.

"Oh my God," said Zoe. "So you're supposed to be having his first time right now and you're stuck talking to me..."

"No, no, that was... a while ago. But we like Liam and he likes us and..." I hastened to interject, now that a course had been charted.

"Oh." Zoe's face fell a little. I honestly think she was excited by the idea of us deflowering a teenager. "So you'd like me to make myself scarce."

"You can join in," said Liam unhelpfully. I gave him a "shut up" look, echoed by Sveta. 

"Zoe is only interested in girls," said Sveta while I was still trying to think of the most diplomatic way to put it. Sometimes straight to the point is best.

"Sorry, you seem nice and all..." said Zoe, sounding like she didn't really mean it. "It's okay. I'll just watch TV down here." And it's a measure of how much I think she's worked through that it didn't sound like she was being passive aggressive about it at all.

There was a bit more discussion, not really of anything new, and then Sveta, Liam, and I went upstairs to the bedroom.

"Next time you're going to drop by, please call first," I said, and given the way I feel about receiving telephone calls, that means something.

"Sorry. I didn't realize..." he started, but Sveta shut him up by kissing him, and things devolved from discussion to sexy times pretty quickly thereafter. "I haven't gotten any pussy in days, since mom left," he said once she released him and started pulling off her blouse.

"Poor baby," I said, already topless. He dropped both his pants and underwear at once. God, his cock has grown into a regular man-sized muscle. I remember when it was at least an inch shorter and skinnier too. Occasionally I miss it, but I'm a freak.

"When you're in college you're going to have to make your own fun," laughed Sveta, shucking her panties. The two of them together is really hot too. I know she feels the same way about seeing me and him together, but this time I wanted to take in the show.

"Just be respectful and matter of fact with girls and they'll probably be happy to let you do them any which way you please," I said. "For instance, I think you should respectfully beg me to let my wife fuck you. Just for practice."

Sveta giggled, Liam blushed, but then he got down on his knees, put his hands together, and begged. "Please, please can I fuck Sveta?" he said, and I think he meant it a bit more than he was letting on. The lack of pussy must have been getting to him.

Sveta laughed and said, "She's not the boss of me. Yes, as long as you eat me out a little first." She likes to make him practice.

So I got to sit back and watch Liam eat my wife out until she begged him to fuck her. Which was pretty arousing, let me tell you. I know, you'd all kill to have been there. Liam is getting good with his tongue, which bodes well for his chances of satisfying girls at college. I know his mother appreciates his talents, and Sveta was appreciating them too. She didn't cum but I think she wanted to cum on his cock, not his tongue.

Then she lay back and he guided that delightful young cock into her and started slowly thrusting, building the suspense, until she moaned, "Oh fuck, I'm cumming!" in a voice which would have made me cum if I'd been him, so I totally understood when he pressed home in a hurry and grunted and painted her insides white.

"I love getting creamed when I'm cumming," Sveta sighed, "but it means I stop cumming too soon."

"I can fix that," I said. And I spent an enjoyable time licking every drop of Liam's semen out of her until she came again, hard, her thighs clamped around my head, cutting off my air supply. My face was wet by the time I finished, and I barely had time to catch my breath before Liam was inside me.

"That was so hot," he said. "I got hard without even touching myself."

He was gripping my hips and thrusting into me, and I came almost immediately, then again shortly thereafter. Then he took a breather, still hard, while Sveta and I made out for his amusement because we spoil him terribly. He wanted to watch us do more than make out, so we attempted to 69 even though with the height difference we find that difficult.

"I wish Zoe was here, even if she just wanted to do you guys and leave me alone," said Liam

"What, two hot girls aren't enough for you?" laughed Sveta.

"Besides, I know you. You'd be trying to convince her to just give you a try the whole time," I said, which isn't fair. Liam understands consent, even if he rarely gets told no by us.

"Can I help it that I want to see all three of you?" Liam said, looking insulted.

