Tuesday, November 21, 2017

TMI Tuesday

From the archives:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I'm assuming based on the phrasing that I'd have to pick someone who's alive.  And baring certain people whom I would have over for dinner so I could poison them (I don't care if I got caught either; I'd do it for the good of the world, and no I wouldn't because I'd have moral issues, but I'm eliminating this option so who cares), and also assuming that this would be a totally one-time thing and I couldn't use it as a way to get them to marry or fuck me (and also eliminating anyone I'd only want to have dinner with if I could force them to tell me things they'd never tell me), I think I'd like to have dinner with Wallace Shawn and pick his brain about dramatic theory.  I'd have dinner with Andre himself, but I think Wallace Shawn would be more interesting company.  I'm totally serious.  If I could, I'd have dinner with both of them.  But I came within spitting distance of actually getting to meet Wallace Shawn at one point anyway (there's a story there but I can't tell it for fear of revealing too much about myself) and I'd like to have dinner with him and talk shop.

2. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

A gymnastics team sky-dives into my front lawn with a suitcase full of money and I can only keep it after I make them all cum.  I don't know.  What is "perfect?"  A perfect day for me right now would be a day free of anxiety and stress and with my favorite people with me.  A suitcase full of money would definitely help the former, and if I can invite friends to help me make those gymnasts cum, I could handle the latter.

3. How much do you like your personality?
(pick just one)

a. A lot.
b. A little.
c. It needs work.
d. I am annoying sometimes.
e. I am difficult, and people have told me so.

What options.  The last two seem like they're more about what I think other people think about my personality, and you don't want to ask me that because I'm mentally ill so obviously I think everyone hates me.  I'm not happy with myself.  I'm mentally ill.  I'm sure there are aspects of my personality which could use work, and others which are charming and wonderful, and I bet if you asked any two random people I know they wouldn't agree on which parts were which.  I honestly don't spend a whole lot of time rating my own personality.  I have bigger fish to fry.  I'm unlikely to win any contests, I guess, but I think my personality is livable.

4. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Ooh, this is a better question in a weird-question kinda way.  It seems like a bit of a bet, because I've known people who were completely lucid and fine past ninety, and others who got dementia when they were 45.  And I hate how my aging body is breaking down already, so I can't imagine I'd be super-happy about being a 30 year old mind trapped in a useless corpse of a body (not that all 90 year old people are useless corpses, just that I'm not sure I wouldn't be).  I value my mind.  I do.  So I might pick that.

But if you remain mentally a 30 year old, does that mean you don't gain the wisdom of aging?  If we're just talking pure health, then my brain isn't in great shape anyway, and my 30 year old body (I'm not 30, I'm thinking back a few years, or maybe I'm really 23 and always will be because a lady can be whatever age she wants) wasn't all that great either, already creaking and decrepit.  But pure health-wise, halting any deterioration at the 30 benchmark would make me think that I'd prefer to be a 30 year old mind in an aging body than the other way around.

Okay, never mind, the question got boring.  Yes, I'd probably rather have my mental faculties intact than preserve my physical form.  My parents don't do too badly for themselves as aging sex-pots, so I won't let a little gray hair stop me from fooling around.  90 year olds still fuck.  You don't like thinking about it, but oh my God Florida is an orgy of flapping boobs and graying pubes.  Seriously.  The epidemic of sexually-transmitted diseases among retirees is worrying people.

5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any ability, what would it be?

Are we talking super-powers?  Because I'd like to be able to levitate.  Not fly, just levitate.  But I'd also like telekinesis, or that X-Man's super-power of being able to split himself into multiple people.  All of these things are probably boring but useful to me.

But if we're talking abilities I could conceivably learn and just haven't, while I'd love to be able to gain fluency in a foreign language, I think I'd really like to suddenly be a musical virtuoso.  If I've got to pick an instrument, while guitar is tempting, I'm going with the piano.  I don't even have to become a classical musician.  I'd like to be able to play sheet music reasonably well, but I'd also like to be able to play boogie woogie piano, please.

Bonus: How do you think you will die?

Rationally, either cancer or heart trouble of some sort.  Maybe diabetes.  All of these things are genetically disposed in me.  Also, car accident is likely enough.  I'd say based on statistics that cancer is probably going to get me if something catastrophic doesn't get me first.

