TMI Which

From the archives:

1. Would you rather have a real-life, actually working light saber or Wolverine’s claws?

Without the healing factor Wolverine has, and without the rest of his adamantium skeleton, the claws seem like a bad idea.  Plus what if in the heat of passion you accidentally extend them?  I'm pretty sure that's actually happened to Wolverine (maybe not in the heat of passion, but didn't he stab Rogue by accident in one of the movies?).  I'll take the light saber, although chances are good I wouldn't use it like a Jedi (lacking the Force makes that pretty dangerous) and would instead use it for mundane but remunerative tasks.  Hell, I could probably rent it out and never have to work again.

2. Would you rather watch all episodes of old time TV show Ultra-man or all episodes of the original Power Rangers?

Oy.  Probably Power Rangers, but I'm making fun of it the whole time.  Neither option seems like a good thing to me.

3. Would you rather do 3 minutes of planks or run a half-mile?

Probably the planks.  3 minutes is doable.  I hate running for exercise with a white hot fiery passion.  My lungs are terrible.  Sprinting, sure, I could do that, but endurance running sucks donkey dicks in hell.

4. Would your rather bite all your significant other’s toenails or shave your head?

I don't have a toe fetish.  I also don't have a toe phobia.  But biting someone else's nails seems like it would be pretty hard.  If she cleaned her toes thoroughly before I had a go and I wasn't being graded on my form, I guess I'd rather do that, even though hair grows back, simply because it seems like it would be less unpleasant.  I know, weird.  If I had to bite them with toe cheese and so forth, I'll shave my head and let the hair grow back.  I might look cute with a shaved head.  I doubt it (I have a lumpy skull) but who knows?  And hair, as I said, grows back.

5. Which can you do better, give oral sex or finger/hand-job?

Oral.  We all know my feelings on handjobs, and while I can fingerblast with the best of them, I'm still overall better at oral, plus oral for me usually involves hands/fingers, so win-win.

6. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom, for missionary style sex?

It's not missionary if I'm on top.  This is a very strange question.  I guess it could be taken to mean, "Do you prefer to be on top or bottom when facing your partner during sex," but that's still a strange question.  I'd prefer bottom in both cases, simply because I like missionary more than I like cowgirl.

Bonus: Have you ever masturbated to your own blog?

Oh God yes.  I used to do it all the time.  Not as much to the current affairs stuff, but the memories, I would get wet writing and then want a release before I even finished.  Which is why I take it as a high compliment when people tell me they jerk off to my writing.  That's what it's for.  I don't claim to be the greatest writer of erotic or otherwise.  I'm just telling stories to get off.