1000

Holy shit, one thousand posts. About 500 ones worth reading, probably. About 250 that are really sexy and not just mildly. About 100 that people have seen enough times to make me feel like I might have done something good with this blog after all these years.

I don't really know what to do for a thousand posts. All my other milestones have been pictorial, but that doesn't seem like it's good enough for the big 1K. So I'm going to share a little picture, but also I'm going to say that we'll be celebrating 1000 posts for a bit, and if you've got any suggestions, please let me know in the comments or by email.

Without further ado, here's to 1000 in the can and in the snatch!

Taboos

 An anonymous reader has kindly asked me a question, which doesn't bring up any memories but is a good question nonetheless. I hope you'll all allow me to ruminate on it in blog form.

"Is it more interesting -- or sexier? -- to live in a world without taboos, where everything is permissible (and there's no shame in desiring what we desire, so long as everyone is consenting)? OR, does the presence of taboos add to the sexiness of breaking them?"

It's actually a number of questions rolled into one, which is nice and indicative of a question worth considering.

First, is a world without any taboos possible? I'm not talking likely, I'm talking possible. I'd posit that no, it isn't. Why? Well, I think taboos are in our very nature as humans. There are always going to be things we regard as beyond the pale, both individually and as a society. I'd argue that if taboos didn't exist, we'd have to create them because, "Everything is permissible," just won't work.

The questioner even presupposes a perfectly reasonable limit which is "consent." Now personally I agree 100% with this limit, and that's about where my limits are, but I worry that if the only limits were "consent" then people who get off on violating the rules would have to break that one. I don't know. Still, I think that there will always be limits to what is acceptable, sexually and otherwise.

But let's say, instead of, "Everything is permissible," we go with, "No sexual activity which involves the consent of all parties involved is taboo." Even leaving aside the idea that public sex would still be taboo unless you had the consent of everyone who was going to come into contact with it, there may be no societal taboos, but each individual would certainly be their own judge as to what they would consent to, thus making the most prudish person in the room the adjudicator of what is and isn't taboo while they're around. Obviously that's currently true, and if there were no societal norms prohibiting sexual activities, then many people would become less prudish, but still, the taboos would be there.

I'm trying not to write a philosophical treatise on this question, so lets get to the fucking: would I find it more sexy if there were no taboos? On the surface, for someone like me who does in fact get off a little on things being taboo, I wonder if that would be less exciting. But on the other hand, I'm a giant fan of sex as a perfectly ordinary activity that doesn't raise any more eyebrows than eating or sleeping. I think fucking while doing other things is sexy as hell, honestly. So there's that part of me in the mix too.

What it boils down to is "interesting," actually. I think a world with no taboos is more interesting than one with taboos because we could expand the boundaries of sexual activity. And there's nothing which says that one can't artificially impose limits on a limitless situation in order to benefit from the conditions limits bring.

I think part of the difficulty in answering this question is a lack of imagination on my part. I have a difficult time imagining a world where there are no taboos so I can't see the benefits to that situation. As far as it being more or less sexy than the current taboo situation, I think it might be an apples/oranges comparison. It's sexy in a different way. As far as it being more interesting, something beyond my scope of imagination would have to be pretty interesting, or else I'd be able to imagine it. That's my thinking, anyway.

At the end of the day, I wish we had fewer taboos not because it would be more or less sexy or interesting but because it would be better for the world. A world in which we don't have the taboos against talking about sex means a world where children are safer (despite my own upbringing, I'm not necessarily recommending that every child be raised my way, but I do think that sex ed is vital to the safety of children as well as their future happiness) and where adults are happier because they can talk about an activity which is literally vital to the continuance of the species. Couples would be happier, for one. And there are other taboos which if we did away with them, we'd see a similar increase in happiness and safety for everyone.

Who am I to let my kink for violating the rules get in the way of increased human happiness and safety?

I hope that was at least a mildly interesting answer to the question. If you didn't care for it, ask me your own question which will hopefully inspire a response you're more into. Comments or emails are the best way to ask such questions.

TMI Tuesday

Would you rather have one nipple or two belly buttons?

