TMI Would I Rather...

Yet again, from TMI, clearinghouse of all things questionable.

Would you rather...

1. Have eyes that always smile or a voice that makes people calm?

Definitely the voice. I don't want my eyes to always smile because they'd be lying. People who smile all the time and are unhappy on the inside are sad. I do not in any way believe in "putting on a happy face." I can't honestly say that either option here is great, but I'll take the voice.

2. Have an affair and your partner catches you or your partner have an affair and you catch him/her?

I'd definitely rather do the catching, because I'm fairly forgiving and I handle angry better than ashamed. Not that I'd necessarily be angry, or that I'd necessarily forgive, particularly when I've made it pretty clear that it's hard to cheat on me because if you want to fuck someone else and you're with me, all you have to do is ask (although you might also have to put up with me asking you to describe it, or asking to be brought along).

3. Have better sex or more money?

Better sex than I'm having now? Certainly possible, but I'd go for the money because I have pretty good sex right now. If, on the other hand, this means, "Would you rather have good sex or good money?" I'll go with sex, because that makes me happier than money. Not that I want to starve in exchange for great sex, but if it's a choice between being rich or being sexually-fulfilled, I'm going with the sex. Not that I wouldn't like to be rich, but if it were a trade-off.

4. Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or always know the future?

Oh, the mind-reading. Knowing the future would kind of suck. Mind-reading, on the other hand, would definitely let me be less worried about what people were thinking about me. Yes, I do worry about that sometimes. Now, it might confirm my worst suspicions, which would suck. And if it was a power I couldn't control, and I had to hear everyone's thoughts all the time, that too would suck goat balls. But it would be great for character studies, and I could stop saying things like, "I think she was feeling this way." I could just say, "She was feeling that way." I don't know; I'm not thrilled with either choice here, but I think mind-reading would be better than knowledge of the future, particularly if it was some kind of predestination thing where one would know the future and be unable to change it, which would probably make me want to kill myself.

5. Your partner have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else?

We've done this one before. Short answer: who the hell would say anything other than sex?

Bonus (as in optional): What one thing, big or small, would you change in your life if granted one wish by a lamp-bound genie? Why?

Maybe a change in our society's puritanical moral codes? That seems like the kind of thing that a genie wouldn't be willing to change for just one wish (and might wind up biting the wisher in the ass). Honestly, is this the type of genie that takes perverse pleasure in granting wishes that bite the wisher in the ass, because if so, I'm wishing for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. That can't possibly backfire.