Irrationally, suicide.  Or suicide by some other method.  I'll stop caring and let something kill me even if I'm not killing myself.  That's not pretty to hear, but in dark times, it seems more likely.  Don't get worried; I'm not suicidal at all.  But it could come to that, I suppose.

If I get to choose, I want to go out while being gangbanged to the best orgasm of my life.  My pleasure gets too great and I achieve apotheosis and ascend directly to orgasm heaven, where choirs of angels with giant cocks fuck me for eternity.  I don't know.  Something painless and brief please.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

TMI Tuesday

From the archives, from which I'm rapidly forgetting whether I've already done a particular post or not.  My fault for not simply starting at the beginning and going forward rather than jumping around as the mood hits me.

1. Would you take a course in advanced sex positions? Why?

I mean, if it were a hands-on course, that sounds like fun.  But even if it weren't, I'd try it if it were free.  It never hurts to learn more sex moves.  Can't rest on your laurels.

I do find most of the Kama Sutra to be impractical.  And entirely too hetero-focused.  But what works for me isn't what works for others, and what works with one partner might not be what works with another, so it's useful to keep brushing up, even if it's just to come up with a goof.

2. “Did you orgasm?”
Men: Do you ask your sex partners this? Women: Have you been asked this?

I have.  Usually not in those words: "Did you cum?" is far more common.

Men, why do you ask this question? Women, do you mind being asked this question?

It entirely depends on why he or she is asking.  Actually, let's face it, it's usually he.  Women, for whatever reason, are less likely to ask me if I came.

I frequently announce my own orgasms in some way, not necessarily screaming, "I'm cumming!" but just as encouragement.  "Oh god, yes, you're making me cum!" is a good way to ensure that whatever it is they're doing, they'll keep doing it.  I'm not proud of it, but when I fake it I always announce.

So if I said, "God, yes, I'm cumming so hard," then asking me after if I came is probably not wise.  But that's only happened once or twice.

If my partner is asking because I was being unusually unresponsive, then I don't mind in principle.  If Sveta asks me, it's usually to make sure I did and just didn't tell her because she was trying hard to get me there.  Of late, it gets asked sometimes because I've said that I have difficulty and yet it seemed like I might have cum, and my partner is more making sure I'm okay than anything else.  Being asked, "Did you cum?" because I winced a lot is different.

From women, it's always inexperience.  I've never had a woman ask me whether I came because she was being anything other than worried I hadn't enjoyed myself because she didn't know what she was doing.  And that's fine.

From men, it's often insecurity or inexperience too, and again, I don't really mind that.  But if a guy thinks he's God's gift to vaginas and is merely reinforcing that opinion by asking, I mind.  Particularly if I didn't.  If a guy hops on, rides me like I'm not even there, and then rolls over and looks at me like he's King Shit and asks me, "Did you cum?" I might be tempted to tell him, "No, how could I?"  I once had a guy who didn't even ask: "You came, right?"  And I told him where to get off.

But on the whole, asking me whether I had an orgasm is generally just an attempt to communicate a desire to please me, and I support that. I don't really want it to happen every damn time we fuck, but if the first time you ask me because you want to make sure you did okay, I'm probably okay with that.  I might even reward it with, "Yes, but I'd like to again please." 

3. “Was it good for you?”
Have you ever asked this question after having sex? Were you ever told “No, it was not good.” If yes, what did you do?

What a movie cliche.  I don't think I've ever asked that in those words.  I've asked, "Was I okay?" a number of times.  Not in quite a while, but it used to be that I was still somewhat unsure of myself and wanted to make sure my partner was happy with me.  It's a selfish thing to ask, in a way, but again, I think it can show a concern that one wants to please one's partner.

I think I may have asked my father that my first time.  I definitely asked a few boys that when I was just starting to venture out from the nest.  I've asked a few times with people on our first time because it seemed like they might not have enjoyed themselves.

However, I don't think I've ever had anyone admit that it wasn't good, if I asked them that question.  I'm sure it hasn't been, and I knew it before I asked, and I didn't believe them because they were evasive, but I can't recall ever having anyone be blunt.  It might be my selection of partners, or it might be that women have an easier time of it than men in this department, or it might be that I'm a fucking sex goddess (that's totally not the reason but it sure is fun to say).

