TMI Tuesday

Would you rather have one nipple or two belly buttons?

I think two belly buttons could be cute, but then I think belly buttons are cute. On my I'm not sure they would be, but I have a mild erogenous zone in my belly button so increasing the count would probably just increase my enjoyment of it. Only one nipple would reduce rather than increase the possibilities. This is nothing against folks who, for whatever reason, don't have nipples.

Would you rather have sex in a cave frequented by tourists or sex in a tree house in your parents’ backyard?

Tourist cave sex sounds naughty and exciting. Treehouse sex sounds okay. But despite what you'd think, I could still get off on it being in my parents' backyard because maybe I could fantasize about doing something they wouldn't approve of. Still, tourist cave sex wins.

In the bedroom, what makes you insecure?

My flubber. I'm not as slim as I was before COVID hit, I'm afraid. Also I'm old. I feel mildly insecure about how I look.

In the bedroom, what makes you a champion?

My mouth. I can do the most things with it.

At the sexolympics, in which sport will you compete?

Probably mixed triples oral. I'd have to get both a penis and a vagina off using only my mouth. I could do that with flair I think.

What kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?

Emotional. The physical stuff has never really mattered to me.

What is your go to euphemism for sexual intercourse?

I like the Horizontal Mambo. That's probably not my go-to; my go-to is probably "the nasty" or something similar, but that's only if I can't just call it fucking.

Are you better at starting or destroying relationships? Why do you think this?

Starting. Don't get me wrong, I've destroyed some too, but I'm much better at starting than continuing relationships.

What is the best thing that a woman can do to you in bed?

How often do you think about sex?

Constantly sometimes, and then sometimes I'll be busy and not at all, and sometimes I'll be busy and it'll distract me, and sometimes I'll be totally bored and not thinking about sex one iota. I'm a woman of many layers.

If someone called you ‘sexy,’ what would you do?

Thank them?

Are you comfortable with your body?

Not really. As mentioned above, I'm insecure about it. 

Please, for the love of all things holy, send me some actual questions. I feel like I'm answering the same two questions over and over again. You can email me, or comment, or whatever.