So I said I was going to have Zoe over. I said it and said it. And planned. And plans fell through. And life intervened. And I figured okay, I'm probably going to let this one slip away, at least until we do another show together. And that's fine.
But then the stars aligned and we were free and she was free, so, expecting every minute that something would again come up and ruin the fun, I invited Zoe over for dinner and a movie and whatever else might happen. No pressure.
She was naked within five minutes.
Getting ahead of myself. She arrived, did introductions with Sveta, they kissed, Sveta said, "I love this gal," and they were fast friends, by which I mean that they were making out pretty much instantly. As I've said, Sveta is still shy about picking up girls. Plus, this town, not so great for picking up girls if you're a girl anyway. So she was thrilled to have this coed presented to her like a present.
Zoe was wearing (and I stress the past tense because she didn't wear anything long) these extremely form-hugging leggings which showed off her delightful curves, and I noticed when I ran a hand over her ass that she didn't seem to be wearing anything else. I slipped my hand between her legs (she was busy sticking her tongue down Sveta's throat) and yep, no undies. I could feel the outline of her labia through the fabric. She had been wearing a sweater (it was cold) but with that off, she wasn't wearing any bra either. "I figured why waste time," she said, grinning, as Sveta wasted none getting the blouse up and going to town on Zoe's breasts.
I think Sveta likes bigger breasts than I do. Or rather, she may be more of a "breast man" than I am; I like them all sizes, but Sveta fixates on boobs. Since she's got a very nice pair of them, nicer than mine, I'm spoiled. I feel bad that she has to make do with my not-so-ample bosom most of the time. But this was her chance to have some nice big ones, and she took advantage.
At a certain point, Sveta and I realized we were still standing basically in the doorway, fully clothed, with Zoe basically naked. We all laughed and moved away from the door. I said, "If you'd like to eat first..." which was drowned out immediately by two voices telling me to shut up and get in the bedroom.
Once there, I kind of sat back and kibitzed while Zoe and Sveta went to town on each other. Once Sveta was between Zoe's legs, I did jump in and kiss all over Zoe's body because it was just so kissable, and she in turn snaked a hand between my thighs and slipped a finger into me, but she was pretty distracted so it was basically just friendly. I'd warned Sveta that Zoe is pretty orgasmic and to keep at it, and Sveta is no slouch, so between us we had the poor girl rocking and rolling.
Eventually she begged us to stop or she was going to completely evaporate into a mist of pussy juice (well, she didn't say that, but the intent was clear) and so I grabbed Sveta's hips and went to town on her. Zoe eventually came around to watch, and I basically tagged her in because I wanted her to get a full-force Sveta orgasm. She didn't disappoint. Zoe may not have the moves, but I warmed Sveta up and Zoe knocked her down.
Then, because I think ahead and am hopeful, I said, "Now, I've got plenty of lube and some toys, let's see what we can do with Zoe's ass." Sveta grinned and Zoe looked a little nervous, but once we started lubing her up she totally forgot the nerves.
I'm still holding out hope that the first thing Zoe gets in her ass that's like a cock will actually be a cock. I have a few people in mind for that. But no one said I couldn't bend the rules a little and use plugs, and I have plugs aplenty. "I'm going to start you off with a small one," I said, showing her one of my entry-level, everyday plugs. She had no idea what it was, bless her heart. So I offered to show her how it worked.
"Maybe once you're used to it, you can graduate to something more like this," I said, pulling out one of the bigger ones. Sveta drizzled lube over my asshole and then she and Zoe had fun pressing the plug in.
"That's so sexy," Zoe said after watching my anus pucker over the cone and then lock in just below the base.
"It feels even better," I said. It absolutely did. "We'll be plug buddies. Thank goodness I've got enough to go around." So pretty soon Sveta had her favorite, a medium hard plastic one, up inside her, and then we turned back to Zoe.
First anal insertions are always a little tricky. Plus I had no idea how prepped Zoe was, in terms of not being ready to shit all over everything. But while it took a little pressure, the plug went in pretty easily and she gasped and said, "Is that all of it?"
"Yep," I said, stroking her ass. "You've got your very first buttplug in your ass, dear."
"I can't believe it's in there," she said. "It feels full, but it doesn't hurt or anything."
"Do you like it?" Sveta asked.
"Yeah. Pull it out and push it in again. I want to feel it."
No, twist our arms. Sveta giggled and started playing with it, pulling it just enough to spread Zoe a little, then letting it pop back. Zoe was getting really turned on, I could tell, and I wanted a taste, so I let Sveta keep playing games with the rear entrance while I started working on the front. We got her going again, to the point where Sveta was basically fucking her ass with the plug and I was working her clit like a jackhammer, and Zoe was cumming, cumming hard.
After she finally pushed us both away, the plug still seated firmly in her ass, we lay around for a few minutes idly chatting, then we went and had dinner. Zoe asked if we needed to take the plugs out, and we said, "Not unless you want to," so we all sat around the table naked, feeling plugs in our butts and eating pizza.
"Do you want to watch that movie, or are you wanting something else?" I finally asked Zoe.
"I'm still a little worn out, but... could I..."
"Anything."
"Could I watch the two of you? I've never seen two women, you know..."
She asked nicely, and Sveta and I didn't want to be bad hosts. We went back to the bedroom, and basically let Zoe tell us what she wanted us to do. She was fascinated with the idea of the strapon, which she knew was a thing which existed (I mean, she's in theatre and people are crude, so she knew what a buttplug was too but she didn't know what one looked like) but had never seen.
I wish we had one of the double dils which are built for strapping on so you've got the hooked up part inside the strap-er with the other end available for the strap-ee. But all we have is a harness and regular dildos. The sex toy budget has suffered with finances being tight. Still, Zoe was fascinated with it, and that a woman could basically fuck another woman with a cock. Damn it, I'm going to turn her off men completely. I took pains to stress that while yes, it was similar, it wasn't identical and there was no semen and other nice things about cocks, but I'm not sure it wasn't falling on deaf ears, particularly once I started fucking Sveta with it.
I pulled out every so often and let Zoe suck my "cock" because I wanted her to be able to show off her skills. Sveta was impressed. "You just go straight down," she said. "I love this girl."
Then it was a natural progression to go from fucking Sveta with it to fucking Zoe from behind while she ate Sveta out. I was gently; Zoe was pretty worn out from all the attention, but she wanted it so I did it. I took the plug out first though; she wasn't ready for even ersatz DP.
And then Sveta said it was high time someone went down on me, so I had two giggling girls between my legs playfully fighting over my pussy, which I have to admit was pretty amazing (I don't have to admit it; who would disagree with me?). Sveta showed Zoe how to get into the harness and then said, "I'm going to keep eating her out; you should fuck her ass."
I finally had a small O while sitting on Sveta's face as Zoe gingerly ground into my ass, and then I told them both I was done for the evening, because I was. I tried too hard to cum, I'm afraid, and I didn't let it happen organically, so it hurt and wore me out and depressed me a little. But Sveta said it was her turn, pulled out her own plug, and squatted over my face. And while I might have been done for myself, I wanted her to enjoy herself, and I wanted Zoe to get to keep practicing her technique.
As an aside, if you're a woman used to making certain moves in bed and you've suddenly got to make the opposite set of moves because someone has given you a cock, it takes a bit of practice. But Zoe mastered the basics pretty quickly, and everything else is just... I can't think of a word to use here that doesn't also mean a cumshot, so I'll just embrace it and say, everything else is just gravy. Plus, Sveta is still a bit less able to take a hard knock at the back door, so Zoe being a little gentler and more gingerly was a blessing.
We offered to let Zoe spend the night, but she couldn't, sadly. Busy college student and all that. But she did go home with a party favor in the form of a buttplug, which she, despite my stated concerns that it would be pretty obvious under those leggings, insisted on wearing home. I've met few women who went from 0-60 that quickly on anal. Last month she'd never done anything like it, and now she's wearing buttplugs around. I also told her that I was going to take her shopping for some other toys, because I think she could get herself off in the privacy of her own room if she just had a little help from a vibe or something. And she's got money. And, sadly, there's a small hope in my mind that she might buy something for me. I could use a new toy or two.
Sveta was pooped; she fell asleep on the couch while we were barely starting the movie we'd planned to watch. So I took her to bed and immediately felt sorry for myself because while I had been done, suddenly the horny rolled over me like a tsunami and I wished I could have had them both for breakfast. Ah well.
But given how this went, I think Zoe is going to make an effort to be here more often.
And like I said, I have some thoughts on the subject of guys who can deflower her ass properly. I'm still holding out hope there. I know some people who would treat her right.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
TMI Tuesday
From the archives.
1.) What was your biggest fantasy once you discovered sexy things?
Once I discovered sexy things, I think my biggest fantasy was getting fucked. Once that happened, it was probably getting fucked in the ass. Once that happened, maybe DP? I can't honestly remember the progression of my fantasy life.
2.) Did you get to do said fantasy, and if so would you do it again?
I've done all those things, obviously. Would totally do them again.
3.) Was it as good as imagined?
Better. Sex was better than I expected, anal was difficult the first time but once I felt the pleasure of it I was down for it all the time, and DP was so intense I might have cried from the pleasure and force of it.
4.) Describe said fantasy.
Once I learned about sex, I think my fantasy was that being penetrated would make me cum in a completely different way. Then, after I got to see Mari and Sheri go first, it became more concrete and I just wanted to feel Dad's cock inside me in the worst way. I wanted to feel that fullness that I imagined. When it happened, God it really was better than advertised. I've been hooked ever since.
As far as anal, I think initially I thought it would be like regular sex but tighter and the guy would enjoy it more, but then I discovered that there are whole new realms of pleasure and erogenous zones. Oh, even after I had anal my fantasy was still to get Dad to fuck my ass because at the time he had the biggest cock I was likely to get. I still have that fantasy occasionally.
And DP, well I was pretty sure it would feel like a combination of the two great pleasures of pussy and ass penetration, but the whole is definitely greater than the sum of its parts there.
5.) What is your biggest fantasy now?
This is sad, but orgasms without having to work for them as much and without pain. Not really a fantasy, a hope.
