Shagged Out After a Long Squawk

I had meetings.  Plural.  Today.  Oy.

I don't talk work much, but today I got to see just how bad my life is going to get in the next 6 months.  It drained me.  Actually having to do what I'm foreseeing will suck even more, but seeing it was enough to make me want to curl up in a little ball and pray for death.

Of course, tonight was a night that Sveta was free, and I had meetings and didn't get back to the house until late, and at that point all I wanted to do was try to convince my brain that I didn't just see the horrible future of life.  I had nothing to give.

So I cuddled up with Sveta and tried to be as positive as possible, but we could both tell that I wasn't into it, and she went home.  I wanted to be into it, bad, but it just wasn't happening.  Not that I wasn't horny, just that I basically wanted her to get me off and then leave, which isn't a very nice thing to want.  She didn't leave in a huff, I didn't ask her to leave, and I would have been happy to just cuddle, sort of, but I think she was interested in something more and I wasn't putting out.  It was a bit of an odd role reversal.

I hope she's not hurt.  It's the first time something like this has happened to us, although I suppose it was inevitable.  I don't blame her for not wanting to be my personal sex toy, and I feel bad that she's not going to get any tonight, but I also feel bad that we couldn't just be together.  I admit, maybe our relationship has been premised on sex a bit too much recently.  Or always.  I don't know.

I do know that the next time I see her and I'm able, I am going to give her an orgasm that will make her ears wiggle.  She'll cum buckets.  Because she needed me, and I wasn't there.  The fact that I kind of needed her too... well, that's my fault.

So now I'm alone, unable to sleep, worrying, suffering from heat and what feels like dehydration even though I've had enough to drink, and thinking about what a putz I am (metaphorically speaking).  Sorry this isn't a sexier post, but that's life.  I'm not sad, I'm just really unhappy with life at the moment.

And you're all on notice: come November, I may go batshit insane and start writing manifestos about stealing government cheese.  I'll probably be working three jobs and writing a novel at the same time.  I'll see you all there!  Woo woo!  All aboard the crazy train!