I think two belly buttons could be cute, but then I think belly buttons are cute. On my I'm not sure they would be, but I have a mild erogenous zone in my belly button so increasing the count would probably just increase my enjoyment of it. Only one nipple would reduce rather than increase the possibilities. This is nothing against folks who, for whatever reason, don't have nipples.

Would you rather have sex in a cave frequented by tourists or sex in a tree house in your parents’ backyard?

Tourist cave sex sounds naughty and exciting. Treehouse sex sounds okay. But despite what you'd think, I could still get off on it being in my parents' backyard because maybe I could fantasize about doing something they wouldn't approve of. Still, tourist cave sex wins.

In the bedroom, what makes you insecure?

My flubber. I'm not as slim as I was before COVID hit, I'm afraid. Also I'm old. I feel mildly insecure about how I look.

In the bedroom, what makes you a champion?

My mouth. I can do the most things with it.

At the sexolympics, in which sport will you compete?

Probably mixed triples oral. I'd have to get both a penis and a vagina off using only my mouth. I could do that with flair I think.

What kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?

Emotional. The physical stuff has never really mattered to me.

What is your go to euphemism for sexual intercourse?

I like the Horizontal Mambo. That's probably not my go-to; my go-to is probably "the nasty" or something similar, but that's only if I can't just call it fucking.

Are you better at starting or destroying relationships? Why do you think this?

Starting. Don't get me wrong, I've destroyed some too, but I'm much better at starting than continuing relationships.

What is the best thing that a woman can do to you in bed?

How often do you think about sex?

Constantly sometimes, and then sometimes I'll be busy and not at all, and sometimes I'll be busy and it'll distract me, and sometimes I'll be totally bored and not thinking about sex one iota. I'm a woman of many layers.

If someone called you ‘sexy,’ what would you do?

Thank them?

Are you comfortable with your body?

Not really. As mentioned above, I'm insecure about it. 

Please, for the love of all things holy, send me some actual questions. I feel like I'm answering the same two questions over and over again. You can email me, or comment, or whatever.

TMI Tuesday

Would you rather have sex in a posh romantic hotel suite, on a secluded tropical beach or in your own bedroom? Why?

The posh hotel sounds nice because I wouldn't have to clean the sheets. Sex on the beach I've done and you get sand in places. It's a nice thing to try, but right now I'm built for comfort. My bedroom is fine, but if I've been given the option to have a posh hotel suite, I'm taking that, even if it doesn't come with any amenities.

What strange areas of your body are ticklish?

I don't think any strange areas of my body are ticklish. I'm less ticklish than I used to be as a yoot, and all my zones were the typical ones, I think.

What is something you are interested in sexually, but only on a purely fantasy level? Something that you think about but could never fully act on.

I have plenty of these. Toilet submission stuff, bondage stuff, rape stuff. Yeah, I have rape fantasies. Sometimes it gets me off. The actual event wouldn't though, and I'm not at all sure I'd want to pretend.

If you could have a week of the best sex ever in human history but you had to have a fish head as your head for the rest of your life, after that week, would you do it?

A week? Nah. I have pretty good sex all told and having a fish head would definitely cramp my style.

What do you consider taboo and have you ever ventured into this territory? Was it a great, good, bad or horrific experience?

Scat, yes, and it was not something I feel strongly positively about. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, mostly because it was pretty basic stuff. I'm pretty sure I've told the story on here.

What part of your body do you consider the most unusual that you enjoy being stimulated?

It's not that unusual I guess, but I really love having the wall between my pussy and ass stimulated. I'm a sucker for DP, what can I say?

If you could make a porn film/video with any celebrity, who would it be and why?

Karen Gillan and The Rock could double-team me. That's just off the top of my head. I'm not a star-fucker, but they'd both be easy on the eye.

You have a new career as a Dom or Dominatrix. Are you in it for money or enjoyment?

Money. Career means money, plus I'm not particularly into being dominant that way. Not that I think it's horrible, just that if I were doing it for money, I'd be doing it for money.

