TMI Tuesday

From the archives:

1. Would you rather be smart or awesome? Why?

I think it's pretty awesome to be smart.  And I'm not at all sure what "awesome" means.  I flatter myself to think that I'm fairly intelligent, and I'm not sure how much good that's done me, but I'd prefer it to some nebulous "awesomeness," I guess.

2. Would you rather french kiss a cat or pleasure a frog?

Have you ever felt a cat's tongue?  Yeah, I'll pleasure the frog.  Even if it means with my mouth.  I'll suck a frog's dick over having my tonsils ripped apart by a cat's tongue.

3. Would you rather live the rest of your life with Darth Vader’s voice or Alvin the Chipmunk’s voice?

Darth Vader.  It would be an adjustment, sure, but think of the voiceover work I could get.

4. Would you rather sail the Caribbean on a week long FREE cruise with the ship’s crew and 20 five-year-old children or shovel coal in a coal mine for a month?

I would rather do a lot of things than shovel coal in a mine for a month.  Miners are amazing people who put up with shit I wouldn't in a million years.  And while I don't much care for the idea of 20 five-year-old kids running around the ship with me, I'm pretty good with children even if I don't care for them as much, so I think I could manage.

5. Would you rather make an obscene phone call to your mother once a week or get a text message from your father every time he’s horny? Why?

This is so not a fair question for me, for obvious reasons.  The only thing which makes it worth answering is the fact that my father is not tech-savvy at all, and getting texts from him every two minutes would get annoying.  But I'd take that, because making obscene phone calls to my mother would annoy her.  I'll take one for the team and know when my dad is horny, because I know when that happens often enough anyway.

6. Would you rather have dinner with all your exes at once or with five guys on death row having their last meal?

The exes.  It would be awkward, but I don't think I could hold it together for five last meals.  I'm not going to get political, but the death penalty and people about to die are two buttons of mine that I'd rather not push.  Plus, dinner with all my exes at once would be a huge dinner, depending on the definition of ex, so I might not have to deal with them all at once.  And most of my exes I either don't care about or I still get along with.  There are one or two where it would be unpleasant, but I'd deal, I guess.  Hell, some of my exes, we might have a wild orgy, and the other exes could just deal with that.