Tuesday, October 31, 2017

TMI Tuesday

This will be published on Halloween and I'm writing it super in advance (which is what I do, inside baseball/backstage documentary) so it's not Halloween-related and who knows, maybe something will have happened on Halloween worth talking about.  It's also not a terribly good one.  But whatever, it's Tuesday so you know what that means.

From the archives:

1. Is a weird “sex face/orgasm face” a total deal-breaker?

Not a deal-breaker, but it might take me out of the moment.  I might laugh.  I won't lie, I've giggled at O-faces before and had to cover.  I don't have any particularly good stories about it.  Honestly, sex face sometimes looks silly.  O-face sometimes looks really silly.  If I don't think my partner is doing it intentionally, it's not their fault and I'll deal.

I have had one or two guys who put on these sex faces which just looked stupid, and I could tell they were doing it to look more macho or porn-worthy or whatever, and that told me something about them.  In one case, it was because the guy was a virgin but didn't admit it until after, and I told him he didn't need to lie and I didn't care and he did great (had he not been a virgin I wouldn't have rated him highly, but he did better than many virgins do, and after his admission we had a much more pleasant evening).  The others, well, I wasn't going to stop them because I still wanted to get fucked, but I didn't request a follow-up visit. Guys, don't be a bro.  If you want to be macho in bed and really impress a gal with your sexual prowess, she's not interested in you putting on a funny face and acting like you're lifting.  Eat her out well and she won't care what your face looks like because she won't be able to see straight.  PSA over.

2. Do you enjoy having your balls played with (or playing with balls)?

I don't really.  I mean, I'll suck or fondle balls if that's what gets you off, but I'm not attracted to them.  They're not involved in sex except as an accessory for me.  I don't require my dildos to have balls.  And guys, please bathe, because sweaty balls are not pleasant flopping around in my face.

3. Have you ever hooked-up with somebody based on their proximity to your smartphone location (Tinder, GRINDR, etc)?

Nope.  Nothing really to say here.  I'm not on any of those platforms and I doubt I ever will be.  Nothing against people who are, but it's not really my thing.

4. You have some free-time in the workday–blow job or intercourse? (BJ can be giving or receiving).

Entirely dependent on where I'm working, how much time I have, and who will be my partner.  And let's not assume that work nookie must always be MF.  I get much more lesbian work nookie anyway.  But if I've got time, I want to fuck, assuming I'd want to fuck this person.  These days, if I don't really want to fuck this person, I'm not likely to offer a consolation prize, but there was a time when I might.  But time is definitely a factor, and I'm much less likely to go for a very rushed job with no time to clean up unless I really want sex bad and I really want this person bad.  I'm getting lazy in my old age. I like to have a few minutes to straighten up and put my panties back on.

5. How long after having sex with a new partner do you have to wait before falling asleep?

I almost never fall asleep after sex.  If I'm exhausted, it would depend on the partner, I guess, but I'm still not likely to immediately roll over and pass out.  I don't hold it against people who do fall asleep after sex as long as they don't immediately roll off me and start snoring.  A gal likes a little pillow talk, even if it's a few appreciative phrases and then sleepy cuddles.

Bonus: What’s the dirtiest or sexiest text message you’ve ever received?

I don't think I've ever received a sext.  Not really into sexting.  Probably something innocuous.  Nothing to report.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

TMI Tuesday, a Sveta-Heavy Episode

From the archives:

1. For you, can sex be separated from love?

I've talked about this plenty of times, but yes, absolutely.  I think the world would be a better place if everyone felt this way, not just because there'd be more sex in the world.  I think sex is on a pedestal that it doesn't deserve, and at the same time not on a pedestal that it does.  It's great.  It's a great way to spend time.  It's good for you.  And it absolutely can be a component of love and that love doesn't have to be romantic love.  But it shouldn't have to be.

