Flash Fiction Friday - Christmas

Dear Santa,

Please send my sister some underwear for Christmas. I came downstairs early last Christmas to see if I could see you coming down the chimney, and she was there, and I thought she was unwrapping a present but it turned out she was unwrapping herself. She took off all her clothes and lay back under the tree and started rubbing between her legs and on her boobies and saying all kinds of things about how she wanted you to deck her halls, and I figure it's because she wanted Santa to bring her some underwear to cover up those places with. Maybe that's how she gets the best gifts every year.

If you bring me the pony I asked for, I promise I'll go down this Christmas and rub myself like she was doing without any clothes on. I don't know what some of the words meant, but I'll say them all too. Please don't put me on the naughty list for sneaking a peek at my sister.

Love,

Virginia

---

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, except for my spouse.

She was decked all in red from her head to her toes

But beneath her red robes was as pink as a rose.

A stocking was hung from my out-thrusting shaft

Which she saw as it wiggled as at it she laughed.

"Mama in her 'robe' and Papa in his 'cap'

Aren't tucked in our beds for a long winter's nap.

Do you think Mr. Claus will surprise us," she said,

"If he comes down the chimney while I'm giving you head?"

"Don't you worry," I said as I thrust down her throat.

"He'll most likely enjoy it, the randy old goat."

The moon on the breast of my wife on her back

Gave a luster of midday (when we were also in the sack),

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But her grin as I eased in, from ear to ear,

And she said, as my cock slipped slowly out of sight

"Merry Christmas to all, and no sleeping tonight!"

---

I've struggled with writing a sexy parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas before. Maybe the picture inspired me. It's not my best work; I wish I'd put a bit more effort into incorporating more of the stock phrases at least. Or added it to the plot of the original, where Santa actually shows up. But I'm glad I did it for Flash Fiction Friday because that way I was excused from having to do a line-by-line parody because of the length restrictions. And yes, I know, I didn't use the phrase in it. If you want, you can view it as an addendum and not the entry.

Which brings us to the first entry. I actually thought of this first as a letter to Penthouse (because it's a Playboy cover and all) but then the idea came to me a bit differently. Very little editing occurred. Maybe it's just a bit of fluff, or maybe I'm horribly corrupting the holiday, but it's Christmas Eve; you can't do anything to me.

May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white. And you know what that means, don't you?

Here's the list I have so far for Flash Fiction Friday this week. I may be updating it as I find out more people; if you're a participant, let me know and I'll change the list. Hell, I'll change the list on Saturday or Sunday too if you let me know; I'm not proud or particularly punctual myself. David (on the list below) is compiling, so let him know too. In fact, I got this list from him, so thank him for it; I'm just repeating it.

• David: http://dsinvegas.blogspot.com/
• Lexi (that's me, so you don't really need a link, do you?)
• Scintillectually Yours: http://scintillectual.com/
• Advizor finally got his up: http://advizortoall.blogspot.com/
• William: http://thetrainingofmylovelyslut.blogspot.com/
• And of course, PB did one too: http://insatiabear.blogspot.com/

Now I know more people are doing this. I just know it. But I can't read minds. Neither can David. We're nice people; let us know if you're Flash Fictionalizing this week.