I had some requests for elaboration regarding the dirty nursery rhymes in my Flash Fiction Friday this week. I'm not totally sure why I had the object of desire reciting filthy Mother Goose, but it just happened. So since I've got nothing better to do than work, mope, or work, I've taken a bit of time out of my moping schedule to work on the topic of dirty nursery rhymes.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a good hard fuck.
Jack tripped on a rock and dirtied his cock;
Said Jill, "Oh what rotten luck."
Jill gave Jack a big old whack 'cause Jack was getting randy.
She reached down and grabbed his crown
and said, "He's dumb but he's handy."
Jack and Jill had time to kill so Jill got on her knees
Jack came in her eye and made her cry
And off she ran through the trees.
Jack chased Jill back up the hill and gave her a great big kiss.
She begged him, "Dear, let's do it right here."
Then they lost themselves in bliss.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
But when she bent over, the randy old Rover
Proved he already had one.
Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye.
Four and twenty peckers
Came in my pie.
When my legs were opened
The cum began to leak
And I don't think I'll walk straight
For at least a week.
Ring around the rosy
My ass is nice and cozy
Fuck me
Fuck me
Anal now!
It's fun. I'm definitely open to submissions; there are plenty of nursery rhymes I'm forgetting, and maybe you can do something slightly subtler than I have (though that last one would get a lot of use in my household). Maybe a dirty nursery rhyme contest? I've got no prizes, but then neither does FFF. Hell, I'll take limericks too. Any sort of dirty doggerel will do.
4 comments:
Ooh, fun! The ones I have so far aren't any more subtle, though.
--
Mr. Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating his girlfriends' pie.
He stuck in his thumb,
Put it right up her bum
And said, "What a rascal am I!"
--
--
Jack was nimble.
Jack was slick.
Jack did show her
His candlestick.
Jack humped high.
Jack humped low.
Jack humped Jill
With even his toe!
--
Old King Cole was a horny old soul,
And a horny old soul was he,
He called for his wife
and he called for his whench
and landed in a naked pile for three....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's raining, it's pouring
My sex life sure was boring,
But then I jumped in Lexi's bed
And couldn't get out in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baa Baa lover mine, have you any holes?
Yes Sir, Yes Sir, stuff me full.
I have one for my master
And one for my dame
And please invite the little boy who lives down the lane.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It would be fun to go on, but my kids in the next room are wondering why I'm laughing so hard.
I LOVED your versions. Very very funny.
So glad to have inspired. I've got no prizes but the dubious distinction of being a comment on my blog, but if I had some, you'd both win some. Can't believe I forgot about Jack Horner; that one almost writes itself, doesn't it? Although I think I might have kept the black sheep in the poem ;)
LOL! You're all too much. All your versions are really terrific.
~CP
Post a Comment