Commentary Track

Okay, this is the best comment I've ever gotten.  I'm not going to publish it because... well, you'll see, but I am going to print it here, because... well, you'll see.  It was a comment on Music In My Soul, but I'm really not sure where it came from.

You should definitely wait4Heaven, dear.
And I'll tella youse why:
you're gonna git damned
if you perish in a state of mortal sin.
Dats da fax, Jak.
Hey, dear, dont ask me.
Ask God who sent me.
Im only the prophet withe prophit, toots.
Wanna wiseabove to Seventh-Heaven?
Follow me into the Son...

The more you shall honor Me,
the more I shall bless you.
-the Infant Jesus of Prague
(Czech Republic, next to Russia)

trustNjesus, dear,
and wiseabove to Seventh-Heaven...
cuz the other realm aint too cool.
God bless your indelible soul.

I'll tella youse something, Jak: I know where Prague is.  And the Czech Republic isn't next to Russia.  It's not even next to next to Russia, which is where Slovakia is.  The nearest large city actually in Russia is Kursk, and it's 19+ hours away from Prague.  You have to go through Poland and Ukraine first, toots.  Dats da fax.  Czechoslovakia did, I believe, once share a border with the USSR, but that hasn't been true for quite a while.

But okay, I'll bite: God, who sent this strange person?  Russian spies?  Have I hit the big time and am important enough to be spied on by Russian hackers?  Well, I guess if my blog starts posting complimentary things about Vladimir Putin, we'll know, won't we.  I'm flattered to think that my little blog might be that important, but I also suspect that someone in Russia was searching for more watersports ideas and came across me, although why they couldn't have left this comment on one of the posts where I talk about watersports I don't know.

I'm picturing myself at a confirmation hearing for the Infant Jesus of Prague (in the Czech Republic, not Prague, Wisconsin, I should add).

Infant Jesus of Prague: The more you shall honor Me the more I shall bless you.
Me: Infant Jesus of Prague... J-Prog, can I call you J-Prog?  J-Prog, I knew Jesus.  Jesus was a friend of mine.  You, sir, are no Jesus.  I bet Jesus has never even been to Prague, in the Czech Republic, geographically not all that far from Russia.
J-Prog: *stammers, wets himself*

This reads almost like some sort of odd freestyle rap, which is a strange choice to make because while I have deepest respect for it as an art form, I'm white as they come.  So I can only assume that either this person regularly evangelizes in hackneyed rap-ish cliches or that the Russians thought I'd be susceptible to this sort of message.  If it's the former, up your game, Jak.  Bring the noise.  You're not going to convert anyone with these weak rhymes.

If it's the latter, VLADIMIR PUTIN IS SEX GOD AND I LOVE FOR HIM TO PISS ON ME IF HE DESIRE. THERE NO PROBLEM HERE. PLEASE TO PROCEED NORMAL READING.

Seriously, you thought that this blog was a good platform for your weak Evangelism-T-Shirt message?  I feel sorry for you, which is why I'm publishing your message to my vast audience of potential converts.  Hey vast audience, follow Jak into the Son!  All Hail Volodya!  All Hail J-Prog!

The Mass is ended; go in peace.

P.S.  I still cannot get over this.  I love this.  Please send more.