Monday, August 1, 2011

Opportunities I'd Like to Have Again

I don't miss college, really. I know a fair number of people who would have never left college if they didn't have to (and sometimes it seems like they only left physically, not mentally) but for myself, I couldn't wait to get the hell out. But there are some things about college I miss, and one of them is my sex life.

This isn't going to devolve into me complaining about my sex life; I know it's much better than a lot of people's, and even though I have had to get used to the idea that I might not get penetration anywhere near as regularly as my body feels it needs, I'm not really complaining. This is more me remembering with fondness the opportunities which were much more common in college. I'm not mourning the loss; I will make it my business to do certain things again.

Also, I'd just like to talk about orgies. I've had my fair share, which is more than zero, the average number (I imagine) of orgies the average person gets to have. Hell, I've had more than my fair share, probably. But I would cheerfully engage in further orgiastic activities if the opportunity presented itself.

I've probably discussed this before, but I have fairly strict definitions when it comes to various types of group sex. Not that I turn any type away, but there are various types. I can include some stuff with my family here too, but a lot of that is tougher to define and the dynamics were different. I would never say that I've really had an orgy with my family, although by a loose definition that's definitely happened. It's been free-range group sex, mostly.

Orgies have a particular feel about them too. If you gather any number of couples in a room together and they're basically fucking without any movement between groups, that's not an orgy. If you've got one gender vastly outweighing the other, I don't call that an orgy either. There's definitely a population density that needs to be reached; I don't know that I would call fewer than five people an orgy, ever, no matter how free with each other those people were. Again, this is not me knocking any of these things, just that orgies are a special beast and a rarity.

For instance, I've been to parties which could have broken out into orgies, but which I wouldn't call orgies. Hell, I went to a few in high school which the prudish would no doubt classify as bacchanals, let alone orgies, but usually it was a large group of kids doing things which weren't allowed, but still being fairly shy about it. That's probably rule one for a good orgy; you can't be shy about it. Not that I make rules. Anyway, particularly in college, I knew a number of people, large enough to make a group that could easily have been orgy-sized, who were uninhibited enough about nudity and sex that we might all wind up in a room together, naked, and we might all get lucky that evening. But usually there'd be a couple in the bathroom, a few on beds, maybe a group of three. There might be floaters, who went from location to location. And they were fun times. Right on the cusp of orgy. And if I'd never experienced the actual item, I might have said that they were orgies, and who knows, maybe they were. It's not like I actually have a set of hard and fast rules (except maybe that rule two is that orgies shouldn't be hard and fast, but that's just me being silly) or that I make a tally. It's really one of those, "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it," type situations.

If I didn't have a date, I found myself being a floater because I really wanted an orgy to break out. But that's not the way to make it happen. Everyone has to be willing to be a floater for it to work properly. But there is an enjoyment to being on the cusp; I like having sex while others around me do likewise. Usually our groups were slightly biased toward women in numbers, so there would be one or two gals who didn't have a guy (although sometimes that just meant that they had each other) who would prowl around, waiting for sloppy seconds or a kiss or grope. But the couples were usually fairly into each other, for all that the next time they might pair up completely differently.

Sometimes, while inhibitions about fucking in a room with others might not be strong, other inhibitions reared their ugly heads. One had to keep in mind that some gals didn't swing both ways, and that sometimes condoms should be worn, and so on and so forth. It wasn't so constrained as to be annoying, but there were constraints.

I have been in a location with more people, all of whom are doing the same thing, in situations like those just described than I have with any other group. It seems easier to get a larger group together for a group session than an orgy, for reasons which are probably obvious. But the size of the group matters somewhat less; it's really only restricted by the number of like-minded individuals and the space in which you have the party. I think a lot of so-called "orgies" operate in this sort of way; you have a group which sounds enormous until you consider that it's really just a collection of couples and trios and floaters.

The swingers' party is along those lines too, at least from how I've heard it described. But there's the added zest of partner-swapping, which my college group might do, but since most of the partners weren't terribly serious, it really wasn't the same. Going to a swingers' party, for me, would be all about taking a serious partner and then cutting loose and being with other people's serious partners. It's something I often wish I could do, actually, except I don't have a husband or serious partner in that way. There's something about breaking out of monogamy which appeals to me, but I'm not monogamous. Still, I could probably enjoy myself.

But that's not what I came to talk about. Occasionally, rarely, not only do you have a group who are uninhibited enough to be okay with sex in the same location, or partner-swapping, but you find a group who are open to the idea of a real orgy. It's happened to me, though rarely and not terribly recently. If you get the chance (and, of course, you're into it, which I suppose should go without saying because if you're not into it then you haven't gotten the chance because at least one person, you, in your group isn't open to it), take it. There's really nothing like it.

Ideally (and this has never happened except with all-girl orchestras) all members of the party will be open to the idea of sex with all other members. This, of course, presupposes bisexuality on the part of the men involved, which is the main reason the ideal remains an ideal and not a common practice. But even if that's not the case, and there are some things the group won't do, some pairings which won't happen, the thing about an orgy is that it's not just a group of couples (for the purposes of this discussion, "couples," means any small group engaged in coupling, rather than literally two people). He's fucking her while she eats out her while she's sucking him and he's fingering her and eating out her while she... and so on. It's hard to describe what exactly is going on because everyone is involved. It's one giant sex act which can't be decomposed into parts.