Do you have a favorite spanking scenario? Do tell.

I'm a naughty schoolgirl, he's a priest, he catches me with another girl, spanks us both, can't stop himself, fucks us both. Sveta could obviously fill the other feminine role. I went to Catholic school. What can I say? Also, it should be noted that this fantasy does not occur like in porn and would definitely be illegal, so I guess I should add it to the "fantasies which should stay fantasy" list above.

Have you ever kissed someone under mistletoe?

Yes. I've licked pussy and sucked cock under the mistletoe.

What sex act or position did not thrill you until you tried it?

Honestly, anal was kind of, "Meh, whatever," until it happened, and then I was hooked. Position-wise, sitting facing away from a guy, with my legs between his, and his cock thrusting up into me, seemed like it would be awkward until I tried it, and now it's one of my favorite non-traditional positions.

What is something that can happen in the middle of sex that will make you put on your clothes and walk out?

They start saying "Seig Heil?" Honestly, making me walk out of the middle of sex usually takes a bit, and it's not just one thing. If I'm getting a vibe from my partner that I don't totally like, but they haven't done anything obvious, and then a red flag like a consent issue or something pops up, I'm out. But I'm fairly forgiving in the sack. It's hard to get me to stop in the middle. I might never want to see you again afterward, but I'll finish up the act before I exeunt stage left.

TMI Tuesday

If you were a sex worker what kind of sex work would you NOT do?

Honestly, sex with strangers for money would be the last resort for me. No judgments on people who do it; I think they're heroes. But I have difficulties with it. I would have to have right of refusal, and that would pretty much mean that I couldn't work as a sex worker. Not that there aren't prostitutes who can refuse a customer, just that if I were contemplating sex work I don't think I'd be in a position to refuse anyone. I don't know. This is all seeming like I devalue sex workers or something, and that's not true. It's a skill, and I'm not sure I have the skill.

You are a sex worker and you must have a specialty. Which ONE of the following would be your specialty and why?
a. Live sex shows
b. Professional domination
c. Camming

Camming would be easiest for me in many ways. I could do it from my home, I could bring my friends, and I might be able to get over my shyness if I didn't have to worry about the audience. I mean, I'd have to worry about them, but not in the same way. Negative feedback would probably send me into a spiral of depression though. Like I said, sex work requires skill. It's not easy. I'm not sure I have what it takes, not that I'm not sexy, but that I have hangups.

What is your secret fetish?

I don't know how secret it is, but innocence. Take that to mean whatever you'd like.

Anal sex can be pretty alluring? Tell the truth, which do you prefer anal or vaginal sex?

I prefer vaginal most of the time, but I love me some anal so it's a close race.

What is the most embarrassing thing you have said during sex?

I've probably answered this before so I reserve the right to have forgotten whatever I said before and substitute what most readily comes to mind. Once I was riding a guy, hard, both of us sweaty and vacant like you get when your mind has gone away and your genitals are driving the whole train. He reached up and cupped my breasts and when his palms hit my nipples I blurted out, "Oh my gosh oh my gosh I'm gonna cum baby like baby like!" I have no idea where that came from. He was enough of a gentleman not to mention it. I wasn't imagining being fucked by my dad or anything. I was just totally gone and those were the words my mouth decided to say with no input from central control. 

I did, in fact, cum hard, which made him cum hard into me, and things were just fine until after my brain turned back on and I remembered what I'd said, in all its glory. Like I said, he didn't mention it, and while I blushed unexplainedly, I didn't mention it either. It occasionally pops up in one of my brain's Slideshows of Times You Wish You Could Forget. I almost wish he'd mentioned it so we could have laughed about it or something, but as it is, my brain fills in his inner monologue just fine, and I'm sure he was deeply chagrined. It may not seem like a terribly embarrassing thing to say, but as I had been talking dirty just fine before, breaking into PG-rated moans and then "Baby like?" Yeah, maybe you had to be there.

Is your g-spot in your ass? If no, where is it?