Bonus: Something you would NEVER do.
I've said this before and... well, I've said I would never do some other things that I've wound up doing, so maybe even this, but I doubt it. I'm never going to be into vomit. And I'm pretty sure I'm never going to just eat shit. Both of those things are definitely my limit.
1.) What was your biggest fantasy once you discovered sexy things?
Once I discovered sexy things, I think my biggest fantasy was getting fucked. Once that happened, it was probably getting fucked in the ass. Once that happened, maybe DP? I can't honestly remember the progression of my fantasy life.
2.) Did you get to do said fantasy, and if so would you do it again?
I've done all those things, obviously. Would totally do them again.
3.) Was it as good as imagined?
Better. Sex was better than I expected, anal was difficult the first time but once I felt the pleasure of it I was down for it all the time, and DP was so intense I might have cried from the pleasure and force of it.
4.) Describe said fantasy.
Once I learned about sex, I think my fantasy was that being penetrated would make me cum in a completely different way. Then, after I got to see Mari and Sheri go first, it became more concrete and I just wanted to feel Dad's cock inside me in the worst way. I wanted to feel that fullness that I imagined. When it happened, God it really was better than advertised. I've been hooked ever since.
As far as anal, I think initially I thought it would be like regular sex but tighter and the guy would enjoy it more, but then I discovered that there are whole new realms of pleasure and erogenous zones. Oh, even after I had anal my fantasy was still to get Dad to fuck my ass because at the time he had the biggest cock I was likely to get. I still have that fantasy occasionally.
And DP, well I was pretty sure it would feel like a combination of the two great pleasures of pussy and ass penetration, but the whole is definitely greater than the sum of its parts there.
5.) What is your biggest fantasy now?
This is sad, but orgasms without having to work for them as much and without pain. Not really a fantasy, a hope.
Bonus: Something you would NEVER do.
I've said this before and... well, I've said I would never do some other things that I've wound up doing, so maybe even this, but I doubt it. I'm never going to be into vomit. And I'm pretty sure I'm never going to just eat shit. Both of those things are definitely my limit.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Tight Like Prom Night
Another mini-episode. Please ask questions. Or something. I don't know. Is anyone even reading this?
This isn't a question, but rather a conversation I had with a friend made me ponder vaginal tightness.
As a lady interested in other ladies (as well as gentlemen, but that's beside the point) I get my hands on a fair number of lady parts. I would like to stress, for the benefit of anyone who might see this while I'm running for political office (yeah, right) that this is entirely consensual (and that's all you'll hear from me about politics).
But I know there's been a fascination among men about "tightness" which has probably been going on for as long as there were virgins but which has been coming to the forefront lately, probably because of porn and unrealistic depictions of sex and women in mainstream culture. If it's not "thigh-gap" it's "tight pussy."
Now, I don't possess a cock, so I can't speak for that, but as far as I'm concerned, while there is a bit of a thrill which comes from sliding a finger or two into a nice tight pussy, for the most part, in my interactions with the vagina, tightness doesn't really make much of a difference.
I think that most of what people mistake for "tightness" is actually "lack of foreplay." Guys, if your lady is so tight that it takes force to penetrate her, you're hurting her and you're doing sex wrong. A pussy should be able to accommodate a gamut of penises from the small to the large without much effort, provided they've been warmed up first. The vagina is elastic, and most of them, when they're not prepared, are too tight. Too tight isn't sexy, it's unpleasant.
Or if you'd like to look at it another way, if a lady is "too tight" for your monster hog, that's like trying to stick a pencil up your urethra. Sounding might feel great, but you don't want it to be "too tight."
I imagine it stems from both a desire for the virginal and from a desire to think that your cock is massive. Guess what? Virgins aren't any tighter than anyone else. Being a slut doesn't stretch your pussy out. "Too tight," is just "unprepared," which many virgins are because first times tend to be nervous, speedy, rough, or all three. They absolutely do not have to be. First times can be wonderful. Mine was, but that's because it was loving, slow, and while there were some nerves, there was plenty of prep.
Now, for the ladies, "too tight" isn't pleasant. Taking something which is too big, I mean really too big, not just big enough to make you think, "Wow, that's going to be pretty big," is painful. And the thing is, if everything's always "too tight" even with plenty of gentle, loving prep (read: he ate you out for an hour, you used a bucket of lube, and still he's not able to work his way in), that's a medical issue. So aspiring to "tightness" isn't necessarily a thing one should do.
That said, some people want to tighten things up a little. Not "too tight" but just maybe a little. And that's fine. But the more I read, the more I become convinced that there's very little you can do. Sure, you can do your kegels and so forth, but abstaining from sex isn't going to make you tighter. And most women don't need to be tighter. Pussies are all different and they're all wonderful, and if you've got a guy who's complaining that you're not tight enough, chances are he might not be the guy for you. I understand that childbirth can affect things, but sex will not make you loose and flappy.
Arousal makes the lady parts more elastic (it has to because the lady parts are pretty shallow and tight without it) but it also makes them swell up, so proper foreplay can help make things more pleasant for everyone. And kegels... well, doctors now seem to be on the fence about them, but even if you do them, it's not going to make your pussy shrink. You don't want it to.
Enough of a PSA, I think.
I have had "tight" and "not so tight" but I've never had "pencil down a well." I don't have the requisite pencil, so maybe that's just me. Ladies, if your man is complaining about tightness and being a jerk about it, find yourself a nice lady friend because she's unlikely to care. I certainly don't. And "tight" doesn't necessarily mean capacity either. I've been with women who were quite snug, but who could take a baseball bat. Just not first thing in the morning with no foreplay and no lube. Everyone's tight without prep. Guys, try jamming something up your ass without lube and see how tight that is.
Sorry, that was nasty. I'm sure there are exceptions and that not all guys and so forth. Just please, foreplay. Foreplay. Foreplay.
This isn't a question, but rather a conversation I had with a friend made me ponder vaginal tightness.
As a lady interested in other ladies (as well as gentlemen, but that's beside the point) I get my hands on a fair number of lady parts. I would like to stress, for the benefit of anyone who might see this while I'm running for political office (yeah, right) that this is entirely consensual (and that's all you'll hear from me about politics).
But I know there's been a fascination among men about "tightness" which has probably been going on for as long as there were virgins but which has been coming to the forefront lately, probably because of porn and unrealistic depictions of sex and women in mainstream culture. If it's not "thigh-gap" it's "tight pussy."
Now, I don't possess a cock, so I can't speak for that, but as far as I'm concerned, while there is a bit of a thrill which comes from sliding a finger or two into a nice tight pussy, for the most part, in my interactions with the vagina, tightness doesn't really make much of a difference.
I think that most of what people mistake for "tightness" is actually "lack of foreplay." Guys, if your lady is so tight that it takes force to penetrate her, you're hurting her and you're doing sex wrong. A pussy should be able to accommodate a gamut of penises from the small to the large without much effort, provided they've been warmed up first. The vagina is elastic, and most of them, when they're not prepared, are too tight. Too tight isn't sexy, it's unpleasant.
Or if you'd like to look at it another way, if a lady is "too tight" for your monster hog, that's like trying to stick a pencil up your urethra. Sounding might feel great, but you don't want it to be "too tight."
I imagine it stems from both a desire for the virginal and from a desire to think that your cock is massive. Guess what? Virgins aren't any tighter than anyone else. Being a slut doesn't stretch your pussy out. "Too tight," is just "unprepared," which many virgins are because first times tend to be nervous, speedy, rough, or all three. They absolutely do not have to be. First times can be wonderful. Mine was, but that's because it was loving, slow, and while there were some nerves, there was plenty of prep.
Now, for the ladies, "too tight" isn't pleasant. Taking something which is too big, I mean really too big, not just big enough to make you think, "Wow, that's going to be pretty big," is painful. And the thing is, if everything's always "too tight" even with plenty of gentle, loving prep (read: he ate you out for an hour, you used a bucket of lube, and still he's not able to work his way in), that's a medical issue. So aspiring to "tightness" isn't necessarily a thing one should do.
That said, some people want to tighten things up a little. Not "too tight" but just maybe a little. And that's fine. But the more I read, the more I become convinced that there's very little you can do. Sure, you can do your kegels and so forth, but abstaining from sex isn't going to make you tighter. And most women don't need to be tighter. Pussies are all different and they're all wonderful, and if you've got a guy who's complaining that you're not tight enough, chances are he might not be the guy for you. I understand that childbirth can affect things, but sex will not make you loose and flappy.
Arousal makes the lady parts more elastic (it has to because the lady parts are pretty shallow and tight without it) but it also makes them swell up, so proper foreplay can help make things more pleasant for everyone. And kegels... well, doctors now seem to be on the fence about them, but even if you do them, it's not going to make your pussy shrink. You don't want it to.
Enough of a PSA, I think.
I have had "tight" and "not so tight" but I've never had "pencil down a well." I don't have the requisite pencil, so maybe that's just me. Ladies, if your man is complaining about tightness and being a jerk about it, find yourself a nice lady friend because she's unlikely to care. I certainly don't. And "tight" doesn't necessarily mean capacity either. I've been with women who were quite snug, but who could take a baseball bat. Just not first thing in the morning with no foreplay and no lube. Everyone's tight without prep. Guys, try jamming something up your ass without lube and see how tight that is.
Sorry, that was nasty. I'm sure there are exceptions and that not all guys and so forth. Just please, foreplay. Foreplay. Foreplay.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Swallowing
I've got a few mini episodes I'm going to post over the next couple of days because I've got to keep posting. I'm sorry they're short. And they're just Q&A. But please ask questions because I need to have writing prompts. You can comment (I read them all even if I don't say anything back), or email me at lexinaughtygirly[AT]gmail, or hit me on Twitter. Or if you've got another suggestion for platforms where you can AMA, while I don't think reddit is a possibility, please let me know. Anyway, on with the show.
Here's one I get in various forms.
"Lexi, do you always swallow? Like, always? Really always? You say 'good girls swallow' but is that fair? Aren't you judging people who don't like the taste?"
First off, I'm not judging. Okay, I am, but I shouldn't, because while I think it's the bee's knees, semen isn't for everyone. I've met plenty of women who don't like it or can't do it for whatever reason.