Do I think you should have sex with people you don't like?  Probably not.  But if you do, and you just want to fuck because they're hot or good in bed or you're horny, who gives a fuck?  People do things with people they don't really like all the time.  You don't have to love someone to have fun with them.

That all said, making sex and love separate frees people who aren't sexual (for whatever reason) from having to feel like they're missing out on love.  I think people should be able to deeply, deeply love each other without sex ever entering into the equation, and that love can be romantic and wonderful and every bit as worthwhile as love where sex is involved.  There are couples who don't have kids and couples who do.  There are couples who don't cook and couples who do.  Why should we judge people who don't have sex and say that they don't love each other as much?

2. Can sex be separated from caring?

This is a more interesting question, but I think my answer is still yes, it can.  I'm not saying it should.  It would be nice if you only had sex with people you at least cared about.  But again, while I think sex is better between people who care for each other, really the only caring that's a prerequisite for sex is caring about consent and caring enough to want your partner to enjoy themselves.  And while the former is a line in the sand, the latter isn't, because most people have fucked where it was just about them getting off.  If the other person (or people) in the room had fun, fine, but that wasn't what it was about.  And that's selfish and not good, but it doesn't necessarily stray into territory where it's any more wrong than being selfish in any other way.  I've had incredibly hot sex where I didn't give a damn about my partner.

Sex is just something we do.  It's no different than anything else.  I wish the world was ready for that attitude because I've preached this sermon before.

3. Men: Does sex seem to be something that you can never get enough of and are constantly seeking or thinking about?

I'm not a man, but I'll answer this anyway.  I used to very rarely be completely sated.  It would happen, but it was like eating so much I was sick.  Sure, I was sated, but I didn't feel good about it.  Or I felt good, but I was going to regret it in the morning.  And being overstimulated wasn't what I needed; I could be perfectly happy getting great sex but still having the hunger.  Nothing wrong with wanting more.

These days, I'm rarely sated but usually not interested in pursuing further satiation.  It's mostly my medical factors.  I used to cum hard and frequently, and these days I'm lucky to get one a day (and that's often masturbation, not because I'm not having sex but because the sex isn't making me cum).

If my brain is idle, I think about sex all the fucking time.  Or sexual things.  Not necessarily thinking about dick in vag, just naked women or hard cocks or dripping pussies or anal or... yeah, see, I think about it all the damn time.  Something will come on TV which is slightly arousing and I'm off to the races.  But if I'm thinking about other things, sex doesn't come up.  It doesn't distract me unless I'm incredibly hard up.  I've always been able to compartmentalize with more or less success.

4. Women: Is sex secondary to intimacy, physical closeness, and commitment?

I don't know if "secondary" is the right word.  It's different, as I said above.  I don't want intimacy or commitment from everyone, and I don't even want sex from everyone.  I'd say that in a relationship, the intimacy makes the sex better and is probably something I value more, but that's not always true.

Commitment is an odd one.  I know women have a reputation for pushing guys into commitment and guys are always afraid of commitment, but that's a rom-com trope and it's not true.  And you'd think that since I fuck around, I would have a low value for commitment, but that's also not true.  I value commitment, just not in the traditional sense.  Fidelity doesn't have to mean monogamy.  If my partner was doing things behind my back which he/she had promised not to do, I would view that as a violation, regardless of whether those things were sexual or things which, had we talked about them, I would have been totally fine with.

I'm not even monogamous with love.  I think you can love more than one person.  So it's not even a question of, "Well, we have an open relationship but we only love each other."  It's complicated and requires communication and I'm no expert at it and have fucked up in the past and will likely do so again.  But I do value commitment, whatever it means.

5. Who is more discriminating in choosing sexual partners–you or your significant other?

Definitely Sveta.  It's not even that she's picky about body type or personality.  She just has more discrimination.  She's less willing to throw herself under a bus.  She's also more careful and shier about propositioning people.  She picks up guys sometimes, but she's never picked up a girl without me along.

Bonus: Who is more likely to take on additional sexual partners, you or your significant other?