I'm not at all sure about the G-spot. I'm pretty sure it's not in my ass, but I certainly have erogenous zones there, as well as in the wall between my pussy and ass, and the upper wall of my pussy, which is, I thought, traditionally where the G-spot was thought to be located. I'm not saying I don't have spots, just that I'm not sure whether any of them are the G-spot.

You have been offered free plastic surgery for one part of your body, what will you fix?

My stomach. It could use some tightening and I hate sit-ups.

Would you reveal a deep dark, shameful or embarrassing secret about your partner for one million dollars?

I'd have to figure one out first, but I think if I told Sveta the deal, she'd be behind me. Hell, she could reveal certain things about me for a million. Not things which would wind up with me or my family members in jail, but she could reveal things which would be worth a million bucks. We could use the money.

But if this is asking what my price for revealing something my sig-o would not want revealed is, that's higher than a million. We all have our price, and a million isn't it.

Who did you first come out to and why did you choose that person?

I'm not sure I've "come out" per se. I guess I came out as bi at some point, but it wasn't big and dramatic, it was just something I didn't hide. I don't know. It was a non-event. That's probably why I've had such a hard time thinking of myself as queer and deserving of Pride and so forth. I mean, I'm married to a woman. I am allowed to be queer. But I feel like I've not really suffered for it, maybe?

Has someone come out to you? What was your reaction?

Several people, and my reaction is always, "Yay! I'm so happy for you!" Or whatever works that expresses my love and admiration for their bravery. And my acceptance. Please come out to me. I'm like the tutorial level of the video game of coming out. I will congratulate you and you'll feel great.

Recent studies show that smartphones are causing decreased intimacy among partners. In your relationship is the smartphone a saboteur or helping hand?

I don't think it's either. I think it hurts some things, but relationship-wise I'm not sure it really has much effect on us, other than perhaps making us both sit on the couch on our phones more than we should. But if we weren't on our phones, we'd be sitting on the couch watching TV or reading books. I don't know that it's done anything but shift what we do in our down time.

Tell us something that you do that could cause someone to say “What Will the Neighbors Think?

I wander around my house naked? I have wild, unrestrained sex with people young enough to be my daughter in my bedroom? What don't I do?

What was your most recent motivation for masturbation?

It was a day ending in Y.

Do you regularly view porn? What’s regular?

All the time. I used to get off on various different stimuli, but these days I've been getting off on videos almost exclusively when it comes to solo spank time.

List the top 3 pieces of lingerie you like to see on women?

A woman wearing panties and no bra is, right now, my height of sexiness. I don't know why the panties. Other than that, I like a nice teddy, and I can enjoy some stockings. Bras are fine, but for whatever reason a gal wearing just panties sends me.

Are you seriously expecting an honest reply to, “Does this make me look fat?”

No, which is why I never ask this question. Only kidding. I ask it because I'm feeling fat and want someone to validate me by lying. Guys, gals, and non-binary pals who have trouble with this, the question means, "Please tell me I'm pretty." You don't have to lie. You can say, "You look great!" If that's a lie, maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with this person where they'll ask you this question. Or maybe lying is okay? I don't know, I'm just a gal hoping someone will tell her she looks pretty.

How offended would you be if someone called your eyebrows ugly?

Not very. My eyebrow game is not on point. I don't get them shaped or anything. I just pluck the hairs which seem out of place. I mean, if someone went out of their way to tell me, with no preamble, that my eyebrows were ugly, I would think they were a rude asshole, but it wouldn't ruin my day or anything.

Is there ever a good time to send a dick pic?

Dick-havers, there is one time when it's a good time to send a dick pic, and that's when the person to whom you're about to send it has said, "Please send me a dick pic." Seriously, solicited dick pics are fine. It's all about consent. Not sure why this is difficult.

For the record, you may feel free to send me dick pics, particularly if you send them with the caption, "This is what reading your latest story has made me do," or similar and you're spewing copious quantities of cum. Or even if you're just stroking. I am always happy to see that kind of review. But if you expect something in return, you may be disappointed. Also, if you don't feel like sending a picture but want to tell me, "Your story made me cum three times," that's great too. I don't write this blog to do anything more than get people off. It's smut. I'm a peddler of smut. That you are aroused by it is a testament to its quality. No offense will be taken.