"Shut up and lie down," I told him. He laughed and did so, his cock sticking up charmingly like a target. I straddled that, Sveta straddled his face, and we proved to him that two girls is probably more than enough.

I enjoyed being able to look Sveta in the face while fucking. She eventually said he was a little too  distracted and hopped off again, but for the time we were facing each other it was nice. Eventually they were making out while I rode him, and when he came he didn't stop making out with her, so I dismounted and lay back and watched them make out.

"I'm really going to miss you guys in college," he said finally when they came up for air. "Mom too."

He looked crestfallen. I mean, can you blame him. He's got hot and cold running sex at a time when most kids are just having their first awkward encounters. He's heading to college with confidence, I hope, but still, he hasn't really had to work for his supper, as it were.

Sveta was reassuring him that he'd make new friends. I just let her do that. She still vaguely remembers college. Me, I'm ancient.

Reassurances turned to kissing and stroking, and when I jumped in and gave him a little oral action, Liam was ready for round three. I let Sveta have him. In fact, I slipped out of the room while he was slowly, tenderly even, spooning with her. I could have watched but I figured I'd check on Zoe to make sure she wasn't feeling too left out.

"How's it going?" she asked me with a glance at my nakedness.

"He's... I'm not going to lie, he's a great kid," I said, sitting down next to her. "He didn't mean anything by inviting you to join."

"I know. He seems nice. Is he big?"

"He knows how to use it."

"I'm sure he's had good teachers," she said with a little laugh.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" 

"I know you must feel left out."

"I mean, I do, but it's okay. Besides, I don't know his mom. She might not approve."

"I doubt that."

"So you really broke his cherry?"

I hate lying to her, but... "Yes."

"Sveta too?" 

"No, that first time was just me." Which is sort of true I guess. "I mean, can you imagine his first time having to please two women?" 

"I can barely handle pleasing one."

"Don't say that. You're wonderful." And I kissed her to show I meant it.

And she returned the kiss forcefully. Her hands went to my tits immediately. "Are you that horny?" I asked her a little breathlessly.

"Please. I need you."

Ok. We made out for another minute, then she stripped in a rush and was back to me just as quickly. She guided my mouth to her nipples, then down to her snatch. She was dripping wet, and she didn't take long to get off. But she didn't let me go after that.

"Let me please you," she whispered throatily, then without any response on my part she dove between my legs, tongue going crazy on my clit. I was primed and ready to blow, so to speak, so it didn't take much, and I kept her licking through the O and on after it, feeling very pleased indeed.

And then she squeaked and moved to cover herself. I looked up and Liam was coming down the stairs, totally naked. I guess he figured if I could do it, he could. Honestly, Zoe still hasn't quite gotten used to being naked around the house, but she's used to Sveta and I doing it.

Zoe was beet red, stammering all kinds of nonsense. Liam blushed a little too when he understood that he probably shouldn't have come downstairs, but he needed a drink of water and anyway Sveta is at least partially to blame. She could have stopped him. Little minx.

Liam grabbed his drink and beat a hasty retreat, and I had to spend a few minutes reassuring Zoe that it was fine. She wasn't traumatized or anything, just embarrassed at first. Again, I think it was a combination of not being used to just being naked without embarrassment, particularly around boys, and not being used to someone walking through the room while you're fucking, which I get. Sveta still has lingering aspects of the latter. Not everyone has my upbringing.

Anyway, after reassurances, Zoe sent me back upstairs because she said she didn't want me to miss out. And I don't think she was perturbed by this. Which is good.

I came back to the bedroom to find the two co-conspirators fucking again, or still, or whatever. Liam got a little red when he saw me and tried to explain or whatever, but I waved him away and told him it was fine. And I guess it was, mostly. It's part of the Casa Lexi experience to occasionally walk through rooms where people are fucking, so best for everyone to get used to the idea.

I did tell him he owed me an orgasm since Zoe had been interrupted, and like a good boy he asked if I wanted it from his tongue or his cock.

"Have you cum in Sveta twice?" I asked.