However, if you don't like the taste, my suggestion is to keep it out of your mouth entirely. I know, he wants to nut on your tongue, but gently tell him that there are plenty of other sexy things he can do with his seed. If you're going to wind up with it in your mouth, spitting it out isn't going to stop you from having to taste it. Just don't wind up with it in your mouth. That, at any rate, would be my suggestion. I know there are women who aren't put off by the taste but get squicked by swallowing or who get indigestion when they swallow, and to them I say, "Sorry, you can still be a good girl and I'll try not to be judgmental about it in future." Except I'll probably say, "Good girls swallow," without thinking about it.
Second, I don't always swallow.
Cue aghast looks from my audience, who now think I'm a horrible liar and hypocrite.
I usually swallow. I enjoy the taste (it is a slightly acquired taste, I'll admit, but I acquired it early). Of course, I confess that I prefer other things than swallowing a load. But if it's not going to be in my pussy or in my ass, I like it in my mouth.
That said, there have been a few times, maybe more than a few, where something wasn't right, biologically, or something. I've been with a few guys where once or twice their cum tasted absolutely foul. Supposedly diet can affect it, but I've also seen things which say that's not true, and I can't point to a culprit. A few times I've been drunk and feeling a little queasy and it wasn't them, it was just my taste buds being fucked up. But sometimes it just doesn't taste good.
Sometimes I swallow anyway, because hell, it's in my mouth already and as I said spitting isn't going to wash away the taste. At least not for me. I've had to go get something to drink after (not necessarily alcoholic, although that's happened too) to wash out the taste. But sometimes the taste is so off-putting that I either spit without really thinking or I can't stand the thought of swallowing something that tastes that bad, so I don't.
I've been with a couple of guys who were always terrible tasting. Without fail. That's got to be personal chemistries not meshing or something. I've been with a few guys who, no matter how clean they were, always smelled bad to me too. Just a few: smell is a turn-off for me, not BO but smelling bad. No pattern there either, but it happens.
When I was giving a lot of blowjobs to the exclusion of other activities (read: high school and college) I usually didn't make a scientific study of it, so I don't know whether a lot of those were always bad or just on that occasion. If it's going to go further than head and he tastes bad enough I have to worry about it, some other option is on the table and most guys don't complain if you tell them to cum inside you rather than cumming in your mouth.
So no, I don't always swallow. I make it a habit, but sometimes it's just not happening. And I think at this point I've had more cum inside me and on me than in my mouth, although there was certainly a time in my life where that wasn't true, at least per capita (by volume I don't know, because I got a lot of semen from a few guys in my early years.
Here's one I get in various forms.
"Lexi, do you always swallow? Like, always? Really always? You say 'good girls swallow' but is that fair? Aren't you judging people who don't like the taste?"
First off, I'm not judging. Okay, I am, but I shouldn't, because while I think it's the bee's knees, semen isn't for everyone. I've met plenty of women who don't like it or can't do it for whatever reason.
However, if you don't like the taste, my suggestion is to keep it out of your mouth entirely. I know, he wants to nut on your tongue, but gently tell him that there are plenty of other sexy things he can do with his seed. If you're going to wind up with it in your mouth, spitting it out isn't going to stop you from having to taste it. Just don't wind up with it in your mouth. That, at any rate, would be my suggestion. I know there are women who aren't put off by the taste but get squicked by swallowing or who get indigestion when they swallow, and to them I say, "Sorry, you can still be a good girl and I'll try not to be judgmental about it in future." Except I'll probably say, "Good girls swallow," without thinking about it.
Second, I don't always swallow.
Cue aghast looks from my audience, who now think I'm a horrible liar and hypocrite.
I usually swallow. I enjoy the taste (it is a slightly acquired taste, I'll admit, but I acquired it early). Of course, I confess that I prefer other things than swallowing a load. But if it's not going to be in my pussy or in my ass, I like it in my mouth.
That said, there have been a few times, maybe more than a few, where something wasn't right, biologically, or something. I've been with a few guys where once or twice their cum tasted absolutely foul. Supposedly diet can affect it, but I've also seen things which say that's not true, and I can't point to a culprit. A few times I've been drunk and feeling a little queasy and it wasn't them, it was just my taste buds being fucked up. But sometimes it just doesn't taste good.
Sometimes I swallow anyway, because hell, it's in my mouth already and as I said spitting isn't going to wash away the taste. At least not for me. I've had to go get something to drink after (not necessarily alcoholic, although that's happened too) to wash out the taste. But sometimes the taste is so off-putting that I either spit without really thinking or I can't stand the thought of swallowing something that tastes that bad, so I don't.
I've been with a couple of guys who were always terrible tasting. Without fail. That's got to be personal chemistries not meshing or something. I've been with a few guys who, no matter how clean they were, always smelled bad to me too. Just a few: smell is a turn-off for me, not BO but smelling bad. No pattern there either, but it happens.
When I was giving a lot of blowjobs to the exclusion of other activities (read: high school and college) I usually didn't make a scientific study of it, so I don't know whether a lot of those were always bad or just on that occasion. If it's going to go further than head and he tastes bad enough I have to worry about it, some other option is on the table and most guys don't complain if you tell them to cum inside you rather than cumming in your mouth.
So no, I don't always swallow. I make it a habit, but sometimes it's just not happening. And I think at this point I've had more cum inside me and on me than in my mouth, although there was certainly a time in my life where that wasn't true, at least per capita (by volume I don't know, because I got a lot of semen from a few guys in my early years.
Friday, October 21, 2016
Out of My Comfort Zone
So it's another work story. Not that I work in such a slutty place or anything, just that it's the only reason I leave the house at the moment.
One of the perks of my job is that I currently work at a theater where they do things other than theatre (notice how pretentious my spelling is?). So I get to watch dance and concerts and so forth. This evening, there was a rehearsal for a concert coming up in a few days, which meant that I basically sat around and got paid. I am totally fine with this.
But one of the musicians was this woman whom I wouldn't normally find attractive at all. She was a nice-looking woman, but she was definitely too old for me. Possibly even as old as my mother. I love my mother, but in women I tend to skew young. Not always, but even when I lust after someone who's older than I am, it's usually someone who looks younger and isn't much older than I am. I know, I'm a terrible person, but it's just the way my attractions go.
To keep from having to refer to her as "the musician who is older than I usually find attractive," let's call her Jen (as a side note, I've never gotten into the whole "anonymize people by just using their first initial" thing because I like names rather than letters and also because it's not anonymous enough, so while I do try to pick names which I think fit the person, don't expect them to be close to their actual names; Sveta is not Russian, for example). Jen has long gray hair, she plays a woodwind, she's curvy in a way which is fairly attractive, and she has these sad, beautiful eyes. I've seen her smile but her eyes still look like pools of sorrow. But beautiful sorrow. And that's what initially made me notice her. I didn't lust after her because of her eyes, but they were pretty eye-catching.
Anyway, rehearsal is over, she's packing up, and I ask her if I could close up or something along those lines. Not hurrying her along, but hurrying her along. It was getting late and I wanted to lock up. She smiled with those sad eyes and said no thank you, then she looked at me and said something which... let me back up.
I've been feeling pretty lousy lately. There's been a marked drop off in quantity of posting around here, as you might have noticed, and that's because I've been in a slump. I'm a depressive. I get this way. Eventually I'll probably pull out of it. But anyway, I've been holding on to sanity by my fingernails some days.
So she looked at me, and said, with these sad eyes and this very nice tone, "You really are a beautiful young woman, you know that?" We'd spoken previously in the evening, so it wasn't out of the blue, but we certainly hadn't spoken on the subject of my being beautiful. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She didn't mean it sexually, she was just saying it to be nice I think, but I really needed to hear that from someone I guess because I practically burst into tears.
She thought she'd said something wrong. She was apologizing and saying that she didn't mean anything by it and so forth, and I managed to pull myself together and tell her it was okay, that it was very nice of her to say and that I was just having one of those days. And then we started talking. Everyone else left and we were still talking. I don't remember half of the conversation. It wasn't important. She was a good listener, but I also learned that she was a lesbian because that all came up in the whole, "Being queer around here is difficult," phase of the conversation.
And then she somehow managed to get me to talk about my medical difficulties and I was breaking down again and I found myself being held by this woman whom I didn't really know. It was nice. And then, well, it was so nice that I kissed her. I don't know if I intended it to be a come-on; I was just overloaded.
She pulled back a little. "I hope I'm not giving you the wrong idea," she said, and I was kicking myself inwardly because clearly she wasn't at all interested in me and what the fuck was I doing and shame spiral and so forth. "I don't want to take advantage of you in a fragile situation. I'm sorry if I was out of line complimenting you earlier. I just... you are a beautiful young woman and it made me happy to look at you, I guess."
Nope. She was apologizing for leading me on because she thought she was leading me in a direction I didn't want to go. Oh Jen, you are adorably wrong about that.
"You're not taking advantage of me," I said.
"Oh." Her eyes were limpid pools. Seriously, I wish I could share a picture without compromising identities, because they were beautiful sad eyes. Then she leaned back in and kissed me back.
And things got a bit more heated. I love women who aren't afraid to kiss me. I find that plenty of women, even if they're curious, are terrified to kiss another woman. Jen was not scared of me at all. "We really shouldn't do this," she said after a moment of increasingly passionate kissing. "I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."
I also love that she wasn't saying, "We shouldn't do this, it's forbidden." Porn is so much more boring than real life sometimes. It clearly wasn't something she was shying away from because she was trying desperately to repress her forbidden urges or some such nonsense.
"I promise, you're not." This carried some weight because I was unbuttoning her blouse as I said it. But then I had a bit of clarity. "But we shouldn't do this here. Someone might come in and that would be awkward."
We moved off the front of the stage in front of God and everyone to a more secluded location. We didn't go hide in another room because I was pretty sure we were the last people there, but no point in taking chances. And then I proved just how not-taken-advantage-of I was by slowly undressing her. Jen's body is different than I'm used to, I have to admit. Definite signs of aging, and she's not exactly in shape. But honestly, I didn't care and still don't. She was definitely not wearing "gonna fuck tonight" underwear: her bra was built for comfort, not speed. But you know what? The hell with speed. Women should be allowed to be comfortable even if they're gonna fuck tonight.