Definitely me, for the reasons stated above, but also because I'm less monogamous than Sveta is.  I think Sveta would be perfectly happy to have a relationship with me where we were monogamous but with party exceptions.  That's not to say that she doesn't get her own on the side: she has several steady-ish partners and she gets her quota.  But I think that if we had a relationship where we would occasionally invite other people to share our bed and otherwise were monogamous, she'd be okay.  I would probably feel confined, so it's lucky that she doesn't want that.

And no, she doesn't; we've talked about it and she's perfectly happy to get her own on the side as well, and happy to have me have my own side bits.  She's not angling for anything different.  But I think she could be content with occasional three/foursomes, rather than the more open relationship we have now.  Hell, if we could find a guy and live in a poly threesome where she'd be able to get cock and pussy, I think she'd be okay with that.

And if that's coming off as judgmental, I assure you it isn't.  I don't judge people who want monogamy of the most traditional kind (well, not for wanting monogamy; I'll judge them if they start judging me for my choices).  Or no sex at all.  We're all different people and we want different things.  Sveta is less adventurous than I am in terms of partners, but she's very adventurous in the sack and I love that about her.  Her sexuality was previously very repressed, but that she's come out of her shell doesn't mean she's become just like me.  Our upbringings were very different (obviously) and our personalities are quite different in some ways, and while we're very compatible, we don't have to be the same.

Sveta is less bisexual than I am; she is attracted to women but has no interest in pursuing them.  She likes naked ladies but doesn't need to be one-on-one, I guess.  And I know this about her, so I know that she needs to get regular infusions of vitamin D that I can't provide.  But at the same time she isn't a one-night-stand type, so if she needs a beef injection, she wants to get it from a provider she knows and has a prior understanding with.  And that's totally fine.  If anything, it's safer and more sensible than my modus operandi.

We're not in love and happy together because we're perfect sexual partners for each other.  We're great sexual partners for each other, but we both know that we're not capable of being all things to all people, or even to one person, so we sort it out our own ways.  I like variety.  Sveta likes cock.  I mean, I like cock too, but I don't mind if it's not the same cock every time.  It's like ordering at a restaurant: Sveta goes for what she knows she'll like, even if she's ordered it every time before, whereas I'm more likely to order everything on the menu at least once.

Which isn't to say that Sveta doesn't like to order different things in the bedroom.  She likes trying new things.  So maybe it's more like picking a restaurant to eat at: Sveta will go for someplace she's enjoyed before, even if maybe she might miss out on a place which might have the greatest food ever.  Meanwhile, I want to try a new restaurant all the time.

And on the subject of Sveta trying new things, she might be more adventurous as far as sex acts than I am.  I don't mean in terms of limits, but she's had a much shorter career than I have and she's already done pretty much everything I've done, with more willingness to do it than one might expect, given her background.  I remember when I first met her, wondering if she'd ever even be into lesbian sex.  Now, she's down with all kinds of things, and doesn't hesitate to try something new which seems like it might be fun.  She has boundaries just like I do, but she's willing to range right up to the fence on them, and she's blossomed into a sexual being which was not at all what I expected at the beginning.  It sounds a bit odd, but I'm super proud of her.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

TMI Tuesday

Guys, I know it's been basically nothing but TMI Tuesday posts recently, and I'm sorry; my life isn't as exciting as it used to be and I've run through a lot of my old memories and no one asks questions and frankly I'm not sure anyone even reads this blog any more, apart from a few die-hards (whom I love, you guys are great).  But I'm not going anywhere; I just have less to say.  These things happen.  I still answer questions, I still respond to emails and comments, and if you are reading this, thanks for reading and I'm sorry I'm boring.

From the archives:

1. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Probably a few things.  The big one, of course, would be that if society became totally non-judgmental about my sexual preferences I would be much more open about them.  At this point I don't think it would make that much difference in how often I got down with partners whom society deems unacceptable, but I'd certainly feel less stress about it.