"No, I was just getting close."

"Go on, if you want his cock, take it," laughed Sveta.

"I can probably go for four if I take a break," he hastened to reassure me. Ah, the young.

"No, she should get one now," insisted Sveta.

"But I wanted him to fuck my ass," I said, a little petulantly. Like kids with a toy, we are.

"Fine, finish up in me and we'll take a break and then baby can have her buttfuck," laughed Sveta.

Liam flipped her over after she said that and started humping away at her backside, drawing several loud moans from her. I reached down and diddled with one hand while stroking his balls with the other, and shortly afterward I was rewarded by first her orgasm and then his.

Then I went and made dinner. Zoe stopped me and asked, "Um... Should I stay, you know, naked, or are you all putting clothes on?"

"If you're not comfortable, I'll make them put clothes on."

"No, I don't want to do that. I'll just..."

"Whatever you want, honey. This has already been hard for you. No reason to make it more so." 

"I'm fine, really." 

"Ok, if you're sure." She was sure. Like I said, getting used to the idea.

While I was making dinner, Liam came up behind me and started nuzzling my neck. "Can we do it right here?" he murmured.

"Jeez,. I thought you needed a break."

"I did, but then I came down and got a better look at Zoe and..."

"Were you ogling her?" 

"No! I just..."

"Fine. Here, use a little olive oil." The kitchen might be the only room where we don't have lube stashed. 

Which is how Zoe found Liam fucking my ass against the kitchen counter. I only learned this later, given that Liam and I were facing away from the door when Zoe and Sveta came in. According to Zoe, it was pretty hot. So that's good.

There wasn't much spunk when he finally spent in my bowels, but that's okay. Then I finished making dinner, and we all ate naked, and then Liam got himself back together and went home. And Sveta and I tag-teamed Zoe until she begged us to stop.

I had stuff planned for that day too. None of it got done. Ah well. Boys will be boys.

Zoe Works Through Some Stuff

 Zoe came to me and said, "Lexi, I really need a good, hard fuck, you know? Not that what we usually do is bad or anything. I love that. But I haven't had it hard in a while and..."

"I can totally get that," I said, reassuring her. "Do you want me to see if my brother is available?" I said that mostly without thinking.

"Wouldn't that be weird? I mean, wouldn't he feel weird doing me like that?" I could tell she was a little weirded out by that idea, so I backed off on it.

"Mike's fine with that, but if you're not..."

"Nothing against your brother, but I didn't want a guy I don't know."

"Oh. Is there a guy you do know?" 

"I was hoping you might... I mean, with a toy. I just needed it from someone I trust and I trust you."

Ah. I really thought she was trying to get back in the saddle on the boy question. Like I've said before, I just want her to be happy, and if being a lesbian and not bi makes her happy, then that's great. So of course I was willing to help.

It's more difficult to fuck someone hard with a double dil, so I put that thought aside and went with the strap-on. Some days I wish I could sprout a cock at will, but until they develop that technology, I've got a range of options, so I selected one which wasn't huge (because size doesn't matter that much, fellas) and we adjourned to the bedroom.

Sveta asked idly if we wanted her to join us, but Zoe said she wanted a little alone time, so Sveta stayed downstairs. "Don't break the bed," she laughed vs flicked the tip of my fake dick because she's incorrigible.

So Zoe and I went upstairs, I strapped in, and I fucked her as hard as I could. My stamina is not as good as it was before the pandemic (you'd think I'd have more practice, but I haven't been fucking people hard that often) but I made a respectable effort. At a certain point she begged me to get a bigger dil, which I was happy to do. I know I said size doesn't matter above, and it doesn't, but in dildos when you're really going to town on someone, it kind of does. Sorry fellas.

And then she was begging me to spank her, which is not something I get often, but I'm happy to oblige. And then she was begging me to pull her hair, which is definitely not something I get often, but hey, when in Rome. I was being all Domme-y, as Domme-y as I get anyway, and she was lying there with her ass in the air and cumming as I pistoned in and out of her.