Her skin was very soft, and she smelled of baby powder, which I find incredibly arousing actually. And her breasts, once I got the bra off, were worth the effort. Whatever she does to maintain them, it works. They're large, with a little droop, but the nipples are still perky and very sensitive, as I found when she started moaning softly as I circled one with my tongue. When I started sucking on it, she arched her back a little and held my hand in hers and squeezed it.
What was she keeping under her skirt? I had to know. Turns out her panties were likewise sensible but still cute, plain white cotton (which I also find arousing), not granny panties at all. And the best part was that the fabric covering her pussy was drenched already.
I didn't waste much time getting those off, spreading her legs, and there was her pussy. A light fuzz of gray was the only thing giving away that this pussy had probably seen a few miles. Jen is fairly dark complexioned and the lips were tan, but they were cute little lips and just dripping wet. I dove in. I couldn't wait. She had both of my hands in hers, our fingers knitted together, so I couldn't do anything but use my tongue. She had very little taste, just the smell of baby powder I already mentioned, a little sweat but not stink, and a hint of the usual vaginal tastes. And she was responsive. I ran my tongue up over the slit and lingered a moment on the clit and she spread her legs wider and practically forced her vulva up into my mouth.
She was fun to eat out. Doing it hands-free, at least to start, was a novelty (which I think I'm going to incorporate into my repertoire with Sveta, although I know my girl will take some fingers to really get going). And I could look up and see those beautiful sad eyes look down at me while I worked her up until she gasped, "Oh Lexi, I'm so close, please make me cum!" Like she needed to ask my permission. She freed my hands and I put my fingers to work, and when that happened she was pulling me up again, pulled off my shirt, pulling me into an embrace with my fingers inside her.
We ground into each other, kissing, embracing, both hungry for skin to skin contact, until finally my fingers hit a sweet spot and she moaned weakly and buried her head in my neck, whispering, "Right there, don't stop!" Finally after she held me about as close as was possible without somehow merging bodies, she started breathing again, sighed, and relaxed a little, then smiled with those sad eyes and said, "Do you know how long it's been?"
No, I did not, so I got a bit of her life. It isn't easy being a lesbian in this town. There's one gay bar for gay guys in the area and if you want anything else you've got to go to the nearest big city, which is hours. And she's too old for online dating. So she's very lonely.
We talked and it was my turn to listen and I was happy to do so. We just held each other, me half-naked, her totally naked, and cuddled and talked. And then I finally said, "Well, if it's been so long, I can't let it go at just one."
"First I want to see that beautiful body without those bulky clothes on," she said, smiling. It was a little strange, being in the position of being the junior member of a same-sex duo. Usually I'm the experienced one. And who knows, maybe I was more experienced than Jen was in the bedroom, but she was definitely playing the role I usually play in these sorts of relationships. And I enjoyed that as a novelty too. I think I may like being the "older sister" more, but it reminded me of Mari, who was always the older sister in our relationship.
I wish to add that my clothes weren't bulky. I too wasn't wearing "gonna fuck tonight" underwear, or even clothes. Just my usual work attire. The shirt was already off, the pants came off too, and then I let her kiss me and take my bra and panties off, then after she'd enjoyed herself with my breasts a little she leaned back and said, "Lexi, you really are beautiful." It almost made me cry again, but I held it together. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here; I don't think I'm beautiful most days. Particularly not now. But she was enjoying herself. "Lie back. I want to taste that cute little flower."
I let her spread my legs and kiss gently up my thighs, teasing her way between until her breath was hot against my cunt. "I'm probably not going to be able to cum," I told her apologetically.
"I like a challenge," she said, looking up at me with those beautiful sad eyes. I could keep hitting the thesaurus for synonyms for beautiful and sad, but that's what they were. And then she slid two fingers deftly into me and started doing something inside me which was very, very pleasant indeed. After a moment she pulled her fingers out and sucked them into her mouth. "I'd almost forgotten what a girl your age tastes like," she said with a smile, then slid in again and kept doing whatever she was doing. I'm no slouch when it comes to pussy manipulation, but she was doing some move I couldn't quite place. There was "come-hither" motions, but a little twisting as well, and it got me to the point of painful arousal quicker than I expected.
"Am I hurting you?" she asked, looking worried. I guess I winced or something in between panting for more.
"God, please don't stop," I begged her. It hurt. Not going to lie. But it also felt incredible. I tried to relax, to put the pain behind the wall of pleasure, and it sort of worked until she started licking my clit and I came, harder than I have in a while, which set off all the savage pains that a softer orgasm usually avoids and snapped me right back out of it. I got one or two hard waves before I realized I was moaning rather more loudly than I meant to and she was apologizing and wrapping me up in her arms.
After I managed to assure her that it wasn't her fault and that I wasn't dying and was in fact incredibly impressed with her technique, we snuggled again briefly before snuggling turned to kissing turned to my fingers sliding into her again and then I tried my best to match her technique, with some helpful pointers. She wasn't as turned on to start so we could even discuss a few of the finer points, and you'd better believe I'm going to add some things to my arsenal. Eventually though I got her worked up again and she made it clear that she was totally ready for me to suck on her clit until it broke off if necessary, so I did that, smelling that baby powder and woman smell which was super arousing, until with my tongue and lips and fingers I managed to get a long, tense moan out of her, then I sped up until she gasped and said, "Oh fuck," in a surprised tone and tightened down on my fingers until I was afraid I'd lose circulation. "The clit, fuck, the clit," she gasped, and I kept hitting her clit hard, trying to keep her cumming as long as I could, until finally she relaxed and pulled me up into her arms again.
We kissed, and then we realized that we'd probably been going at it for so long that it was no longer just a little late. So we had to say goodbye. She gave me her number, "Not to hook up, just in case you need someone to talk to," and then we both left and went our separate ways. And while I believe she's local, I have no idea if I'll ever see her again. We were both pretty clear that we weren't looking for this to be a long-term thing. I think we both just needed it. Needed sex, needed love, needed to be told we were beautiful, needed to cry, whatever it was.
Sometimes I wish that my mother were open to making love with me. Most of the time, I'm fine with it, but sometimes I wish. Maybe that's all this was. Or maybe not. I don't know. I can still see Jen's eyes. The rest of her was pretty, but her eyes were beautiful. I wonder if she'll remember me at all.
One of the perks of my job is that I currently work at a theater where they do things other than theatre (notice how pretentious my spelling is?). So I get to watch dance and concerts and so forth. This evening, there was a rehearsal for a concert coming up in a few days, which meant that I basically sat around and got paid. I am totally fine with this.
But one of the musicians was this woman whom I wouldn't normally find attractive at all. She was a nice-looking woman, but she was definitely too old for me. Possibly even as old as my mother. I love my mother, but in women I tend to skew young. Not always, but even when I lust after someone who's older than I am, it's usually someone who looks younger and isn't much older than I am. I know, I'm a terrible person, but it's just the way my attractions go.
To keep from having to refer to her as "the musician who is older than I usually find attractive," let's call her Jen (as a side note, I've never gotten into the whole "anonymize people by just using their first initial" thing because I like names rather than letters and also because it's not anonymous enough, so while I do try to pick names which I think fit the person, don't expect them to be close to their actual names; Sveta is not Russian, for example). Jen has long gray hair, she plays a woodwind, she's curvy in a way which is fairly attractive, and she has these sad, beautiful eyes. I've seen her smile but her eyes still look like pools of sorrow. But beautiful sorrow. And that's what initially made me notice her. I didn't lust after her because of her eyes, but they were pretty eye-catching.
Anyway, rehearsal is over, she's packing up, and I ask her if I could close up or something along those lines. Not hurrying her along, but hurrying her along. It was getting late and I wanted to lock up. She smiled with those sad eyes and said no thank you, then she looked at me and said something which... let me back up.
I've been feeling pretty lousy lately. There's been a marked drop off in quantity of posting around here, as you might have noticed, and that's because I've been in a slump. I'm a depressive. I get this way. Eventually I'll probably pull out of it. But anyway, I've been holding on to sanity by my fingernails some days.
So she looked at me, and said, with these sad eyes and this very nice tone, "You really are a beautiful young woman, you know that?" We'd spoken previously in the evening, so it wasn't out of the blue, but we certainly hadn't spoken on the subject of my being beautiful. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She didn't mean it sexually, she was just saying it to be nice I think, but I really needed to hear that from someone I guess because I practically burst into tears.
She thought she'd said something wrong. She was apologizing and saying that she didn't mean anything by it and so forth, and I managed to pull myself together and tell her it was okay, that it was very nice of her to say and that I was just having one of those days. And then we started talking. Everyone else left and we were still talking. I don't remember half of the conversation. It wasn't important. She was a good listener, but I also learned that she was a lesbian because that all came up in the whole, "Being queer around here is difficult," phase of the conversation.
And then she somehow managed to get me to talk about my medical difficulties and I was breaking down again and I found myself being held by this woman whom I didn't really know. It was nice. And then, well, it was so nice that I kissed her. I don't know if I intended it to be a come-on; I was just overloaded.
She pulled back a little. "I hope I'm not giving you the wrong idea," she said, and I was kicking myself inwardly because clearly she wasn't at all interested in me and what the fuck was I doing and shame spiral and so forth. "I don't want to take advantage of you in a fragile situation. I'm sorry if I was out of line complimenting you earlier. I just... you are a beautiful young woman and it made me happy to look at you, I guess."
Nope. She was apologizing for leading me on because she thought she was leading me in a direction I didn't want to go. Oh Jen, you are adorably wrong about that.
"You're not taking advantage of me," I said.
"Oh." Her eyes were limpid pools. Seriously, I wish I could share a picture without compromising identities, because they were beautiful sad eyes. Then she leaned back in and kissed me back.
And things got a bit more heated. I love women who aren't afraid to kiss me. I find that plenty of women, even if they're curious, are terrified to kiss another woman. Jen was not scared of me at all. "We really shouldn't do this," she said after a moment of increasingly passionate kissing. "I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."