I have been told that the sex wasn't good, just not after I asked whether it was.  It's hard to take sometimes.  If you have no connection with the person, say it's a one-time thing or strangers or whatever, it's rough because it's basically a rejection, and there's likely nothing you can do about it.  I've had several guys tell me that the sex wasn't that good because I wasn't into something in particular, which is frustrating when they didn't tell me up front that that's what they wanted, but hey, I'm a mind-reader, right?  But when someone with whom you've got some kind of relationship in the longer term tells you that, it's like criticism, and it does sting.

The thing is, if you hear that, the way to react is not defensively or to shut the conversation down.  If you have the opportunity, you should figure out why it didn't work.  If you were trying something new, then hey, that new thing won't make the rotation.  If you just weren't on the same wavelength, now's the chance to rectify that.  If your partner is looking for something and not getting it, it's not fair of them to tell you that without telling you what that thing is.  So it's a two-way street, just like all criticism.  "Was it good for you?" is a terrible question to ask anyway.  "Good" doesn't tell you anything.

In fact, even if it was good for you, if you want to keep fucking, take the time to talk about it.  What was good?  What else would be good?

And sometimes, you're going to figure out that it's never going to be good.  He wants giant boobs and you've got an A cup.  He wants you to suck his cock after it's been in your ass and you draw the line there.  She wants to be smacked around while you fuck her and you don't feel comfortable with that.  And in the end, maybe you should learn that before you both get too far into the hole of, "Well, we're okay, I guess, and so we should keep having mediocre sex."  Maybe you break up.  Communication isn't always pretty.  But you'll be happier, as will they, if you can honestly say, "I don't think we're working.  Maybe we should just be friends."  I have done this.  It's easier for me, sure, but I still think it should be done.  No use polluting a perfectly good relationship with meaningless, terrible sex.

4. When was the last time you had a simple, sexy “make out” session? Do you wish you had more purely “make out” sessions?

It's been too long.  Sveta and I used to make out more.  I know she misses it.  It's my fault, and I'm attempting to rectify it, but right now it seems like if we've got time and energy we shouldn't waste that on making out.  So not recently, and yes/no; yes because it would make Sveta happy and no because I've never been one to make out when I could fuck.  That's not admirable, it's just the way I am.  And it's not about me getting my rocks off (so to speak).  I'll happily make Sveta cum repeatedly with no action on my end.  But it's probably a product of my overly-sexualized youth that I'm perfectly happy to fuck.  That's not to say that there's no foreplay, not at all, and making out certainly happens, just usually not as the end of the activity.

5. When is that last time you had a “quickie”– sex lasting 5 minutes or less? How often do you engage in “quickies”?

Sex for 5 minutes with another lady is usually not interesting to me.  If I have quickies using that definition, it's going to be with a guy.  I can't recall the last one I had which would really qualify as a quickie, since I think any time a sex act has lasted 5 minutes it's usually just been a prelude to something more intense.

I used to have quickies fairly regularly.  Mike would surprise me all the time right before doing things.  And I had plenty of quickies with boys in school, because that was the way you had to do it if you were behind a building or in a parked car.  I'm not sure I'd give them all the 5 minute deadline; a quickie for me is anything rushed and probably with clothing not removed, done fast because someone might catch you or because you've got to leave the house in a few minutes.

I don't know that I care for them, in the main.  A random quickie with a stranger can be thrill, I guess, but these days 5 minutes isn't enough to get the motor running.  There's an illicit thrill to sex in cars or behind buildings or trees with the fear of discovery, but the quickness of it has less to do with it than the illicit nature.  I'd happily fuck in a parked car for longer than 5 minutes.  I don't know.  Basically, when Mike would surprise me, that was fun, but all the others, I could probably have done with longer if possible (and sometimes got it).  A quickie for the sake of quickness appeals to me less now than it used to.

Bonus: Think about the person that is/was your favorite sex partner? Why were they your favorite?