Other than that though, and that's less an issue of moral approbation than it is one of legal judgment, I'd probably be naked a lot more.  For someone who is as in touch with their sexuality as I seem to be, I still have plenty of body image problems, so being naked in public isn't just a fear of being judged to be a whore; I'm shy and feel like people are judging my body.  I know it's silly and I know I look fine, objectively, but as I get older it just gets worse.

Leaving aside the more extreme partners, I'd probably be more sexually active in public too.  If society changed to where sex was no longer such a big fucking deal, I'd probably get it on communally whenever I felt like it.  I'm not saying I'd hook up with random people (well, any more than I already do) but if Sveta and I were somewhere and we felt the itch, we'd fucking scratch it and know that others would be doing the same.  Sounds like a nice place to live.  I'm sure there are places like that in communes and so forth, but I can imagine getting the urge in the supermarket or on the street and just Discovery-Channel-ing the hell out of it.

2. Most recently how did you openly express love?

I haven't made any big romantic gestures recently, and it's something I need to work on because while it's not just big romantic gestures that count, those are important too.  Recently it's been the little stuff.

3. When is the last time you took a sexual risk? What was it?

I take a sexual risk every time I have sex without protection, so probably the last time I had sex with someone who wasn't Sveta without making them wear a condom.  Or maybe one could count having sex with someone where I'd be arrested if the law found out.  Other than that, my sex life has been reasonably vanilla, for me, of late.

4. What sexual acts bring you the most pleasure?

This is boring, but vaginal penetration.  I love anal, I love getting head, I love fingers and dildos and vibes and all that fun stuff, but the most pleasure I ever get is my pussy being penetrated, filled up, spread open.  I'm not saying that the worst penetration is better than the best of anything else, but when it's good, it's better than anything else, and it doesn't have to be great or huge or deep.

That said, I get more cunt-licking than anything else these days, and I love that.  But that's with my sweetie, and that makes it better.  Head from a random person vs. penetration from a random person, I'd give the edge to penetration.  But then I also get penetration from my sweetie, and there is something to be said for being penetrated while being licked, so best of both worlds there.

5. Is there a belief or attitude that interferes with you creating or pursuing your sexual fantasy?

I have plenty of sexual fantasies, and many of them I don't really want to pursue except as fantasy, not because of any belief, just because they're better as fantasy.  But sometimes I get subbie in the extreme, and I guess my attitude of not wanting to, for lack of a better word, be subbie gets in my way.  I'm not disrespecting people who are harder-core than I could ever be at all.  I don't think a D/s relationship has to be abusive.  I just can't get past my own feelings of equality for some reason.  That's not to say that I never take a submissive position in the bedroom or other places, just that I can never fully give myself up to it.  So there are fantasies which involve that which I can't do because I rebel against it.

It's probably a desire for control on my part.  I don't like to be out of control.  It's why I've never been one to drink to the point where I no longer have any control.  And yet at the same time, not being in control is strangely attractive to me.  It's an odd kink (not a sexual one, just a kink in my gray matter).

Bonus: Tell us something you need to stop wasting time doing.

Porn.  I spend too much time on porn.  I should just find something which will get me off and get off and be done with it, but I shop around and I fiddle.  And not being able to orgasm easily (or sometimes at all) doesn't help with that.

But I don't have a list of priorities on time-wasting.  I waste a lot of time.  A lot.  On all sorts of things.  None of them are things I should probably be wasting my time on.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

TMI Tuesday

From the archives:

1. For you, what is sexy time?

It's either totally spontaneous and whatever or, if I'm planning it, it's a nice, unhurried time of comfort, joy, and possibly a little exploration.  I like my sexy time to be able to breathe.  I don't want to be thinking about stuff I have to do later or deadlines.  I don't often get that, so most of my sex isn't really sexy time per se, I suppose.

