400

I had hoped that, by the time 400 rolled around, I would have something interesting to do for it. I had hoped that Sveta might be able to visit and we could do something fun. Hell, I hoped that because even if Valentine's Day is shallow and commercial, I still wanted to spend it with my sweetie. Or any day. I'm starting to go into Sveta withdrawal, and long-distance fixes aren't enough. It's like offering a joint to a crack addict. God, there was a pun intended there, so fucking intended.

So 400 is bound to be anticlimactic. I didn't build up much anticipation, but I knew it was coming, and yet here it is and there's really nothing I can do to celebrate it properly. Rest assured that, once the moment arises, I shall, but who knows when that moment will arise.

Until then, I'm going to cast my eye back on the blog and ponder. I started this out, almost 3 years ago now, because I had realized that I really was getting off telling stories on some chat sites I used to frequent, but I was getting bored with telling the same stories over and over again. Everyone always wanted to hear about my family life, about my first time, and I wanted to find a place to tell some stories and just tell them. I didn't set out to create much of a blog, more of a repository for stories.

Well, that lasted about a week before I realized that I was talking about my current affairs, not just the past. And then after a longer period, it became apparent that I was really blogging, letting in some of the personal shit I said I'd keep out, the drama, all that crap. But the thing is, I kind of like that you have some context for the stories I tell. It would be easy for me to just write sexy stories, fiction, not even claiming they were true. I could tell stories of things I've never actually done, fantasies of mine. I do write things other than this blog, and I have written some erotic fiction.

But now I realize that, while I'm giving context, I should also be concentrating on making my stories something more than just a retelling of events. Not that the events are good stories, but I've tried, more and more, to do some character work too, to work on sensations, feelings, more poetic stuff than "he fucked me three different ways, I came twice, wham bam, it was a good time."

If I could, I might go back and add a commentary track to my previous posts, see where things have changed, maybe offer some additional insight. But that's lazy and recycling material. It's too bad that 400 had to happen now, in sort of a down time for me and my life, but that's the way things work.

So this is 400. I'm posting this lame crap because if I didn't acknowledge it at all, I'd feel really crappy. But I also don't want to put off posting until I can think of something suitable. So you get this. Sorry