I'm having a bollocks of a time with this week's FFF. Or indeed with posting in general. Because, as the title says, everyone sing it with me now: "I'm feeling neither goofy nor sexy."
You can usually count on me to feel one way or the other, or to be so stressed that I can't feel any way at all. But at the moment, although I have a few things on my plate which are keeping me reasonably busy, I'm not feeling a tremendous level of stress. I should; I have lines aplenty to learn, I have a job to continue seeking, I have another thing on the horizon and things to do concurrently with all of that. But I'm just slacking. My motor is wound way down.
I was hoping that this summer I might get a bit of time to go on some kind of vacation. Visit friends, visit Sheri, Mike; hell, in pipe-dream-mode I even thought about visiting Mari. Or just go somewhere and relax. I don't have the money to do much, but I thought if I got a week where I didn't have to be doing something else, I might consider crashing on someone's couch. Or taking Sveta somewhere. But now I'm looking ahead and seeing that it's probably unlikely, though not impossible.
I envy people with 9-to-5 jobs. I shouldn't, because there are a lot of things about them which I don't like, but the steadiness, the fact that some people don't take their work home, can plan around schedules that don't change, can wake up every morning and go to sleep every night knowing what will happen tomorrow... it's not what I expected to envy. When I was younger, I figured I'd probably envy people who were free, or famous, or rich, or something. I envy normality. I envy being middle-aged, having a pension plan, a spouse, and occasionally getting a bit of excitement in the form of saving for a week's vacation in Aruba.
I don't envy the sex life, but as I get older I wonder just how much of my sex life I'd be willing to trade for money, or consistency, or security. I know that currently few people have any of those things, but I do wonder.
I'm lucky; I have a good family who support me as I slowly creep into senescence and the prospect of working at McDonalds as a senior citizen. I have no real money worries; I can eat every day, my house isn't about to be confiscated, I have a car that I can sometimes afford to drive, and I can, on occasion, afford to eat out. If I didn't have those things I would have died a long time ago, because unlike some people whose strength and general awesomeness I envy, I am a terrible survivor. But still, I think sometimes that I'd rather be a mundane and happy than an abnormal and crazy. I don't need to define myself by being an outsider.
Except I wouldn't be happy. Hell, I'd take being what I currently am and happy at some point. But I'd also like a modest cost-of-living increase.
So, like I said, not feeling goofy, so none of the preceding was funny. And not feeling sexy, so none of the preceding was arousing. Basically, I'm feeling boring. Not bored, boring. I'm not completely sure I'm going to do FFF this week, which is what I could have said at the top and spared everyone the rambling in the center. I know I should force myself, because it's not an exercise if I only write the ones I want to write, but on the other hand it's not fun if I write things I don't like. We'll see.
3 comments:
The grass isn't greener on this side of the fence, that's what they say anyway.
I just decided to do FFF for this week, even though I'm not so inspired. I'm sure you'll do great regardless of your inner boredom. Worse thing, we'll both stink. :}
Don't force yourself to write if you don't want to!! That's one thing I've learned. If you don't want to do something, you don't have to. You mentioned wanting a break, well, FFF is something you always do. And while it may not have been the kind of break you wanted, sometimes taking a break from something you always do, is a good thing.
Not to mention, writing when you don't feel the inspiration can be worse than not writing. (Least I think so =X)
I'm pretty sure that on the Maslow Needs Hierarchy that blogging about horny butlers is fairly low on the list, however, the social reward of being told how wonderful you are, as well as eating, sleeping and feeling secure, are a bit higher up.
Come back when you are ready, though we miss you already.
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