TMI Tuesday

You can't stop me from answering these questions unless you want to try in some sexy way that I haven't anticipated and it turns from fighting into fucking and all of the sudden we're both like, "Whoa, what just happened?" And then I'll probably still answer these questions. Sorry.

From the TMI Tuesday Blog:

Intimacy

1. How do you survive an intimacy famine?

I've been lucky in that even in my most drought-parched times, intimacy-wise, I've still had some fallbacks. So I guess that's the first thing: have fallbacks. If you're one of those unfortunate people who believes you can only be intimate with one person, I'm sorry. My advice for that is to find appropriate substitutes. Maybe you are monogamous, but you can still share safe, friend-based intimacy of a non-sexual nature. But my resiliency in the face of famine has definitely been due to stocking up fallbacks for lean times. Sometimes they aren't enough. Sometimes you want intimacy and can't get it, or a certain kind of intimacy and it isn't available to you. In which case, I don't think I have a technique other than to grit my teeth and bear it until things change.

2. The loss of which one of these would most affect your mental health or outlook on life?
a. Loss of physical intimacy
b. Loss of emotional intimacy

This is a tough one. I would say emotional intimacy, but physical intimacy is so important to me. I'm not sure I can separate the two. I know that's not for everyone, and it's not the case that I must be physically intimate with everyone with whom I'm emotionally intimate or vice versa, but there's a lot of crossover. Still, I went through a period where my physical intimacy was at least highly curtailed and emotional intimacy got me through, so I'll still say emotional intimacy, though it's a close race.

3. Gives us a tip on how to get more intimacy in our day-to-day lives.

Communication and openness. And I'm definitely the pot calling the kettle black here, because I'm not great at it. Good at certain aspects of it, but not being open with people, and that's where true intimacy lies. I still have to stop myself from hiding things from Sveta even though we're married and she knows everything about me, just by force of habit. But still, if you're open with others and communicate your desires, intimacy results, unless your desires aren't to be intimate. But even then, I'd argue there's a certain intimacy in both parties in a relationship (or all parties in a multi-party relationship) being on the same page, even if that page is that there's no relationship to be had. I don't know. Something like that.

4. Do you think modern technology helps or hinders intimacy?

It changes it. I can be as "close" to people virtually as if they were in the same room as I am, but by the same token I can be in the same room with someone and be as far away from them as if we were texting from different planets. I don't think technology is a good or evil force in the search for intimacy. It simply exists.

5. Would you utilize the services of a professional cuddler?

Probably not, because I have plenty of outlets for my cuddling needs. But even if I didn't, I'm not sure I would. Cuddling isn't a big deal for me. Not that I don't want to cuddle, but it's not something I need in the way some people do. I also have some sensory issues related to my mental health which make certain kinds of cuddling too much, but I'd expect a professional to know how to deal with that.