TMI Tuesday

From the archives:

1. Are you “in love” with your significant other or are you simply compatible.
Scientist claim that being “in love” only last within the first six months of a relationship.

Scientists are full of shit.  Show me the peer-reviewed study which defines what "in love" is and then proves this.  Because you can't.

I love Sveta.  More now than when I first met her.  Am I in love with her?  Sure.  Whatever that means.  We're reasonably compatible and we get along well, plus we like being together more than we like being apart.  If that ever changes, I won't have a problem with us going our separate ways, but the thing is, I don't think it's going to change.  I will want other lovers, as will she, but in the end, I enjoy coming home to her, and she me.  And if that's all love is, then I'm fine with that.  If love is more than that, I'm not sure I need more than that.  We're not "settling."  We're not just friends.  What else do I need from a relationship?

2. Do you solve problems with your significant other (s.o.) or are you the real and only problem solver.
A relationship has a stronger bond when both people in the relationship work toward resolving issues whether it be with kids, finances, management of home, etc.

We try.  We're both somewhat unused to being in long-term relationships: she hasn't had any but this one and I went quite a long time between them.  So we do still do our own problem-solving.  But if it's something which will affect both of us, we try to solve the problem together, although usually one solves and one supports.

I suppose it would be nice to get to a point where we're doing that for problems which don't directly affect both of us, but we've got enough problems that we need to divide and conquer sometimes.  There's still support.

3. If you live with your s.o. do you both do chores and have equal amount of chores in the household?
Research shows resentment mounts in couples who have an imbalance in household chore duties.

I'm messy, she isn't.  I cook, she doesn't.  It's not entirely even, but we don't keep score.  If there's ever a situation where we feel like the opposite party isn't pulling their weight, we try to talk about it.

4. Is your relationship meaningful to you for companionship or is it personally fulfilling?
Marriage in the U.S.A. has changed over time from being for survival (home, food), to companionate love during most of the 20th Century, to 1960s to present being about personal fulfillment.

I don't really understand the question.  I mean, we're definitely not in it for survival; survival-wise we'd probably be better off alone, from a strictly practical standpoint.  Companionship?  Sure.  I have no idea what "personal fulfillment" means, but it sounds like psychobabble so fuck it.  We find fulfillment in each other, companionship, dynamite sex, and again, we like being together.  We're happier together than apart.  If that's fulfillment, then I'll take it.  If this means some deeper spiritual mumbojumbo, then no wonder so many marriages end in divorce because that's just ridiculous.

5. In general do people think of you as a “couple” with your s.o. or do they connect with you individually just as much as a connecting with you as a couple. (Do you feel you’ve lost your individuality since being in a serious romantic relationship?)

We're not "out" as a couple to everyone.  We have a few "couple" friends, but I'd say most of our friendships are as individuals, although we are friends as individuals with the same people sometimes.  I don't feel like I've lost my individuality.  I've never gotten the impression that she does.

Bonus: You are invited to a large cocktail party at a fancy country club where you know no one. When you arrive, the room where the party is being held is already half full of people–naked people. How do you react when you enter the room?

Honestly, while you'd probably expect me to yell, "Woohoo!" and dive into the nearest naked pile, I would probably want to know what was up.  Are they all nudists?  I can deal with that, and it might actually make me more able to deal with the rest of it.  Because I would rather pull out my own teeth with a runcible spoon than go to a large cocktail party at a fancy country club where I know no one.  I'm shy, I hate cocktail parties, I hate large parties, and I hate fancy country clubs more and more with each passing day.  I wouldn't fit in at all.  At least if it were a sex party I could fit in that way.

But still, I'd want to know ground rules.  I don't just jump into a strange orgy with no prep.  And as I've showed up clearly not expecting this, that would probably put me off a little.  Orgies shouldn't be surprises unless you know the people involved and they're throwing you a surprise orgy or something.  There's a level of trust I'm not sure I'd have in this situation.

And if Sveta were there, that would add a whole layer.  If it were just me, I might be inclined to stick around to at least figure out what was going on.  If Sveta were there, my first response would be to ask her what she wanted to do, and if, as I suspect, she wanted to book it, book it we would.  She's a crazy girl at times, so maybe she'd want to stay too, and then it would be all about figuring out what was up.  I'm not being given enough information in the question to simply say, "Hey, I'd do BLANK."  Info gathering first, decisions after.