Finally, after I was pretty sure I had had enough, she had had enough, which was satisfying. I wrapped her up into a snuggle and told her that I was happy I could give her what she needed, and she started crying. "I feel so bad about wanting it like that," she said.

"Why?"

"Because... it's not loving."

So we had a talk about how sex and love weren't the same thing, and how I was perfectly capable of feeling her love for me even if she wanted to be fucked hard, even if I might prefer it another way most times, even if, and I stressed this, she was with another person than me. That didn't make an impression on her. I swear, she's fallen for me and I really wish she'd find someone else because I'm not sure I'm capable of loving her the way she wants. I don't know. I've never tried polyamorous stuff before because, as I've mentioned, my love is kind of strange to begin with.

Whatever. She stopped crying, and we snuggled a little, and then she let me go make dinner.

So I don't know if she's done working through the stuff she's working through. But at least it was a start, I guess.

She said next time she needs it hard, she wants to be double-teamed. I'm here for that. Sveta could use a little practice with the strapon.

TMI Tuesday

 From the TMI Tuesday Blog:

1. Has a stranger ever done something nice for you? What?

I had a stranger pick up the check for me once. That was nice. I've had strangers (at the time) buy me drinks. That was perhaps understandable, and honestly some of them stayed total strangers, which is fine by me. I've been given orgasms by strangers. Yes, I have cum with people whose names I didn't even know. I led a much more exciting life when I was younger. Some of it made it into the blog.

2. What was the first thing you did this morning?

Moaned in pain and rolled over. I hate mornings.

3. Fill in the blank. My lover was _____ .

My lover was kind. My lover was wise. My lover had only recently met their demise.

Only kidding. I am not into necrophilia at all. Not a kink of mine. And while I might fuck a vampire if given the opportunity out of curiosity, I'm not into vampires either. It just seemed like something Edward Gorey would write.

4. Money fights. When was your last fight about money? Who was it with? Did the issue(s) get resolved or is it still lingering destined to cause another fight?

I don't remember exactly when. A few weeks ago. It was with Sveta. And we resolved it as well as we can resolve things like that. The underlying issue is that we don't have enough money, and unless/until that gets resolved, we're going to occasionally butt heads about it, I'm afraid. It was a communicative fight, not one where we both sulked afterwards.

5. Tell us the best advice you received.

I believe someone told me I should let Sveta know what was going on with my family life, and while at the time that seemed like a really bad idea, it's paid off quite nicely. That doesn't mean it's always good advice though.

6. Tell us the worst advice received.

"Invest in crypto." You'd be surprised how much unsolicited financial advice I've gotten over the years. Please don't be that person. I'm not an idiot and I have no money to invest in anything, let alone a Ponzi scheme. Sorry crypto-people, but you should get out now while there's still some money in it.

That answer has probably cost me readers. Ah well. If you can't deal with your smut-peddler being financially savvy enough to know better, you probably should find a different smut-peddler.

Flash Fiction Friday Whatever

Blah blah blah sister-blog blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah Max's blog blah blah blah. Blah blah picture of my hinder blah.

This is the sort of content that Twitter was made for, but I'm really bad at Twitter so you're getting this instead. I promise, something interesting is bound to happen to me eventually. Or you could ask questions. I take questions. Or whatever. Blah blah blah.

TMI Tuesday

From the TMI Tuesday Blog:

We need to know:

1. What is the best sandwich?

A Reuben combined with a Rachel, so you get corned beef and turkey (preferably smoked) under melted cheese with coleslaw and Russian dressing or Thousand Island, all on good seeded rye. That's tough to beat. Sometimes I like a little sprinkle of cayenne pepper on the dressing before I put anything else on.

2. Scariest animal?

The dreaded candiru!

It turns out it's mostly a myth, but the myth is plenty scary. Feel free to look it up.

3. Ever asked someone for an autograph?

Not to the best of my recollection, but my recollection is spotty at best. I'm not much for meeting famous people. If I had a book and the author was doing a signing I might, but then again I might not.