TMI Tuesday

Love is made of many components. What are your top three components of love?

Communication, compatibility, and attraction. I don't think I'm breaking any ground in my picks here. Communication is the top component, by a mile. I think good communication can overcome all sorts of deficiencies in other departments.

For you what is good sex, and what is great sex?

Good sex is when I get off. Great sex is when there's a connection, my partner(s) and I get what we want out of the session, and there's sufficient time for everyone to be spent afterward. It's pretty easy to get me off, so good sex is pretty common. Great sex, that's a more rara avis.

In long-term unions do you expect love to grow over time as the union unfolds or do you need to have immediate attraction, infatuation, and feelings or excitement in order to enter into a long-term union?

I don't think these are mutually exclusive. I wouldn't enter into a long-term relationship if there wasn't some spark there, but I also wouldn't stay in a long-term relationship if the love didn't grow over time. 

You are away on your dream vacation…
Are you alone or with someone? Who?

I'm bringing Sveta, obviously. It wouldn't be fair. Except I'm not at all sure her ideal dream vacation is the same as mine. We don't discuss ideal dream vacations much because it's just depressing. So maybe she can go on her ideal dream vacation and I can go on mine and if they happen to be in the same general location we can spend our downtime together. I don't know. I'm getting depressed thinking about it.

Do you want to have a hookup with a sexy stranger? Is the sexy stranger female, male, gender-fluid, bi-gender, transgender?

Yes, and why only one sexy stranger? I'll take one of each please.

Would you rather spend all day doing your favorite vacation activity OR spend all night having kinky sex?

This is a boring answer but one of my favorite vacation activities is sex, so while I'm not sure what "kinky" sex would be in this circumstance, I'll take it unless it involves the few sexual activities I don't care for.

Is hot, steamy, all your wildest fantasies come true sex more likely to happen with your current lover or a sexy, no-strings-attached stranger?

Some of my fantasies involve strangers, so those are more likely to occur with a sexy, no-strings-attached stranger. But then some of my fantasies involve Sveta and strangers, so why choose? I have plenty of fantasies.

How many sexual partners do you currently have?

I included this question to force me to count. Sveta is 1. Zoe is 2. Kate and Liam are 3 and 4. Dad is 5. Mike, though I haven't seen him in a bit, is 6. Sheri, ditto, 7. I think that's all the ones who are current and ongoing, at least until I see some people.

Do you have any sexy secret kinks you have not told a current lover, and why are you so secretive?

I don't think so. We're pretty open about our kinks. If there is something that hasn't come up, it's just because it hasn't come up, not because I'm hiding it from her.

Have you ever been naked in public?

Yes. I've been naked at beaches where it was allowed (and a few times when it wasn't but I was covered by something. I've also streaked. I think I've told that story on the blog at some point. Suffice it to say, I've been naked in public places. I've also been naked on stage. Definitely told that story before.

When at home do you prefer to be naked or dressed?

These days, in underwear. We keep the house pretty cool too, so sometimes I wear more than underwear, but at my advanced age, the tits need a bit of support even on everyday days. I'm naked a certain amount, including in bed, but for everyday purposes, I'm usually wearing something, even if it's the bare minimum.

Your significant other has asked you to sleep with his cock in your mouth, what are your first thoughts? Would you say yes or no? Why?

My first thoughts are that it's a little weird. Also uncomfortable. And I'd probably say no because I wouldn't want to accidentally bite the cock when I grind my teeth in my sleep. I'd happily sleep with a cock in my pussy, or in my ass even, but that's harder to pull off, no pun intended.

Have you ever sent an intimate photo of yourself to the wrong person by accident?

I have, but it was to a person with whom I'd shared intimate photos in the past, so it wasn't as horrible as it could have been. I recommend never sharing intimate photos with anyone if you're not prepared to share them with everyone.

TMI Tuesday

If your employer offered an “afternoon delight break” where you leave work for an hour to go have sex, would you take that break?