I also love that she wasn't saying, "We shouldn't do this, it's forbidden." Porn is so much more boring than real life sometimes. It clearly wasn't something she was shying away from because she was trying desperately to repress her forbidden urges or some such nonsense.
"I promise, you're not." This carried some weight because I was unbuttoning her blouse as I said it. But then I had a bit of clarity. "But we shouldn't do this here. Someone might come in and that would be awkward."
We moved off the front of the stage in front of God and everyone to a more secluded location. We didn't go hide in another room because I was pretty sure we were the last people there, but no point in taking chances. And then I proved just how not-taken-advantage-of I was by slowly undressing her. Jen's body is different than I'm used to, I have to admit. Definite signs of aging, and she's not exactly in shape. But honestly, I didn't care and still don't. She was definitely not wearing "gonna fuck tonight" underwear: her bra was built for comfort, not speed. But you know what? The hell with speed. Women should be allowed to be comfortable even if they're gonna fuck tonight.
Her skin was very soft, and she smelled of baby powder, which I find incredibly arousing actually. And her breasts, once I got the bra off, were worth the effort. Whatever she does to maintain them, it works. They're large, with a little droop, but the nipples are still perky and very sensitive, as I found when she started moaning softly as I circled one with my tongue. When I started sucking on it, she arched her back a little and held my hand in hers and squeezed it.
What was she keeping under her skirt? I had to know. Turns out her panties were likewise sensible but still cute, plain white cotton (which I also find arousing), not granny panties at all. And the best part was that the fabric covering her pussy was drenched already.
I didn't waste much time getting those off, spreading her legs, and there was her pussy. A light fuzz of gray was the only thing giving away that this pussy had probably seen a few miles. Jen is fairly dark complexioned and the lips were tan, but they were cute little lips and just dripping wet. I dove in. I couldn't wait. She had both of my hands in hers, our fingers knitted together, so I couldn't do anything but use my tongue. She had very little taste, just the smell of baby powder I already mentioned, a little sweat but not stink, and a hint of the usual vaginal tastes. And she was responsive. I ran my tongue up over the slit and lingered a moment on the clit and she spread her legs wider and practically forced her vulva up into my mouth.
She was fun to eat out. Doing it hands-free, at least to start, was a novelty (which I think I'm going to incorporate into my repertoire with Sveta, although I know my girl will take some fingers to really get going). And I could look up and see those beautiful sad eyes look down at me while I worked her up until she gasped, "Oh Lexi, I'm so close, please make me cum!" Like she needed to ask my permission. She freed my hands and I put my fingers to work, and when that happened she was pulling me up again, pulled off my shirt, pulling me into an embrace with my fingers inside her.
We ground into each other, kissing, embracing, both hungry for skin to skin contact, until finally my fingers hit a sweet spot and she moaned weakly and buried her head in my neck, whispering, "Right there, don't stop!" Finally after she held me about as close as was possible without somehow merging bodies, she started breathing again, sighed, and relaxed a little, then smiled with those sad eyes and said, "Do you know how long it's been?"
No, I did not, so I got a bit of her life. It isn't easy being a lesbian in this town. There's one gay bar for gay guys in the area and if you want anything else you've got to go to the nearest big city, which is hours. And she's too old for online dating. So she's very lonely.
We talked and it was my turn to listen and I was happy to do so. We just held each other, me half-naked, her totally naked, and cuddled and talked. And then I finally said, "Well, if it's been so long, I can't let it go at just one."
"First I want to see that beautiful body without those bulky clothes on," she said, smiling. It was a little strange, being in the position of being the junior member of a same-sex duo. Usually I'm the experienced one. And who knows, maybe I was more experienced than Jen was in the bedroom, but she was definitely playing the role I usually play in these sorts of relationships. And I enjoyed that as a novelty too. I think I may like being the "older sister" more, but it reminded me of Mari, who was always the older sister in our relationship.
I wish to add that my clothes weren't bulky. I too wasn't wearing "gonna fuck tonight" underwear, or even clothes. Just my usual work attire. The shirt was already off, the pants came off too, and then I let her kiss me and take my bra and panties off, then after she'd enjoyed herself with my breasts a little she leaned back and said, "Lexi, you really are beautiful." It almost made me cry again, but I held it together. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here; I don't think I'm beautiful most days. Particularly not now. But she was enjoying herself. "Lie back. I want to taste that cute little flower."
I let her spread my legs and kiss gently up my thighs, teasing her way between until her breath was hot against my cunt. "I'm probably not going to be able to cum," I told her apologetically.
"I like a challenge," she said, looking up at me with those beautiful sad eyes. I could keep hitting the thesaurus for synonyms for beautiful and sad, but that's what they were. And then she slid two fingers deftly into me and started doing something inside me which was very, very pleasant indeed. After a moment she pulled her fingers out and sucked them into her mouth. "I'd almost forgotten what a girl your age tastes like," she said with a smile, then slid in again and kept doing whatever she was doing. I'm no slouch when it comes to pussy manipulation, but she was doing some move I couldn't quite place. There was "come-hither" motions, but a little twisting as well, and it got me to the point of painful arousal quicker than I expected.
"Am I hurting you?" she asked, looking worried. I guess I winced or something in between panting for more.
"God, please don't stop," I begged her. It hurt. Not going to lie. But it also felt incredible. I tried to relax, to put the pain behind the wall of pleasure, and it sort of worked until she started licking my clit and I came, harder than I have in a while, which set off all the savage pains that a softer orgasm usually avoids and snapped me right back out of it. I got one or two hard waves before I realized I was moaning rather more loudly than I meant to and she was apologizing and wrapping me up in her arms.
After I managed to assure her that it wasn't her fault and that I wasn't dying and was in fact incredibly impressed with her technique, we snuggled again briefly before snuggling turned to kissing turned to my fingers sliding into her again and then I tried my best to match her technique, with some helpful pointers. She wasn't as turned on to start so we could even discuss a few of the finer points, and you'd better believe I'm going to add some things to my arsenal. Eventually though I got her worked up again and she made it clear that she was totally ready for me to suck on her clit until it broke off if necessary, so I did that, smelling that baby powder and woman smell which was super arousing, until with my tongue and lips and fingers I managed to get a long, tense moan out of her, then I sped up until she gasped and said, "Oh fuck," in a surprised tone and tightened down on my fingers until I was afraid I'd lose circulation. "The clit, fuck, the clit," she gasped, and I kept hitting her clit hard, trying to keep her cumming as long as I could, until finally she relaxed and pulled me up into her arms again.
We kissed, and then we realized that we'd probably been going at it for so long that it was no longer just a little late. So we had to say goodbye. She gave me her number, "Not to hook up, just in case you need someone to talk to," and then we both left and went our separate ways. And while I believe she's local, I have no idea if I'll ever see her again. We were both pretty clear that we weren't looking for this to be a long-term thing. I think we both just needed it. Needed sex, needed love, needed to be told we were beautiful, needed to cry, whatever it was.
Sometimes I wish that my mother were open to making love with me. Most of the time, I'm fine with it, but sometimes I wish. Maybe that's all this was. Or maybe not. I don't know. I can still see Jen's eyes. The rest of her was pretty, but her eyes were beautiful. I wonder if she'll remember me at all.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
TMI Tuesday
From the archives.
1. Have you ever had an orgasm at work? How? Tell us the circumstances.
All the time. I've talked about a lot of them. I mean, I've fucked in nearly every place I've worked, and until recently that meant cumming.
If we're talking about having an orgasm while sitting at a desk surrounded by coworkers or something, yes, I've done that too. I was horny as hell and it was a long day, and I kept tensing and relaxing and pressing my legs together, and eventually before I really realized it I came. It was a small O, just a little taste of the roller coaster, and fortunately no one was looking at me; too busy doing work. I didn't scream or anything, I just shivered and tensed and relaxed and then had to go to the ladies room to make sure I didn't wet myself.
2. Do you ever fantasize about your significant other while you are at work?
All the time. If I'm not eyebanging someone else and I'm thinking about sex, I can pull up the archives and have all sorts of sexy nudes of Sveta at my disposal. But also other sexy nudes of other lovers. And recollections. I've come up with plenty of blog posts that way.
3. How old was the oldest person with whom you’ve had sex.
I told this story ages ago. I think he was in his seventies. Other than that, I've had plenty of guys who were older, and I don't conduct a census, so it would be hard to say, but that was definitely the biggest age difference, given how young I was at the time.
4. Have you ever fallen asleep during sex?
No. I've had sex which was boring, but I don't drop off at the drop of a hat. I've fallen asleep and then woken up having sex, and I've fallen asleep right after sex to the point that we woke up still in the position we left off in, but never during, that I can recall.
5. Have you ever cross-dressed or worn undergarments of the opposite sex?
For girls, this is a harder question. I wear men's clothes all the time, but that's largely because in my line of work (one of them anyway) I wear clothes that are built for comfort, not style, and it's harder to find appropriate work attire in my size in the women's section. I wear boxer shorts all the time, although not out and about under clothing. It's not a terribly sexy thing for me to wear pants. I just do sometimes.
Bonus: You have the power to banish one person from earth, who would you banish?
So many options. I won't answer this because I don't feel like talking politics, so take that to mean whatever you want.
1. Have you ever had an orgasm at work? How? Tell us the circumstances.
All the time. I've talked about a lot of them. I mean, I've fucked in nearly every place I've worked, and until recently that meant cumming.
If we're talking about having an orgasm while sitting at a desk surrounded by coworkers or something, yes, I've done that too. I was horny as hell and it was a long day, and I kept tensing and relaxing and pressing my legs together, and eventually before I really realized it I came. It was a small O, just a little taste of the roller coaster, and fortunately no one was looking at me; too busy doing work. I didn't scream or anything, I just shivered and tensed and relaxed and then had to go to the ladies room to make sure I didn't wet myself.
2. Do you ever fantasize about your significant other while you are at work?
All the time. If I'm not eyebanging someone else and I'm thinking about sex, I can pull up the archives and have all sorts of sexy nudes of Sveta at my disposal. But also other sexy nudes of other lovers. And recollections. I've come up with plenty of blog posts that way.