2. If your best friend asked, “Do you think I’m sexy?” What would you say?

"Absolutely."  I don't think I've ever had a best friend with whom I couldn't be that honest.  I'm not saying I've never had a best friend with whom I've had sex, but if they asked, I would be honest with them.  Some have.  Frankly, most of the time that question doesn't mean, "Do you want to fuck right now?"  It's seeking reassurance that they're sexy, and I'm happy to give that reassurance.

3. If your Mom or Dad asked, “How’s your love life?” Would you answer? What would you tell them?

This question's easy too.  I'd answer and tell them as much or as little as I felt like telling them.  I'm not always completely open-book about my sex life with my parents, but if they ask how sex is going for me, I will at least give them a general idea.  These days, I don't hold back, since often enough they're asking because they want to know how my medical difficulties are going.  But I won't necessarily tell them every detail of every sexual encounter I've had since the last time we talked or anything.  I know what information they're looking for.

When I was younger, my father used to ask me because it was his opening move: "Hey Lexi, how's your sex life?"  And I would answer, "Not so good that I couldn't do with a bit more."  And then we'd fuck.  As I've gotten older, it's more of a joke with us: I'll ask him and he'll say the same thing.  But it wasn't like it was a constant question, nor is that the only way we initiate.

4. A young 8-year-old neighbor asks you, “What is the birds and the bees?” How do you reply?

You wouldn't expect this, but I'll probably say, "That's something you should ask your parents about."  Because I wouldn't want my neighbor giving my child sex ed, even in the most chaste way possible.  Of course, if I know their parents (I don't, and I don't have any 8 year old neighbor kids asking me this, but hypothetically) I might know a more specific way to respond.  But I'm not in the business of teaching sex to kids whose parents will get pissed if I do.  I'd love to because people should know about sex, and I'm not at all saying that I would teach these kids anything more than perfectly appropriate stuff, but I'd rather not poke the bear, honestly.  That makes me a little sad, but I just don't have the energy to fight it.

5. What would you do if your lover’s turn on is your turn off?

Well, we'd definitely have to talk about it.  I've done some things for lovers in the past which weren't my thing because they were their thing, but if I was with this person steadily and the only thing they wanted to do was something I hated doing, that would be a problem and we'd probably go our separate ways.  That has yet to happen in any relationship I've been in.

Bonus: What does it mean to be a man?

Whatever you want it to mean.  I mean, it would be nice if it didn't mean toxic masculinity, but other than that, I'm not going to police gender.  If your conception of being a man works for you and isn't hurting anyone, I don't care what it is.  That's not much of an answer, but really, whose business is it what being a man means to anyone as long as it works and doesn't hurt anyone?

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

TMI Tuesday

You are warned: this is not a good one. This is a bad one. If you want me to stop answering inane questions, please feel free to ask some. I am responsive. I answer questions. If your question isn't right for the blog, I'll still try to answer it.

Anyhow, with that disclaimer, here, from the archive:

1. Pilates or HIIT? Why?

I would rather perform minor surgery on myself with a rusty fork than do either, frankly.  If I had to pick, pilates because it seems like it would suck slightly less.  I don't exercise.  Don't judge me.

2. Spouse or significant other-lover?

I'm a significant-other-lover all the damn time.  But I suspect this is asking me to choose between my sig-O and a lover on the side.  But as my sig-O is also my lover, I can have both, neener neener.

Okay, seriously, I am not a one-partner gal. Never have been.  I gave it a try for a bit and it didn't work, then I tried monogamy with extras and that didn't really work either.  I can commit to one person to be my life-partner (and at this point, unless things drastically change, I have) but I can't even say that they're the only person I'll fuck with love.  So if it came down to it, I'd probably pick lover.

That said, the solution is to have a partnership with someone who is okay with the idea that our love isn't the only love we have, and other loves may involve sex, but that doesn't diminish our love.  Which I have, thank you.  I'm not polyamorous either; I don't want to have multiple life-partners.  One of those, but others I care for and love and we have sex and that's okay.

