TMI Tuesday

Guys, I know it's been basically nothing but TMI Tuesday posts recently, and I'm sorry; my life isn't as exciting as it used to be and I've run through a lot of my old memories and no one asks questions and frankly I'm not sure anyone even reads this blog any more, apart from a few die-hards (whom I love, you guys are great).  But I'm not going anywhere; I just have less to say.  These things happen.  I still answer questions, I still respond to emails and comments, and if you are reading this, thanks for reading and I'm sorry I'm boring.

From the archives:

1. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Probably a few things.  The big one, of course, would be that if society became totally non-judgmental about my sexual preferences I would be much more open about them.  At this point I don't think it would make that much difference in how often I got down with partners whom society deems unacceptable, but I'd certainly feel less stress about it.

Other than that though, and that's less an issue of moral approbation than it is one of legal judgment, I'd probably be naked a lot more.  For someone who is as in touch with their sexuality as I seem to be, I still have plenty of body image problems, so being naked in public isn't just a fear of being judged to be a whore; I'm shy and feel like people are judging my body.  I know it's silly and I know I look fine, objectively, but as I get older it just gets worse.

Leaving aside the more extreme partners, I'd probably be more sexually active in public too.  If society changed to where sex was no longer such a big fucking deal, I'd probably get it on communally whenever I felt like it.  I'm not saying I'd hook up with random people (well, any more than I already do) but if Sveta and I were somewhere and we felt the itch, we'd fucking scratch it and know that others would be doing the same.  Sounds like a nice place to live.  I'm sure there are places like that in communes and so forth, but I can imagine getting the urge in the supermarket or on the street and just Discovery-Channel-ing the hell out of it.

2. Most recently how did you openly express love?

I haven't made any big romantic gestures recently, and it's something I need to work on because while it's not just big romantic gestures that count, those are important too.  Recently it's been the little stuff.

3. When is the last time you took a sexual risk? What was it?

I take a sexual risk every time I have sex without protection, so probably the last time I had sex with someone who wasn't Sveta without making them wear a condom.  Or maybe one could count having sex with someone where I'd be arrested if the law found out.  Other than that, my sex life has been reasonably vanilla, for me, of late.

4. What sexual acts bring you the most pleasure?

This is boring, but vaginal penetration.  I love anal, I love getting head, I love fingers and dildos and vibes and all that fun stuff, but the most pleasure I ever get is my pussy being penetrated, filled up, spread open.  I'm not saying that the worst penetration is better than the best of anything else, but when it's good, it's better than anything else, and it doesn't have to be great or huge or deep.

That said, I get more cunt-licking than anything else these days, and I love that.  But that's with my sweetie, and that makes it better.  Head from a random person vs. penetration from a random person, I'd give the edge to penetration.  But then I also get penetration from my sweetie, and there is something to be said for being penetrated while being licked, so best of both worlds there.

5. Is there a belief or attitude that interferes with you creating or pursuing your sexual fantasy?

I have plenty of sexual fantasies, and many of them I don't really want to pursue except as fantasy, not because of any belief, just because they're better as fantasy.  But sometimes I get subbie in the extreme, and I guess my attitude of not wanting to, for lack of a better word, be subbie gets in my way.  I'm not disrespecting people who are harder-core than I could ever be at all.  I don't think a D/s relationship has to be abusive.  I just can't get past my own feelings of equality for some reason.  That's not to say that I never take a submissive position in the bedroom or other places, just that I can never fully give myself up to it.  So there are fantasies which involve that which I can't do because I rebel against it.

It's probably a desire for control on my part.  I don't like to be out of control.  It's why I've never been one to drink to the point where I no longer have any control.  And yet at the same time, not being in control is strangely attractive to me.  It's an odd kink (not a sexual one, just a kink in my gray matter).

Bonus: Tell us something you need to stop wasting time doing.

Porn.  I spend too much time on porn.  I should just find something which will get me off and get off and be done with it, but I shop around and I fiddle.  And not being able to orgasm easily (or sometimes at all) doesn't help with that.

But I don't have a list of priorities on time-wasting.  I waste a lot of time.  A lot.  On all sorts of things.  None of them are things I should probably be wasting my time on.