3. How old was the oldest person with whom you’ve had sex.
I told this story ages ago. I think he was in his seventies. Other than that, I've had plenty of guys who were older, and I don't conduct a census, so it would be hard to say, but that was definitely the biggest age difference, given how young I was at the time.
4. Have you ever fallen asleep during sex?
No. I've had sex which was boring, but I don't drop off at the drop of a hat. I've fallen asleep and then woken up having sex, and I've fallen asleep right after sex to the point that we woke up still in the position we left off in, but never during, that I can recall.
5. Have you ever cross-dressed or worn undergarments of the opposite sex?
For girls, this is a harder question. I wear men's clothes all the time, but that's largely because in my line of work (one of them anyway) I wear clothes that are built for comfort, not style, and it's harder to find appropriate work attire in my size in the women's section. I wear boxer shorts all the time, although not out and about under clothing. It's not a terribly sexy thing for me to wear pants. I just do sometimes.
Bonus: You have the power to banish one person from earth, who would you banish?
So many options. I won't answer this because I don't feel like talking politics, so take that to mean whatever you want.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
TMI Tuesday
From the archives.
1. Do you believe in ESP (extrasensory perception)? Do you have those abilities?
I'm agnostic. Do I think it's likely? No. Is it possible? Sure. I'm willing to believe that there are human senses which are, as yet, undocumented by science. Do I think it's magic? No. Do I have these powers? I've never noticed it.
2. Do you laugh when someone tickles you?
God yes. Sveta tickles me mercilessly sometimes, but she'd better watch out because she's more ticklish than I am.
3. Do you like teamwork?
Yes and no. Yes, I like people getting together to accomplish something. That's what I love about theatre. But I don't believe in the bullshit kind which managers try to promote with pointless buzzwords and meetings and so forth. And I hated group projects in school. There are some things which must be done as a team, some which can be, and some which shouldn't be.
4. What one thing can you do today to feel you have been productive? Will you do it?
Get up and do something other than things I want to do. Leave the house. Go to work. Write something that isn't meaningless fluff. Practice something I'm learning. Really, any of those things, because in my current state, just getting up can be a victory. I don't want to sound over-dramatic; I have a limited stock of energy and simply waking up can deplete quite a bit of it. I don't sleep well and I'm always tired. So usually all I want to do in a day is fuck around doing basically nothing. If I can resist that urge, I'm being more productive than I would have been and that's a win for that day's column.
Wow, that got a bit dark.
5. Finish this phrase: “Hell hath no fury like … ”
A woman scorned? I don't believe it, but that's the quote so it's all I can think about when I see it.
I don't know. Maybe, "...a cat when you pull its tail." First thing that came to me. Not a great answer.
Bonus: Pick one – Sex:
1. wild or mild
Depends on the mood and the person. Some people are great at wild sex. Some aren't, but can be equally enjoyable if they go with their strengths.
2. day or night
Probably night, just because that's when I'm more awake and that's when I seem to have more of it. But I'm not turning down day sex if offered.
3. top or bottom
I'm a bit more of a bottom. I like missionary more than I like riding, and I'm a bit more submissive than I am dominant, although that can change in the right circumstances.
4. weekly or monthly
Daily please.
5. noisy or silent
Again, there are joys in both. Noisy, shake down the house sex is great if it's warranted. I don't believe in being noisy just for the sake of being noisy. But silent, furtive sex is also great. I guess I'm typically in the middle if the situation isn't calling for silence: I make some noise but nothing that will wake the neighbors. I do appreciate the strong silent type in guys. Sorry guys, but you can make some pretty funny noises if you're trying too hard.
1. Do you believe in ESP (extrasensory perception)? Do you have those abilities?
I'm agnostic. Do I think it's likely? No. Is it possible? Sure. I'm willing to believe that there are human senses which are, as yet, undocumented by science. Do I think it's magic? No. Do I have these powers? I've never noticed it.
2. Do you laugh when someone tickles you?
God yes. Sveta tickles me mercilessly sometimes, but she'd better watch out because she's more ticklish than I am.
3. Do you like teamwork?
Yes and no. Yes, I like people getting together to accomplish something. That's what I love about theatre. But I don't believe in the bullshit kind which managers try to promote with pointless buzzwords and meetings and so forth. And I hated group projects in school. There are some things which must be done as a team, some which can be, and some which shouldn't be.
4. What one thing can you do today to feel you have been productive? Will you do it?
Get up and do something other than things I want to do. Leave the house. Go to work. Write something that isn't meaningless fluff. Practice something I'm learning. Really, any of those things, because in my current state, just getting up can be a victory. I don't want to sound over-dramatic; I have a limited stock of energy and simply waking up can deplete quite a bit of it. I don't sleep well and I'm always tired. So usually all I want to do in a day is fuck around doing basically nothing. If I can resist that urge, I'm being more productive than I would have been and that's a win for that day's column.
Wow, that got a bit dark.
5. Finish this phrase: “Hell hath no fury like … ”
A woman scorned? I don't believe it, but that's the quote so it's all I can think about when I see it.
I don't know. Maybe, "...a cat when you pull its tail." First thing that came to me. Not a great answer.
Bonus: Pick one – Sex:
1. wild or mild
Depends on the mood and the person. Some people are great at wild sex. Some aren't, but can be equally enjoyable if they go with their strengths.
2. day or night
Probably night, just because that's when I'm more awake and that's when I seem to have more of it. But I'm not turning down day sex if offered.
3. top or bottom
I'm a bit more of a bottom. I like missionary more than I like riding, and I'm a bit more submissive than I am dominant, although that can change in the right circumstances.
4. weekly or monthly
Daily please.
5. noisy or silent
Again, there are joys in both. Noisy, shake down the house sex is great if it's warranted. I don't believe in being noisy just for the sake of being noisy. But silent, furtive sex is also great. I guess I'm typically in the middle if the situation isn't calling for silence: I make some noise but nothing that will wake the neighbors. I do appreciate the strong silent type in guys. Sorry guys, but you can make some pretty funny noises if you're trying too hard.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Poll
I've got this one going on Twitter too, but if you're not on Twitter or are lazy, feel free to answer here.
For the gentlemen: before you saw your first naked woman and found out the reality of the situation, where did you believe the vagina was located?
1) Exactly where it wound up being located
2) Higher on the belly than it actually is
3) Where the asshole actually is
4) Some other location
I ask because I read an article by a man saying that he spent his youth thinking the pussy was somewhere else, but he didn't specify. I'm just curious what the kids these days think. Also, ladies, if you happen to be able to answer this informal poll with a response other than, "Duh, I could look at my own," please chime in. I'm genuinely curious where people think the pussy actually is. There's no right or wrong answer, and I know you all know where it is now. We're talking young and dumb.
If you answer on Twitter or here, give specifics. I'm not going to shame you, I promise. I was young and dumb too.
For the gentlemen: before you saw your first naked woman and found out the reality of the situation, where did you believe the vagina was located?
1) Exactly where it wound up being located
2) Higher on the belly than it actually is
3) Where the asshole actually is
4) Some other location
I ask because I read an article by a man saying that he spent his youth thinking the pussy was somewhere else, but he didn't specify. I'm just curious what the kids these days think. Also, ladies, if you happen to be able to answer this informal poll with a response other than, "Duh, I could look at my own," please chime in. I'm genuinely curious where people think the pussy actually is. There's no right or wrong answer, and I know you all know where it is now. We're talking young and dumb.
If you answer on Twitter or here, give specifics. I'm not going to shame you, I promise. I was young and dumb too.
Hello
I'm so sorry about this. I couldn't help myself. I don't know what came over me. And I know it's not exactly a new reference, but I heard it today and it practically wrote itself.
To the tune of Hello by Adele:
Hello.
It's me.
You've been at it for so long I think I almost fell asleep.
It's okay.
You can cream.
Don't get me wrong; I love that cock but now my insides need some healing.
Hello.
Can you hear me?
I've been screaming in your ear so maybe all you get is ringing.
If I were younger,
Maybe.
But I've forgotten how it feels not to have ears beside my feet.
There's lots of different ways to get off
And my pussy's tired.
Hello, lick my insides!
You've got a cock a mile wide,
And I'm sorry, but it's only making me numb,
And I think you might try using that tongue.
Hello, get between my thighs!
You'll like it if you only try!
Just give me some head and maybe we can restart,
But that cock of yours just really tears me apart at the mo'.
Hello.
How are you?
I'm enjoying it a lot and you're still hard, I know it's true.
I came twice.
That's swell.
Now I think you need rewards because you made all that shit happen.
It's no secret that the both of us
Are up for one more time.
Hello from the other side!
Lube it up, don't do it dry!
'Cause the thought of anal is really making me hum
And I'll drain those balls of every drop of your cum.
Hello to my backside!
I'll make you groan a thousand times.
Spread those cheeks and press it in to the heart.
Don't be shy, you aren't gonna tear me apart in that hole.
Oooooh, in that hole.
Oh, do it in that hole.
Yeah, baby, in that hole.
In that hole.
Hello, now you're inside!
I took it all, I really tried
To stuff you so far up inside of my bum
That I'll sneeze your jism every time that you cum.
Hello from the bedside!
That was quite a wild ride!
Now the semen's dripping every time that I fart,
And if we go once more, you might tear me apart. Maybe no.
To the tune of Hello by Adele:
Hello.
It's me.
You've been at it for so long I think I almost fell asleep.
It's okay.
You can cream.
Don't get me wrong; I love that cock but now my insides need some healing.
Hello.
Can you hear me?
I've been screaming in your ear so maybe all you get is ringing.
If I were younger,
Maybe.
But I've forgotten how it feels not to have ears beside my feet.
There's lots of different ways to get off
And my pussy's tired.
Hello, lick my insides!
You've got a cock a mile wide,
And I'm sorry, but it's only making me numb,
And I think you might try using that tongue.
Hello, get between my thighs!
You'll like it if you only try!
Just give me some head and maybe we can restart,
But that cock of yours just really tears me apart at the mo'.
Hello.
How are you?
I'm enjoying it a lot and you're still hard, I know it's true.