I believe the largest number of like-minded people I've ever been able to turn up has been six, and there were only two men in that group. We'd talked about in previously; these things, despite wishing, always need planning. We had a double room to ourselves, we had pulled the beds together to make one big bed and brought in cushioning for the floor, we had beverages and snacks aplenty, and no one had to be anywhere for a while. I didn't set it up, beyond volunteering our room and moving furniture; the party planner of the group should obviously be deputized to organize (I mean, come on, what are party planners good for if not for planning orgies).

None of us had ever really participated in an orgy before, not that we hadn't done plenty of other things. So there was a slight awkwardness at the beginning. Fortunately, while I may be no good at planning parties, I'm terrific at breaking the ice, and in my very small comfort zone I have absolutely no shame, plus I knew what I wanted it to be like. So I just grabbed one of the guys and Gwen and basically started helping her fuck him, until they were going, then I grabbed another girl and pulled her in, and pretty soon we were all on the bed in a pile.

Another key to orgies, perhaps just an extension of previous points, is that you have to be willing to share. If everyone is willing to let another person join in, then everyone can join in and no one will feel left out. It's a bit like an extension of a good threeway; if everyone is willing to pitch in and let others pitch in, then no one feels left out.

After the first few minutes, we relaxed and got into it and it stopped being so much about constantly having to be doing everything at once. Sometimes the group would split in two, but pretty soon someone would bridge the gap again. Sometimes someone extricated themselves from the pile (I'm making it sound like a game of Twister; it was really just a group, and not a terribly ambitious one, position-wise, at that) and get something to drink, or bring back a glass to someone who was in the middle of something. We even talked a little, mostly small talk, jokes, half-heard through gasps and grunts.

Orgies are also, at least in my minimal experience, not orgasm-fests. If you want to cum buckets, get involved in a gangbang where you're the center of attention. I swear, I don't think I've ever cum more in a sitting than I did at my birthday gangbang. Whereas, at the orgies, I might have cum three or four times, but they weren't quickies; they were intense and built up over a long period.

Our two guys performed yeoman service, but they eventually had to drop out to recover, and then the group dissolved after a while into the two of them with a girl each, and the two other girls fucking. But for a period of time, the orgy was intense and all-encompassing, and that's what I would call a real orgy.

I want to give Sveta some opportunities to have some group fun, and also to get myself back into that too. We've done threesomes, but I'd really like to arrange a gangbang for her, or figure out a way to have an orgy, even if it's just the standard garden-variety kind. I don't know how well I'll do; like I said, I'm not a party planner. I might have to enlist my sister's help in this; Sheri and Mari were the ones who organized my first outing into that sort of thing, and they did it stellarly. But at any rate, that's one thing I miss about college; group sex seemed to be in the cards much more often. In reality, that's rose-colored nostalgia; I would say it actually happened no more than ten times, including groups of four and parties where it was nothing but couples everywhere. I had my fair share of sex in college, and right now, I'm really missing that. Hopefully this trip down memory lane hasn't been nothing but me complaining about not having a golden Cadillac while everyone else goes hungry.

7 comments:

The Panserbjørne said...

Yeah, to those like me who are (ahem) "going hungry", this does seem just a tiny bit like you complaining about something we'd love to have. On the other hand, it's only a TINY bit like that, and the rest of it is a most interesting look into a world many of us may not get to see anytime soon. :)

Thanks for this. Plenty of good tips in case I ever DO find myself in that enviable situation.

-- PB

Naughty Lexi said...

Well, look at it this way: if I only talked about things that everyone does, this blog would get really boring in a hurry. I'd have to pretty much stick to death and taxes, neither of them subjects dear to my heart. But sorry for seeming like I'm complaining.

The Panserbjørne said...

I did say just a tiny bit. ;) The rest of it was a great look into that world. Part of the reason I read your journal is because of the large number of things you do that're outside the sphere of experience of most of us. This was one of those.

-- PB

Naughty Lexi said...

Nope, too late, nothing but stories about funerals and W-2s from here on out ;)

The Panserbjørne said...

Well, SHIT. Ah well, at least I've still got the archives. :)

-- PB

Advizor54 said...

Thanks for the educational seminar. Next time I'm at a church retreat I'll be prepared to get things organized.

And no matter how much I've done, or haven't done, your blog and others embody one of my favorite words:


vi·car·i·ous
[vahy-kair-ee-uhs, vi-] - adjective

felt or enjoyed through imagined participation in the experience of others: a vicarious thrill.

Naughty Lexi said...

Retreats tend to be more receptive to partner-swapping than orgies; it gives everyone the change to get to know each other.

;) Okay, fine, so maybe that's just my idea of a good retreat.

I like to be a good sense of the word vicarious; I've met too many bad senses of it in stage parents.