I mean, I'd like it better if my employer offered a selection of partners with which to take this break, but right now that's probably a health hazard, so sure, I'd take it.

On your afternoon delight break would you most often have sex with (pick one):
a. Yourself
b. A stranger (e.g., app hook-up, sex worker)
c. Your significant other

I'd love to say Sveta, but an hour wouldn't be enough time to commute home, have sex, and then back again, plus that's a hell of a commute. If my work said, "You can have an hour off each day to fuck," I'd spend it on myself, probably, but I don't know that I'd really need a midday hour unless things were getting much steamier than they have been of late.

What is your best way of sustaining an erection?

Throat or ass. My pussy is great but if I'm really looking to sustain it, throat or ass. This assumes it's someone else's erection; I don't have one of my own.

Tell us the top two sexual things you hate to do?

Hate is such a strong word. Sometimes I'm just too tired to give a really solid performance on top, but I don't hate riding, I just need to have the spoons. Cleaning up afterwards? That's one. Oh, I'm not fond of being face-fucked without permission, but that's more of a consent thing than an activity being something I hate.

Can one masturbate too much?

Yes. If it starts to take up all your time, like anything else of a leisure nature, you're doing it too much.

Do you masturbate daily?

Yep. Often more than once.

Do you masturbate significantly more than you have sex with another person?

Yes. This has always been true. If you strung together all the times I've masturbated vs. all the times I've fucked, the solo slalom wins both in frequency and duration, I'd imagine. There's nothing wrong with that. Masturbation is convenient and fun, and while I've had some problems with it in the past, I don't let it rule my life.

Can you go one week without masturbating?

Can I? Sure. Do I want to? Not at all. I think I could go without for a week if I was getting wild and crazy sex daily, enough to wear me out. Like, if I was with a new lover and we had a whole week of fun, I could probably abstain from tickling the tender tamale for that week. But maybe I wouldn't. There's really no shame in masturbation, even if you're with someone whose sexual appetite is voracious.

Are you comfortable casually admitting to others that you masturbate?

I'm as comfortable with it as I am admitting to other things. That is to say, I don't approach strangers in the street and say, "Hi, I wank on the reg, how about you?" but if someone asks, I'll admit it. I'm a big girl. I'll admit to plenty of things if asked.

Would you be comfortable performing a masturbation “show” in front of your lover?

I've done it. I feel awkward doing it because I can't imagine looking at myself patting the bunny would be attractive, but I've also had lovers masturbate for me and found it a stimulating viewing pleasure, even if I prefer penetration in my pornography.

Have you ever masturbated in a public place? Where? Why?

Depends on what you mean by "public." I've never just hiked up my skirts in a crowded room and gone to town on my pants petunia, but I've tripped the light fantastic with myself in places where I could perhaps have been caught. Hell, I've been caught. That's sort of how I wound up with Sveta. Well, I wound up with the guy she wound up losing her virginity to with me in the room and so forth and so on. I'm a girl. It's much easier for me to liquidate underwear assets on the DL than it is for a guy to play pocket pool.

Why? Because I was going to lose my shit if I didn't get some endorphins. Because I was in danger of just cumming in front of God and everyone. Because there was a hot person I was looking at and I was in a secluded place, like a light booth or back stage. I'm not saying it was always a good idea.

Would you rather never masturbate again or have to masturbate five times a day, every day, forever?

Five times a day would eat into time, but I'm a fast orgasm, so I'd take that. Never doing it again just isn't in the cards. I'm going to be in the old folks home finger-spelunking.

Only kidding. I'm too poor to wind up in an old folks home. Plus I'm going to die in the Water Wars before I get to that age. But I'll die with my hand down my pants. It'll impress the CHUDs.

Would you rather be caught cheating or catch your spouse cheating? Explain.

I think I'd rather catch my spouse cheating because I can be forgiving. I wouldn't want to hurt my spouse like that. That said, I'm not sure I'd forgive, just that I can be. And also, I'd rather not have either happen thank you. Given our relationship, it's unlikely, as we have very few things which would be considered "cheating" and I can happily avoid those without much effort.