I came twice.
That's swell.
Now I think you need rewards because you made all that shit happen.
It's no secret that the both of us
Are up for one more time.
Hello from the other side!
Lube it up, don't do it dry!
'Cause the thought of anal is really making me hum
And I'll drain those balls of every drop of your cum.
Hello to my backside!
I'll make you groan a thousand times.
Spread those cheeks and press it in to the heart.
Don't be shy, you aren't gonna tear me apart in that hole.
Oooooh, in that hole.
Oh, do it in that hole.
Yeah, baby, in that hole.
In that hole.
Hello, now you're inside!
I took it all, I really tried
To stuff you so far up inside of my bum
That I'll sneeze your jism every time that you cum.
Hello from the bedside!
That was quite a wild ride!
Now the semen's dripping every time that I fart,
And if we go once more, you might tear me apart. Maybe no.
Random Sunday
I'm not on Facebook (that you know about anyway) so since this stupid thing is making the rounds and I can't play along, I figured hey, why not share here? And since it's not Facebook, I can do whatever I want with it.
Tattoos - 0
I'm not against them, I'm just scared of them. I've considered it.
Also, the original has it as "tatoo's" because people on Facebook are idiots. There, I fixed it for you.
Piercings - 2
Each ear counts as one, right? I got my ears done because it was the thing to do, but when I was growing up it wasn't really a normalized thing to pierce a lot of other things. I suppose in my rebellious phases I might have tried it, but it just never happened. It doesn't help that I'm scared of needles. I know, piercing isn't needles, but it's the part of needles that I'm scared of.
Marriages - 0
I don't plan on needing to do more than put a check mark in this column. But man plans, God laughs. Also, a man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
Divorces - 0
I'd love to be able to break people's brains here and say that while I've never been married, I've been divorced 17 times. But it seems like, for logical reasons, your number of divorces must be no more than your number of marriages and no less than your number of marriages minus one.
Because I'm a math geek:
Let M be number of marriages.
Let D be number of divorces.
M >= D >= M-1
Please tell me how I can make this invariant untrue, because I'd be interested to know.
Children - 0
We all know my feelings about this one.
Surgeries - 0
I've been to the hospital a few times, but never for surgery.
Been to Jail - no
I don't know that I've ever done anything which would have put me in danger of going to jail, actually, other than sex things. White privilege here.
Shot a gun - no
I'd try it. I've shot BB guns and bows, but never a firearm.
Quit a job - yes
Several times, in fact.
Got fired - yes
Only the once. It was unpleasant. Not something I'd recommend.
Flown on a plane - no
I don't believe in Bernoulli. I think all you people who fly are participating in some kind of mass delusion. So I stay off planes for your safety, so my lack of belief doesn't cause the plane to fail.
Gone over 100 miles in a car - Yes
Regularly.
Drove over 100mph in a car - Yes
Pretty sure I've done this a few times. I went driving with a guy who was dead-set on trying to impress me with his driving skills. We did 100, did a bootlegger turn, a number of other things. Which would seem like fun, except it was terrifying and I wasn't impressed with it.
Hit a deer - yes
Not while I was driving though. You can probably hear that knocking sound as I slam my knuckles through my desk in an effort to ward off bad juju.
Gone zip lining - no
I'm not such a big fan of heights.
Cried over someone - Yes
More than once.
Fell in love - yes
More than once.
Skipped school - yes
I don't know if I've ever cut out of school after having gone there, but that probably happened too.
Watched someone give birth - no
It's a miracle of life, but it also sounds terrifying.
Watched someone die - no
I shot that guy in Reno, but he wound up surviving. I felt robbed.
Been to Canada - no
Never been much of a traveler for travel's sake.
Ridden in an ambulance - sort of
I wound up not riding in the ambulance they sent once because it would have cost a lot of money and I was in stable enough condition that someone was able to just drive me to the hospital.
Been to Hawaii - no
Never been on a plane, so if I said yes here it would mean that I'd pulled a Thor Heyerdahl and made the crossing in a primitive outrigger or something. I guess I could swim, but I'd have to get to the West Coast first, and then I'd drown. Do they take cruise ships to Hawaii? I don't even know. I'd love to go if it were next door, but as a destination, it's pretty far for me.
Been to Europe - no
This time I took a torpedo. I actually thought about taking a ship to Europe at one point but money and so forth.
Been to Washington D.C. - yes
I grew up close enough to DC that this isn't really a big deal. I remember we did a contest once in school where the grand prize was going to DC and everyone was pretty underwhelmed.
Visited Florida - no
Meh. I'm sure there are lovely parts of Florida, but again, not a traveler.
Visited Mexico - no
Rinse, repeat.
Visited Las Vegas - no
I know people say it's fun, but I don't gamble and I don't like casinos, so I can't say it's on my list.
Sang karaoke - no
And I won't. If I could go the rest of my life without even being around karaoke, I would consider it an accomplishment. Open mics, yes. Karaoke can go screw.
Laughed so much you cried - yes
I've laughed so hard that my brain stroked out and I started screaming, actually. Yeah, mental illness is a joy.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes
I must have, right? It's a thing you do.
Had a pet(s) - yes
Several, in fact.
Been sledding on big hill - yes
What are we defining as "big hill?" Because I've been sledding on some decent hills.
Been downhill skiing - yes
And what a waste of time and money that was. I would totally go sledding on a downhill ski slope though. Some day I'm going to get it together to go snow-tubing or whatever it's called. I remember once when I was skiing I gave up and just sat on my skis and tried to sled down the hill, which worked but was painful. It just gave me a taste for what it could be like if skiing didn't suck buffalo scrotum.
Rode on a motorcycle - no
I've been on a moped a few times, but I've never been on an actual motor cycle.
Rode a horse - no
I never went horse-crazy as a little girl. I was supposed to, I know, but it never happened. All my friends did and I played along, but I actually think horses are a little scary up close. Never wanted to own a pony, despite my jokes to the contrary.
Sometimes I wonder if girls go horseback riding as an excuse to break their hymens so they can fuck and still pretend to be virgins. I know a few ladies who've told their partners they were virgins when they weren't and used that as an excuse. I'm being a little silly here, and no I don't think all women are manipulative lying bitches. But sometimes you want a mulligan.
Stayed in a hospital - no
I've never stayed. I've been once or twice, including that ambulance incident I mentioned above, but it was outpatient.
Donated blood - no
I want to, but I'm scared. I should. Despite the fact that they might not take me if I gave them an inkling of my sexual history. I could get tested first. I get tested regularly. But I'm still scared to do it.
Driven a stick shift - yes
I learned on a stick. This is not innuendo. But while I might be able to drive stick in a pinch, most of it is just masculine posturing. I don't feel insecure in my driving abilities because I can't drive a stick. I've driven massive trucks and fork lifts and so forth. I handle plenty of sticks. Automatics are just fine.
Rode in the back of a police car - no
Not on my bucket list.
Tattoos - 0
I'm not against them, I'm just scared of them. I've considered it.
Also, the original has it as "tatoo's" because people on Facebook are idiots. There, I fixed it for you.
Piercings - 2
Each ear counts as one, right? I got my ears done because it was the thing to do, but when I was growing up it wasn't really a normalized thing to pierce a lot of other things. I suppose in my rebellious phases I might have tried it, but it just never happened. It doesn't help that I'm scared of needles. I know, piercing isn't needles, but it's the part of needles that I'm scared of.
Marriages - 0
I don't plan on needing to do more than put a check mark in this column. But man plans, God laughs. Also, a man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
Divorces - 0
I'd love to be able to break people's brains here and say that while I've never been married, I've been divorced 17 times. But it seems like, for logical reasons, your number of divorces must be no more than your number of marriages and no less than your number of marriages minus one.
Because I'm a math geek:
Let M be number of marriages.
Let D be number of divorces.
M >= D >= M-1
Please tell me how I can make this invariant untrue, because I'd be interested to know.
Children - 0
We all know my feelings about this one.
Surgeries - 0
I've been to the hospital a few times, but never for surgery.
Been to Jail - no
I don't know that I've ever done anything which would have put me in danger of going to jail, actually, other than sex things. White privilege here.
Shot a gun - no
I'd try it. I've shot BB guns and bows, but never a firearm.
Quit a job - yes
Several times, in fact.
Got fired - yes
Only the once. It was unpleasant. Not something I'd recommend.
Flown on a plane - no
I don't believe in Bernoulli. I think all you people who fly are participating in some kind of mass delusion. So I stay off planes for your safety, so my lack of belief doesn't cause the plane to fail.
Gone over 100 miles in a car - Yes
Regularly.
Drove over 100mph in a car - Yes
Pretty sure I've done this a few times. I went driving with a guy who was dead-set on trying to impress me with his driving skills. We did 100, did a bootlegger turn, a number of other things. Which would seem like fun, except it was terrifying and I wasn't impressed with it.
Hit a deer - yes
Not while I was driving though. You can probably hear that knocking sound as I slam my knuckles through my desk in an effort to ward off bad juju.
Gone zip lining - no
I'm not such a big fan of heights.
Cried over someone - Yes
More than once.
Fell in love - yes
More than once.
Skipped school - yes
I don't know if I've ever cut out of school after having gone there, but that probably happened too.
Watched someone give birth - no
It's a miracle of life, but it also sounds terrifying.
Watched someone die - no
I shot that guy in Reno, but he wound up surviving. I felt robbed.
Been to Canada - no
Never been much of a traveler for travel's sake.
Ridden in an ambulance - sort of
I wound up not riding in the ambulance they sent once because it would have cost a lot of money and I was in stable enough condition that someone was able to just drive me to the hospital.
Been to Hawaii - no
Never been on a plane, so if I said yes here it would mean that I'd pulled a Thor Heyerdahl and made the crossing in a primitive outrigger or something. I guess I could swim, but I'd have to get to the West Coast first, and then I'd drown. Do they take cruise ships to Hawaii? I don't even know. I'd love to go if it were next door, but as a destination, it's pretty far for me.
Been to Europe - no
This time I took a torpedo. I actually thought about taking a ship to Europe at one point but money and so forth.