4. Favorite action movie?

Tough question. For pure "action movie" I might have to go with The Last Action Hero. It flopped famously, but it was just ahead of its time.

5. Fave rom-com?

I don't know what qualifies. I'm not that into rom-coms.

6. Window or aisle?

Nowhere on a plane.

7. Favorite smell?

A barbeque.

8. Least favorite smell?

Grass clippings.

9. Most used app on your phone?

Twitter maybe.

10. You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life, what is it?

This would be hell no matter what I picked. I'm tempted to say Aqualung because at least then I'd have a whole album's worth of music, but I don't love Jethro Tull or anything, it's just the only extremely long song I can think of. I don't think I could even answer this if you gave me a whole album. Or even one artist. I need variety, baby.

Bonus: Describe the rest of your life in five words.

Relatively painless and reasonably sexy. I hope.

Flash Fiction Friday Cross-Post

Does anyone need this reminder? I figure if you care to read my fiction, you're probably already subscribed to the sister-blog, and this feels like a cheating post to me. Like I said, I'm open to suggestions on how to improve these little reminders, but I'm beginning to think that the only way to improve them is to eliminate them.

Head over to the sister-blog for my submission this week, head to Max's blog for the others.

Everyone gone?

 

Anyone still here?

 

Go on. Head over there.

 

Nothing to see here.

Okay, you're stubborn, I'll give you that.

And now, the moment you've all probably been waiting for.

I can't do this every week. But this week I felt like it. And there haven't been many stories recently, so I owe you I guess.

TMI Tuesday - Macaroons

This is a change of pace from the TMI Tuesday Blog:

1. Have you eaten a macaroon? Did you like it?

Does Manischewitz make wine? Yes. The answer is yes, I've eaten many a macaroon, including some which were made by Manischewitz. I'm not Jewish but I play one on TV. And yes, I enjoyed it and expect to continue to enjoy macaroons. Honestly, the last macaroon I had was from a Chinese buffet, so I get around.

2. Do you prefer a coconut macaroon or the original almond paste version?

I've never had a plain almond macaroon. I've had almond macaroons, but they included coconut. I would probably enjoy a plain almond one.

3. Have you made macaroons? Share your recipe if you’d like.

I don't bake. Plus, if I baked macaroons I'd probably eat them all.

4. To jazz up a basic macaroon–egg whites, sugar, and coconut–which of the following will you add?
a. chocolate
b. fresh fruit or fruit preserved
c. candy
d. cinnamon

Chocolate. Always chocolate. Though almond is a nice accompaniment. I'd try one with fruit in it, I think, I've just never run into one. Depends on what candy we're talking about. And cinnamon? I guess I'd have to try it. But chocolate.

5. Would you rather eat a macaroon or macaron?

Macarons are delicious, but give me a macaroon any day. I think I gave away my feelings on the subject in my answers to the other questions.

There you go. Macaroons! We now return you to your regularly-scheduled smut, I guess.

Flash Fiction Friday Cross-Post

Let's just assume that you've already seen the FFF posted over on the sister-blog. Let's further assume that you have gone to Max's blog to read the other players' takes on the subject. But suppose, dear reader, that you threw your own hat into the ring. Suppose it was the greatest flash fiction a Friday had ever seen. Suppose it blew all other flash fictions, on any day of the week, out of the water with its sheer brilliance. We'd have to stop doing Flash Fiction Friday, of course. And that would be a tragedy for all concerned. So suppose you throw your hat into the ring but maybe handicap yourself a little. Write left-handed with your eyes closed or something. I don't know what would be an impediment to your writing process, but suppose you try that, just to give us mere mortals a chance to compete.

I'm supposing all of this, by the way, knowing that you'll probably just lurk again, which is okay, but why deny your obvious talent to the world? Why not join in? Why not take the plunge? Why not?

Or, if you're not going to do that, at least go to Max's blog and thank him for his weekly efforts, because without him this wouldn't happen, and you wouldn't want that, now would you?

