I know, it's July 4th. Maybe I'll have some fireworks in another post. For now, this is what you get. And it's not sexy at all (unless you like the idea of me as a muppet fucking Elmo, in which case you should keep that quiet because there are watchlists and so forth and I would never encourage that kind of thinking). Boo.
From the archives:
1. If you were forced to wear a warning label, what would yours say?
"Warning: Flammable." I don't know. "Sexy when wet?" "Plays a little too well with others?" "May become naked at any time?" Those don't seem like warnings, more like advertisements. I think "Flammable" sums up a good warning for me. Take it any way you like.
2. If you were a Sesame Street character, which one would you be?
Is there a sexy muppet? Probably not on Sesame Street. I never watched it as a kid so I'm really not that familiar with the cast of characters. Oscar the Grouch seems like a fit for me sometimes, personality-wise, but he's not really sexy. Maybe that girl muppet with the fairy wand whose name I don't know, but I'd wind up fucking Elmo or something and that would be awkward in so many ways. Can I be a sexy vampire version of The Count? I've always liked him.
3. If you could have an endless supply of a candy or baked good, what would you get?
Brownies. I love brownies, and if I had to pick one baked good for the rest of my life, that would probably be it. Or you can just keep me supplied with good dark chocolate. I'm really easy to bake for: instead of putting in any work, buy me a bag of chocolate chips.
4. Who is your favorite villain? Why?
So many to choose from. If we're going Batman, Mr. Freeze (and don't even talk to me about Arnold). I think he's one of the most interesting villains, good backstory, pathos, the whole deal. I don't know many other comic books. I guess in X-Men, Magneto, but only because I love me some Ian McKellen. The comic version is less interesting to me. Bond villains... I actually think the duo in The World is Not Enough are underappreciated, but I also want to fuck Sophie Marceau until the balls I don't have explode. The gay hitmen from Diamonds Are Forever deserve their own spinoff (and if you want a podcast recommendation, I Was There Too talks to the guy who played one of them; he's a jazz musician and has interesting things to say, plus the whole podcast is chock full of interesting stuff if you're into behind-the-scenes things). Baron Samedi from Live and Let Die is great, but he's not really that developed as a character.
There are plenty of villains I enjoy but mostly because of what they're in. I mean, I love Star Wars, and Darth Vader wrote the book on being a villain in Star Wars, but I don't know that he would be my favorite villain. I love LoTR (books and movies) but again, while Sauron is frightening and Gollum is pathetic, they're not my favorite villains in and of themselves. I'm not that into Disney; I like the movies, but I'm not obsessed. I don't have a favorite Disney villain at all. There are some great choices, but they're not someone I want to put on my wall.
I think my favorite villain is a character I wouldn't even consider a villain: Wile E. Coyote. He's a Sophoclean anti-hero. I root for him, and yet I love to see him fail. A metaphor for life? I don't know. But I would watch that damn coyote over any other villain.
5. Are you more in tune with sunrise, daytime, sunset or nighttime?
These days, who knows? But I think nighttime is probably where I'm most in tune, if I can be said to be in tune with anything. Sunrise can eat my ass. I see it too often and it's never a good thing.
Bonus: If you took a job out of your current career path, what job would you take?
Something either artsy or craftsy. I would love to either become a blacksmith or glassblower. Or make sculptures. Or do woodworking.
Why am I not doing these things? Well, I don't know how to do some of them, and others I don't have the money to start, and all of them I don't have the energy. I'm very enervated, guys. Being an artist takes passion which I lack. I would love to try them, but I don't feel passion about them or much of anything else, so I have to do what I can to survive rather than following dreams which I only vaguely have.
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