TMI Tuesday

From the archives.  Seriously, ask me questions or I'm just going to keep doing these stupid things.

1. Whasssssuuuupppppp?

Get out.  If you answer your phone like this, get a better brain.  Of course, my uncle, whenever he calls anyone he knows, starts with, "What're you doin'?"  Before the days of caller ID (which for me was not that long ago) you'd pick up the phone and hear, "What're you doin'?" and for a second, no matter how many times it happened, wonder if this was the day you finally got an obscene phone call.  I love Uncle Sam to death, but Jesus dude, what's wrong with, "Hey, it's your uncle?"

2. Where’s Waldo?

#2 in this article.  There, you're welcome.

3. The best part of waking up is?

Sex.  I hate waking up, but since you can't really enjoy sex when you're asleep, it's probably the best part of waking up.

4. Got Milk?

Actually, we do currently have some because we got a hankering for cookies and milk.  Usually we don't.  And as I'm unlikely to ever produce my own, that's probably where it'll be.

5. Have you driven a Ford lately?

No.  I can't think of the last time I drove a Ford.  I've never owned one.  Maybe a truck I drove for work at some point was a Ford?

6. What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Very little because I don't care for them.  Most of them are vanilla, which I don't like, and they're just not my thing in general.  I would do plenty for a good brownie though.

7. Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

I don't think I do.  I like Grey Poupon but even if I get Dijon mustard it's usually generic because I'm poor and only suckers buy the brand unless it's demonstrably better than the generic.  Seriously, buy generic.  Yes, there are some things which are better, but until you know, buy generic.  A lot of the time, (trade secret) the generic is made by the same company that produces the brand name item.  Seriously, this is true.  At my supermarket, the generic ketchup is made by Heinz, the chain buys it in bulk and then packages it as the store brand.  No, I don't mean buy sketchy generics from the dollar store, but if you've got a market you trust, the store brand is usually just as good if not better plus way cheaper.

8. Do you Yahoo?

Does anyone?  Wait, don't answer that.  You shouldn't.  I'm not saying you have to sell your soul to Google, but Yahoo has a very bad track record.

Bonus: Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate.

The right picture is perhaps a substitute for the right thousand words.  But there's a reason we don't scrawl on cave walls with our own feces any more, and it's because language is descriptive in a way that images aren't.  Images are also descriptive in a way language isn't.  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  Also, we don't like dying of fecal bacterial infections when appreciating art, to say nothing of the smell.  No, I'm not being serious and yes, I think cave paintings are wonderful. Just that I bet there were words to go along with them which didn't get preserved.

But we should all agree that, "If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you?" is just comically awful as a lyric.  Seriously Bread, get your head out of your ass.  I get what you're trying to say, but if a guy ever said that to me I'd laugh in his face.