3. Go clubbing or entertain friends at home?

Honestly, I don't think I've ever been clubbing.  I've been barhopping a few times, and I've been to things which might be called clubs, but I've never gone out clubbing with the gals.  Or if I have, it was under protest.  So I'd much rather entertain at home, not even mainly because home is where the bed is.  I like having people over and having a quiet evening, and it doesn't have to involve sex at all, although if it does that's great.

4. Maybach sedan or Mercedes G-class SUV

I don't give a damn about cars.  If someone is giving me one, I'll take the sedan because I don't like SUVs, but I wouldn't say no to either.  I would then proceed to drive it until it died.  I don't give a damn about cars.

5. Soccer or Golf?

Soccer all the way.  Golf is terrible.  If you like it, good for you, but while I am way past my playing soccer days, I'll watch it and enjoy it.  There was a time when I was reasonably into soccer, as much as one can be in this country.  I enjoyed scoreless draws.  I was that into it.  These days, without any means of watching games and no real desire, I don't care as much, but given the choice, I'll take soccer.

6. Basketball or baseball?

Baseball.  I also hate basketball, and it may have something to do with the fact that people always assumed I was good at it when I was younger because obviously tall = good at basketball.  I am terrible at it, and I find watching it tedious.  Baseball, like soccer, I understand that people find boring.  Sveta finds pretty much all sports boring now that she's allowed to have her own opinions on the subject.  And I get that baseball seems to lack action.  But I appreciate good defensive play.  I can get into the numbers game a little.  I won't claim to be an expert or even a fan, but there was a time when I knew a fair amount about baseball too.  If you're watching it on TV, the coverage team makes all the difference.

7. Monster or Red bull? Why?

Rancid monkey piss?  Can that be an option?  Or how about we cut to the chase and admit that you only drink this shit because you're not man enough to drink black coffee.  The caffeine is the same, dude, and black coffee is macho.

8. Office with a view or work at home?

Work at home, I guess, although I'm bad at it.  I'm not great at self-motivating at the moment.  Fortunately, my current job isn't one I could do remotely, so it's not an issue.

9. Early bird or night owl?

Is there something past night owl?  Like insomniac monkey?

10. Boyfriend or Girlfriend?

Which would I rather have, or currently have?  I mean, I guess I currently have a girlfriend, but that name's not a good one for what I have.  Life-partner is much better, and less judgmental I guess.

Which would I prefer?  I've had long-term relationships relatively rarely, and in my very limited experience, ones with women have a lot to recommend them.  I'm still fucking boys though.  I can't give up the cock.

11. Ice cream or gelato?

 Neither are my favorite.  Depends on the flavor.  And you've forgotten custard.  I don't really know that I could choose: both are fine, but I'll take a brownie over either any day.

12. Silver or gold?

Copper, bronze, or brass.  Silver and gold are both lovely, but they don't have that elemental quality.  I like iron and steel too.  But I love the color of the copper-derivatives.  And they're much more interesting historically.  There was a time when bronze was probably worth its weight in gold.  I guess if I had to choose, rose gold is the closest.  But I'm actually probably fonder of silver than gold in terms of look.  Gold is very, very easy to make gaudy.  Silver is less presumptuous and it goes with more things if we're accessorizing.

Bonus: Money or fame? Why?

Money.  Fame is a killer and won't buy you dinner.  And it's fleeting.  I would love to be famous just so I could make money off of my fame, and sure, there's some ego involved, but if given the choice between being obscenely wealthy but no one knows who I am and being renowned but poor, I'd probably take the money.  Yes, I wouldn't be remembered after I die, but I'm not sure that's fame.  I could put money to good use if I had enough of it, and people would remember me for being a good person, not a famous one.  Also, I'm deeply anxious about the state of my finances at the moment and fame wouldn't help that at all.  So give me the money.  Email me for a location to drop off the briefcase full of hundreds please.