Been to Washington D.C. - yes
I grew up close enough to DC that this isn't really a big deal. I remember we did a contest once in school where the grand prize was going to DC and everyone was pretty underwhelmed.
Visited Florida - no
Meh. I'm sure there are lovely parts of Florida, but again, not a traveler.
Visited Mexico - no
Rinse, repeat.
Visited Las Vegas - no
I know people say it's fun, but I don't gamble and I don't like casinos, so I can't say it's on my list.
Sang karaoke - no
And I won't. If I could go the rest of my life without even being around karaoke, I would consider it an accomplishment. Open mics, yes. Karaoke can go screw.
Laughed so much you cried - yes
I've laughed so hard that my brain stroked out and I started screaming, actually. Yeah, mental illness is a joy.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes
I must have, right? It's a thing you do.
Had a pet(s) - yes
Several, in fact.
Been sledding on big hill - yes
What are we defining as "big hill?" Because I've been sledding on some decent hills.
Been downhill skiing - yes
And what a waste of time and money that was. I would totally go sledding on a downhill ski slope though. Some day I'm going to get it together to go snow-tubing or whatever it's called. I remember once when I was skiing I gave up and just sat on my skis and tried to sled down the hill, which worked but was painful. It just gave me a taste for what it could be like if skiing didn't suck buffalo scrotum.
Rode on a motorcycle - no
I've been on a moped a few times, but I've never been on an actual motor cycle.
Rode a horse - no
I never went horse-crazy as a little girl. I was supposed to, I know, but it never happened. All my friends did and I played along, but I actually think horses are a little scary up close. Never wanted to own a pony, despite my jokes to the contrary.
Sometimes I wonder if girls go horseback riding as an excuse to break their hymens so they can fuck and still pretend to be virgins. I know a few ladies who've told their partners they were virgins when they weren't and used that as an excuse. I'm being a little silly here, and no I don't think all women are manipulative lying bitches. But sometimes you want a mulligan.
Stayed in a hospital - no
I've never stayed. I've been once or twice, including that ambulance incident I mentioned above, but it was outpatient.
Donated blood - no
I want to, but I'm scared. I should. Despite the fact that they might not take me if I gave them an inkling of my sexual history. I could get tested first. I get tested regularly. But I'm still scared to do it.
Driven a stick shift - yes
I learned on a stick. This is not innuendo. But while I might be able to drive stick in a pinch, most of it is just masculine posturing. I don't feel insecure in my driving abilities because I can't drive a stick. I've driven massive trucks and fork lifts and so forth. I handle plenty of sticks. Automatics are just fine.
Rode in the back of a police car - no
Not on my bucket list.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
TMI Tuesday
From the archives again.
1. Toilet paper. How do you hang your toilet paper? The end coming over the top or with the end coming from around the back and at the bottom?
I'm ashamed to say that, at the moment, we don't hang our toilet paper at all. When we fixed up the bathroom we had to take everything out and we still haven't gotten around to putting up a toilet paper holder. So it sits loose by the toilet. I'm a terrible homemaker.
But if I were, I would hang it end out. Except the cats grab it then. So I don't know.
2. Towels. Do you use a new one each time you bathe or reuse?
Reuse. I'm not made of towels, nor do I feel like washing them every day.
3. Bathing. Do you use a washcloth to clean your body or use the soap directly all over your body with no washcloth?
Why is "loofa" not an option? Who uses a washcloth to bathe anything but their faces any more. That said, while Sveta is a loofa and body wash gal, I am definitely a bar of soap and no frills gal. Different backgrounds. I tried the loofa, but it just doesn't work for me.
4. Bra. Do you remove your bra by taking your arms out of the straps first, then inching it around your body until you can reach the clasp and undo it or do you contort your arms, and reach around and unclasp.
It depends on how lazy I'm feeling. I'm pretty good at taking off a bra without having to twist it, but sometimes I just slip it down and spin it. Hell, sometimes I just slip it down over my waist and then throw it on the floor. You don't want to visit my house. We'll go somewhere else. My house is a disaster.
5. Dishwasher. Rinse/pre-wash all dishes before loading or just load.
I presoak stuff which is caked on. Part of that is because sometimes I don't feel like putting it in the washer right away and I know that the washer won't be run for a while, so it would just desiccate in there. And part of it is that our washer isn't the greatest. It's a nice washer and it does okay, but it's not great at caked-on gunk.
6. Breakfast cereal. Cereal in bowl first, then pour on milk or put milk in bowl then add cereal?
Neither. On the rare occasions I allow myself cereal (because I will eat an entire box of it in a sitting if I keep it around) I pour a glass of milk and eat the cereal out of the box while drinking milk. I used to pour a bowl of milk and add a handful at a time to keep it crunchy, but I realized at a certain point that I didn't want to eat it with a spoon, so I treat it as it should be treated, as a dessert chip. Cereal isn't part of this wholesome anything, kids. It's dessert. Nothing but sugar and carbs. If you want healthy cereal, eat oatmeal. Which I also eat uncooked out of the box with a glass of milk. I'm weird.
7. Toothpaste. Squeeze from bottom working way up tube as it empties or squeeze from middle or wherever you want?
I start out sort of piecemeal but then work from the bottom. Since all toothpaste tubes now seem to only come in plastic, it's harder to roll it up like one used to do to keep it all at the end, so I wind up having to squeeze it all up from the bottom regularly when the folds come undone. I know there are things you can do to prevent this, including various gadgets. I can get all the paste out of the tube without fancy geegaws, thank you kindly.
8. Condoms. Do you put it on your lover or does he put it on himself?
Depends. I've never been able to pull off the trick where you put the condom on top of the cock and then deepthroat it on. Other than that, it really depends. If I'm lying back waiting to get fucked, he's putting the condom on. If I'm going to be on top or I'm sucking him off beforehand and that's when it happens, I'll put it on. But honestly, while this is not an example to be followed, I don't use condoms as much as I should, so I don't really have a preference.
9. Condom disposal. In the garbage bin or flush down toilet?
Dear God, don't flush condoms. The only things that should be flushed are things which are designed to be which will break down and not clog pipes. You shouldn't even flush those ass wipes that are basically baby wipes. Or baby wipes. I've had experience with plumbing disasters caused by flushing that which should not be flushed. If the condom is messy, toss it in a bag before you throw it out. Otherwise you'll make some plumber rich or have sewage back up into your kitchen or both. Of course this has happened to me. Why wouldn't it? The joys of old plumbing.
1. Toilet paper. How do you hang your toilet paper? The end coming over the top or with the end coming from around the back and at the bottom?
I'm ashamed to say that, at the moment, we don't hang our toilet paper at all. When we fixed up the bathroom we had to take everything out and we still haven't gotten around to putting up a toilet paper holder. So it sits loose by the toilet. I'm a terrible homemaker.
But if I were, I would hang it end out. Except the cats grab it then. So I don't know.
2. Towels. Do you use a new one each time you bathe or reuse?
Reuse. I'm not made of towels, nor do I feel like washing them every day.
3. Bathing. Do you use a washcloth to clean your body or use the soap directly all over your body with no washcloth?
Why is "loofa" not an option? Who uses a washcloth to bathe anything but their faces any more. That said, while Sveta is a loofa and body wash gal, I am definitely a bar of soap and no frills gal. Different backgrounds. I tried the loofa, but it just doesn't work for me.
4. Bra. Do you remove your bra by taking your arms out of the straps first, then inching it around your body until you can reach the clasp and undo it or do you contort your arms, and reach around and unclasp.
It depends on how lazy I'm feeling. I'm pretty good at taking off a bra without having to twist it, but sometimes I just slip it down and spin it. Hell, sometimes I just slip it down over my waist and then throw it on the floor. You don't want to visit my house. We'll go somewhere else. My house is a disaster.
5. Dishwasher. Rinse/pre-wash all dishes before loading or just load.
I presoak stuff which is caked on. Part of that is because sometimes I don't feel like putting it in the washer right away and I know that the washer won't be run for a while, so it would just desiccate in there. And part of it is that our washer isn't the greatest. It's a nice washer and it does okay, but it's not great at caked-on gunk.
6. Breakfast cereal. Cereal in bowl first, then pour on milk or put milk in bowl then add cereal?
Neither. On the rare occasions I allow myself cereal (because I will eat an entire box of it in a sitting if I keep it around) I pour a glass of milk and eat the cereal out of the box while drinking milk. I used to pour a bowl of milk and add a handful at a time to keep it crunchy, but I realized at a certain point that I didn't want to eat it with a spoon, so I treat it as it should be treated, as a dessert chip. Cereal isn't part of this wholesome anything, kids. It's dessert. Nothing but sugar and carbs. If you want healthy cereal, eat oatmeal. Which I also eat uncooked out of the box with a glass of milk. I'm weird.
7. Toothpaste. Squeeze from bottom working way up tube as it empties or squeeze from middle or wherever you want?
I start out sort of piecemeal but then work from the bottom. Since all toothpaste tubes now seem to only come in plastic, it's harder to roll it up like one used to do to keep it all at the end, so I wind up having to squeeze it all up from the bottom regularly when the folds come undone. I know there are things you can do to prevent this, including various gadgets. I can get all the paste out of the tube without fancy geegaws, thank you kindly.
8. Condoms. Do you put it on your lover or does he put it on himself?
Depends. I've never been able to pull off the trick where you put the condom on top of the cock and then deepthroat it on. Other than that, it really depends. If I'm lying back waiting to get fucked, he's putting the condom on. If I'm going to be on top or I'm sucking him off beforehand and that's when it happens, I'll put it on. But honestly, while this is not an example to be followed, I don't use condoms as much as I should, so I don't really have a preference.
9. Condom disposal. In the garbage bin or flush down toilet?
Dear God, don't flush condoms. The only things that should be flushed are things which are designed to be which will break down and not clog pipes. You shouldn't even flush those ass wipes that are basically baby wipes. Or baby wipes. I've had experience with plumbing disasters caused by flushing that which should not be flushed. If the condom is messy, toss it in a bag before you throw it out. Otherwise you'll make some plumber rich or have sewage back up into your kitchen or both. Of course this has happened to me. Why wouldn't it? The joys of old plumbing.
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