Random Sunday

I'm not on Facebook (that you know about anyway) so since this stupid thing is making the rounds and I can't play along, I figured hey, why not share here?  And since it's not Facebook, I can do whatever I want with it.

Tattoos - 0

I'm not against them, I'm just scared of them.  I've considered it.

Also, the original has it as "tatoo's" because people on Facebook are idiots.  There, I fixed it for you.

Piercings - 2

 Each ear counts as one, right?  I got my ears done because it was the thing to do, but when I was growing up it wasn't really a normalized thing to pierce a lot of other things.  I suppose in my rebellious phases I might have tried it, but it just never happened.  It doesn't help that I'm scared of needles.  I know, piercing isn't needles, but it's the part of needles that I'm scared of.

Marriages - 0

I don't plan on needing to do more than put a check mark in this column.  But man plans, God laughs.  Also, a man, a plan, a canal, Panama.

Divorces - 0

I'd love to be able to break people's brains here and say that while I've never been married, I've been divorced 17 times.  But it seems like, for logical reasons, your number of divorces must be no more than your number of marriages and no less than your number of marriages minus one.

Because I'm a math geek:

Let M be number of marriages.
Let D be number of divorces.

M >= D >= M-1

Please tell me how I can make this invariant untrue, because I'd be interested to know.

Children - 0

We all know my feelings about this one.

Surgeries - 0

I've been to the hospital a few times, but never for surgery.

Been to Jail - no

I don't know that I've ever done anything which would have put me in danger of going to jail, actually, other than sex things.  White privilege here.

Shot a gun - no

I'd try it.  I've shot BB guns and bows, but never a firearm.

Quit a job - yes

Several times, in fact.

Got fired - yes

Only the once.  It was unpleasant.  Not something I'd recommend.

Flown on a plane - no

I don't believe in Bernoulli.  I think all you people who fly are participating in some kind of mass delusion.  So I stay off planes for your safety, so my lack of belief doesn't cause the plane to fail.

Gone over 100 miles in a car - Yes

Regularly.

Drove over 100mph in a car - Yes

Pretty sure I've done this a few times.  I went driving with a guy who was dead-set on trying to impress me with his driving skills.  We did 100, did a bootlegger turn, a number of other things.  Which would seem like fun, except it was terrifying and I wasn't impressed with it.

Hit a deer - yes

Not while I was driving though.  You can probably hear that knocking sound as I slam my knuckles through my desk in an effort to ward off bad juju.

Gone zip lining - no

I'm not such a big fan of heights.

Cried over someone - Yes

More than once.

Fell in love - yes

More than once.

Skipped school - yes

I don't know if I've ever cut out of school after having gone there, but that probably happened too.

Watched someone give birth - no

It's a miracle of life, but it also sounds terrifying.

Watched someone die - no

I shot that guy in Reno, but he wound up surviving.  I felt robbed.

Been to Canada - no

Never been much of a traveler for travel's sake.

Ridden in an ambulance - sort of

I wound up not riding in the ambulance they sent once because it would have cost a lot of money and I was in stable enough condition that someone was able to just drive me to the hospital.

Been to Hawaii - no

Never been on a plane, so if I said yes here it would mean that I'd pulled a Thor Heyerdahl and made the crossing in a primitive outrigger or something.  I guess I could swim, but I'd have to get to the West Coast first, and then I'd drown.  Do they take cruise ships to Hawaii?  I don't even know.  I'd love to go if it were next door, but as a destination, it's pretty far for me.

Been to Europe - no

This time I took a torpedo.  I actually thought about taking a ship to Europe at one point but money and so forth.

Been to Washington D.C. - yes

I grew up close enough to DC that this isn't really a big deal.  I remember we did a contest once in school where the grand prize was going to DC and everyone was pretty underwhelmed.

Visited Florida - no

Meh.  I'm sure there are lovely parts of Florida, but again, not a traveler.

Visited Mexico - no

Rinse, repeat.

Visited Las Vegas - no

I know people say it's fun, but I don't gamble and I don't like casinos, so I can't say it's on my list.

Sang karaoke - no

And I won't.  If I could go the rest of my life without even being around karaoke, I would consider it an accomplishment.  Open mics, yes.  Karaoke can go screw.

Laughed so much you cried - yes

I've laughed so hard that my brain stroked out and I started screaming, actually.  Yeah, mental illness is a joy.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes

I must have, right?  It's a thing you do.

Had a pet(s) - yes

Several, in fact.

Been sledding on big hill - yes

What are we defining as "big hill?"  Because I've been sledding on some decent hills.

Been downhill skiing - yes

And what a waste of time and money that was.  I would totally go sledding on a downhill ski slope though.  Some day I'm going to get it together to go snow-tubing or whatever it's called.  I remember once when I was skiing I gave up and just sat on my skis and tried to sled down the hill, which worked but was painful.  It just gave me a taste for what it could be like if skiing didn't suck buffalo scrotum.

Rode on a motorcycle - no

I've been on a moped a few times, but I've never been on an actual motor cycle.

Rode a horse - no

I never went horse-crazy as a little girl.  I was supposed to, I know, but it never happened.  All my friends did and I played along, but I actually think horses are a little scary up close.  Never wanted to own a pony, despite my jokes to the contrary.

Sometimes I wonder if girls go horseback riding as an excuse to break their hymens so they can fuck and still pretend to be virgins.  I know a few ladies who've told their partners they were virgins when they weren't and used that as an excuse.  I'm being a little silly here, and no I don't think all women are manipulative lying bitches.  But sometimes you want a mulligan.

Stayed in a hospital - no

I've never stayed.  I've been once or twice, including that ambulance incident I mentioned above, but it was outpatient.

Donated blood - no

I want to, but I'm scared.  I should.  Despite the fact that they might not take me if I gave them an inkling of my sexual history.  I could get tested first.  I get tested regularly.  But I'm still scared to do it.

Driven a stick shift - yes

I learned on a stick.  This is not innuendo.  But while I might be able to drive stick in a pinch, most of it is just masculine posturing.  I don't feel insecure in my driving abilities because I can't drive a stick.  I've driven massive trucks and fork lifts and so forth.  I handle plenty of sticks.  Automatics are just fine.

Rode in the back of a police car - no

Not on my bucket list.