TMI Tuesday - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As always, from the TMI Tuesday Blog. This week's is a good one. I bet the other people who answered have some interesting stories to tell, so you should head over there soonest and read them all.

1. What made the best sex partner you’ve ever had so good?

I'm not sure who the best partner I've ever had is. I mean, the easy answer is Sveta, but she's good in certain ways, whereas Dad or Mike or Sheri or Mari are good in other ways. And I've had them enough times that there have been good times and not so good times, so it'd be an average experience rather than one spectacular time. And then there are the spectacular times I've had, but they were possibly missing elements that make my regulars so much fun.

Let me just lay out a few things which make for a good partner and leave it at that.

Attentiveness: I don't mean that it's got to be all about me (though mama likes when it is, not gonna lie). I mean that they're paying attention to what you're doing. It's easy to get lost in the moment and your own pleasure, but a good partner never lets that get carried away. It really works best when both partners are paying attention, obviously. That way everyone gets maximum pleasure.

In people who have one, knowing how to use a cock: it really isn't about size, so much as it's about technique. Yes, sometimes size matters there, and great technique isn't going to make a tiny cock seem huge, but "big cock" isn't on the list of things which make for a good lover for a reason.

Giving good head: receiving head well is also nice, but being able to give oral well makes for a good time, in my book.

Not having the attributes I'll lay out in the next question: so I don't have to repeat myself.

And then there are just intangibles. Love makes for good sex, but it doesn't guarantee it. Novelty, for me, is a big turn-on, and I will excuse some flaws in exchange for novelty. Meeting one of my kinks of the day sometimes makes for gangbusters sex, but it's no guarantee either.

2. What made the worst sex partner you’ve ever had so bad?

Again, I'd be hard-pressed to pick a "worst" just because superlatives with subjective metrics are difficult. I'll just list some things which make for a bad time.

Selfishness: we've all been guilty of this at one time or another, but if it's a pattern, that partner is going to be lousy. This is sort of the opposite of attentiveness, and I know I said I wasn't going to repeat myself, but this one is a big one.

Lying there like a dead fish: I don't require much participation, but I like to feel like you're present in the room with me.

An overinflated sense of their own skill: this is largely guys, I'm afraid, and it's largely having watched a lot of porn and maybe having partners who either liked things I don't or who were too submissive to tell the guy he was doing it all wrong. Don't get me wrong; I can get into plenty of things if I'm expecting them, or if there's communication, but bragging before sex and then being mediocre makes the mediocrity worse.

Smell: This is a big one, and it's not that I want you to be freshly bathed. I have been put off by the scent of arousal from some people, I'm afraid. Too much fragrance of whatever sort can put me off too. I like clean, but there can be some musk. It really is something that sometimes the person can't help and it's just body chemistry. I don't know. I'm sensitive to smells.

Honestly, Kate's ex Roger dinged a lot of warning bells for me, and I should have never gotten into bed with him, but I wanted to be with her. He's probably the worst fuck I've had that I still remember well enough to mention here.

3. Who was the most physically attractive person you ever had sex with?

Sveta. No contest. She's a hotty. I'm not just saying that because she reads this blog. She'll deny this. She's a stone-cold fox and she thinks she's a 7 at best. But then she claims I'm stunning and I think I'm maybe a 3 most days. Self-image is fun, ain't it?  Anyway, while I have fucked some beautiful people, and I think my father and siblings are perfectly attractive, I have no idea how I lucked into Sveta because she's so far out of my league it's not even funny.

4. How was it?

Better every time. Okay, that's a lie. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's incredible, sometimes it's just good, and occasionally we've had times which didn't work for whatever reason, though that's very rare. When it doesn't work it's usually either that one or the other of us is too tired or that we're trying something and it doesn't work. The former is easily fixed by snuggling and falling asleep, and the latter by stopping whatever weird thing we thought was a good idea and just sticking to the tried and true methods.

