TMI Tuesday Pick-Up Lines

Before I start, I should note that a lot of these seem guy-centric, so I'll answer as best I can.

From the archives:

At the TMI Tuesday bar someone walks up to you and utters the following lines, Tell us how you would respond.

1. Would you like to fake an orgasm with me tonight?

This one's not bad.  I mean, most people who would say this to a stranger are probably a bit douche-y, but I'd give this person a chance.  Bonus points if I'm being picked up by a woman.

2. Did you just fart because you are blowing me away?

A for effort.  As an opener, it's a risk.  Also, you've got to pause before you give the punch line.  If the delivery were good, I might laugh, and hey, if they made me laugh, I might continue conversation.  Not sure it would make me drench my panties or anything, but it's a decent ice breaker, although you've got to have brass ones to try it.  Or be irredeemably stupid, but that will probably be clear at the outset, so assuming this person wasn't, I'd give them props.

3. You’re hot. I’m ugly. Let’s make average babies. (Would you accept?)

This is another one which I'm not sure works as an opening line.  As a closing line, it might work on me. It's a decent funny line.  As long as it's genuinely self-deprecating.  If it's not, then it's skeevy.

4. I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.

Again, not a good opener.  But my God would it charm the pants right off me if delivered properly as an invitation to go back to their place.

5. You must work at Subway, ’cause you just gave me a footlong.

Go home, you're drunk.

6. You look like a hard worker, I have an opening you can fill.

This one really works best if a woman is picking up a guy, and it's a pretty weak line.

7. I don’t feel good, I think I need a shot of penis-illin.

Look elsewhere.  I'm sure there's a guy who's drunk enough to take you up on it.

8. If I told you I worked for UPS, would you let me handle your package?

If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you take your clothes off and jump up and down for me? That would be a better opening line.  This one is just sad.

Bonus: Belly up to the bar. What’s your pleasure? Which one drink would you order and why?

You can look up the drink options at the link above.  They're all pretty nasty.  Most of them involve rum or tastes I don't like.  And they forgot the Screaming Orgasm, which is my favorite dirty drink.  I guess if I had to pick I'd go for the After Sex, which involves the fewest things which sound nasty.

But seriously, go for the Screaming Orgasm.  Think White Russian but with nothing but booze.  It will put your ass on the ground if you're not careful.  Just like a screaming orgasm.  Also tasty.  Just like a screaming orgasm.  Really, the name says it all, which I can't say for any of the offered drinks.