TMI Not Tuesday

So I'm stealing these questions from the TMI Tuesday blog.  I'm not commenting there because it's an older one, but I felt like playing a bit of TMI to break things up, and I haven't done that in an age.  Again, questions from the peanut gallery are always welcome, the more specific the better.  And if you've asked me a question and didn't get an answer, tell me because my memory is no good and I probably just forgot.  I don't hate you.  I promise.

1. Your thoughts–is oral sex cheating on your partner?

Provided I'm in a relationship where we're not open to outside partners, then yes, absolutely.  I've been in a few, and whether it's oral, anal, fingering, handjobs, or penetration, it's still cheating.  If you're in a "relationship" with God where you're saving your virginity, sorry, it's still cheating if you blow him to get him off your back.  It's still cheating if you let him fuck your ass because that's not really sex.  Cheating isn't about what you do, it's about what the rules are, and if the rules say it's off the table, then it's off the table.  I'm not badmouthing anyone who does cheat; I've done it myself, which is why I don't get into exclusive relationships anymore.  Nor am I badmouthing the rules or lack thereof.  But you're not fooling anyone but yourself if you think that it's okay to give or receive oral because "that's not real sex."

2. What is cheating to you?

Breaking the rules.  Or, to put it another way which sounds less harsh, sharing anything which you've promised exclusively to your partner.  I don't mean that your partner owns you at all.  It's not a master-slave relationship (although it can be and that's okay too, but that's just another permutation of the rules).  But if you've promised something to someone, breaking that promise is cheating.

I've been in relationships, very open ones, where sex was totally okay as long as we didn't share that same intimacy.  It can be a tough line to toe.  I guess what it boils down to is, do you feel guilty about it and would it hurt them if they knew?  If you feel guilty but they say go for it, then the relationship probably needs communication.  If you don't feel guilty but it hurts them, then you probably shouldn't be in the relationship at all.  And if both, then it's pretty obvious you're cheating on them, whether it's sex, love, friendship, or other.

Again, this isn't judgment.  I've cheated and been cheated on enough times to know that it sucks.  These days, I try be honest in relationships.  I'd rather not be involved with someone who I might hurt than get my jollies out of them and hurt them.

3. Does your partner know you masturbate? What do they think about that?

Of course.  All the time.  In front of her, sometimes.  Or her in front of me.  We put on porn and play with ourselves all the time.  This isn't really a question for me, I suspect.

In the past, even in fairly traditional relationships (and yes, I've had those) I've been pretty open about my sexual needs and that masturbation was going to happen.  Typically, guys don't mind if their gal is playing with herself.  Usually want to watch.  Then sex.  But sometimes sex isn't desired, and that can lead to problems.  I advise openness and communication, for what it's worth.  No, I'm not rubbing one out because I don't need you.  No, the toys are not a substitute for you, nor do I love them more than you.  Masturbation is healthy, even in relationships where sex seems to flow like water.  Sometimes you just want to get off.  That can be selfish if you're just using your partner to get off, or it can be honest.  "No, I'm really not in the mood for a long lovemaking session this evening.  I just want to cum, eat my cookie, and go to bed."  And no, "eat my cookie" isn't a euphemism: sometimes I just want to cum and have dessert.

But again, this question really isn't for me.  I usually can find time to get my guy off, even if sex isn't on the table.  I think it's different for guys.

4. Think about the best sex you’ve ever had. Why do you consider it the best, what makes it so?

I can't choose "best sex."  The great sex of my life has always been incredibly intimate.  Sometimes hot and heavy, sometimes slow and meaningful, but intimacy is the key, I think.  That's why I can bang random guys and still come home to my sweetie.  Sex isn't love, and when there's love in the mix, sex becomes better.

5. When you have nightmares, do you call out someone’s name?

I don't have nightmares that often, thank goodness.  What this question is doing in a sex question list is beyond me.  I have called out for my mother on a few occasions.  I remember once I dreamed I was falling and was absolutely sure I was going to die and I screamed, "Tell Mom I love her," before I hit.  Sveta woke me up from that one.  And I was so incredibly guilty that I hadn't tried to tell her I loved her before I died.  Felt bad about it, worse than remembering a really terrifying dream.  She was very understanding.  I still felt guilty about it though.

6. When you’re having an orgasm, do you scream a name?

The person who's giving me the orgasm, sometimes.  I'm not a big screamer.  It's not just one name; that would be awkward.

Bonus: Which best fits your usual reason for masturbating:
a. Boredom
b. Stress relief
c. Saw someone/something sexy and you need to act out a sexual fantasy
d. It’s just what I do

All of the above?  Pretty much.