But no, it's not amazing every time. It can't be. Sometimes we just basically want to snuggle with sex. Sometimes one or the other of us is in need and the partner fulfills that need without really getting much themselves. Sveta claims she owes me about a million orgasms from the times when I wasn't really able to do anything more than pleasure her, but I'm not counting. That's just what you do when you love someone.

5. Who was the least physically attractive person you ever had sex with?

Probably the guy I fucked for money. I told that story somewhere back in the archives, but short version is that I am not cut out to be a prostitute, I didn't enjoy myself, and he was not attractive at all. He didn't smell too bad, if I recall correctly, or it might have been a deal breaker. Not that I was really in any position to break the deal. This is why sex work is work and workers need unions.

6. Why did you do it?

Because I thought it was a good idea at the time. That's the reason why I do a lot of stupid things.

7. How was it?

As I said, lousy.

I've had sex with men who weren't attractive at all, but I'm less picky about guys. Physical looks in men (or male-presenting people, I should say, I guess) might turn me away at the very beginning, but won't ruin my evening if we get over the initial hurdle and clothes are coming off.

I mention all this because it wasn't the fault of the guy in question that I had a bad time. It was that I'm not cut out to be a prostitute. He was, in hindsight, a perfect gentleman. Had there been no money changing hands, we might have gotten along just fine. My memory of his looks may even be unfairly tainted by the unpleasantness of the situation.

And I want to say that it wasn't because I think prostitution is dirty or wrong. I think sex workers are some of the finest people out there. I just can't do what I love for money. It ruins it for me somehow. Also, I was young and foolish. Maybe if I tried it now I'd feel better about it. But it was a me thing, not a sex-work thing.

Bonus: Describe a bad sexual experience you admit was your fault.

Oh, there have been more than a few. It's usually my fault for being selfish, which means that there are probably times when it was terrible for them but they didn't say anything and so I don't know. I've had enough experience that I can usually tell when someone's not having a good time, but if I don't care about them enough to listen... You get the picture.

That's not a funny story. The funny stories are better. I broke a guy's mother's favorite vase one time, being clumsy up against a wall. It was all on me too. Anyway, it kind of ruined the moment because she was dead and it reminded him of her, and even though we did eventually get back into it, I don't think his heart was in it. I came, and he dribbled cum into my mouth after a prolonged period of struggling to stay hard enough to cum. I guess it wasn't funny then, but remembering it makes me laugh inappropriately. I'm lucky it wasn't an urn. Can you imagine being covered by my lover's dead mother's ashes? I mean, that would have definitely ruined the mood for me.

I've farted/queefed at inappropriate moments and then laughed, which has put off some partners. Sex, for me, isn't a big thing, so I do laugh during sex, but for some people it's a much bigger deal and the fart/queef is bad enough, but the laughter is where they draw the line. I mean, it's only natural for farts/queefs to happen, guys. I've farted on guys' cocks before and it hasn't fazed them at all. But being unable to stop from laughing at it is something I've mostly grown out of, which is good because it makes some people upset, apparently. I do remember one guy who laughed right along with me. He was a keeper. I have no idea what ever happened to him, but I hope he found someone nice, because at the time I wasn't interested in anything remotely resembling a relationship with anyone. We had fun and then we parted ways, and I think he would have been happy to see me again, so I hope he found someone better than me and that he and his partner laugh at their bodily noises together in the bedroom.

Last story: I was getting hot and heavy with this girl in college and we adjourned to my room for some alone time, and I was halfway up her snatch when my roomie Gwen came in without knocking, and I said, "Hey Gwen," like it was nothing, and the girl slapped me and left in a huff. I know it was my fault, but I've never been entirely sure what it was that did it. Was it that I left off pleasuring her to greet my roomie, or that my roomie came in without knocking, or that I didn't immediately spring to this girl's aid in hiding from said roomie? Or something else? I'll never know. I used to think about it a lot, and then I forgot all about it, but thinking about times when it was my fault dredged up the memory, so now you have to share it.