I'm going to say that Sveta is my favorite girl partner, and Mike is probably my favorite guy.  Sveta is really great in bed, and she's wonderfully fun to play with, plus she's sexy as hell and I could masturbate to just watching her naked.  Mike, I've just done so many fun things with.  He's terrific in the sack and we've always been very compatible from the very first time, but since we both basically grew up fucking, it's hard not to pick him as my favorite.  I mean, I love Dad, and I've loved many other partners I've fucked, but Mike and I have just had the most fun, I think.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

TMI Tuesday

This is your regularly-scheduled appeal to ask me some fucking questions so I don't have to keep using the canned questions.  Not that they're bad, just that they're so general.  I'm very nice.  My few die-hard fans know this.  Please don't ask me, "wut wuz teh CRAZIEST thing uv evr dun?"  I can't answer that one because I don't know what the definition of crazy is, and it's probably something I've already talked about.  But seriously, I'm pretty much an open book, I do respond to emails and comments and even Twitter DMs (irregularly) and if there's another platform for AMA-type things, tell me about it and I'll check it out.

Also, if you don't have any questions and are just lurking, that's fine too.  Thanks for reading.  I hope my archives at least are interesting.

From the archives:

1. Can a penis be too big?

For me, yes, probably.  I've never met one which was so too big that I couldn't try it, but I've met a few which were too big for what we were doing, or which were uncomfortably large and I regretted in the morning.  Except I didn't really regret it, I just felt it for the next day.  I've never seriously injured myself on a cock, but I've been sore.  I've also never met a cock which I couldn't take all of vaginally, but I've met a few which I wouldn't have tried in my ass.

Size isn't everything, guys.  I'm not saying it's nothing, but it's not everything.  And while I enjoy a decent length, I think long is probably less fun than wide.  But too long, as long as it's handled well, can be managed, while too wide can be difficult no matter how gentle.

2. Can a vagina be too tight?

For me, no, because I don't have to put anything in a pussy to make it purr.  But, with regard to both this and the previous question, vaginal tightness is largely a function of arousal, not pride.  If your lady is tight, maybe she's not enjoying herself as much as you'd like to think.  That's not to say that all pussies are the same, and I've met plenty which were smaller, but even a small pussy should be able to be comfortable with penetration by things other than baseball bats.  There's a mythic quality of the "tight pussy" which is toxic.  Penetration shouldn't hurt.

3. Does playing with fake tits give you the same satisfaction and response as fondling real breasts?

I've only run into a few fake tits in my time, probably at least partially because I like smaller tits.  And it's possible that I've run into ones I didn't realize were fake.  I understand that technology has come a long way since the days of the plastic fantastic.  So I can't really comment there; if they were fake but felt real, then hey, playing with them was great.  As far as the ones I knew were fake, I would have known even if I hadn't been told (and I think I've been told every time, though I may be wrong).  I don't particularly care for them because, let's face it, they felt fake.  And I'm not a "breast man" so bigger tits aren't a turn-on for me in a way which would make me enjoy giant fake ones.  I've never run into a set which were comically awful or anything, but they do feel a bit different.  I don't hate them, mostly because again, I'm not as into tits.

4. Fill in the blank: I prefer ____ over having sex.

Financial stability?  I don't know.  I'm not a one-note symphony or anything: there are plenty of things I like, not just sex.  I know from this blog you might get the impression that I'm only about sex, but that's just because that's all I write about here because that's what this blog is.  It's not an exploration of my views on contemporary culture or mathematics or history.  It's a salacious blog.  Don't read the letters to Penthouse for theology, and don't read this blog for my dramatic theory.

5. If a stranger offered you 30 USD to lick your boots or shoes, while you are wearing them, would you accept? If no, how much money would it take for you to accept the offer?

To lick my boots?  I'd probably let someone lick my boots for $5.  I don't find it sexual, and props to them for having the stones to ask a stranger to do that.  I'd like to say that I'd hold out for more money, and maybe I'd try to haggle the price up a bit, but I'd take the $30 and have an interesting story to tell.

For me to lick someone else's boots would cost a whole lot more.  Ditto licking my bare feet.  Not because either of them is a sexual line I'm unwilling to cross, just because of the gross factor.  I'm not into feet.  I don't hate them, but they're not my kink.  And other people's shoes are dirty.  And other people's tongues are a little dirty too.  I think me licking a stranger's boots would cost more than a stranger licking my feet, but they'd be in the same price range, and that would be fairly high.  Probably up in the "I'll do pretty much anything for $X" range.